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Akatsuki's unwanted Christmas - Part 3 - 2012

Pain chuckled while putting small black dots in his gingerbread-man's face, using black frosting. All while he listened to his concentrated, happy members. He was certainly proud of his organization. Maybe not Sasori, but the others were finally fighting against their poker-faces... And maybe... Maybe even Sasori... Just maybe.

"Hmm I think this is the best Christmas I've ever had~"
He was very glad to hear that also his girlfriend was satisfied.
Their family was complete, and perfect.

"O-oh crap, un-!"

"Deidaraaa, YOU FREAKING IDIOT!!!"

2012:

Hello, welcome back. It's been a long year, hasn't it? Lots of things have happened, new people and places might have been discovered. Many things might have changed... A lot of things change during one year. But this story is not forgotten!

So, I welcome all of you, to the penultimate chapter of Akatsuki's Unwanted Christmas. Now, let's find out what the cliffhanger from last year was all about!

I mean, what could possibly go wrong when making gingerbread-men? They were just cookies, right? Sasori better have a good reason for yelling at Deidara, when there are cookies around...

"D-danna! I didn't mean to- I wasn't-"

"Just look what you've done!"

The member's of the deadly Akatsuki all stopped their talking and decorating, after having heard Sasori's furious yelling and a loud 'thump'. Tilting their heads, they could see an out-raged Sasori on the floor, having fell down from his chair. His hair and upper body had white frosting in it, he even had some on his eye... And... Okay, they all understood why he was angry... But why was he yelling at Deidara? The blonde wouldn't do that on purpose.

It sounded really stupid... But Deidara had suddenly felt someone tickle his feet. Not that he thought anyone here would bother crawling under tables and tickling people... But he swore someone had tickled him.

And in respond, ticklish, dear Deidara had bit his lip, snorted and thrown himself back in his chair. Unfortunately, he had been holding Sasori's AND his own gingerbread-man. And when Sasori noticed his partner suddenly had a really ridiculous and drastic twitch of some sort, he had actually tried to save those stupid cookies. Don't ask why, okay!? He just... The two of them had worked on them together, he thought he should save their work.

But no, the moment Sasori had leaned in to grab the cookies from Deidara's hands, the blonde started to kick his legs for some reason. And wave his arms, and laugh, and it was a little bit cute, until he smacked Sasori in the face harsh, dropped the cookies on the floor and accidentally made the bottle of frosting fall down from the table.
On Sasori.
Who had fell down on the floor, because of Deidara's hard punch.
Everything was a mess, his hair had disgusting SUGAR in it, and the cookies were doomed.

Not that he cared.

"Sasori, calm down. What happened?" Pain had to ask, the scene he was seeing was really surprising. When did Sasori fall down from his chair?

"Can you do anything without messing up, Deidara!?"

"Danna, I don't know who... I mean I don't know what happened-"

"I don't know either, Deidara, maybe you're going mad? Laughing out of the blue, falling asleep behind couches... Dreaming about girls."

"... Girls, un?"

"Don't play dumb."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"
Really now, Deidara had no idea what had gotten into his partner. And he certainly wasn't comfortable with the whole Akatsuki staring at their dramatic little scene... At least one of them was having fun. Hidan was laughing his ass off at Sasori having white substance all over his face- Oh god that was just so wrong...

"Who's this Miffi-person? Huh? You seemed to be having very sweet dreams about her! Really, making the whole organization worried sick, just so you can fall asleep and have wet dreams behind couches?"

"..." Oh.
OHHHH... That made sense... He did remember dreaming about Miffi. But Sasori had gotten the wrong image, really... "Sasori no Danna, Miffi is a cat I used to own when I was a kid..."

"... You're lying."

"It's true, he was black and soft, with white paws and yellow bright eyes... I found it on the streets when I was six... Un..."

…

Hidan laughter just increased in volume, and Kakuzu had to cover his mouth and hit his head to make him shut up. Slightly.
Well... This had to be really embarrassing...

And yeah, it was. He just made a fool of himself, standing there all covered in white frosting, and his cheeks bright read. "..." There was a long moment of silence. And pretty much everyone were staring at Sasori. Except Tobi...

The orange-masked ninja was staring down on his cookie, trying not to say anything... Damn it... This was all his fault... He had wanted to celebrate Christmas with everyone, but whatever he seemed to do, he destroyed things for Sasori and Deidara...

"... Well... Merry Christmas..."
The red-head rolled his eyes and stood up. Having mumbled that in a half disappointed, half angry tone, he brushed himself off, and exited the kitchen in a normal pace, before walking up the stairs. He needed a shower.

When everyone heard the door to the bathroom upstairs slam shut, they looked at each other, not really comfortable with the awkward atmosphere... The Christmas music was the only thing being heard...

And Deidara slamming his head to the table.

But it was okay; Sasori had said he would leave them anyways, right? They were ready to celebrate Christmas without him. The red-head was being a drama-queen! Of course they felt bad about Deidara having to be without Sasori. The blonde really wanted his partner to be a part of this, of course, but there was nothing more to do.

Besides, even Deidara had noticed Sasori was being really impossible about this.
He figured he might as well enjoy the night without Sasori. If Sasori wanted to be so stubborn, then that be it. He didn't know why Sasori had even bothered to pay attention to Deidara mentioning 'Miffi' though... Or why he tried to save the cookies. So he did care? But he... Ugh, complicated bitch. He was like a horny teenager with dramatic mood-swings.

Well, except the horny part...
Or maybe he was horny too...
Could puppets get horny?
… Eeew, horny wood...
Wait... What?

"Wait, you're saying we're not going to fucking eat these little bastards!?"
Violet, confused eyes stared at the man with the many piercing. Hidan couldn't believe it; They weren't going to eat their gingerbread family!? Then why the hell did they bother decorating them?

He looked over at the table, seeing the tray that was now filled with 8 whole gingerbread-people, lying there calmly, letting the frosting dry. Two of them were broken. But there was one little guy with black hair, and red, quite creepy eyes... And white little shoes.
Another one, covered in blue frosting. Sharp teeth and dark-blue hair could be seen on it. Next to it, there was a gingerbread-woman, wearing a dress. Blue hair, what seemed to be a white rose in her hair, and...
Another man, orange hair, black dots. Another one, orange face, with a big black dot in the face. There was yet another one, under the orange faced one, wearing a black shirt? Dark hair, green and red eyes. Vomit. And the one lying next to it had green hair. Half the head was covered in white frosting.

And then there was a REALLY sexy gingerbread-man, lying in a corner, screaming: 'EAT ME! Oh, Hidan, please... Put me in your mouth... Down your throat... Please... Please Hidan... Eat me up.' But sadly, Hidan's dad, mr. Leader-Pain, had forbidden him to see his love. This really sucked, and Hidan was afraid his complicated relation-ship with the cookie would end up to be a tragedy. Like Romeo and Juliet or something.

"Not even later?!"

"Not even later, Hidan."

"But-"

"Okay, everybody! What movie do you want to watch?"

They all suddenly heard a voice coming from the living-room. And it wasn't the music, no, it was Konan! And they all remembered; Right, they had decided to watch a movie! And then open presents...

Neither Kakuzu or Hidan had really prepared a present for one another. What could a crazy Jashinist give a greedy old 91-year old? WHOA he was really old... Ew... Hidan couldn't believe they were screwing... Actually, he still wasn't sure if that had been a joke. He wasn't even sure what he wanted it to be. He didn't want to have sex with a fucking 91 year-old pervert! ...Or did he? Oh god this was so wrong. He'd rather fuck his own gingerbread-man.

"Hidan, you're drooling."

The Jashinist turned to look at his partner, who was calmly standing by the kitchen door-way, not even looking at Hidan. "SHUT UP, YOU 91 YEAR-OLD PERVERT!!"

"..."
Oh Hidan, I will kill you. One day.

They all managed to gather up in the living-room, trying to decide what movie to watch. There weren't many choices, sadly... And most of them were cartoons. Because the TV wasn't used to watch movies, it was more used to watch news and so on. But Tobi liked cartoons!

This didn't mean the rest of them enjoyed cartoons, though...
Let it be Disney; Cartoons were for kids... Why would they watch cartoons?

"Let's see..." The blue-haired female was sitting on the couch, the rest of the members surrounding her silently. "We have Finding Nemo-"

"I hate that fucking movie!"
"The blue fish annoys me, un."
"Tobi loves fish!"

… Kisame gave Tobi a slightly disturbed look, but turned to Konan again, once she continued, "The Lion King, Dumbo-"

"Why are all the Disney-movies about animal-children?"
"Would you rather watch Sleeping Beauty, Kakuzu, un?
"I've already watched you sleep, Deidara."
"... I'm gonna act like I didn't hear that."

Konan continued telling the names of the best movies they had. But none of them were really Christmas movies! And that was quite sad, when they had a perfectly decorated base, a beautiful Christmas-tree with a few presents under it... The Christmas food and everything- They simply had that lovely Christmas atmosphere with them. Despite Sasori's dramatic act...

"We've also got a whole bunch of Donald Duck."

"DONALD DUCK!" Tobi yelled happily, and they all took a little pause of silence.

"He fucking reminds me of Deidara."
"I'm not a god-damn duck, Hidan!"
"No, I mean the temper and all."
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?"

They all gave a set of amused chuckles at that, and it was decided; Donald Duck it was. A mixture of different short Donald Duck movies were shown. Toy Tinkers, an old classic, that they all enjoyed watching together.

Itachi could barely believe Tobi actually managed to gather all of them. It was sick, really.

If that avalanche hadn't happened, they all would probably be gone. But Tobi was really glad that wasn't it. He was really glad they were all celebrating the holiday, in their own little special way. He was happy as long as he could let ANYONE share the warm feeling of Christmas with him!

So, they all sat there by the TV, watching the drawn pictures of the angry duck and the two quite chipmunks or whatever the hell they were, fool around and cause the members to give chuckles, from time to time. But, as entertaining as Donald Duck was, Hidan had to find a present for his partner. He had no idea what the hell to give how. Or why he was even going to try finding one? Sure, he joined because he wanted to drink and eat and have fun, and so on, but Christmas was NOT a part of his religion, and he's rather just stay out of it.

But for some reason, he just wanted to give Kakuzu some sort of shitty present. Like a box filled with air. Just to see his expression. Haha~

Our weird Jashininst silently stood from the floor where he had been sitting, and exited to the hall. His violet eyes around; Where should he go looking for a box filled with air? Or a flower made out of shit? Hmm... Pershaps some coal could work as a present too...

He got interrupted in his thoughts, hearing footsteps coming closer, all of a sudden. Huh? The movie hadn't ended, right?

"Where are you going?"

Oh, it was just the Akatsuki's Uchiha...
Why had he followed him? Fucking stalker, this wasn't facebook, if that's what he thought. "What the fuck fuck you want?"

He answered Itachi's question with a question... Not really to be cocky, more because he didn't know where he was going...

Itachi looked slightly confused. Jeez, he had just wondered what Hidan was up to, nothing more. Then again, Hidan always answered as if you just offended his mother or something... "Well, you suddenly left. So I wondered where you're going."

Ha! I'm so fucking popular, even Itachi follows me around... CALL ME THE PUSSY-MAGNET-MASTER. No, no, PUSSY-PLUS-DICKS-MAGNET-MASTER-MEOW. Because he found that pussy and 'meow' sounded great in the same sentence!
But, uhm... What was he supposed to reply? There was no way he'd admit he was looking for a present to give Kakuzu. Not even if it wasn't really a present that he was looking for, just... Garbage. "I-"

"Are you looking for something to give Kakuzu?"

"..."

Note to self: Keep away from Itachi the upcoming weeks.

"...No?" Hidan rose one of his silver brows as he crossed his arms, trying not to react in the wrong way. Itachi was good at reading people, but Hidan knew he was hard to read.
But Itachi knew he was up to search for a present to give his greedy partner. There was no other reason for Hidan to ditch Donald Duck... Unless he wanted to take a shit... Or eat the gingerbread-people- OH GOD THAT'S WHY HE GOT UP!
"Hidan, I know they look delicious, but for gods sake you have to stop yourself! Your tiny, little, ugly brain should tell you what to do, not your enormous, round stomach!"

…
Note to self #2: MONTHS. MONTHS, NOT WEEKS...
"Uchiha, I think Kisame might have fucked you too hard last night."

"Oh, you were looking for a present after all?"

Okay, Itachi had to be the weirdest guy Hidan had ever met. Beside himself. And that Tobi-fucker. Oh shit and Deidara was pretty fucking weird too. And Zetsu... Perhaps Kakuzu too... Pain and Konan creeped him out too... Kisame and his god damn teeth... Not to mention Sasori...
Oh- who was he kidding? It was a fucking mental hospital. No need to be surprised.

"And what makes you think I would care enough to give that bastard a gift?" What had Kakuzu ever done for him, huh?

"Well, is is your partner. Think of all those times he sowed your body pieces back together. Or waited patiently for your cermonies to end-"

"Patient my ass..."

"Or all those times you drove him mad, but he kept his temper instead of trying to kill you?"

"When did that ever happen?"

"Or all those times-"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I get your motherfucking point."

He wouldn't say Kakuzu was the best partner to have. Sure, he could make some cool company... And he had a fair view on things. But he was just so fucking annoying sometimes too, MONEY here and MONEY there! When he started blabbering about those fucking pieces of paper, he never stopped. And sometimes he'd just treat Hidan like shit! Sure, it wasn't like Hidan was an angel himself but at least he didn't throw people out of windows!

"But I'm-"

Itachi once again cut Hidan's sentence off, finding his own much more important: "Well, first we have to think of what Kakuzu likes..."

"Money. I know, let's give him a pile of dog-food. Or cheese. Purple cheese, the fucker hates purple."

The raven hummed to himself slightly. Okay, so they knew Kakuzu liked money... And disliked purple... But that wasn't really enough information for Itachi to come up with a something. Honestly he didn't know why he was even trying to help Hidan. It was more that he wanted to keep an eye on him... So he didn't ruin their Christmas celebration, by eating the cookies or breaking decorations....

He wasn't really a close friend to Hidan. He couldn't sat they were friends at all... He knew the Jashinist got along well with Deidara, but he wondered if any of them would even adress each other as 'friend'.

Speaking of Deidara... Didn't the blonde and Tobi mention some sort of basement, earlier this day? Filled with old stuff that they all brought with them when they first joined the organization? Hmm, maybe they could find some sort of treasure in there? There should be many interesting and forgotten object to chose from...
"Follow me." The raven ordered in his usual mono-tone, suddenly starting to walk towards one end of the hall. The one that lead to the stairs. The other end led to the front-door.

