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o-kemono — Cut and Paste Pain
Published: 2007-02-07 17:16:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 4699; Favourites: 82; Downloads: 55
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" She thought what she did wrong, what made him drive her away like that. She pondered why he acted that way towards her, how she reacted when he lashed out. Was it something that she did to him in the past? Was it something he did, but blamed it on her? Was it maybe something that was not tied into his departure or her actions? Was it that time when they were close? Was she too fast? Was she too strong? Was she too weak? What was it?" Not having a clear answer, she blamed everything on herself, on her soul and her fragile heart. ' How could I be so blind ', she thought. ' How could I have acted that way towards him? I am so stupid, too stupid to act properly towards him. It is all my fault. ' Drinking wont help her depression or her mind. She feels the need to punish herself, something that will remain with her for a long time. Picking up the only "friend" she had in the room, she let it teach her a lesson."
How does cutting oneself relieve the pain and the guilt that they are facing? How does self injury cure you of all "wickedness" or punish you for how "bad" you are to yourself and to others? Many who do cut themselves maybe thinking that it is the only way that they will learn, the only way they will remind themselves that what they did was "wrong" and that it was all their fault that something so negative happened to both them and another. But why damage yourself when you are already in pain? Must one add physical pain to go along with their mental pain? Would that balance everything out? No, just make things worse.
A lot of emotional people are fragile, sensitive and caring people. They care about others much more than themselves. They would gladly put themselves in front of one's problems without realizing how much it would hurt themselves in the end. A lot of people don’t realize how emotionally fragile other people are and slowly take advantage of their "flaw" and mold it in anyway they can so they would be "guilt free" while the other would burden all the guilt on his or her shoulders.
Its not fair, it is not fair to anyone to feel that depressed where they have no choice to but to damage their physical being. This is why human contact ( hugging, snuggling, holding hands, a shoulder to cry on, a stuff animal to hug, etc. ) is very important to emotional and sensitive people. We need it all the time whenever we are down. It gives us some hope and harmony in our heart as well as the feeling of being loved and looked after. When we don’t have anything like that on those dark moments, we hurt ourselves, thinking that no one will care or ‘no one loves me’ or anything like that.
We are all loved in many ways, even some ways we don’t even see it. There is always someone out there to give us a warm friendly hug to sooth the pain, to give us a shoulder to cry on, a lap to rest on. I know that many are thinking that this "physical contact" is all bull and we should learn to just get the hell over our problems like flicking a fly off your arm. But you know what, it is not that easy. It is never easy.
- Ookami Kemono
Cut and Paste Pain © 2007 Alex Cockburn
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Comments: 34
Wow... I... Please tell me how you know all this... where you get your insight. Someone... close to me is a cutter and I'm also a sensitive person...
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P.S. This is a great looking picture. Detailed and poignant. The layout gives us two different foci, but the greater one somehow manages to be the face instead of the blade. It goes well with the entire story. It's about the person and not the act.
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I understand this sentiment completely. One can only take a comment or a jib so many times with a smile and shrug before it starts to affect you. It's not just because someone is weak or too sensitive. It's a psychological fact. You've put that aspect of it down very clearly. Although I, personally, haven't physically harmed myself, my brain and heart bare many scars and bruises. And they are just as real.
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One of my best friends she was driving down to salt lake city with her boyfriend they had both gotten drunk and got in a car accident her boyfriend died . Now she cuts herself so she can feel any thing we try to help her but nothing works
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(First time to comment on your work) it actualy made me cry: remebering all too well what I've been through, It brought back painfull memories. You work captures and displays so much emotion.
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Looking at this, I am in a dark place right now.
and you are right, I do self mutalate but with bruises, and hugs and stuff are very meaningful for me (because I'm fairly lonely offline)
and well, this is very beautifully explained and the drawing is very emotional.
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to be honest, i dont think it is a form of punishment for me.
its more like something to take my mind off what i feel about myself, it means i can relax.
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uve got it smack on. it is very hard. sometimes to hard to deal with. so some of us turn to the last thing that helps. usualy this is also the last thing they think of doing. for me, myself is the last thing i think about is myself. i dont talk to people i just bottle it all up. i help the ones i love weather they want it or even like me. but no 1 around me understands. but atleast some people do.
