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piercedinplaces — Faery II
Published: 2009-02-11 16:54:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 655; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 0
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Thank you very much, I don't often get feedback on the faeries
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tsssk... people don't care about the fairies nowadays !
you're welcome !
i wish i was a little less busy and took my inks and pencils out of their box...
Dear Santa, just bring me some time more, please !
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Too true, we shan't be letting them be forgotten so easily
I'll make you a deal, if you Watch my account I'll draw some more faeries for you in the next week..
What takes up so much of your time?
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deal !
what about this : if you can draw a new fairy for me before the end of next week, i'll do my best to invent a fairy for you for Christmas (
what takes up so much of my time ? you mean, apart from my bloody job ?! my brain, mostly. life, that has been a real pain lately. trying to get the pieces of me back together again... hard work !
so correction : Dear Santa, Please bring me some peace !
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Sounds nice 
Ah, I'm between freelance jobs at the moment, things are slow so I've gt the time to get these things done. What is your job? Is the rest of it about motivation? I know what it's like to have your life be untangled I'm only just getting mine sorted..
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i am working as a... slave ? in a great wine store and restaurant in Paris... but lucky me, i am a 1st class slave ! and i know my work is appreciated, even if my boss is unable to say it !
life has been cruel and took back everything i was leaning on in a couple of months. never had my face so hardly crashed down to the ground before
the problem is : i am full of ideas to be born, of the will to go back to personal projects to work on, ...the only thing that draws me back from going on now is that... i am not even sure that i want to heal my wounds. my wounds are all that's left to me. there's nothing left on earth that i could raise as a goal to reach. and it's hard to say : ok, let's throw away everything you were believing in, and go back to the start.
it requires such an amount of strength... that sometimes i wish i was nothing more than an empty shell. a body where no soul would be living.
you have to be fucking brave to be happy...
but it's very encouraging to hear that some of us manage to get everything sorted at last. i don't know what you've been through, but i am really glad for you that you found some peace of mind. it's a precious victory.
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It does sound like you have mixed feeling about your work.. I've not been to Paris in so long, I love visiting France.
Oh dear, it does sound like you've had a hard time. The artist is always a troubled one, I've never met one that doesn't have a dark thought here and there. But this yields a certain kind of passion in a person that allows them to think creatively, a mixed blessing.. It is difficult to start over for scratch, but not impossible and more often liberating. If you were to become an empty shell, you'd miss out on so many of the fundamental experiences you could have with a creative mind. It would be easier, but no where near as rewarding.
You are very right though, you do have to be so brave..
I wouldn't say I'm the best at getting things sorted, I have a family that support me, and that allows me to take good care of my daughter. I wouldn't say I've found my piece of mind just yet, but I can tell I'm getting there, I hope you find your way there too..
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thank you very much for your nice words of support.
seems to me that you must have been through something very hard in your life, or you wouldn't be able to show compassion and kindness like that to a perfect stranger.
whenever you come in Paris, i'll be very pleased to meet you !
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My pleasure, it's just the way my Dad brought me up to be. For many years I've had to live with depression, but I sought help for it earlier this year and now I feel much better for it, I know how easy it is to slip into a dark place so I understand the feelings very well..
That sounds lovely
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i know how much the time/money ratio problem is a hard one to solve ! i discovered full-time working two years ago and... you're right, i do have mixed feelings about my work ! i sometimes miss the time when i had time to work to my own happiness.
and i sometimes ask myself "what if i had more time and less money ?"
not meaning that i am earning loads of money, far from it.
but i do think that i couldn't afford whenever i want to make a present to someone for no special reason, or to go for a week-end to this friend living hundreds of miles away from Paris because he needs someone by his side. my job is very far from being interesting, but i would miss those precious details of my life... and i need them so much at the moment...
where's happiness hiding exactly ?
how old is your daughter ?
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It really is a problem. I feel I'm at the other end of the spectrum, with plenty of time but not enough money to pursue any personal projects. I have only small amounts to spend on materials these days so it takes a long time to get anything done. This is why I'm now doing more drawing an metal work because it's inexpensive and time consuming..