Hidan stared at him for a while, wondering whether he should follow him or not. It would probably be a bad idea to follow the Uchiha; Who knew where he'd take him? A dark, hidden dungeon? Filled with ugly unicorns and shit?

…

He decided to follow him anyway, not knowing what else to do. He didn't like being ordered around, but what else was he supposed to do? Walk back to the living-room, like 'NOPE, NOT TODAY, BITCH.'

Actually he could do that, but... Meh, didn't feel like it!

They walked to the little space behind the stairs, and Hidan's violet eyes fell on a hidden door.
Yup.
Hidden, dark dungeon, just like he thought... Probably filled with unicorns and shit too, he swore... "I do like pain, but let me ensure you, I do NOT want you whipping my ass, Itachi. Thank you. Merry Christmas."

…

Itachi decided to just ignore Hidan's weird fantasies, and instead opened the door to let Hidan inside. After he put the lights on, of course.

"You should be able to find something in here. Just don't mess things up, alright? It's a room filled with memories."

Hidan opened his mouth to ask what the hell all these random boxes and bags contained, and what this place actually was? But Itachi had already closed the door and left, leaving Hidan with thousands of questions... He guessed he had to find out himself?
Hmm...
Before the Jashinist could check if Itachi was just messing with him, and had locked him in here for all eternity just to get rid of him, he felt how he stepped on something sharp.

"Ow!" He made a pained face, cursing as he bent down to pick up the object he had stepped on... After examining it in his hand for a little while, he realized he had seen it before... Definitely.

Pain rose a brow as he felt the couch move slightly. Seeing Itachi sit down, he made a slightly confused expression; When did Itachi get up? Hm... Oh well.

He gave a small sigh as his eyes went back to the cartoons being shown on TV, a small smile forming on his lips upon hearing Deidara and Tobi's comments; "Look, Sempai! He's just like you!"
"He isn't like me, Tobi. I mean just look at his fucking hat..."
"You would look good in that!"
"In a sailor suit?"
"... Mm..."

The blue eyes of the artist widened slightly, a quite freaked out look appearing on his face. ...Was Tobi drooling. EW, STOP THAT! "DON'T START IMAGINING SHIT, YOU PUNK!"

"Shh..."
Konan hushed them as she rested her head against Pain's shoulder, making their leader's cheeks redden. Pfft... She was so cute! Pain really loved it whenever she seemed comfort or closeness from him... It made him feel special...

Oh right! Which reminded him! Her present...

Pain was already done with Konan's present, and it was put neatly under the Christmas-tree. In a wrapped up little box. With a cute little golden bow on it~ Now, Konan might think the box that was waiting for her contained jewelry... Or something like that, but let me tell you, that was not the case! There was something worth a lot more than that... Don't worry though, I'm not going to tell you what it is! You'll just have to wait and see! If we're lucky, they will hurry up and open their presents before this year's chapter reaches its end!

While the Akatsuki members were busy watching Disney, Sasori wasn't In his room. Nope, you heard right, he wasn't in his room. He was in love.
No, I'm just kidding (OR AM I!?) he was in his room. Of course he was, where else would you expect him to be?

WITH ALL THE GOD DAMN SNOW OUTSIDE...

The redhead sighed, throwing another kunai at Deidara's wall. Yeah, the blonde would probably question that later, but hey, he was bored. And way too distracted to work on his art. So he had all rights to decorate Deidara's wall with Kunais. That stupid blonde, embarrassing him in front of all the others... First telling him he didn't care about family; Was he kidding? This was his family? He'd rather die than have a family like this one... Or have a family at all.

It would be a dishonor to even call these... Freaks, his family. Especially Deidara. That stupid, childish, beautiful, weird bastard... He thought he knew him. But, no, no one knew Sasori. Not even Sasori himself.

Miffi... A cat? Huh. Sure. Not that Sasori cared, but the blonde had probably just said that to embarrass him in front of the others...

The redhead's strong hands sent another sharp kunai flying towards Deidara's wall, watching it get stuck in the wall. Sighing a bit, he looked around the room for a while, until his eyes fell on a random, red Christmas tinsel lying around on the floor. Hmm... Probably got in when all the others pretty much jumped into their room, looking for Deidara. Sasori didn't even understand why they would bother? Caring for another random member like that...

Eyes glued on the twinkling decorative material, Sasori frowned slightly.

Family... They called each other 'family' now too? Sasori didn't care what it was, Christmas or fucking halloween, that was just out of character, for all of them. Deidara... Deidara, the only person in this whole fucked up group of freaks, that Sasori actually... Liked. He might be really spontaneous, kind of ignorant and stupid (art is ETERNAL, MODDAFOKKAH) and have a very low temper, but he was kind. In his own... Weird little way. He was a good partner, they did get along sometimes... And he was always ready to help or listen Sasori. And he might not act like it, but Sasori did appreciate that.

He appreciated each little kind thing that Deidara did. Even if they were usually small things.

Sasori leaned down to pick up the long tinsel, and went up to his partner's wall. Smiling slightly, he let the kunais hold the tinsel up. Ha, well, that looked creative... Hah... Aah...

Another sigh left Sasori, and he sat down on the blonde's bed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
Each little kind thing...
Like making him smile. Deidara could make him smile from time to time. Because, you know, when you like someone... That person automatically makes you smile at some moments- OH GOD WHAT WAS HE THINKING OF? WAS HE REALLY SITTING HERE, THINKING ABOUT CHEESE AND DEIDARA?

That shower must have done something weird to him... See this is why Sasori didn't like taking showers. Stupid blonde. It was all his fault. As always.

Yeah, yeah, we all know Sasori. You love Deidara, you're just afraid of telling him... The usual... Ah, you fucking pussy... Let's go to someone who's less of a pussy. Like... Kakuzu.
Since Hidan is busy searching for a Christmas present, Kakuzu is glad to announce he right now has NO ONE annoying the crap out of him.
Of course it felt a little bit empty... But...

At least now he had the chance to fix a present! He couldn't care less where that silver-headed weirdo was, but he was going to go prepare a present. And he knew just what to give Akatsuki's biggest freak. That's right, he had plans, motherfuckers. Shit, he was starting to sound like Hidan...

Left, right... Nope, didn't seem like anyone was looking at him!
They were all into that lame cartoon. Pfft, if all of this hadn't been for free, Kakuzu would have been doing something completely else. Sasori might thing he was crazy like the rest, but nope, Kakuzu still had some of his sanity in him. He was definitely not here because this was fun. Even if it was. It was kind of fun. Not that he would admit that. Anyways, if you excuse me...

He silently slipped down from his seat on the couch, and crawled - yes, he crawled – his way out of the living-room, without making himself heard or seen. Ha, and they called themselves S-ranked members?

What Kakuzu didn't know was that everyone did in fact notice him escaping. It was pretty hard, missing a big guy with threads on his body and red/green scary eyes, passing by. He was like a big-sized woodoo... But the others simply decided to ignore him, assuming that even Kakuzu cared enough to give his partner.

Yeah, they all knew he left to fix Hidan's present. … Because the Akatsuki can read minds... Only on Christmas, of course. And only at 18:16, the time right now. Oh, wait, now it's 18:17. Never mind then...

It was quite interesting though. Most of them have excuses for celebrating Christmas with the others, but still they got up and made presents for each other... Wow these guys are such prideful bastards!

"Tobi."

"Yes, Sempai?"

"Got me a present yet, un?"

"Uhm... No, Sempai..."

"Well, now the time. Go get me one. Now."

"H-hai, Sempai!"

Aaaah, great.
Not only Hidan, but Tobi was gone too... Deidara had the WHOLE floor to himself... Hmm~
The blue eyes watched the orange-masked ninja sneak out of the room, and smirked to himself as he lied down on the floor, finally being able to stretch his limbs a bit. This was great... This was... Christmas. It was a lot like he remembered it; The lights, the atmosphere, the feeling in his gut... Deidara loved it. He was happy to know the whole Akatsuki were enjoying themselves. Well, almost the whole Akatsuki. The family...

Actually, he didn't really know why he had said that. They weren't really a 'family' they were just a bunch of blood-thirsty... Traitors. All abandoned their villages, after causing damage to it. Deidara held up his hands in the air, a quite blank expression on his face. He guessed that affected all of them. All the killing, and the betraying... Messed up childhoods... Ignoring their inner feelings and desires... Huh, a life as a villain could really fuck you up. Hard.

Hmm...

He better get Tobi a present or something.

Another member escaped the room. Another member went to hunt for a present to give his partner. Actually, finding a present for Tobi probably shouldn't be too difficult. Kakuzu knew what to give Hidan, a very generous gift, for a greedy man like him... Hidan was busy looking around, and Tobi knew what to give Deidara, he was just trying to find it, and find out how he was supposed to give it to him. Pain was one of the two people already done with their presents. Konan was the second one. The two of them were snuggled up on the couch, and with only Kisame and Itachi left... Well, it was pretty awkward.

So those two left too!

Off, to hunt for the perfect present.

Oh, right, and then there's Zetsu. But he's a creep so let's just say he enjoys watching couple's snuggle while watching Donald Duck...

The moment Tobi put his foot on the second floor, he noticed he wasn't alone. Definitely not. Everyone were here... Pretty much. Not counting Hidan, because if Hidan had been there, Tobi would have heard him.

Curious to how they were all doing, Tobi silently sneaked up to one of the half closed door. The one closest to the stairs – The one he was pretty sure they all heard weird sounds coming from, a few hours ago... He still wasn't sure if he believed Kakuzu and Hidan's excuse for those sounds...

Peeking inside, he saw Kakuzu standing by his his work-desk, looking through drawers and boxes... What could he possibly be looking for? "Kakuzu-sempai?" The Uchiha was brave enough to step inside, watching how Kakuzu didn't even look up from what he was doing, but replied anyways, "What is it?"
"Are you looking for a present to give Hidan?"
He walked up to the miser, even daring to stand right next to him, watching as Kakuzu seemed to find what he had been looking for, in his drawer... He watched how the man put down the object on the table, and brushed it off a bit. "Hm." Was all Kakuzu said, not being able to deny anything, nor admit anything...

"...You're going to give him that?"

"Shut up, it's beautiful."

"What the hell have you done, un?"

"Shut up, it's beautiful."

Deidara wasn't sure what to say, when he saw what had happened to his and Sasori's room. Seriously, he had no idea what Sasori had been doing in here... But the walls; ALL THE WALLS, had kunais stuck in them. Actually it would have been more normal if there were only kunais. If that had been the case, Deidara would have been yelling at Sasori for messing their room up. But that didn't seem to be the case at all. Nope, there were tinsels and other, random Christmas decorations handing from those weapons... Oh, that explained why there were less decorations in the hall!

Why Sasori would to this, was beyond Deidara... Why would the redhead even bother?
Hah, maybe he was... Just... Plain bored... "Danna, if you're bored, you can still come celebr-"

"No." Sasori answered quickly, as he put another kunai into the wall, making sure it got stuck. Then he took one of the tinsels he had stolen from the hall, and put the end of the decoration to rest on the kunai, letting the other end rest on another kunai. "What do you want in here? You're supposed to be down there, wasting minutes of your life on watching a duck handle his ADHD problems."

"I was going to see if I can find a present for Tobi-"

"THERE ARE NO PRESENTS IN THIS ROOM, GO AWAY!"

"Danna!" Deidara rolled his eyes, closing the door to their room and finally walking inside. "Mind your own business, un! I'm not here to disturb you and your... Weird, new art."

"NO, DEIDARA, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'VE HID ALL THE PRESENTS SOMEWHERE ELSE... SOMEWHERE... FAR AWAY..." Your butthole...

"I'm not going out of here."

Damn it... Sasori frowned as he looked away from his partner, brown eyes going back to the wall instead. Seemed like he wouldn't be able to stop Deidara from giving a present to Tobi, huh? No, he had to stop him. Tobi wasn't Deidara's partner. Deidara belonged to him, only. Does Deidara call Tobi 'Danna'? NOPE, DIDN'T THINK SO!

Deidara never really understood why Sasori always acted to weird whenever Deidara tried to be 'kind' to another member. Jealousy couldn't be the problem (Oh, Deidara, you know nothing.) and Sasori couldn't really be 'over-protective' (NOTHIIIIINNNG...) so what was the problem?

Turning to the corner where he usually sat and sculpted, he looked at the pillows and the clay lying around... Maybe he could sculpt something? But if he was going to make it pretty and detailed, it would take too long... He'd rather be down there again by the time the movie ended... Only Sasori would deserve something detailed like that.

N-not really though, after all he was a complicated jerk, but... He was someone Deidara respected, and he wanted to please Sasori. One day, he wanted to make Sasori to realize what true art was. One day... But not today! It was Christmas, he wasn't going to waste his time on the puppeteer on Christmas... He didn't have that much energy. He was an energetic person, but Sasori literally sucked life out of people, so...

"So... You having fun up here, all by yourself? Decorating the walls?" Kakuzu would kill him...

"Yup."

"Still don't want to join the rest of us, un?"

"Nope."

"Alright... Hey, do you think Tobi would just be happy if I gave him a bag of candy or something?"

"... Sorry to tell you this, but... I already ate all the candy we had left..." No. No, he definitely didn't, in fact, Sasori hated candy with a passion. But anything to mess this up...

"Are you serious? Ugh, you really ruin my life, you know that?"

"Yup."

Thinking for a while, Deidara's eyes shot up again as he got another idea. "How about I draw him something?"

"We're out of paper."

"Oh... Well, how about I give him my blue scarf, un?"

"He would just choke himself. Besides, he already has one." … "A really ugly one, but still..."

"... A-alright? Let's see... I could always give him a hug or something, wouldn't he get happy if I hugged him?"

"You already hugged him though, didn't you?"

Deidara rolled his eyes slightly at the poisonous tone. Sasori sounded like a girl-friend, suspecting her boy-friend to be cheating on her... "Right..." Lying down on his bed, Deidara stared at the tinsels on the wall for a while. They were pretty. Sparkling and being all fluffy.

Tilting his head to look at his partner, he found he was still putting kunais in the wall and hanging stuff on them. A small smile appeared on his lips, he's so weird... Then again, who was Deidara to talk? "Sasori no Danna?"

"Hm?"

"What would you like to receive, if you were the one getting a Christmas present?"