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i ..i wish more people would understand..
how just..a cuddle..a kiss..being held..can stave off those feelings of worthlessness and self loathing..
god.. i feel so ... strange right now..
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Wow, not many understand this like you do.
I'm one of those people who is sensitive and very emotional at times, and it gets sickening that I am made fun of or picked on because of it... It gets very tiering to hear my friends say "get over it." or something along those lines, but they just don't understand.
As for the cutting, it's something that I've never understood... for some it's so that they will have nothing to think about other than the pain instead of concintrating on what's really hurting them inside... and for other's that I know, it's part of a mental condition and I hope that they can get some help for it soon before they hurt themselves.
You're very wise, and a great artist. You shouldn't let that waste away.
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Now when I see this I feel like crying. Not because of the picture itself but because you manage to describe how I feel exactly day after day in your comment. All I need is hug from the people I love...and sometimes they refuse to give me love because they're too worried about their bloody image towards other people. Isn't my happiness important to them? I used to cut myself just like that so the physical pain could mask the emotional one...I do so much for them.
You're brilliant, O-Kemono.
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i have a friend like that, he is the most pure, gentle and kind person I ever met, he can give his live for everyone, but he is so gentle that he prefer to hurt himself staying alone than to look for someone and be happy, even when some people tell him that they have a crush on him...
Those kind of people need someone close all the time to keep "pure", to tell them that isn't their fault, and that they have someone who they can cry on the shoulder and hear advices...
but the best way is that those people learn that live isn't "white and black", they need to know that pain is a way to learn, and everyone will suffer sometimes, and it isn't their fault, it's life...
you don't need to choose black or white, you choose your own colors and life according to that.
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My friend is like that.. So nice and acts pure, but yet punishes herself by cutting, and it hurts me so bad. But then she becomes upset that she makes us upset, and cuts more, think her father loves his actual bloodchild sister (she's four) and doesn't pay much attention to her so 'she won't get attention spoiled'. But she can't seem to realize that all this doesn't help and it makes me so angry.. It's like she's shoved her face in a corner and won't turn to see the whole picture, the broad possibilities and explore, like that corner is all she'll ever need..
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All we can do is hope they learn by their own
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Yes, but it's a sad thing to admit..
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"like flicking a fly off your arm."
What if that isn't a fly, but a huge blood-sucking leech? What then?
I've had times when I the only thing I could do was take out my frustrations and anger on my desk, punching it repeatedly. It didn't make any of the anger go away, but I think the adrenaline that started up from damaging my own hands made me feel slightly better. It still didn't solve anything, and I knew it. It's strange... uncontrollable, even.
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I don't think you could've done a better job converying the emotion in this. This, as well as the diologue are very well done. I find it moving.
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When pain runs deep, it runs deep. You feel like its in your body, not just your mind. Its a way to get it out.... like water from a dam... not all at once, a slow trickle, to relieve the pressure. Self inflicted pain to distract from some other pain. (Animals do it too... obsessively bite or pick at themselves when stressed, especially parrots, who will pull their own feathers out.)
A chapter from one of my stories deals with this, want to read it? [link]
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I know exactly what you are talking of and for me it wasn't punishment or anything like that I had just been hurt so much that I became numb I couldn't be hurt anymore it all just rolled off of me. I felt dead and I needed to feel like I was still human so I tried to hurt because I thought it would keep me sane and when nothing else I tried worked I cut myself just to feel the physical pain because it let me feel like I wasn't completely dead.
Its good work too, I realy envy your talent keep it up it is amazing
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Oh my gosh, I have to tell you when I was about done reading this I felt like I was about to cry. I never cut myself, but I can relate. I try to help my friends, family and others as much as I can. However, sometimes when I feel I need help, I don't ask for it. I sometimes feel if I ask I am just a burden, and I shouldn't give people trouble. Also, when I do not help someone, I feel guilty in the end, even when it was a small thing as helping a friend with ones homework.
Artwise, it is excellent. The expression on her face is perfect, it truely captures the emotions she is going through. Your narration and comments flow great with the picture as well. Keep up the great work.