Speaking of which I've done some concepts and I've picked out a faery design I like. So I'll be drawing the outline tomorrow and working on textures to fill it with
Happiness hides where you least expect it, it wouldn't mean as much if you could find it anywhere..
My little girl is going to be three towards the end of the month. She's very tall and clever for her age, she's going to do very well for herself
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funny, i'll be having my birthday at the end of the month too !
three years old... that's such a beautiful age. just the beginning of something very interesting, here you can start sharing, and learning almost as much as you teach ! i can still remember my little brother when he was this age, we were so close at that time. he's no longer a kid, rather turning into an adolescent that i now hardly know.
well... so i guess i should start working on my part of our deal... it's been such a long time since i didn't paint that i don't even know if i can still handle a pencil properly !
where you least expect it... that's so true.
better catch it and hold it tight when it finally shows up
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Niamh was born on the morning of Christmas Eve, so she get's masses of presents, as you can imagine
She is at a great age, she's so inquisitive and it's great teaching her everything she wants to know. She can ask beyond my knowledge though 
You can take your time with the faery, I know what it's like to start drawing after a long time away from practice.
Too true, it's important to hold onto life's little pleasures.. Perhaps re-entering a creative state will help better your out look on life..
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well, a deal is a deal. and you're not really playing when you watch the other do his part and don't do your best to manage your own... let's play fair !
maybe you're right about re-entering a creative state. and i had terrific news lately that are going to give me a new impulse : i'll be starting with a new job by the middle of January.
"talking" with you is a very pleasant thing . always such a good surprise to feel that a door is opening and there's someone behind ready to share some light... i'd like to thank you for this.
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Hehe, it's fine, I've only just started an attempt on the outline for your faery so I think It'll take the weekend to finish it off. Since all the leaves from the trees have already disappeared so I'll be painting the textures instead..
That's fantastic
It's always lovely to make a connection with someone with similar interests, life experiences and state of mind. So I'm very appreciative aswell
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fantastic is the right word ! i'll be joining the marketing and communication department in the same store where i'm working at the moment. means something more interesting and working hours that will allow me to have both an artistic and social life.
i'm already feeling relieved
found some other photographs of my Normandy trip, is it ok to send them on your msn address that shows on your profile ? (i don't feel like seeing them in here)
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That's great, I'm so pleased for you
December wont last forever..
I forget which msn address is posted on my page, willblakephotoghraphy@live.com is the only one I'm checking at the moment, thank you in advance
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you're so right, December has just begun, but it will soon be over ! and with it this hard but yet so interesting year.
learnt so many things...
the next chapter is about to be written !
are you hoping for some things to come for this new year ?
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If you've been learning and experiencing then you've not been wasting your year
I'm hoping that I can find myself a job very soon, I'm very unhappy claiming money from tax payers in the time it takes to find a job. I'm taking a plumbing course in a week and I'm hoping that'll start me on a road to self sufficiency. I'm very much so wanting to move out of ym Mum's house and have a place for just me and my daughter..
This faery is taking alot longer than I expected, with any luck I'll have the outline finished tonight and posted when DA will let me..
How's your weekend been?
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i know what you mean when you talk about moving out ! i have been living alone since i'm 16.
i entered college, and my parents' house was too far away to keep on going back home every day. even if the family life was very easy, it was a real relief to have my own place.
even the 2 years living with my ex-boyfriend were not so easy, i feel so good alone, in my peaceful little nest.
this weekend was... exhausting. have been working all the time (and they call that "Christmas Magic"... "Christmas frenzy" would be fair !) we have many customers at the shop, so many things to do and no time to be bored or to think about the so many places where we would rather be ! at least, time goes by quite fast !
take the time you need for the faery. this deal was just a very good mean to me to kick myself out of my daydreaming and go back to something more constructive.
would you like to go on with deals like this one in the future ?
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Wow, that age sounds so early to move out, how did you find living on your own in the beginning?