You, naked, in a box.
No. NO, that was not what Sasori wanted. Actually, it was, but shh.

Blushing a bit, our proud puppeteer first considered answering with 'I wouldn't want anything from anyone' or something like that. But he decided against it, because... He realized, maybe Deidara was asking him, because he wanted to get him a present? That might be the case... Or was he just getting his hopes too high up? Probably. But he couldn't help but feel slightly happy that Deidara decided to ask him, when he could have asked Tobi.

"You mean... If I were Tobi?"

"No, Danna, just... What do you want?"

You.

"Y- …" He couldn't say that! "I mean... I guess..." Wood? Supplies? Weapons? He already had all of that. But what could someone like him want, that was not ninja-related? "I would like... I'd like something to set my mind at peace. It's a mess up there. I know I always seem in peace, but trust me, when you're alone too much, things get pretty active up there." And down there, too. "I just want something to make me content. I have no idea what it could be. You'll have to figure that one out yourself."

…

Whoa. Sasori just spoke more that one sentence... Shit. Okay. Deidara wasn't sure if he should celebrate this or not?

Now, Deidara maybe should have answered that, you think. But our blonde bomber didn't. He was just quiet, trying to think about what Sasori had just said. It was messy 'up there'? What did he mean? He thought a lot? What could Sasori possibly have to think of? Hm.

Opening his mouth to finally say something, Deidara saw how a person suddenly stormed into their room. Oh god damn it, Sasori just had a fucking speech, and someone interrupts Deidara right when he's about to reply!? THEY WERE ABOUT TO HAVE A PERFECT LITTLE MOMENT!

And who was the one who usually fucked perfect moments up?

Yeah, Hidan, but right now Hidan is swimming in the basement, so... TOBI!

"TOBI, HMM!"

"TOBI IS HERE!"

"Get out before I eat you, kid."

Neither Sasori or Deidara got a reply from Tobi. And Tobi didn't even listen to the artists, when they started yelling things at him. He was definitely not getting out of here. This was the perfect place to do research on how to give Deidara his present!

AKA, how to make Sasori smile.

"TOBI, GET THE FUCK OUT, UN!"

"HEY YOU PUNK, WATCH MY SANITY."

"WHAT SANITY, DANNA!?"

"MINE."

"STOP YELLING!"

"I'M NOT YELLING, THIS IS JUST THE POWER OF CAPS LOCK."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? OH GOD, TOBI, SERIOUSLY, GET OUT, YOU REALLY ARE KILLING SASORI'S SANITY, UN."

"Hey, sweetie..." Without looking away from the TV, Konan mumbled with a slightly freaked out tone, "I know they're all up there, getting presents, but... Why does it sound like they're high or something." She felt how her boy-friend gave her a slightly disturbed stare, but soon sighed and looked back at the TV, an unamused look on his face as he leaned her head against Konan's. "Konan, you have to learn not to expect anything normal out of these people..."

"I think Tobi might be trying to intrude Sasori and Deidara's room. Or eat them. No, Tobi is a good boy. I would eat them. Not their genitals, but the rest of them."

Konan and Pain both slowly turned their heads, seeing Zetsu in the corner of the wall of their living-room. Oh heck no... HE HAD BEEN THERE ALL THIS WHILE? They had even kissed a few times... Jeez...

"See? No expectations."

The object Hidan had picked up earlier, was actually his first shuriken. Now, he had no idea why this shit was in a fucking basement of some sort... The object was a little bit heavy in his hand... The points weren't sharp, like they should be. He swore it was a little bit rusty, and it looked very used and damaged.

He never used it in real battle. Only when training. Always making sure he picked up the shit, so he could use it again, and keep it with him forever.
Bullshit, Hidan thought to himself as he threw the weapon behind him, a smirk on his face. That shit could just stay down here.

Wow, look at all these boxes...

Hidan's eyes widened slightly, as he walked past the big boxes.
'Deidara'
'Itachi'
'Zetsu'
He rose a brow, seeing Zetsu's box move slightly. ...What the fuck was in there?

'Kakuzu' He saw, behind Zetsu's box. Rising a brow in slight interest, he walked up to the big box, and opened it. The sight of the insides was kind of weird. There were a bunch of pictures. Different people. Hidan would guess these were people Kakuzu had killed, and sold the bodies off... Huh...

Different papers, filled with numbers and mathematical... Shit. Hidan wasn't even interested enough to know the word... "Huh?..." His calm expression turned to a rather confused and shocked one, as his eyes fell on a quite unusual object... Was that...?

Grabbing the object he had seen, he dragged it up and stared at it. Feeling how a little smile appeared on his lips. Why, this would make a fun present...

"Sempai! Sasori-sama! Calm down, please! Tobi is not going to break anything, Tobi promises-"

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU PROMISE OR NOT, GET OUT OF THIS ROOM. OR AT LEAST KEEP YOUR FEET ON DEIDARA'S SIDE."

"HEY, DANNA!"

"YOUR FLOOR IS ALREADY DIRTY, UNLIKE MINE!"

The orange-masked ninja sighed as he watched the Akatsuki artists argue... Once again... Didn't they grow tired of it? Tobi wasn't even yelling like them, but he still felt how his head ached each time either Sasori or Deidara opened their mouths to say anything. "Calm down, please! I'm not going to disturb you, just ignore me!"

Deidara and Sasori both stared at Tobi for a while. Hmm... Was he being honest? Was Tobi trying to say he was actually capable of keeping his mouth shut? Unbelievable... Well, they could give him a little chance... But if he messed it up, he fucking died.

The room turned silent, and Sasori turned back to the tinsels on the wall. Deidara turned back to his thoughts, trying to come up with a good present. He sat up on his bed, watching Tobi as he tried to think of possible stuff to give him... The weird ass ninja called Tobi, who was right now walking towards Sasori to touch his waist.

. . .

WHY WAS HE TOUCHING SASORI'S FUCKING WAIST? WHAT THE HE-

Taking out a kunai from the wall, Sasori tried to stab Tobi's head. Not on reaction. He just wanted to fucking kill him; no one touched him. Deidara was an exception...
Fortunately for Tobi, and unfortunately for the rest of the world, Sasori missed, and Tobi had to come up with some sort of excuse. Or, tell the truth; "I was just trying to tickle you, S-sasori-sa-"

"I would love to stick this kunai down your throat, then stick down my hand down, take out the kunai again, rip up your face, if you have one, and pull it up your ass."

"Tobi will go now..."

And then Tobi left, closing the door behind him. For once. Leaving a very confused and angry Sasori, and a creeped out Deidara. "What was that all about... Un..."

"I swear to Jashin I'll kill him some day."
"Oh, trust me, don't swear to Jashin, hmm..."

It had been a mission, to find out what would make Sasori smile. And Tobi had just realized it would be way more difficult than he thought. It would be hell. Because Sasori was crazy, dangerous and just weird. And different.

The Donald Duck movie would end in 20 minutes. Which meant they all had to be down in 15 minutes, so Konan and Pain wouldn't notice that they had left... Ahum. Yeah, so Tobi had to hurry up and find out what made Sasori smile, before they would open their presents!

Kakuzu was first to wrap up his small present, and put it under the tree. He didn't bother putting a bow on it or anything, but he found some random wrapping paper in the kitchen, and used that. He was back in the living-room, telling Konan and Pain to stop making-out in his presence.

Deidara found a gift to give Tobi. But he was still wondering what he should give Sasori. He had an idea, but he knew he wasn't brave enough to give him something like that. Sasori would probably be offended or something, and try to stick one of those kunais up his ass...

The blonde joined the guys in the living-room at the same time as Hidan, who sadly didn't get stuck in the basement. Hidan had put his 'gift' to Kakuzu in a box that he found in the basement, and without even wrapping it up, he had put it under the beautiful Christmas-tree. He sat down on the floor with Deidara, chatting with him a bit, the sound of cartoons in the background. The fire-place warming the room up... They felt quite content, sitting there, about to receive Christmas presents after such a long time. It felt... Good.

Kisame and Itachi came back too, after some very nice kissing in their bedroom. But apparently I'm not allowed to tell you anything about that, so... I'm just going to let you know, those two wrapped their presents up together, in the kitchen, and then they put them under the tree, and sat down on the big couch. Well, Zetsu was already there, so that only leaves Tobi, right?

And Sasori...

Tobi wasn't done. 5 minutes left until he had to go back, and he still wasn't done. He had tried everything; falling on banana peelings, singing a Christmas carol with a really silly voice, imitating Eddie Murphy, acting like a drag queen... Telling a very heart-warming story, giving the redhead a bunch of flowers...

But each and every try had resulted in Tobi getting a kunai thrown at him. And to Sasori's displeasure, his wall was almost kunai-free.

Tobi was wondering if maybe he should give up? Maybe it really was impossible. Sasori might not have the right muscles in his face, to smile...
Standing by the doorway to Sasori and Deidara's room, Tobi drew a little disappointed sigh, and looked at the cold puppeteer. "Sasori... Why do you never smile?"

Said man was quiet. He knew what Tobi had been trying to force out of him. Either a laughter or smile or something... It was pretty damn obvious, with all the ways he had tried. "Why the hell do you care?" He wasn't happy about this, really. If Deidara had been the one trying to make him smile, or maybe Konan, because she was kind... That would have been more normal. But he couldn't see why Tobi was even bothering. Did he have a crush on him or something? Ha, disgusting...
"Can Sasori-sama keep a secret...?"
"No."
"I'm trying to find out how to make Sasori-sama smile, because I want Deidara-sempai's present to be perfect."
"Tobi, that makes no sense at all-"
"I think Sempai would be very happy if he could see Sasori-sama smiling, for once. So I'm gonna give Sempai your smile, as a Christmas-present!"

…
If that was really creepy, or sweet, Sasori wasn't sure. He didn't think anything in this world was sweet, so he guessed he found it creepy, but still... It was a... Interesting thought.
Ha, like Deidara would be happy to see him smiling. Very funny.

"You've been wasting your time. That's a stupid present. Deidara wouldn't be happy to see me smile."

"Sasori-sama doesn't know! He would be very happy, Tobi knows it!"

"Well, there is nothing that will make me smile! So just get lost!" Sasori spat, feeling anger building up in him. Not that he was really angry, he was just confused. Deidara would like to see him smile? Why would he want that? Deidara would prefer... Celebrating Christmas with the others... Than staying up here with Sasori. Hm. "Now, get out of here."

"THAT WAS THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! FUCKING DUCKS AND SHIT, HIS VOICE IRRITATES ME!"
The second the movie ended, Hidan was up, yelling loud enough for even deaf people to hear. Sadly, Deidara was still the one sitting next to Hidan. And at the moment, he was wondering why he hadn't sat down on the other side of the couch or something... "You barely watched it, un... You were either talking,
or looking for a present to give Kakuzu."

"KAKUZU? PRESENT? I would never even use those two words in the same fucking sentence! He's not getting any shit from me."
"You just did. In fact, you just used 'Kakuzu', 'Fucked' and 'me ' in the same sentence, un."
Hidan blushed slightly, but ignored Deidara's comment. Pfft, like that proved anything... Not that Deidara was trying to find proof, but still...
Wait, maybe he was...! Oh, whatever... "How about you? You didn't watch the movie either, I heard yelling from your and Sasori's room!"
"I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE ALL THIS WHILE! YOU'RE SICK, HMM!"
"WELL YOU'RE SICK TOO, CUZ I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE-FUCKER TOO!"
"OH REALLY? I SAW YOU AND ITACHI SNEAK OUT!"
"I DID NOT SNEAK OUT WITH ITACHI, I WAS SITTING HERE. MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING ILLUSIONS, BARBIE?"
"WELL I DIDN'T GO OUT EITHER!"
"YES YOU FUCKING DID!"

"No one missed a second of the movie, alright? Now calm down before I throw you out in the snow." We all already know that Pain and Konan were fully aware that they had ALL sneaked out during the movie, but like I said, none of them were ready to share the knowledge...

The dark and scary tone of their leader maybe scared Deidara and Hidan a bit, as the two of them calmed down and settled with glaring at each other. Deidara came to notice something odd though... Tobi was gone. Where was that idiot? Not that Deidara wanted another annoying member to piss him off, but Tobi was the one to gather them up. Why wasn't he with them, then?

As if on cue, our weird little Tobi sneaked into the living-room, not saying a word. After all, he didn't want anyone to notice his escape... Ah! The movie had ended!? Nooo, this wasn't good...
Hidan was standing up, glaring at a very irritated Deidara - when was he not irritated? - while Pain was talking. The others were seated too, listening to their leader; "Well, I guess the time to open our
presents has come..." He took a pause, his ringed eyes taking a look at all the presents under the tree. Some of them were beautifully decorated and wrapped... Probably the ones made by Itachi, Konan and his own... Okay, who was he kidding, his own looked horrible. But shut up, he was God, it was beautiful no matter how it looked.
He was a little bit nervous about giving a present to Konan... After all... It was a risky present.
"I hope everyone are ready... It sure looks like it, there are many presents under the tree... Weird, when we started watching the movie, it was empty..." He made a slightly surprised face, trying to act like he had NO IDEA that everyone pretty much left him and Konan alone, with Zetsu, during the
whole movie.

"It's the work of Santa..." Kisame smirked slightly, looking at the presents under the beautiful tree. He really wondered what Itachi was going to give him. No, seriously, he was quite a curious person, and he didn't really like surprises, HE JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THERE...

"Santa doesn't exist, Kisame." Itachi 'corrected' Kisame, shaking his head a bit. He didn't like the thought of
Santa. Sure, he liked Christmas, but Santa was ridiculous... Especially after Tobi had yelled at him so many times 'TOBI IS GOING TO SIT IN SANTA'S LAP AND TELL HIM THAT HE WISHES A UNICORN FOR CHRISTMAS!' really, he didn't want to hear more arguments or even mentioning of Santa...

Sadly, luck was not on Itachi's side today. It was never on his side, but especially not today. Or at least right now. "TOBI KNOWS SANTA EXISTS!"
"Un, he exists in your little brain."
"HE LIVES UP NORTH!"
"Like your ass, hmm..."
"Good one, blondie."
"BUT TOBI KNOWS-"

"How about I go get the Ginger-bread people, so we can eat them before opening the presents?"