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Oh goodness. that so could be me. Pain sucks. euphoria? I guess.. but not everyone feels that way. Perhaps the first bit.. but it just feel worse, the pain grows with each wound. To say nothing of the sef controll it takes to continue inflicting the pain. Awwwrrr....... I get cold looking at that picture. Sometimes, you hurt so much.. the physical pain is the lesser pain. you do it to take our mind ff of the pain you feel inside.
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I used to cut when I was pretty severely depressed, the way i justified it was "to bring some sort of feeling to an otherwise numb body and soul".
I dont cut anymore, but i still have the scars on my arms, Im neither proud of them or ashamed of them...however I like to think of them as a reminder that I AM a survivor, even if it was surviving depression.
Its amazing that when your down how you eventually discover that people who never even met you, never saw, talked to, touched, or even knew of you before will lend a shoulder. Why? because they know what its like to hurt and how much they wished that there was a shoulder for them.
Im a firm believer in Karma. I offer love, help and support whenever I can. Just know that whatever hurt,pain, sonfusion, any emotions really...that we're all here for you. Even a strangers care can be comforting.
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...I don't even cut myself, but I often get stigmata- mysterious wounds on my back. I don't know why, but then, I'm pretty much a messed-up person.
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As much as I try to avoid doing it....I also cut. And while ti is a sensitive topic to many, I do it for a few reasons. Not everybody cuts to punish themselves or to relieve emotional pain.
I don't do it to ease the pain; I do it because it gives the pain substance, sort of. It's something tangible that reflects something intangible. It's also the only thing that really drowns them out.....I am subject to various psychotic hallucinations; one of the ways this manifests is that i hear hundreds of voices all ranting at me with my own various opinions about something that's happened. When they get like that, i can't think, I can't do anything to shut them up. No medication has helped and in fact most has only made the problem worse. Sometimes, I have to shut them up. And they only shut up when I cut. It's not a good reason, i guess....at least to others. But it's a good reason to me....because I'm usually the only one who can help me.
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You are correct.. it is never easy to be rid of those 'special' problems that have a hold on some people. Those others who say to just get over it don't know what it is that the person is going through and doesn't know that people are different in varying ways. Now... I admit that I had laid blade to myself before, but those times, those were mistakes, but at that time I just didn't care. It burned afterwards, still burns when I look at the marks left behind. It's hard to realize that those thin lines are there forever, but when there's enough, there's no denying what it is you did. Beside that point it is very true that that's how most people feel at that time, but it doesn't make it right and it doesn't take away the pain, it may dull it by having your awareness in some other area, but it is still there, locked away deep inside where nobody could reach it but yourself. Other times the self infliction is to draw attention to that person, attention that they haven't figured out any other way to get. Personally... I find that to be a little sad, but I'm in no such predicament, so I cannot judge them. You did good work, both on the picture and on the description.
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Here's what I've been told: When one is cut, a chemical is released in the body that naturally causes a small sense of euphoria, bringing on false pleasure that can lead to addiction and abuse. That's the science of it.
Try the movie The Secretary sometime, which also covers it at the beginning.
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Not every cutter does it to "punish themselves". Most times even, when one is so distressed about something that they want to cut themselves, they don't even feel the cuts. Thier heart hurts so much more. There are those that cut to punish themselves, there are also those who cut just to feel the pain because it intoxicates them, there are those who cut because they get bored, and there are those who cut because it relieves tension. Its like stress, that accumulates in one spot on your body and starts scratching from the inside trying to get out. And the blood is like a physical form of that stress, and you can actually SEE it leaving your body. And when it begins to heal, there are scabs....and the scabs are like little secret friends that you can carry around with you. A secret that only you know about thats fairly easy to hide from everyone else. And when its done healing, there are scars, and you can look back on those scars later and they are like permanant landmarks on your body about hard times that you've been through. And sometimes it feels good to look back on those scars because it can help remind you how far you've come. What people don't realize, is that cutting is an addiction just like anything else. Its just as hard to stop as anything else. Maybe harder because its even easier to hide than something like a coke addiction or alcholism. Its deffinately a serious thing but people usually avoid the subject all together by just saying "I don't understand why you would want to do something like that."
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...... i don't know what to say about why people cut them selves at times in hopes that it would help them because they feel the need to punish them selves. but your portaling of a person engaging in punishing them selves is stunning.
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