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Oilux — Haunted
Published: 2012-02-20 06:32:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 2133; Favourites: 74; Downloads: 53
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Description
Contest prize forI am haunted by the ghosts of my past,
Who knows how long this torment with last.
Demons taunt me at every turn
Wanting me to burn
My inner demons don’t let me go
They just enjoy the show
The show of my hell
Is like the ringing of bells
I can survive
Will remain alive
‘You can’t escape,’ they said
I will come out ahead
I may be haunted
But these demons shall not taunt
Me anymore
This is what I allow for
I allow the pain
Because it will let me gain
I will find myself
And let the demons burn themselves
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Comments: 15
Official #FightToWrite Critique
I think the piece progresses well and engages the reader. I like how you've dedicated half of the poem to struggling and the other half to coming out the other end strong. The 2-line verses stop the piece from rambling on and ultimately make the poem more interesting! My favourite part of the poem though is when you use short sentences, the brevity of it allowed me to make up my own mind about the poem.
Your theme is excellent, taking a bad situation and turning it in to something good. It's a more inspiring poem rather than a depressing one.
To improve, you could work on the structure of your rhymes; you use a different rhyme for every verse, maybe the rhymes could alternate every 2 or 3 verses? Also - with apologies if I seem pedantic - the words look a bit difficult to see near the sun in the photo.
Overall, an excellent heart-warming poem. I will feature it in the group e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="15" height="15" alt="
*willthebean a.deviantart.net/avatars/f/i/f… " alt=" " title="FightToWrite"/>
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Yes!!! This is amazing! And even though those little demons try to hunt you, you should anways try to come out on top.
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Oh... heh. Sorry then. So you wrote it?
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Lol it's okay, and yes I wrote it.
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the words are a bit difficult to read where the sun breaks through..
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Ah, I didnt notice that at first, thank you
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