Konan, as usual, was the one to ignore the crazy people and come with a good and normal suggestion. One that did not involve santa.
The others liked the idea (especially Hidan!) and Konan left the living-room with a smile, to go get the cookies they had made earlier.
Hearing the rest of the members continue yelling and laughing and what-not, she shook her head in a disbelieving manner, giggling slightly as she entered the kitchen. Weirdos. First they all yelled about not, never, EVER wanting to celebrate Christmas. They laughed for Itachi to even come up with the idea? Really, if Konan didn't love them, she would have hit them all in the head...

Sasori was the only one who had held his word. Not that that was a good thing though.

Finding the plate with the gingerbread-people, she smiling happily upon seeing the happy cookies. Well, most of them were happy. Somehow, Hidan managed to draw a really ridiculous mouth on Kakuzu's cookie... There was vomit or something coming out of it... Kind of gross, but hey, it was the work of Hidan. He might have a turn-on for things like that, who knows?

Her smile disappeared, when she noticed Deidara and Sasori's cookies were broken. That's right...! No, no, no... She couldn't give Deidara a broken cookie... And she definitely couldn't go up to Sasori with his broken cookie.
Well, what the hell was she supposed to do about this problem?
If Deidara just... Hadn't dropped them. They had seemed so happy, decorating each other's cookies back then! It was the few seconds of the day when she had seen Sasori a little bit happy. A tiiiny bit. Oh Deidara, you clumsy little... Cute... Bitch... Okay let's not blame it on Deidara. What did he say... Someone tickled him?

She sighed as she crossed her arms, looking down at the ginger-bread Akatsuki, trying to come up with a solution. She couldn't really give them different cookies, people would probably be like 'WHY DOES HE GET CHOCOLATE CAKE WHILE I GET THIS CRAP?!' She could imagine Pain doing that, actually...

Right at that moment, a familiar person walked by the kitchen. Well, he wasn't that familiar, since we haven't seen or heard much from him today. Okay, maybe, but he certainly hasn't been on the best of moods... Yes, Santa Claus. No? Okay, fine, it was Sasori. But they both have a thing for red!

Konan's orange eyes widened slightly, seeing Sasori walk past the kitchen. Well, almost... He was about to walk by, but Konan grabbed his arm and pushed him inside the kitchen, holding him against the wall. "SASORI, YOU HAVE TO HEP ME!"
"Please don't rape me, Konan."
He rose a brow when he saw Konan roll her eyes. What? It wouldn't surprise him if she started touching his waist too. Tobi had already done it today. Everyone seemed to have a crush on him, beside Deidara... Then again, Sasori didn't believe in miracles.
No but, seriously, people had to realize he'd rather be left alone.

"Sasori, the cookies..."
"Don't even talk about those pieces of shit."
"Deidara's and yours is broken..."
"I sure know that. I don't want to think about it."

"Listen, I'm supposed to bring them the cookies right now... But I can't give Deidara a broken cookie! He might become upset..." Sasori had walked in on this, so he had
to help her!
... Sasori really didn't see why he should help her... DID THESE PEOPLE STILL NOT UNDERSTAND? Come on, Konan was smart! Yeah, she might even be the only girl Sasori could be in the same room as, for one hour, without wanting to kill himself! But right now, today, he'd like to be alone and look out the window. At the snow, pressed against the windows. And just be depressed about Deidara's lack of
interest in him, not being able to get out of this mad-house, and everyone being able to have fun.

"Huh." Was his only answer, before he sneaked out of her grip, and went to open the fridge. Actually, he didn't eat. But he needed some berries right now. To throw at the wall.

"Sasori! Come on, don't be like that. We all know you want to be here... And if I'm not wrong, Deidara has prepared a present for you."

"Woman. Deidara prepared a present for Tobi. HIS PARTNER."
Partner... Yeah, stupid, orange lollipop... He thought he was Deidara's partner, huh? Well then, be Deidara's partner... When this whole thing was over, Sasori swore he was going to turn Tobi into a big meatball.

"Sasori, you're so stupid... Deidara cares about you as much as he cares about Tobi. More. Of course he has a present for you! Look under the tree!"

Actually... Now, Sasori wanted to find out. Because Konan wouldn't lie. And if she was right... So, Deidara had... He was giving him a present...? But... Okay...? Hmm... "... No." Well that was dumb, because it wasn't like Sasori was giving anything
to the terrorist, so why even bother? He knew Sasori wasn't a part of this.
"Just help me, Sasori..."
Konan tried, one last time. And she really hoped Sasori would... He might be able to give Deidara the cookies, that wouldn't upset the blonde. Deidara would be happy to know Sasori wasn't angry about the whole cookie accident anymore, and that he was ready to be with them.

"What do you want me to do?" Fine, he was doing this. Maybe. Depended on what she wanted him to do. And he was giving this a little chance, only because Deidara had been kind enough to think about him.

"Give them to him."

"I don't even want to touch those." He had been so angry...
"Do it."
"No."
"I WILL FORCE PAPERS UP YOUR BUTTHOLE. IF YOU HAVE ONE."
"... Give them to me..." He rolled his
brown orbs, reaching his hand out to take the two broken cookies from her...

Konan smiled, satisfied. Yes~

"Where is your bitch? I'm fucking sick of waiting." Hidan glared at their leader, who glared back. No one dared calling his angel a bitch... Especially not Hidan... "Hidan, don't make me hit you." "OH NO, I'M SO SCARE-"
Hidan felt someone throw a punch in his gut, making him wobble backwards and fall on the floor. Pain wasn't the one to hit him though, this was the work of Kakuzu! "YOU PIECE OF
WOODOO-SHIT, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?"

Kakuzu wasn't sure what to answer. He had many problems. Financial ones. He'd like to have a lot more money. But he just shrugged, and ignored Hidan's upcoming curses.

"Kisame, do you feel nervous?"
Kisame gave the Akatsuki plant a slightly confused look. What did Zetsu mean? Why should he be nervous?
Zetsu smirked at the confused look, explaining himself;
"You're giving a present to Itachi, after all... He better like it! I really hope he likes it... You're dead."
Kisame hummed slightly, looking at the present he put under the tree, for Itachi. It couldn't be THAT much of a problem, giving a present to Itachi, right? He knew he wouldn't want something stupid, and Itachi wouldn't be happy for anything... But the thought was what
mattered, right? Come on, they were lovers... He couldn't get THAT disappointed... Right...?
"Huh..."
"The present Itachi wrapped for you looks very great..."
"... Zetsu, I'm pretty sure I will survive this..."
"Ah, I'm just concerned. Hope you die."

Feeling a light tap on his shoulder, Deidara tilted his head to look who the hell wanted to disturb him. The rest of the Akatsuki were sitting by the couch and the tree, being random as always. But he'd personally like to sit by the fireplace, on the other side, being all warm, while thinking of what Sasori said earlier.

Something to set his mind at peace?
Something to make him content?

But Deidara didn't know what made Sasori happy. He had a little idea. And that was what he was giving to Sasori, as a present. He knew he was supposed to give a present to Tobi, and he had managed to fix him one too, but he honestly didn't see why Tobi should get a present, but not Sasori...

Looking back, he saw Tobi standing behind him. Hm, what did he want? "Is Deidara-sempai still angry?"
"No."
"Sad?"
"Tobi, no, don't worry. I just like being alone from time to time, that's all."
"But it's Christmas!"
"But you're a bunny."
"... Huh?"
Tobi was slightly confused at the random reply, but he guessed Deidara was just trying to get rid of him, as usual. But, Tobi had a reason for wanting to talk to Deidara, this time. "Sempai..." "But you're a carrot, un." "Deidara!" "But you're orange."
"I couldn't find the perfect present to give you..."

The blue eyes didn't look away from the fire. What was Deidara supposed to do about this? It was fine, really. "That's okay, Tobi." He wasn't a spoiled kid, ready to start weeping for not getting Christmas presents. He was happy enough, getting to celebrate the holiday again. "No, Sempai, you don't understand... I tried to fix it, but I... Couldn't catch it."
"What were you trying to give me? A squirrel?"
"N-no... ,Just... I'm sorry. Tobi will make up for it! Tobi promises!"
Nodding a bit, Deidara gave a small smile. "It's okay, un. ...But, will you let me know what you were going to give me?"

... Staring at his blonde partner for a while, Tobi wasn't sure how to tell him that. Wouldn't it sound weird? 'I was trying to give you Sasori-sama's smile!'
"I wanted... You to... See..."
Deidara rose a brow, waiting for Tobi to continue. See what? A squirrel? A carrot? A bunny? Santa? A fairy? His dick? WHAT?
"I wanted you to see-"

Tobi stopped in tracks, seeing someone tap Deidara's shoulder. Obviously, Deidara wasn't happy about another person trying to enter his 'myspace', but he turned his head and gave a glare to the person anyways. "It better be important, u-" He suddenly felt something getting forced into his mouth. His eyes widened in surprise, at both the sweet, spicy taste, and the sight of
Sasori standing right next to him.

"You broke them, so you eat them. And they've been on the ground, so you better eat up."

...
Deidara chewed up, and swallowed, just so he would be able to talk. But Sasori just put the other end of his gingerbread-man in his mouth, making Deidara boil with frustration and irritation. COME ON!
Sasori smirked, watching in amusement as Deidara had to eat yet another piece. Ha, he could do this all day long. He was way too cute for his own good.
The redhead took his own cookie, taking a bite of that as well.
Of course, the whole Akatsuki knew Sasori was downstairs. But only Hidan was dumb enough to mention it, and luckily, Kakuzu was holding Hidan's mouth shut at the moment. So they all just acted like it wasn't weird at all...

Itachi was really glad though. They were all gathered now, after all. And he had obviously noted Deidara's present to Sasori, come on, he was Itachi Uchiha, of course he notices...
And it was really great, because no one would be left out of this now. If Hidan didn't mess up, but Itachi trusted Kakuzu to do his job... If it became a problem, Itachi could lock Hidan into the basement. Hidan had seemed to like it last time,

The woman of their crazy organization came in, the plate in his hands as she entered the living-room, the first thing he yelled being; "HIDAN, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." Because she could see how Hidan was ready to grab the plate from her and run away. And even if she hadn't seen him, it was pretty obvious Hidan would have a plan like that in mind.

Hidan cursed, noticing his plan had been ruined... He watched as Konan put the plate of cookies on the table, and reached to take his own gingerbread-Hidan. Huh... Maybe he could steal Kakuzu's... "No, Hidan." He heard Kakuzu say, as the miser took his own cookie.
... THESE PEOPLE EITHER KNEW HIM TOO WELL, OR WERE ALL POSSESED BY SOME SORT OF GOD THAT WAS NOT JASHIN.

Tobi was glad about Sasori coming down. He didn't know what made him join them, but... He was glad, whatever the reason might be.
He stood up and walked over to the coffee table, taking his own cookie and eating it. He still was sad about not being able to give his Sempai anything, but it would be so much fun to see what everyone
else were going to give each other!

Deidara hit Sasori's hand away, as he glared at him. NO MORE FUCKING COOKIES, LET ME TALK! He almost felt like biting Sasori's fingers, but he remembered it might not be too lovely, biting wood. "Danna!" He pouted slightly, seeing how Sasori just gazed down at him, eating the last pieve of his cookie. "Hm?" "You're joining, un?"
"No. I'm... Joining you." What was he supposed to say? 'Konan will force paper up my ass, I'm sorry.' No way. Besides, Konan never asked him to stay... But he wanted to. He didn't want to celebrate Christmas! D-don't get him wrong, he just wanted to... Show thankfulness, since Deidara bothered getting him a present. After all, he should, when he hadn't prepared anything for Deidara.

"... Us?"
"No, just you, Deidara."
Deidara wasn't sure if he should blush or not, but he did, and adverted his eyes. "O-oh. Alright, thanks, un!" "You're welcome." He smirked as he pushed the last bit of Deidara's cookie into his mouth, and watched Deidara eat it calmly this time, without any objections. Well, that might be even cuter.

"Alright, let's open the presents then."

My, my, my. Pain's announcion is certainly very exciting, isn't it? But don't get your hopes up, dear readers. Reader. Whatever. Just listen, I know I'm late this year, and I know you've been waiting long for this chapter... But my sadistic side hasn't changed over the year, and I'm still going to leave you with a cliffhanger. And no, they're not going to open their presents in this chapter.

You'll just have to wait for the next year, and the last chapter!

"Fuck yeah, I'm sick of this whole waiting shit." Hidan was the first to get up and sit down by the tree, getting his hands on his present. ... It was kind of small. And not so heavy. "KAKUZU, WHAT IS THIS SHIT? AIR?" Because he already had fucking plenty of that.
Pain shook his head at the eager Jashinist. He wouldn't be happy, even if he got a whole damn country. "Hidan, no. I think we should let Itachi open his present first. After all, it's thanks to him, that we're all sitting here tonight."
"That's a great idea!" Konan agreed, getting Itachi's present from under the tree. She walked up to the Akatsuki's Uchiha, letting him take his present before she sat back down on the couch.
"Oh? Okay?" Itachi wasn't sure what to say... He couldn't really object, it was Pain's idea, so there was no snaking out of it... Besides, he wouldn't want to upset Kisame. "Alright." He stared at the box in his hands, rising a brow at the odd wrapping. Uneven, slightly messy, so to say... Haha, it was kind of cute.

Kisame was praying to all gods out there, EVEN JASHIN, to let Itachi like his present... Please... Please... Please...
He stared as Itachi gently took of the wrapping, without ripping a centimeter. He was about to open the lid of the box, when suddenly...
Konan squealed.

Everyone's gathering around the fire,
Chestnuts roasting like a hot July,
I should be chillin' with my folks, I know,
But I'mma be under the mistletoe.

Oh Tobi, of Deidara... Konan thought, as she was in lala-land. Thank you. Thank you for putting the mistletoe right there.
Thank you, fate, for making Sasori and Deidara sit right under it...
And thank you, Jashin, for giving us some Justin Beaver, right before the end...

That is one hell of a cliffhanger, no? I hope you're unsatisfied, hehe. I guess it's time for me to share some heart-warming words, before I shut my mouth for the rest of the year.

Let's see now, year one, they were 5 people celebrating. Last year, they were 9, and now they're 10! Sasori actually joined! Shut up, Sasori, I don't care if you're going to admit it or not, you're haning out with the rest of them. You're mainstream. Yeah. How does that feel?

So, let's be happy I'm leaving you with a less dramatic and more happy cliffhanger this year! The Akatsuki will finish their Christmas celebrations next year, and if we're lucky, we'll find out some more secrets next time...
Like, was there really an avalanche?

Ooh, what am I trying to imply here?

We'll see. Now, let's leave these guys to their present opening.
One year.

