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orangetot β All For You
Published: 2003-10-06 18:15:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 179; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 36
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Description
I wouldIf I could
Tear this all out
From the roots
And hand it to you
On a silver platter
Along with my head
And my heart
And claw away until
Iβm free
And youβre free
And I can stop
For air
Comments: 9
slimy..yet sattisf...no no..wait..that wa thes lion king....
very nice Jen.......sligtyly sado-massachistic....but good non the les
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Am liking the tones of desperation here. Can imagine am underwater clawing for the surface I think is just above me... Quite lovely imagery not in sense that it is a good emotion, rather the metaphors you've chosen like the silver platter seem bittersweet.
Good job princess!
p.s. You goin' out with Chris yet? 
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Oh! we have a clown in the class! cheeky sod
No, the emotion feels like you've been blown apart...but dont some say there's ectasy in agony? anyways...
Desperate though? God yes.
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Deceptively simple, I think -- which is good
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Good point. and thats one massive deception...
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great structure, and great flow. its very blunt, i like it
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i know the flow is uneven, i was going to change it but i thought it added to the rushed breathlessness.
Thanks for the comment 
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This has such a lovely structure to it - I love the way that it *could* have been a fairly standard love poem, but the way you've worked it has added depth and darkness and real intrigue - much better than the sap most people come out with
I love this one - one of your best
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Aww, why thankyou
I quite like it. another honest admittion written because you had to and in that very minute.
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