I've never lived alone, sometimes I've lived with girlfriends for a while, but never for too long. I'd love to have a 'little nest' for my daughter and me. I guess training for a new job will be the first step.
Gosh, do you work every day of the week?
Thanks, I didn't realize how long I was spending making armour that I'd lost track of my week. It's becoming hypnotic. I can't remember why I started or what I even wanted it for, but it's a relieving process, physically and mentally tiring. I need that to stop me from becoming lazy. Yeah, it's be nice to have an ongoing art trade with you
So what's your taste in films like?
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well... you're right, 16 is quite young to live alone, but i was rather smart for my age, so it finally was very easy. and living on my own was more than necessary, because travelling from home to university and back every day had turned me into a wild bear (got rid of the fur after that
it was first made possible thanks to my parents that provided food and money for the rent of a room. then i got financial helps for my room, my parents paid for the rest. then to allow them to breathe a little, i started to work in the whole of my spare time. this was fine because i lived in a small and rather cheap town. but to afford living in Paris now, i have to work full-time...
during this month, yes, i do work almost every day... but thanks to this new job coming, this time will soon be over !
not easy to get out of laziness... you have to hold on to something. that's why i want to go back to drawing and painting : to focus on something that requires all my attention and prevents me from staying staring at the walls the all day long...
my taste in films can go from comedy to drama, going through suspense, romantic comedies, even slashers sometimes. i like every kind of films that turns me upside down, for some reason or another. i want films to keep me awake, to ask for all my brain because not everything is written, i will have to guess, to find some special meaning by myself.
what i love the most is weird or eccentric films : Monthy Python's humour, David Lynch's what-kind-of-drug-do-you-take movies, Michel Gondry's imagination, Pixar's magical universes... my cinema studies also brought me a special taste in Woody Allen's work and some german movies.
i can even like a film for a very special detail : just an idea or the atmosphere, the performance of an actor...
Old Boy, Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Requiem for a dream, The new world, The piano, and more recently The boat that rocks and Ponyo on a cliff, are among my favorites. i also like good action movies : Jason Bourne trilogy, Casino Royale...
there are so many movies i just couldn't imagine not seeing anymore...
i am curious for artistic stuff in general. it all started with books when i was a child, then cinema in university, and i became interested in painting, and then i met this guy [link]
and came to photography.
... well, i guess my interest shows, for i've been writing a lot !
what are you interested in ?
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I'd say it is very smart of you to be able to cope at that age to become that independent. And very admirable of your parents to help you follow that path financially.
Gosh, well at least it's not like that at your work all year round, and not even for much longer.
No, not easy at all, but once a passion is established it becomes easier. Unfortunately my passions can be rather temperamental, I find half way through one project I'll dream up another and loose interest in what I was supposed to be working on. As a result I seldom even finish an entire project.
In the last two years I've found World Cinema really interesting. Films like Pan's Labyrinth, Run Lola, Run. Amelie, Eden Log, I'm a Cyborg But it's Ok, Host. Like you I love films that make me think and question my views and beliefs. Requiem for a Dream is about the darkest film I've ever seen, I don't think I've allowed myself to be so horrified by any film like that. And I'm a massive fan of film having an effect on me but I guess I also like to be taken away from reality alot, and that film was far too real for me..
I highly recommend watching Waking Life and A Scanner Darkly if you haven't already seen them, not only are they visually stunning but the content is just mind bending..
I love animation of all kinds as well. From Studio Ghibli films to Claymation, Anime, Manga. Also classic horror films like Hellraiser, Nightmare on Elm Street, Alien. Anything that has fantastic prosthetics, I don't think computer graphics should ever replace things like that, it's timeless.
Art has always been in my family, and the last three generations have been photographers. My Dad especially was very influential in my creative upbringing. My two sisters are also pursuing careers in arts.. I can't seem to follow the link at the moment but I should be able to get on it a some point, my computer is very temperamental when it comes to anything on DA..