Description
Akatsuki's unwanted Christmas - Part 3 - 2012

Pain chuckled while putting small black dots in his gingerbread-man's face, using black frosting. All while he listened to his concentrated, happy members. He was certainly proud of his organization. Maybe not Sasori, but the others were finally fighting against their poker-faces... And maybe... Maybe even Sasori... Just maybe.

"Hmm I think this is the best Christmas I've ever had~"
He was very glad to hear that also his girlfriend was satisfied.
Their family was complete, and perfect.

"O-oh crap, un-!"

"Deidaraaa, YOU FREAKING IDIOT!!!"

2012:

Hello, welcome back. It's been a long year, hasn't it? Lots of things have happened, new people and places might have been discovered. Many things might have changed... A lot of things change during one year. But this story is not forgotten!

So, I welcome all of you, to the penultimate chapter of Akatsuki's Unwanted Christmas. Now, let's find out what the cliffhanger from last year was all about!

I mean, what could possibly go wrong when making gingerbread-men? They were just cookies, right? Sasori better have a good reason for yelling at Deidara, when there are cookies around...

"D-danna! I didn't mean to- I wasn't-"

"Just look what you've done!"

The member's of the deadly Akatsuki all stopped their talking and decorating, after having heard Sasori's furious yelling and a loud 'thump'. Tilting their heads, they could see an out-raged Sasori on the floor, having fell down from his chair. His hair and upper body had white frosting in it, he even had some on his eye... And... Okay, they all understood why he was angry... But why was he yelling at Deidara? The blonde wouldn't do that on purpose.

It sounded really stupid... But Deidara had suddenly felt someone tickle his feet. Not that he thought anyone here would bother crawling under tables and tickling people... But he swore someone had tickled him.

And in respond, ticklish, dear Deidara had bit his lip, snorted and thrown himself back in his chair. Unfortunately, he had been holding Sasori's AND his own gingerbread-man. And when Sasori noticed his partner suddenly had a really ridiculous and drastic twitch of some sort, he had actually tried to save those stupid cookies. Don't ask why, okay!? He just... The two of them had worked on them together, he thought he should save their work.

But no, the moment Sasori had leaned in to grab the cookies from Deidara's hands, the blonde started to kick his legs for some reason. And wave his arms, and laugh, and it was a little bit cute, until he smacked Sasori in the face harsh, dropped the cookies on the floor and accidentally made the bottle of frosting fall down from the table.
On Sasori.
Who had fell down on the floor, because of Deidara's hard punch.
Everything was a mess, his hair had disgusting SUGAR in it, and the cookies were doomed.

Not that he cared.

"Sasori, calm down. What happened?" Pain had to ask, the scene he was seeing was really surprising. When did Sasori fall down from his chair?

"Can you do anything without messing up, Deidara!?"

"Danna, I don't know who... I mean I don't know what happened-"

"I don't know either, Deidara, maybe you're going mad? Laughing out of the blue, falling asleep behind couches... Dreaming about girls."

"... Girls, un?"

"Don't play dumb."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"
Really now, Deidara had no idea what had gotten into his partner. And he certainly wasn't comfortable with the whole Akatsuki staring at their dramatic little scene... At least one of them was having fun. Hidan was laughing his ass off at Sasori having white substance all over his face- Oh god that was just so wrong...

"Who's this Miffi-person? Huh? You seemed to be having very sweet dreams about her! Really, making the whole organization worried sick, just so you can fall asleep and have wet dreams behind couches?"

"..." Oh.
OHHHH... That made sense... He did remember dreaming about Miffi. But Sasori had gotten the wrong image, really... "Sasori no Danna, Miffi is a cat I used to own when I was a kid..."

"... You're lying."

"It's true, he was black and soft, with white paws and yellow bright eyes... I found it on the streets when I was six... Un..."

…

Hidan laughter just increased in volume, and Kakuzu had to cover his mouth and hit his head to make him shut up. Slightly.
Well... This had to be really embarrassing...

And yeah, it was. He just made a fool of himself, standing there all covered in white frosting, and his cheeks bright read. "..." There was a long moment of silence. And pretty much everyone were staring at Sasori. Except Tobi...

The orange-masked ninja was staring down on his cookie, trying not to say anything... Damn it... This was all his fault... He had wanted to celebrate Christmas with everyone, but whatever he seemed to do, he destroyed things for Sasori and Deidara...

"... Well... Merry Christmas..."
The red-head rolled his eyes and stood up. Having mumbled that in a half disappointed, half angry tone, he brushed himself off, and exited the kitchen in a normal pace, before walking up the stairs. He needed a shower.

When everyone heard the door to the bathroom upstairs slam shut, they looked at each other, not really comfortable with the awkward atmosphere... The Christmas music was the only thing being heard...

And Deidara slamming his head to the table.

But it was okay; Sasori had said he would leave them anyways, right? They were ready to celebrate Christmas without him. The red-head was being a drama-queen! Of course they felt bad about Deidara having to be without Sasori. The blonde really wanted his partner to be a part of this, of course, but there was nothing more to do.

Besides, even Deidara had noticed Sasori was being really impossible about this.
He figured he might as well enjoy the night without Sasori. If Sasori wanted to be so stubborn, then that be it. He didn't know why Sasori had even bothered to pay attention to Deidara mentioning 'Miffi' though... Or why he tried to save the cookies. So he did care? But he... Ugh, complicated bitch. He was like a horny teenager with dramatic mood-swings.

Well, except the horny part...
Or maybe he was horny too...
Could puppets get horny?
… Eeew, horny wood...
Wait... What?

"Wait, you're saying we're not going to fucking eat these little bastards!?"
Violet, confused eyes stared at the man with the many piercing. Hidan couldn't believe it; They weren't going to eat their gingerbread family!? Then why the hell did they bother decorating them?

He looked over at the table, seeing the tray that was now filled with 8 whole gingerbread-people, lying there calmly, letting the frosting dry. Two of them were broken. But there was one little guy with black hair, and red, quite creepy eyes... And white little shoes.
Another one, covered in blue frosting. Sharp teeth and dark-blue hair could be seen on it. Next to it, there was a gingerbread-woman, wearing a dress. Blue hair, what seemed to be a white rose in her hair, and...
Another man, orange hair, black dots. Another one, orange face, with a big black dot in the face. There was yet another one, under the orange faced one, wearing a black shirt? Dark hair, green and red eyes. Vomit. And the one lying next to it had green hair. Half the head was covered in white frosting.

And then there was a REALLY sexy gingerbread-man, lying in a corner, screaming: 'EAT ME! Oh, Hidan, please... Put me in your mouth... Down your throat... Please... Please Hidan... Eat me up.' But sadly, Hidan's dad, mr. Leader-Pain, had forbidden him to see his love. This really sucked, and Hidan was afraid his complicated relation-ship with the cookie would end up to be a tragedy. Like Romeo and Juliet or something.

"Not even later?!"

"Not even later, Hidan."

"But-"

"Okay, everybody! What movie do you want to watch?"

They all suddenly heard a voice coming from the living-room. And it wasn't the music, no, it was Konan! And they all remembered; Right, they had decided to watch a movie! And then open presents...

Neither Kakuzu or Hidan had really prepared a present for one another. What could a crazy Jashinist give a greedy old 91-year old? WHOA he was really old... Ew... Hidan couldn't believe they were screwing... Actually, he still wasn't sure if that had been a joke. He wasn't even sure what he wanted it to be. He didn't want to have sex with a fucking 91 year-old pervert! ...Or did he? Oh god this was so wrong. He'd rather fuck his own gingerbread-man.

"Hidan, you're drooling."

The Jashinist turned to look at his partner, who was calmly standing by the kitchen door-way, not even looking at Hidan. "SHUT UP, YOU 91 YEAR-OLD PERVERT!!"

"..."
Oh Hidan, I will kill you. One day.

They all managed to gather up in the living-room, trying to decide what movie to watch. There weren't many choices, sadly... And most of them were cartoons. Because the TV wasn't used to watch movies, it was more used to watch news and so on. But Tobi liked cartoons!

This didn't mean the rest of them enjoyed cartoons, though...
Let it be Disney; Cartoons were for kids... Why would they watch cartoons?

"Let's see..." The blue-haired female was sitting on the couch, the rest of the members surrounding her silently. "We have Finding Nemo-"

"I hate that fucking movie!"
"The blue fish annoys me, un."
"Tobi loves fish!"

… Kisame gave Tobi a slightly disturbed look, but turned to Konan again, once she continued, "The Lion King, Dumbo-"

"Why are all the Disney-movies about animal-children?"
"Would you rather watch Sleeping Beauty, Kakuzu, un?
"I've already watched you sleep, Deidara."
"... I'm gonna act like I didn't hear that."

Konan continued telling the names of the best movies they had. But none of them were really Christmas movies! And that was quite sad, when they had a perfectly decorated base, a beautiful Christmas-tree with a few presents under it... The Christmas food and everything- They simply had that lovely Christmas atmosphere with them. Despite Sasori's dramatic act...

"We've also got a whole bunch of Donald Duck."

"DONALD DUCK!" Tobi yelled happily, and they all took a little pause of silence.

"He fucking reminds me of Deidara."
"I'm not a god-damn duck, Hidan!"
"No, I mean the temper and all."
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?"

They all gave a set of amused chuckles at that, and it was decided; Donald Duck it was. A mixture of different short Donald Duck movies were shown. Toy Tinkers, an old classic, that they all enjoyed watching together.

Itachi could barely believe Tobi actually managed to gather all of them. It was sick, really.

If that avalanche hadn't happened, they all would probably be gone. But Tobi was really glad that wasn't it. He was really glad they were all celebrating the holiday, in their own little special way. He was happy as long as he could let ANYONE share the warm feeling of Christmas with him!

So, they all sat there by the TV, watching the drawn pictures of the angry duck and the two quite chipmunks or whatever the hell they were, fool around and cause the members to give chuckles, from time to time. But, as entertaining as Donald Duck was, Hidan had to find a present for his partner. He had no idea what the hell to give how. Or why he was even going to try finding one? Sure, he joined because he wanted to drink and eat and have fun, and so on, but Christmas was NOT a part of his religion, and he's rather just stay out of it.

But for some reason, he just wanted to give Kakuzu some sort of shitty present. Like a box filled with air. Just to see his expression. Haha~

Our weird Jashininst silently stood from the floor where he had been sitting, and exited to the hall. His violet eyes around; Where should he go looking for a box filled with air? Or a flower made out of shit? Hmm... Pershaps some coal could work as a present too...

He got interrupted in his thoughts, hearing footsteps coming closer, all of a sudden. Huh? The movie hadn't ended, right?

"Where are you going?"

Oh, it was just the Akatsuki's Uchiha...
Why had he followed him? Fucking stalker, this wasn't facebook, if that's what he thought. "What the fuck fuck you want?"

He answered Itachi's question with a question... Not really to be cocky, more because he didn't know where he was going...

Itachi looked slightly confused. Jeez, he had just wondered what Hidan was up to, nothing more. Then again, Hidan always answered as if you just offended his mother or something... "Well, you suddenly left. So I wondered where you're going."

Ha! I'm so fucking popular, even Itachi follows me around... CALL ME THE PUSSY-MAGNET-MASTER. No, no, PUSSY-PLUS-DICKS-MAGNET-MASTER-MEOW. Because he found that pussy and 'meow' sounded great in the same sentence!
But, uhm... What was he supposed to reply? There was no way he'd admit he was looking for a present to give Kakuzu. Not even if it wasn't really a present that he was looking for, just... Garbage. "I-"

"Are you looking for something to give Kakuzu?"

"..."

Note to self: Keep away from Itachi the upcoming weeks.

"...No?" Hidan rose one of his silver brows as he crossed his arms, trying not to react in the wrong way. Itachi was good at reading people, but Hidan knew he was hard to read.
But Itachi knew he was up to search for a present to give his greedy partner. There was no other reason for Hidan to ditch Donald Duck... Unless he wanted to take a shit... Or eat the gingerbread-people- OH GOD THAT'S WHY HE GOT UP!
"Hidan, I know they look delicious, but for gods sake you have to stop yourself! Your tiny, little, ugly brain should tell you what to do, not your enormous, round stomach!"

…
Note to self #2: MONTHS. MONTHS, NOT WEEKS...
"Uchiha, I think Kisame might have fucked you too hard last night."

"Oh, you were looking for a present after all?"

Okay, Itachi had to be the weirdest guy Hidan had ever met. Beside himself. And that Tobi-fucker. Oh shit and Deidara was pretty fucking weird too. And Zetsu... Perhaps Kakuzu too... Pain and Konan creeped him out too... Kisame and his god damn teeth... Not to mention Sasori...
Oh- who was he kidding? It was a fucking mental hospital. No need to be surprised.

"And what makes you think I would care enough to give that bastard a gift?" What had Kakuzu ever done for him, huh?

"Well, is is your partner. Think of all those times he sowed your body pieces back together. Or waited patiently for your cermonies to end-"

"Patient my ass..."

"Or all those times you drove him mad, but he kept his temper instead of trying to kill you?"

"When did that ever happen?"

"Or all those times-"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I get your motherfucking point."

He wouldn't say Kakuzu was the best partner to have. Sure, he could make some cool company... And he had a fair view on things. But he was just so fucking annoying sometimes too, MONEY here and MONEY there! When he started blabbering about those fucking pieces of paper, he never stopped. And sometimes he'd just treat Hidan like shit! Sure, it wasn't like Hidan was an angel himself but at least he didn't throw people out of windows!

"But I'm-"

Itachi once again cut Hidan's sentence off, finding his own much more important: "Well, first we have to think of what Kakuzu likes..."

"Money. I know, let's give him a pile of dog-food. Or cheese. Purple cheese, the fucker hates purple."

The raven hummed to himself slightly. Okay, so they knew Kakuzu liked money... And disliked purple... But that wasn't really enough information for Itachi to come up with a something. Honestly he didn't know why he was even trying to help Hidan. It was more that he wanted to keep an eye on him... So he didn't ruin their Christmas celebration, by eating the cookies or breaking decorations....

He wasn't really a close friend to Hidan. He couldn't sat they were friends at all... He knew the Jashinist got along well with Deidara, but he wondered if any of them would even adress each other as 'friend'.

Speaking of Deidara... Didn't the blonde and Tobi mention some sort of basement, earlier this day? Filled with old stuff that they all brought with them when they first joined the organization? Hmm, maybe they could find some sort of treasure in there? There should be many interesting and forgotten object to chose from...
"Follow me." The raven ordered in his usual mono-tone, suddenly starting to walk towards one end of the hall. The one that lead to the stairs. The other end led to the front-door.

