Comments: 34
Ducklee6 [2012-10-27 14:22:18 +0000 UTC]
This...is...AWESOME!
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Oilux In reply to Ducklee6 [2012-10-27 21:20:08 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
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Aifos96 [2012-10-26 10:47:32 +0000 UTC]
Yes sir!
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Neko-Chan199 [2012-10-26 10:13:48 +0000 UTC]
Nice!^^
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Oilux In reply to ashxnobody [2012-10-29 22:34:44 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
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vykoth [2012-10-26 02:56:49 +0000 UTC]
First off, what is the identity of the speaker in this poem? Why so much repetition of the same idea? After the third stanza, I think it gets to be too much.
This line: "And see with your people" needs some tweaking to be better understood.
I think the best thing you have done in this piece is the development of the voice. If you can broaden your message along the same theme and revise this thing, you could have a successful poem that is truly reminiscent of that time of waking up to a soothing voice.
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Oilux In reply to vykoth [2012-10-29 22:35:22 +0000 UTC]
Thank you, I'll try my best to improve the next time I try to write something like this.
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SharazDestler In reply to vykoth [2012-10-26 03:32:18 +0000 UTC]
Repetition of the same idea: I dunno, but it sounds like the dreamer is trying to find the strength to wake up to another cold, grey day after dreaming of a better world.
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SkittyKittyCat [2012-10-26 02:24:10 +0000 UTC]
Wow... This is a great poem.^^
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elmerthewizard [2012-10-25 23:57:10 +0000 UTC]
This is just lovely.. Absolutely stunning, and I can picture it being said so sweetly. My new and absolute favorite!
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Oilux In reply to elmerthewizard [2012-10-29 22:36:22 +0000 UTC]
Oh that makes me so happy that you enjoy it!
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silentangelawaits [2012-10-25 23:15:03 +0000 UTC]
im from england so could i read it out loud if i ever become ur friend and new u in person? xD hyper but yh ^_^ Im British u know ^_^ xD
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Oilux In reply to silentangelawaits [2012-11-03 20:10:52 +0000 UTC]
lol so it's official, come live under my bed.
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Oilux In reply to silentangelawaits [2012-11-13 07:37:54 +0000 UTC]
Awesome! Okay *gives you internet, blankets, pillows and food.*
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Oilux In reply to spencerbeavcoon [2012-10-29 22:37:53 +0000 UTC]
You are one awesome person.
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Oilux In reply to killuaxme [2012-10-29 22:38:14 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
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