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well... independent is my middle name, so no real glory ! my parents are indeed admirable, in so many ways. they always have been offering me a blind trust that i would never dare to betray. but they did know that i was reasonable enough to deserve this trust. that helped me a lot to grow up peacefully and in a mature way.
art is rather new for me comparing to you. really discovered that in university, so quite lately. my parents brought me something a little bit more different : i got my logical abilities from my father, and my love for words from my mother.
by the way it is really interesting to share words with you, i'm curious about english language and grammar, and i'm learning a lot with you (and soon improving, i hope, although i do know that my english is already rather good). but i would never have thought of 'ongoing art trade' for example. the phrasing is beautiful to my word-loving eyes
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I'm yearning to be as independent as you are now, feels so useless sitting at home, jobless. By the end of next week I'm hoping things will be changing though..
Were you on an Art course at University? I had to drop out of mine last year, but it taught me s much about what I really like doing and I met some amazing people. So I can't regret starting the course, but I'm glad I'm not there anymore, the only thing I really miss is seeing my friends everyday.
I take it you read alot then? Do you have any favorite styles of literature? Favorite authors? I love reading fiction, anything with a dark edge and surreal settings and characters. Clive Barker and Iain Banks are amongst my favorites..
What is it about English that intrigues you so much? I've always wanted to learn French, it's a beautiful language that sounds as though it flows so fluently. One day when I give myself the time I'll try pick it up
Speaking of the art trade I'm still working, seems I've become so rusty at drawing. Shouldn't be too much longer though, it's the legs that're giving me so much trouble..
How's work been today?
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i can imagine how it feels, i don't think i could stand being jobless for a long time. but independence comes and with it a problem that you wish it could vanish in the very moment it arrives : this financial independence turns into a money dependence. better have a job in which you feel comfortable, because the way back to unemployment is hard to conceive.
sometimes i wish i hadn't been independent so young. i have grown up so fast that i hardly enjoyed my adolescence. never was careless. but i am rather glad of the way my life takes, even if some details are very painful.
my taste for English has come in university : i first studied English, and then cinema. i do miss the time when i was a student too, but not for the same reasons. i miss attending the courses, the intellectual process : research, working, writing, etc. i think that i could be a student my entire life ! i like my brain to be overwhelmed.
i am a real bookworm. i don't read as much as i wish i would, because when i start reading, the world doesn't exist anymore. i could stop eating, seeing people, even getting out of the bed.
my literature of choice is the North European one (Norway, Sweden, Iceland...), rather contemporary literature. essays, short stories, novels, sometimes poetry. anything that will make me feel something emotionally or intellectually strong.
and i like very much the poetry and imagination of children books.
i tried manga too, but the visual universes are definitely not mine (although Clamp's xxxHOLIC is quite beautiful, but the stories don't keep me awake)
i also like to have fun in different ways : Calvin & Hobbes, the French smutty character San Antonio (don't even know if those books are translated in English)
i wouldn't say that English intrigues me. it's rather fascinating. back to your words "ongoing art trade" : if you want to translate this into French, you have to write a whole sentence, or to lose a part of the meaning. i really love the phrasing, the stressing, it's a song, a play. sometimes when i want to write or speak, the words come in English, and not in French. feels like a second home for me.
work has been great today ! not that it was particularly fantastic, but sometimes it takes so tiny things to get you happy. a smile or a glance can be enough to enlighten my days. i am surely going to miss some of my customers with my new job. i just had simple nice and funny talking with two of them today. i have been working here for a rather long time for now, and a relationship is being established with some of them. a couple of days ago, a woman that i like came, talked to me and came back to offer me a small box of fine chocolates. for no reason at all. just because she likes me, i guess. we don't even know each other, she only knows my name. i found that so sweet of her.
but i am also learning for my new job, and it's hard and interesting and very stimulating. i am glad.
when did someone first notice that you were dyslexic ?
how is it like for you exactly ?
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Oh, I received your pictures the other day
I love aged machinery and mechanics so the second shot is very appealing to me
I know that once I move out I’ll be in a very vulnerable position, but it’s a risk I need to take. As soon as I have the means and I’m confident that there’s long term potential in whatever job I manage to get.