Hidan stared at him for a while, wondering whether he should follow him or not. It would probably be a bad idea to follow the Uchiha; Who knew where he'd take him? A dark, hidden dungeon? Filled with ugly unicorns and shit?

…

He decided to follow him anyway, not knowing what else to do. He didn't like being ordered around, but what else was he supposed to do? Walk back to the living-room, like 'NOPE, NOT TODAY, BITCH.'

Actually he could do that, but... Meh, didn't feel like it!

They walked to the little space behind the stairs, and Hidan's violet eyes fell on a hidden door.
Yup.
Hidden, dark dungeon, just like he thought... Probably filled with unicorns and shit too, he swore... "I do like pain, but let me ensure you, I do NOT want you whipping my ass, Itachi. Thank you. Merry Christmas."

…

Itachi decided to just ignore Hidan's weird fantasies, and instead opened the door to let Hidan inside. After he put the lights on, of course.

"You should be able to find something in here. Just don't mess things up, alright? It's a room filled with memories."

Hidan opened his mouth to ask what the hell all these random boxes and bags contained, and what this place actually was? But Itachi had already closed the door and left, leaving Hidan with thousands of questions... He guessed he had to find out himself?
Hmm...
Before the Jashinist could check if Itachi was just messing with him, and had locked him in here for all eternity just to get rid of him, he felt how he stepped on something sharp.

"Ow!" He made a pained face, cursing as he bent down to pick up the object he had stepped on... After examining it in his hand for a little while, he realized he had seen it before... Definitely.

Pain rose a brow as he felt the couch move slightly. Seeing Itachi sit down, he made a slightly confused expression; When did Itachi get up? Hm... Oh well.

He gave a small sigh as his eyes went back to the cartoons being shown on TV, a small smile forming on his lips upon hearing Deidara and Tobi's comments; "Look, Sempai! He's just like you!"
"He isn't like me, Tobi. I mean just look at his fucking hat..."
"You would look good in that!"
"In a sailor suit?"
"... Mm..."

The blue eyes of the artist widened slightly, a quite freaked out look appearing on his face. ...Was Tobi drooling. EW, STOP THAT! "DON'T START IMAGINING SHIT, YOU PUNK!"

"Shh..."
Konan hushed them as she rested her head against Pain's shoulder, making their leader's cheeks redden. Pfft... She was so cute! Pain really loved it whenever she seemed comfort or closeness from him... It made him feel special...

Oh right! Which reminded him! Her present...

Pain was already done with Konan's present, and it was put neatly under the Christmas-tree. In a wrapped up little box. With a cute little golden bow on it~ Now, Konan might think the box that was waiting for her contained jewelry... Or something like that, but let me tell you, that was not the case! There was something worth a lot more than that... Don't worry though, I'm not going to tell you what it is! You'll just have to wait and see! If we're lucky, they will hurry up and open their presents before this year's chapter reaches its end!

While the Akatsuki members were busy watching Disney, Sasori wasn't In his room. Nope, you heard right, he wasn't in his room. He was in love.
No, I'm just kidding (OR AM I!?) he was in his room. Of course he was, where else would you expect him to be?

WITH ALL THE GOD DAMN SNOW OUTSIDE...

The redhead sighed, throwing another kunai at Deidara's wall. Yeah, the blonde would probably question that later, but hey, he was bored. And way too distracted to work on his art. So he had all rights to decorate Deidara's wall with Kunais. That stupid blonde, embarrassing him in front of all the others... First telling him he didn't care about family; Was he kidding? This was his family? He'd rather die than have a family like this one... Or have a family at all.

It would be a dishonor to even call these... Freaks, his family. Especially Deidara. That stupid, childish, beautiful, weird bastard... He thought he knew him. But, no, no one knew Sasori. Not even Sasori himself.

Miffi... A cat? Huh. Sure. Not that Sasori cared, but the blonde had probably just said that to embarrass him in front of the others...

The redhead's strong hands sent another sharp kunai flying towards Deidara's wall, watching it get stuck in the wall. Sighing a bit, he looked around the room for a while, until his eyes fell on a random, red Christmas tinsel lying around on the floor. Hmm... Probably got in when all the others pretty much jumped into their room, looking for Deidara. Sasori didn't even understand why they would bother? Caring for another random member like that...

Eyes glued on the twinkling decorative material, Sasori frowned slightly.

Family... They called each other 'family' now too? Sasori didn't care what it was, Christmas or fucking halloween, that was just out of character, for all of them. Deidara... Deidara, the only person in this whole fucked up group of freaks, that Sasori actually... Liked. He might be really spontaneous, kind of ignorant and stupid (art is ETERNAL, MODDAFOKKAH) and have a very low temper, but he was kind. In his own... Weird little way. He was a good partner, they did get along sometimes... And he was always ready to help or listen Sasori. And he might not act like it, but Sasori did appreciate that.

He appreciated each little kind thing that Deidara did. Even if they were usually small things.

Sasori leaned down to pick up the long tinsel, and went up to his partner's wall. Smiling slightly, he let the kunais hold the tinsel up. Ha, well, that looked creative... Hah... Aah...

Another sigh left Sasori, and he sat down on the blonde's bed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
Each little kind thing...
Like making him smile. Deidara could make him smile from time to time. Because, you know, when you like someone... That person automatically makes you smile at some moments- OH GOD WHAT WAS HE THINKING OF? WAS HE REALLY SITTING HERE, THINKING ABOUT CHEESE AND DEIDARA?

That shower must have done something weird to him... See this is why Sasori didn't like taking showers. Stupid blonde. It was all his fault. As always.

Yeah, yeah, we all know Sasori. You love Deidara, you're just afraid of telling him... The usual... Ah, you fucking pussy... Let's go to someone who's less of a pussy. Like... Kakuzu.
Since Hidan is busy searching for a Christmas present, Kakuzu is glad to announce he right now has NO ONE annoying the crap out of him.
Of course it felt a little bit empty... But...

At least now he had the chance to fix a present! He couldn't care less where that silver-headed weirdo was, but he was going to go prepare a present. And he knew just what to give Akatsuki's biggest freak. That's right, he had plans, motherfuckers. Shit, he was starting to sound like Hidan...

Left, right... Nope, didn't seem like anyone was looking at him!
They were all into that lame cartoon. Pfft, if all of this hadn't been for free, Kakuzu would have been doing something completely else. Sasori might thing he was crazy like the rest, but nope, Kakuzu still had some of his sanity in him. He was definitely not here because this was fun. Even if it was. It was kind of fun. Not that he would admit that. Anyways, if you excuse me...

He silently slipped down from his seat on the couch, and crawled - yes, he crawled – his way out of the living-room, without making himself heard or seen. Ha, and they called themselves S-ranked members?

What Kakuzu didn't know was that everyone did in fact notice him escaping. It was pretty hard, missing a big guy with threads on his body and red/green scary eyes, passing by. He was like a big-sized woodoo... But the others simply decided to ignore him, assuming that even Kakuzu cared enough to give his partner.

Yeah, they all knew he left to fix Hidan's present. … Because the Akatsuki can read minds... Only on Christmas, of course. And only at 18:16, the time right now. Oh, wait, now it's 18:17. Never mind then...

It was quite interesting though. Most of them have excuses for celebrating Christmas with the others, but still they got up and made presents for each other... Wow these guys are such prideful bastards!

"Tobi."

"Yes, Sempai?"

"Got me a present yet, un?"

"Uhm... No, Sempai..."

"Well, now the time. Go get me one. Now."

"H-hai, Sempai!"

Aaaah, great.
Not only Hidan, but Tobi was gone too... Deidara had the WHOLE floor to himself... Hmm~
The blue eyes watched the orange-masked ninja sneak out of the room, and smirked to himself as he lied down on the floor, finally being able to stretch his limbs a bit. This was great... This was... Christmas. It was a lot like he remembered it; The lights, the atmosphere, the feeling in his gut... Deidara loved it. He was happy to know the whole Akatsuki were enjoying themselves. Well, almost the whole Akatsuki. The family...

Actually, he didn't really know why he had said that. They weren't really a 'family' they were just a bunch of blood-thirsty... Traitors. All abandoned their villages, after causing damage to it. Deidara held up his hands in the air, a quite blank expression on his face. He guessed that affected all of them. All the killing, and the betraying... Messed up childhoods... Ignoring their inner feelings and desires... Huh, a life as a villain could really fuck you up. Hard.

Hmm...

He better get Tobi a present or something.

Another member escaped the room. Another member went to hunt for a present to give his partner. Actually, finding a present for Tobi probably shouldn't be too difficult. Kakuzu knew what to give Hidan, a very generous gift, for a greedy man like him... Hidan was busy looking around, and Tobi knew what to give Deidara, he was just trying to find it, and find out how he was supposed to give it to him. Pain was one of the two people already done with their presents. Konan was the second one. The two of them were snuggled up on the couch, and with only Kisame and Itachi left... Well, it was pretty awkward.

So those two left too!

Off, to hunt for the perfect present.

Oh, right, and then there's Zetsu. But he's a creep so let's just say he enjoys watching couple's snuggle while watching Donald Duck...

The moment Tobi put his foot on the second floor, he noticed he wasn't alone. Definitely not. Everyone were here... Pretty much. Not counting Hidan, because if Hidan had been there, Tobi would have heard him.

Curious to how they were all doing, Tobi silently sneaked up to one of the half closed door. The one closest to the stairs – The one he was pretty sure they all heard weird sounds coming from, a few hours ago... He still wasn't sure if he believed Kakuzu and Hidan's excuse for those sounds...

Peeking inside, he saw Kakuzu standing by his his work-desk, looking through drawers and boxes... What could he possibly be looking for? "Kakuzu-sempai?" The Uchiha was brave enough to step inside, watching how Kakuzu didn't even look up from what he was doing, but replied anyways, "What is it?"
"Are you looking for a present to give Hidan?"
He walked up to the miser, even daring to stand right next to him, watching as Kakuzu seemed to find what he had been looking for, in his drawer... He watched how the man put down the object on the table, and brushed it off a bit. "Hm." Was all Kakuzu said, not being able to deny anything, nor admit anything...

"...You're going to give him that?"

"Shut up, it's beautiful."

"What the hell have you done, un?"

"Shut up, it's beautiful."

Deidara wasn't sure what to say, when he saw what had happened to his and Sasori's room. Seriously, he had no idea what Sasori had been doing in here... But the walls; ALL THE WALLS, had kunais stuck in them. Actually it would have been more normal if there were only kunais. If that had been the case, Deidara would have been yelling at Sasori for messing their room up. But that didn't seem to be the case at all. Nope, there were tinsels and other, random Christmas decorations handing from those weapons... Oh, that explained why there were less decorations in the hall!

Why Sasori would to this, was beyond Deidara... Why would the redhead even bother?
Hah, maybe he was... Just... Plain bored... "Danna, if you're bored, you can still come celebr-"

"No." Sasori answered quickly, as he put another kunai into the wall, making sure it got stuck. Then he took one of the tinsels he had stolen from the hall, and put the end of the decoration to rest on the kunai, letting the other end rest on another kunai. "What do you want in here? You're supposed to be down there, wasting minutes of your life on watching a duck handle his ADHD problems."

"I was going to see if I can find a present for Tobi-"

"THERE ARE NO PRESENTS IN THIS ROOM, GO AWAY!"

"Danna!" Deidara rolled his eyes, closing the door to their room and finally walking inside. "Mind your own business, un! I'm not here to disturb you and your... Weird, new art."

"NO, DEIDARA, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'VE HID ALL THE PRESENTS SOMEWHERE ELSE... SOMEWHERE... FAR AWAY..." Your butthole...

"I'm not going out of here."

Damn it... Sasori frowned as he looked away from his partner, brown eyes going back to the wall instead. Seemed like he wouldn't be able to stop Deidara from giving a present to Tobi, huh? No, he had to stop him. Tobi wasn't Deidara's partner. Deidara belonged to him, only. Does Deidara call Tobi 'Danna'? NOPE, DIDN'T THINK SO!

Deidara never really understood why Sasori always acted to weird whenever Deidara tried to be 'kind' to another member. Jealousy couldn't be the problem (Oh, Deidara, you know nothing.) and Sasori couldn't really be 'over-protective' (NOTHIIIIINNNG...) so what was the problem?

Turning to the corner where he usually sat and sculpted, he looked at the pillows and the clay lying around... Maybe he could sculpt something? But if he was going to make it pretty and detailed, it would take too long... He'd rather be down there again by the time the movie ended... Only Sasori would deserve something detailed like that.

N-not really though, after all he was a complicated jerk, but... He was someone Deidara respected, and he wanted to please Sasori. One day, he wanted to make Sasori to realize what true art was. One day... But not today! It was Christmas, he wasn't going to waste his time on the puppeteer on Christmas... He didn't have that much energy. He was an energetic person, but Sasori literally sucked life out of people, so...

"So... You having fun up here, all by yourself? Decorating the walls?" Kakuzu would kill him...

"Yup."

"Still don't want to join the rest of us, un?"

"Nope."

"Alright... Hey, do you think Tobi would just be happy if I gave him a bag of candy or something?"

"... Sorry to tell you this, but... I already ate all the candy we had left..." No. No, he definitely didn't, in fact, Sasori hated candy with a passion. But anything to mess this up...

"Are you serious? Ugh, you really ruin my life, you know that?"

"Yup."

Thinking for a while, Deidara's eyes shot up again as he got another idea. "How about I draw him something?"

"We're out of paper."

"Oh... Well, how about I give him my blue scarf, un?"

"He would just choke himself. Besides, he already has one." … "A really ugly one, but still..."

"... A-alright? Let's see... I could always give him a hug or something, wouldn't he get happy if I hugged him?"

"You already hugged him though, didn't you?"

Deidara rolled his eyes slightly at the poisonous tone. Sasori sounded like a girl-friend, suspecting her boy-friend to be cheating on her... "Right..." Lying down on his bed, Deidara stared at the tinsels on the wall for a while. They were pretty. Sparkling and being all fluffy.

Tilting his head to look at his partner, he found he was still putting kunais in the wall and hanging stuff on them. A small smile appeared on his lips, he's so weird... Then again, who was Deidara to talk? "Sasori no Danna?"

"Hm?"

"What would you like to receive, if you were the one getting a Christmas present?"

You, naked, in a box.
No. NO, that was not what Sasori wanted. Actually, it was, but shh.

Blushing a bit, our proud puppeteer first considered answering with 'I wouldn't want anything from anyone' or something like that. But he decided against it, because... He realized, maybe Deidara was asking him, because he wanted to get him a present? That might be the case... Or was he just getting his hopes too high up? Probably. But he couldn't help but feel slightly happy that Deidara decided to ask him, when he could have asked Tobi.

"You mean... If I were Tobi?"

"No, Danna, just... What do you want?"

You.

"Y- …" He couldn't say that! "I mean... I guess..." Wood? Supplies? Weapons? He already had all of that. But what could someone like him want, that was not ninja-related? "I would like... I'd like something to set my mind at peace. It's a mess up there. I know I always seem in peace, but trust me, when you're alone too much, things get pretty active up there." And down there, too. "I just want something to make me content. I have no idea what it could be. You'll have to figure that one out yourself."

…

Whoa. Sasori just spoke more that one sentence... Shit. Okay. Deidara wasn't sure if he should celebrate this or not?

Now, Deidara maybe should have answered that, you think. But our blonde bomber didn't. He was just quiet, trying to think about what Sasori had just said. It was messy 'up there'? What did he mean? He thought a lot? What could Sasori possibly have to think of? Hm.

Opening his mouth to finally say something, Deidara saw how a person suddenly stormed into their room. Oh god damn it, Sasori just had a fucking speech, and someone interrupts Deidara right when he's about to reply!? THEY WERE ABOUT TO HAVE A PERFECT LITTLE MOMENT!

And who was the one who usually fucked perfect moments up?

Yeah, Hidan, but right now Hidan is swimming in the basement, so... TOBI!

"TOBI, HMM!"

"TOBI IS HERE!"

"Get out before I eat you, kid."

Neither Sasori or Deidara got a reply from Tobi. And Tobi didn't even listen to the artists, when they started yelling things at him. He was definitely not getting out of here. This was the perfect place to do research on how to give Deidara his present!

AKA, how to make Sasori smile.

"TOBI, GET THE FUCK OUT, UN!"

"HEY YOU PUNK, WATCH MY SANITY."

"WHAT SANITY, DANNA!?"

"MINE."

"STOP YELLING!"

"I'M NOT YELLING, THIS IS JUST THE POWER OF CAPS LOCK."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? OH GOD, TOBI, SERIOUSLY, GET OUT, YOU REALLY ARE KILLING SASORI'S SANITY, UN."

"Hey, sweetie..." Without looking away from the TV, Konan mumbled with a slightly freaked out tone, "I know they're all up there, getting presents, but... Why does it sound like they're high or something." She felt how her boy-friend gave her a slightly disturbed stare, but soon sighed and looked back at the TV, an unamused look on his face as he leaned her head against Konan's. "Konan, you have to learn not to expect anything normal out of these people..."

"I think Tobi might be trying to intrude Sasori and Deidara's room. Or eat them. No, Tobi is a good boy. I would eat them. Not their genitals, but the rest of them."

Konan and Pain both slowly turned their heads, seeing Zetsu in the corner of the wall of their living-room. Oh heck no... HE HAD BEEN THERE ALL THIS WHILE? They had even kissed a few times... Jeez...

"See? No expectations."

The object Hidan had picked up earlier, was actually his first shuriken. Now, he had no idea why this shit was in a fucking basement of some sort... The object was a little bit heavy in his hand... The points weren't sharp, like they should be. He swore it was a little bit rusty, and it looked very used and damaged.

He never used it in real battle. Only when training. Always making sure he picked up the shit, so he could use it again, and keep it with him forever.
Bullshit, Hidan thought to himself as he threw the weapon behind him, a smirk on his face. That shit could just stay down here.

Wow, look at all these boxes...

Hidan's eyes widened slightly, as he walked past the big boxes.
'Deidara'
'Itachi'
'Zetsu'
He rose a brow, seeing Zetsu's box move slightly. ...What the fuck was in there?

'Kakuzu' He saw, behind Zetsu's box. Rising a brow in slight interest, he walked up to the big box, and opened it. The sight of the insides was kind of weird. There were a bunch of pictures. Different people. Hidan would guess these were people Kakuzu had killed, and sold the bodies off... Huh...

Different papers, filled with numbers and mathematical... Shit. Hidan wasn't even interested enough to know the word... "Huh?..." His calm expression turned to a rather confused and shocked one, as his eyes fell on a quite unusual object... Was that...?

Grabbing the object he had seen, he dragged it up and stared at it. Feeling how a little smile appeared on his lips. Why, this would make a fun present...

"Sempai! Sasori-sama! Calm down, please! Tobi is not going to break anything, Tobi promises-"

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU PROMISE OR NOT, GET OUT OF THIS ROOM. OR AT LEAST KEEP YOUR FEET ON DEIDARA'S SIDE."

"HEY, DANNA!"

"YOUR FLOOR IS ALREADY DIRTY, UNLIKE MINE!"

The orange-masked ninja sighed as he watched the Akatsuki artists argue... Once again... Didn't they grow tired of it? Tobi wasn't even yelling like them, but he still felt how his head ached each time either Sasori or Deidara opened their mouths to say anything. "Calm down, please! I'm not going to disturb you, just ignore me!"

Deidara and Sasori both stared at Tobi for a while. Hmm... Was he being honest? Was Tobi trying to say he was actually capable of keeping his mouth shut? Unbelievable... Well, they could give him a little chance... But if he messed it up, he fucking died.

The room turned silent, and Sasori turned back to the tinsels on the wall. Deidara turned back to his thoughts, trying to come up with a good present. He sat up on his bed, watching Tobi as he tried to think of possible stuff to give him... The weird ass ninja called Tobi, who was right now walking towards Sasori to touch his waist.

. . .

WHY WAS HE TOUCHING SASORI'S FUCKING WAIST? WHAT THE HE-

Taking out a kunai from the wall, Sasori tried to stab Tobi's head. Not on reaction. He just wanted to fucking kill him; no one touched him. Deidara was an exception...
Fortunately for Tobi, and unfortunately for the rest of the world, Sasori missed, and Tobi had to come up with some sort of excuse. Or, tell the truth; "I was just trying to tickle you, S-sasori-sa-"

"I would love to stick this kunai down your throat, then stick down my hand down, take out the kunai again, rip up your face, if you have one, and pull it up your ass."

"Tobi will go now..."

And then Tobi left, closing the door behind him. For once. Leaving a very confused and angry Sasori, and a creeped out Deidara. "What was that all about... Un..."

"I swear to Jashin I'll kill him some day."
"Oh, trust me, don't swear to Jashin, hmm..."

It had been a mission, to find out what would make Sasori smile. And Tobi had just realized it would be way more difficult than he thought. It would be hell. Because Sasori was crazy, dangerous and just weird. And different.

The Donald Duck movie would end in 20 minutes. Which meant they all had to be down in 15 minutes, so Konan and Pain wouldn't notice that they had left... Ahum. Yeah, so Tobi had to hurry up and find out what made Sasori smile, before they would open their presents!

Kakuzu was first to wrap up his small present, and put it under the tree. He didn't bother putting a bow on it or anything, but he found some random wrapping paper in the kitchen, and used that. He was back in the living-room, telling Konan and Pain to stop making-out in his presence.

Deidara found a gift to give Tobi. But he was still wondering what he should give Sasori. He had an idea, but he knew he wasn't brave enough to give him something like that. Sasori would probably be offended or something, and try to stick one of those kunais up his ass...

The blonde joined the guys in the living-room at the same time as Hidan, who sadly didn't get stuck in the basement. Hidan had put his 'gift' to Kakuzu in a box that he found in the basement, and without even wrapping it up, he had put it under the beautiful Christmas-tree. He sat down on the floor with Deidara, chatting with him a bit, the sound of cartoons in the background. The fire-place warming the room up... They felt quite content, sitting there, about to receive Christmas presents after such a long time. It felt... Good.

Kisame and Itachi came back too, after some very nice kissing in their bedroom. But apparently I'm not allowed to tell you anything about that, so... I'm just going to let you know, those two wrapped their presents up together, in the kitchen, and then they put them under the tree, and sat down on the big couch. Well, Zetsu was already there, so that only leaves Tobi, right?

And Sasori...

Tobi wasn't done. 5 minutes left until he had to go back, and he still wasn't done. He had tried everything; falling on banana peelings, singing a Christmas carol with a really silly voice, imitating Eddie Murphy, acting like a drag queen... Telling a very heart-warming story, giving the redhead a bunch of flowers...

But each and every try had resulted in Tobi getting a kunai thrown at him. And to Sasori's displeasure, his wall was almost kunai-free.

Tobi was wondering if maybe he should give up? Maybe it really was impossible. Sasori might not have the right muscles in his face, to smile...
Standing by the doorway to Sasori and Deidara's room, Tobi drew a little disappointed sigh, and looked at the cold puppeteer. "Sasori... Why do you never smile?"

Said man was quiet. He knew what Tobi had been trying to force out of him. Either a laughter or smile or something... It was pretty damn obvious, with all the ways he had tried. "Why the hell do you care?" He wasn't happy about this, really. If Deidara had been the one trying to make him smile, or maybe Konan, because she was kind... That would have been more normal. But he couldn't see why Tobi was even bothering. Did he have a crush on him or something? Ha, disgusting...
"Can Sasori-sama keep a secret...?"
"No."
"I'm trying to find out how to make Sasori-sama smile, because I want Deidara-sempai's present to be perfect."
"Tobi, that makes no sense at all-"
"I think Sempai would be very happy if he could see Sasori-sama smiling, for once. So I'm gonna give Sempai your smile, as a Christmas-present!"

…
If that was really creepy, or sweet, Sasori wasn't sure. He didn't think anything in this world was sweet, so he guessed he found it creepy, but still... It was a... Interesting thought.
Ha, like Deidara would be happy to see him smiling. Very funny.

"You've been wasting your time. That's a stupid present. Deidara wouldn't be happy to see me smile."

"Sasori-sama doesn't know! He would be very happy, Tobi knows it!"

"Well, there is nothing that will make me smile! So just get lost!" Sasori spat, feeling anger building up in him. Not that he was really angry, he was just confused. Deidara would like to see him smile? Why would he want that? Deidara would prefer... Celebrating Christmas with the others... Than staying up here with Sasori. Hm. "Now, get out of here."

"THAT WAS THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! FUCKING DUCKS AND SHIT, HIS VOICE IRRITATES ME!"
The second the movie ended, Hidan was up, yelling loud enough for even deaf people to hear. Sadly, Deidara was still the one sitting next to Hidan. And at the moment, he was wondering why he hadn't sat down on the other side of the couch or something... "You barely watched it, un... You were either talking,
or looking for a present to give Kakuzu."

"KAKUZU? PRESENT? I would never even use those two words in the same fucking sentence! He's not getting any shit from me."
"You just did. In fact, you just used 'Kakuzu', 'Fucked' and 'me ' in the same sentence, un."
Hidan blushed slightly, but ignored Deidara's comment. Pfft, like that proved anything... Not that Deidara was trying to find proof, but still...
Wait, maybe he was...! Oh, whatever... "How about you? You didn't watch the movie either, I heard yelling from your and Sasori's room!"
"I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE ALL THIS WHILE! YOU'RE SICK, HMM!"
"WELL YOU'RE SICK TOO, CUZ I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE-FUCKER TOO!"
"OH REALLY? I SAW YOU AND ITACHI SNEAK OUT!"
"I DID NOT SNEAK OUT WITH ITACHI, I WAS SITTING HERE. MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING ILLUSIONS, BARBIE?"
"WELL I DIDN'T GO OUT EITHER!"
"YES YOU FUCKING DID!"

"No one missed a second of the movie, alright? Now calm down before I throw you out in the snow." We all already know that Pain and Konan were fully aware that they had ALL sneaked out during the movie, but like I said, none of them were ready to share the knowledge...

The dark and scary tone of their leader maybe scared Deidara and Hidan a bit, as the two of them calmed down and settled with glaring at each other. Deidara came to notice something odd though... Tobi was gone. Where was that idiot? Not that Deidara wanted another annoying member to piss him off, but Tobi was the one to gather them up. Why wasn't he with them, then?

As if on cue, our weird little Tobi sneaked into the living-room, not saying a word. After all, he didn't want anyone to notice his escape... Ah! The movie had ended!? Nooo, this wasn't good...
Hidan was standing up, glaring at a very irritated Deidara - when was he not irritated? - while Pain was talking. The others were seated too, listening to their leader; "Well, I guess the time to open our
presents has come..." He took a pause, his ringed eyes taking a look at all the presents under the tree. Some of them were beautifully decorated and wrapped... Probably the ones made by Itachi, Konan and his own... Okay, who was he kidding, his own looked horrible. But shut up, he was God, it was beautiful no matter how it looked.
He was a little bit nervous about giving a present to Konan... After all... It was a risky present.
"I hope everyone are ready... It sure looks like it, there are many presents under the tree... Weird, when we started watching the movie, it was empty..." He made a slightly surprised face, trying to act like he had NO IDEA that everyone pretty much left him and Konan alone, with Zetsu, during the
whole movie.

"It's the work of Santa..." Kisame smirked slightly, looking at the presents under the beautiful tree. He really wondered what Itachi was going to give him. No, seriously, he was quite a curious person, and he didn't really like surprises, HE JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THERE...

"Santa doesn't exist, Kisame." Itachi 'corrected' Kisame, shaking his head a bit. He didn't like the thought of
Santa. Sure, he liked Christmas, but Santa was ridiculous... Especially after Tobi had yelled at him so many times 'TOBI IS GOING TO SIT IN SANTA'S LAP AND TELL HIM THAT HE WISHES A UNICORN FOR CHRISTMAS!' really, he didn't want to hear more arguments or even mentioning of Santa...

Sadly, luck was not on Itachi's side today. It was never on his side, but especially not today. Or at least right now. "TOBI KNOWS SANTA EXISTS!"
"Un, he exists in your little brain."
"HE LIVES UP NORTH!"
"Like your ass, hmm..."
"Good one, blondie."
"BUT TOBI KNOWS-"

"How about I go get the Ginger-bread people, so we can eat them before opening the presents?"