You’re still very young, plenty time to have fun and enjoy
I can appreciate someone’s thirst for knowledge, but I only get it in small intense doses. And for strange things aswell, not the kinda stuff you’d find useful in most life situations. I like to learn about things like the stranger stories from early Christianity, angelology, folklore, how certain machines work, how the body works.. I collect all this information and stitch it into a story I’m working on, it’s on going, and may never be finished. But I always wanted to turn it into a Graphic Novel.
I’ve not read a lot of Manga comics. I proffer to watch them, I’m a very visual person so the style really appeals to me
But I find it hard to learn from other people, I have to actively want to search out the information for myself. Otherwise it just doesn’t sink in.
That’s really interesting
It’s great that you can appreciate the smaller details in life, and that’s lovely that you’ve got such a rapport with someone that they would offer you chocolates. I don’t often hear of that sort of kindness. Small gestures can mean so much.
I was first told I was dyslexic when I was six or seven. It didn’t make much of a difference then, at that age I never really noticed, I thought I could do everything everyone else could, as I got older I gradually fell behind everyone else, by sixteen all my grades plummeted. I walked away with enough qualifications in the right areas though.. I’m not academically smart. But it means I’m creative. And I don’t know how I’d live without thinking creatively.
It’s hard to describe what it’s like. Since I don’t really have much else to compare it to. I know that when other people read, they can instantly recognise a word by skimming over it, and if I read regularly I can read abit faster that way, but generally words look jumbled up to me and the letters dance so it’s difficult to read words I don’t come across very often. That’s why it takes so long for me to read even short books. Writing can also be difficult, I write words the same as how I say them if I can’t get the spelling. Other than that anything else can be liked to my depression, I hate to think it’s creeping back up on me..
So what new responsibilities have you been given for this job?
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thank you for your nice comments about my pictures. the one you're talking about is one of my favorites too.
risks surely need to be taken, life is much more fascinating this way, more satisfying. but it's not always easy to go beyond the horizons we already know. it sometimes feels painful, to be needing to move on to something else but to want to keep a piece of the wonderful things that happened before. i do feel this way at the moment, and i don't know how to get out of it. i want and don't want to move on at the same time. it's making me crazy.
i have to agree, learning by yourself is far more interesting. but it feels fantastic to be in front of someone whom you can see he's really involved in what he learns or teaches. it's like a pleasant virus : you want to be contaminated. i had a course in uni about the links between cinema and literature, and the teacher was really amazing. a living library. it just felt like there was no book you could have read and he didn't. he could quote a book, and almost say the page number where the sentence was written. nuts as i would like to be !
as i talked about it last time, i suddenly felt like reading xxxHOLIC again, and it's better at the second reading. it's about a boy who has the ability to see souls and spirits (or this kind of things) and he works for a woman who is a kind of witch, and they try to save people. i've read the first five books, and now i feel like reading the five next !
the best with my new job is that i have less responsibilities. i am the cashiers team manager at the moment, and have to make sure everything is working well in the shop : i have to check so many people's work + doing my own job. my new job will be about the membership system, and assisting the communication boss for the commercial highlights and events. so my main responsibility is doing my job only, and not working for everyone anymore.
you once talked about plumbery praticing, have you started it yet ?
you do write a lot, for someone who can get troubles at it
being a visual person would mean you might be good at learning languages such as chinese or japanese, or any language using ideograms. such a language would be hard to learn for me, it seems so abstract. although it's no more abstract than french or english, letters are total abstraction, but ideograms really are another way to approach language.
since you are interested in how the human body works, i guess you tried to understand what happens in the brain that make you have such a difficulty ? (assuming that it is only a brain problem, which i am not sure of since i don't know much about dyslexia)
... well, maybe you don't really want to talk about it, and you just have to tell me if you want me to stop, but it is so mysterious to me, so i am being curious
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You're welcome
It is difficult to move on. I'm finding it daunting to think I could be starting work, at any time an employer could call me in for an interview, I've sent out so much paper work and gotten nothing back yet. It'll be a big life style change. But I'm looking forward to having a new purpose, even if it takes up all my free time I'm ready to give that up at the moment..