Konan, as usual, was the one to ignore the crazy people and come with a good and normal suggestion. One that did not involve santa.
The others liked the idea (especially Hidan!) and Konan left the living-room with a smile, to go get the cookies they had made earlier.
Hearing the rest of the members continue yelling and laughing and what-not, she shook her head in a disbelieving manner, giggling slightly as she entered the kitchen. Weirdos. First they all yelled about not, never, EVER wanting to celebrate Christmas. They laughed for Itachi to even come up with the idea? Really, if Konan didn't love them, she would have hit them all in the head...

Sasori was the only one who had held his word. Not that that was a good thing though.

Finding the plate with the gingerbread-people, she smiling happily upon seeing the happy cookies. Well, most of them were happy. Somehow, Hidan managed to draw a really ridiculous mouth on Kakuzu's cookie... There was vomit or something coming out of it... Kind of gross, but hey, it was the work of Hidan. He might have a turn-on for things like that, who knows?

Her smile disappeared, when she noticed Deidara and Sasori's cookies were broken. That's right...! No, no, no... She couldn't give Deidara a broken cookie... And she definitely couldn't go up to Sasori with his broken cookie.
Well, what the hell was she supposed to do about this problem?
If Deidara just... Hadn't dropped them. They had seemed so happy, decorating each other's cookies back then! It was the few seconds of the day when she had seen Sasori a little bit happy. A tiiiny bit. Oh Deidara, you clumsy little... Cute... Bitch... Okay let's not blame it on Deidara. What did he say... Someone tickled him?

She sighed as she crossed her arms, looking down at the ginger-bread Akatsuki, trying to come up with a solution. She couldn't really give them different cookies, people would probably be like 'WHY DOES HE GET CHOCOLATE CAKE WHILE I GET THIS CRAP?!' She could imagine Pain doing that, actually...

Right at that moment, a familiar person walked by the kitchen. Well, he wasn't that familiar, since we haven't seen or heard much from him today. Okay, maybe, but he certainly hasn't been on the best of moods... Yes, Santa Claus. No? Okay, fine, it was Sasori. But they both have a thing for red!

Konan's orange eyes widened slightly, seeing Sasori walk past the kitchen. Well, almost... He was about to walk by, but Konan grabbed his arm and pushed him inside the kitchen, holding him against the wall. "SASORI, YOU HAVE TO HEP ME!"
"Please don't rape me, Konan."
He rose a brow when he saw Konan roll her eyes. What? It wouldn't surprise him if she started touching his waist too. Tobi had already done it today. Everyone seemed to have a crush on him, beside Deidara... Then again, Sasori didn't believe in miracles.
No but, seriously, people had to realize he'd rather be left alone.

"Sasori, the cookies..."
"Don't even talk about those pieces of shit."
"Deidara's and yours is broken..."
"I sure know that. I don't want to think about it."

"Listen, I'm supposed to bring them the cookies right now... But I can't give Deidara a broken cookie! He might become upset..." Sasori had walked in on this, so he had
to help her!
... Sasori really didn't see why he should help her... DID THESE PEOPLE STILL NOT UNDERSTAND? Come on, Konan was smart! Yeah, she might even be the only girl Sasori could be in the same room as, for one hour, without wanting to kill himself! But right now, today, he'd like to be alone and look out the window. At the snow, pressed against the windows. And just be depressed about Deidara's lack of
interest in him, not being able to get out of this mad-house, and everyone being able to have fun.

"Huh." Was his only answer, before he sneaked out of her grip, and went to open the fridge. Actually, he didn't eat. But he needed some berries right now. To throw at the wall.

"Sasori! Come on, don't be like that. We all know you want to be here... And if I'm not wrong, Deidara has prepared a present for you."

"Woman. Deidara prepared a present for Tobi. HIS PARTNER."
Partner... Yeah, stupid, orange lollipop... He thought he was Deidara's partner, huh? Well then, be Deidara's partner... When this whole thing was over, Sasori swore he was going to turn Tobi into a big meatball.

"Sasori, you're so stupid... Deidara cares about you as much as he cares about Tobi. More. Of course he has a present for you! Look under the tree!"

Actually... Now, Sasori wanted to find out. Because Konan wouldn't lie. And if she was right... So, Deidara had... He was giving him a present...? But... Okay...? Hmm... "... No." Well that was dumb, because it wasn't like Sasori was giving anything
to the terrorist, so why even bother? He knew Sasori wasn't a part of this.
"Just help me, Sasori..."
Konan tried, one last time. And she really hoped Sasori would... He might be able to give Deidara the cookies, that wouldn't upset the blonde. Deidara would be happy to know Sasori wasn't angry about the whole cookie accident anymore, and that he was ready to be with them.

"What do you want me to do?" Fine, he was doing this. Maybe. Depended on what she wanted him to do. And he was giving this a little chance, only because Deidara had been kind enough to think about him.

"Give them to him."

"I don't even want to touch those." He had been so angry...
"Do it."
"No."
"I WILL FORCE PAPERS UP YOUR BUTTHOLE. IF YOU HAVE ONE."
"... Give them to me..." He rolled his
brown orbs, reaching his hand out to take the two broken cookies from her...

Konan smiled, satisfied. Yes~

"Where is your bitch? I'm fucking sick of waiting." Hidan glared at their leader, who glared back. No one dared calling his angel a bitch... Especially not Hidan... "Hidan, don't make me hit you." "OH NO, I'M SO SCARE-"
Hidan felt someone throw a punch in his gut, making him wobble backwards and fall on the floor. Pain wasn't the one to hit him though, this was the work of Kakuzu! "YOU PIECE OF
WOODOO-SHIT, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?"

Kakuzu wasn't sure what to answer. He had many problems. Financial ones. He'd like to have a lot more money. But he just shrugged, and ignored Hidan's upcoming curses.

"Kisame, do you feel nervous?"
Kisame gave the Akatsuki plant a slightly confused look. What did Zetsu mean? Why should he be nervous?
Zetsu smirked at the confused look, explaining himself;
"You're giving a present to Itachi, after all... He better like it! I really hope he likes it... You're dead."
Kisame hummed slightly, looking at the present he put under the tree, for Itachi. It couldn't be THAT much of a problem, giving a present to Itachi, right? He knew he wouldn't want something stupid, and Itachi wouldn't be happy for anything... But the thought was what
mattered, right? Come on, they were lovers... He couldn't get THAT disappointed... Right...?
"Huh..."
"The present Itachi wrapped for you looks very great..."
"... Zetsu, I'm pretty sure I will survive this..."
"Ah, I'm just concerned. Hope you die."

Feeling a light tap on his shoulder, Deidara tilted his head to look who the hell wanted to disturb him. The rest of the Akatsuki were sitting by the couch and the tree, being random as always. But he'd personally like to sit by the fireplace, on the other side, being all warm, while thinking of what Sasori said earlier.

Something to set his mind at peace?
Something to make him content?

But Deidara didn't know what made Sasori happy. He had a little idea. And that was what he was giving to Sasori, as a present. He knew he was supposed to give a present to Tobi, and he had managed to fix him one too, but he honestly didn't see why Tobi should get a present, but not Sasori...

Looking back, he saw Tobi standing behind him. Hm, what did he want? "Is Deidara-sempai still angry?"
"No."
"Sad?"
"Tobi, no, don't worry. I just like being alone from time to time, that's all."
"But it's Christmas!"
"But you're a bunny."
"... Huh?"
Tobi was slightly confused at the random reply, but he guessed Deidara was just trying to get rid of him, as usual. But, Tobi had a reason for wanting to talk to Deidara, this time. "Sempai..." "But you're a carrot, un." "Deidara!" "But you're orange."
"I couldn't find the perfect present to give you..."

The blue eyes didn't look away from the fire. What was Deidara supposed to do about this? It was fine, really. "That's okay, Tobi." He wasn't a spoiled kid, ready to start weeping for not getting Christmas presents. He was happy enough, getting to celebrate the holiday again. "No, Sempai, you don't understand... I tried to fix it, but I... Couldn't catch it."
"What were you trying to give me? A squirrel?"
"N-no... ,Just... I'm sorry. Tobi will make up for it! Tobi promises!"
Nodding a bit, Deidara gave a small smile. "It's okay, un. ...But, will you let me know what you were going to give me?"

... Staring at his blonde partner for a while, Tobi wasn't sure how to tell him that. Wouldn't it sound weird? 'I was trying to give you Sasori-sama's smile!'
"I wanted... You to... See..."
Deidara rose a brow, waiting for Tobi to continue. See what? A squirrel? A carrot? A bunny? Santa? A fairy? His dick? WHAT?
"I wanted you to see-"

Tobi stopped in tracks, seeing someone tap Deidara's shoulder. Obviously, Deidara wasn't happy about another person trying to enter his 'myspace', but he turned his head and gave a glare to the person anyways. "It better be important, u-" He suddenly felt something getting forced into his mouth. His eyes widened in surprise, at both the sweet, spicy taste, and the sight of
Sasori standing right next to him.

"You broke them, so you eat them. And they've been on the ground, so you better eat up."

...
Deidara chewed up, and swallowed, just so he would be able to talk. But Sasori just put the other end of his gingerbread-man in his mouth, making Deidara boil with frustration and irritation. COME ON!
Sasori smirked, watching in amusement as Deidara had to eat yet another piece. Ha, he could do this all day long. He was way too cute for his own good.
The redhead took his own cookie, taking a bite of that as well.
Of course, the whole Akatsuki knew Sasori was downstairs. But only Hidan was dumb enough to mention it, and luckily, Kakuzu was holding Hidan's mouth shut at the moment. So they all just acted like it wasn't weird at all...

Itachi was really glad though. They were all gathered now, after all. And he had obviously noted Deidara's present to Sasori, come on, he was Itachi Uchiha, of course he notices...
And it was really great, because no one would be left out of this now. If Hidan didn't mess up, but Itachi trusted Kakuzu to do his job... If it became a problem, Itachi could lock Hidan into the basement. Hidan had seemed to like it last time,

The woman of their crazy organization came in, the plate in his hands as she entered the living-room, the first thing he yelled being; "HIDAN, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." Because she could see how Hidan was ready to grab the plate from her and run away. And even if she hadn't seen him, it was pretty obvious Hidan would have a plan like that in mind.

Hidan cursed, noticing his plan had been ruined... He watched as Konan put the plate of cookies on the table, and reached to take his own gingerbread-Hidan. Huh... Maybe he could steal Kakuzu's... "No, Hidan." He heard Kakuzu say, as the miser took his own cookie.
... THESE PEOPLE EITHER KNEW HIM TOO WELL, OR WERE ALL POSSESED BY SOME SORT OF GOD THAT WAS NOT JASHIN.

Tobi was glad about Sasori coming down. He didn't know what made him join them, but... He was glad, whatever the reason might be.
He stood up and walked over to the coffee table, taking his own cookie and eating it. He still was sad about not being able to give his Sempai anything, but it would be so much fun to see what everyone
else were going to give each other!

Deidara hit Sasori's hand away, as he glared at him. NO MORE FUCKING COOKIES, LET ME TALK! He almost felt like biting Sasori's fingers, but he remembered it might not be too lovely, biting wood. "Danna!" He pouted slightly, seeing how Sasori just gazed down at him, eating the last pieve of his cookie. "Hm?" "You're joining, un?"
"No. I'm... Joining you." What was he supposed to say? 'Konan will force paper up my ass, I'm sorry.' No way. Besides, Konan never asked him to stay... But he wanted to. He didn't want to celebrate Christmas! D-don't get him wrong, he just wanted to... Show thankfulness, since Deidara bothered getting him a present. After all, he should, when he hadn't prepared anything for Deidara.

"... Us?"
"No, just you, Deidara."
Deidara wasn't sure if he should blush or not, but he did, and adverted his eyes. "O-oh. Alright, thanks, un!" "You're welcome." He smirked as he pushed the last bit of Deidara's cookie into his mouth, and watched Deidara eat it calmly this time, without any objections. Well, that might be even cuter.

"Alright, let's open the presents then."

My, my, my. Pain's announcion is certainly very exciting, isn't it? But don't get your hopes up, dear readers. Reader. Whatever. Just listen, I know I'm late this year, and I know you've been waiting long for this chapter... But my sadistic side hasn't changed over the year, and I'm still going to leave you with a cliffhanger. And no, they're not going to open their presents in this chapter.

You'll just have to wait for the next year, and the last chapter!

"Fuck yeah, I'm sick of this whole waiting shit." Hidan was the first to get up and sit down by the tree, getting his hands on his present. ... It was kind of small. And not so heavy. "KAKUZU, WHAT IS THIS SHIT? AIR?" Because he already had fucking plenty of that.
Pain shook his head at the eager Jashinist. He wouldn't be happy, even if he got a whole damn country. "Hidan, no. I think we should let Itachi open his present first. After all, it's thanks to him, that we're all sitting here tonight."
"That's a great idea!" Konan agreed, getting Itachi's present from under the tree. She walked up to the Akatsuki's Uchiha, letting him take his present before she sat back down on the couch.
"Oh? Okay?" Itachi wasn't sure what to say... He couldn't really object, it was Pain's idea, so there was no snaking out of it... Besides, he wouldn't want to upset Kisame. "Alright." He stared at the box in his hands, rising a brow at the odd wrapping. Uneven, slightly messy, so to say... Haha, it was kind of cute.

Kisame was praying to all gods out there, EVEN JASHIN, to let Itachi like his present... Please... Please... Please...
He stared as Itachi gently took of the wrapping, without ripping a centimeter. He was about to open the lid of the box, when suddenly...
Konan squealed.

Everyone's gathering around the fire,
Chestnuts roasting like a hot July,
I should be chillin' with my folks, I know,
But I'mma be under the mistletoe.

Oh Tobi, of Deidara... Konan thought, as she was in lala-land. Thank you. Thank you for putting the mistletoe right there.
Thank you, fate, for making Sasori and Deidara sit right under it...
And thank you, Jashin, for giving us some Justin Beaver, right before the end...

That is one hell of a cliffhanger, no? I hope you're unsatisfied, hehe. I guess it's time for me to share some heart-warming words, before I shut my mouth for the rest of the year.

Let's see now, year one, they were 5 people celebrating. Last year, they were 9, and now they're 10! Sasori actually joined! Shut up, Sasori, I don't care if you're going to admit it or not, you're haning out with the rest of them. You're mainstream. Yeah. How does that feel?

So, let's be happy I'm leaving you with a less dramatic and more happy cliffhanger this year! The Akatsuki will finish their Christmas celebrations next year, and if we're lucky, we'll find out some more secrets next time...
Like, was there really an avalanche?

Ooh, what am I trying to imply here?

We'll see. Now, let's leave these guys to their present opening.
One year.