Your teacher sounds like an amazing person, I don't think I've known anyone like that. He must have had alot of passion for his work. My teachers were more like a broken record, giving everyone the same artists to research instead of letting us know about artists that were more appropriate to our own work. But art teachers are always full of character so it's great to just talk to them about anything..
What made you choose that course for University?
Ah, I might just have a look at xxxHOLIC next time I see it in a book shop. I love the supernatural
Does your new job pay as well as the last? Sounds great.
It does take me a long time to write such big e-mails, bit it's nice to have that level of conversation. And I do love writing and reading, despite the difficulty. When I was told I wouldn't be able to read and write as well as other people in my class I felt almost defiant. Like I wanted to prove to people that I could be just as good if not better. But I just kept on slipping so I had to give up for a while. But when I got to College there wasn't so much pressure to read and write so it became a hobby instead. I've never even considered learning Japanese, I love seeing it in calligraphy though, it's very beautiful.
I know little bits about how my mind works with dyslexia, but to be honest I don't like admitting to myself that it affects me so much so I try ignore things like that. What I do know is that there are two halves to the brain, one creative and one logical and they work in together to problem solve and learn. But my brain is connected up differently and it just means that certain things don't make sense to me. So I have a creatively dominant brain, at least that's the way I like to see it. But I think I remember reading that there's about thirty different characteristics of dyslexia and each dyslexic has roughly ten of these so everyone that has it has different issues to overcome.
I have no problem with talking about anything really, I'm very open minded and it takes alot for me to feel embarrassed. So ask all you like.
For you have a facebook? DA only lets me on the site once a day and the time varies so I can't always get on when I want. I have such a rubbish computer :\
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well, it was a couple of months after i bought my camera, but i still feel like a beginner, in photography as well as in watercolor. and it's pleasant this way. i patiently collect some ideas until i get the real will to see them take a material shape. and the day this impulse comes is always so great. i am never getting bored. it's like the moment you listen to the first measures of a song when really wanting to hear that one precisely after months not listening to it. i have so long times without getting my tools out of their box, so each artistic time feels like being born again. and each time is exactly like you describe : a surprise. especially with photography, now that i'm working on self-portraits : i am always surprised with the results. i used to feel uncomfortable seeing pictures of myself. but being the actor and the director is a funny play.
the moment you have to wait is always a hard one, but once things happen, everything seems to flow naturally.
i started cinema studies after a break year during which i organized a short film festival with some friends. i was planning to enter an architecture school and wanted to build myself an artistic background. a friend was attending those cinema courses, and it really seemed interesting so i did it. it was literary studies, almost no practical work.
i skipped the first year of the degree and was told by the headteacher of the department that i would fail. and just like you, hearing that made me want to fight to be among the best students of the group. i really felt in the right place when i discovered courses like the literature/cinema one which was no option, in fact.
most of our teachers were encouraging personal involvment in our works, even when sometimes it meant breaking the established rules. it was very appreciated each time i did it. i assume they were just interested in seeing us being thinking in an indepedent way. if i hadn't had my architecture school, continuing to higher degrees could have interested me. research is very appealing to me, and teaching would have been very interesting to me too. but hopes for a career in cinema literary teaching are very very thin, so i just didn't think about it.
horror has spread out onto the world, and its name is Facebook !!
i feel somehow lost when things come to socializing. i hate phones, always said that my grandmother would have a facebook before i do, and write e-mails mostly because it's faster than regular mail (otherwise i surely would write real letters)
but if DA is such a pain to use for you, maybe it's time for me to move on to another way of communicating
what kind of music do you listen to ?
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There's a life-times worth of technique to learn in every art form. But having the motivation to try something new after establishing yourself in a media can be taxing. So it's good to work on impulse as, especially if you don't have to earn money out of it. Which is another reason why I'm glad to not be in University anymore. I don't have to create on demand. I only get one or Two arty jobs a year, but they pay well so I always reinvest the money back into being creative.
I'm not much of a painter though, I haven't the patience for it. Especially water colour where layer upon layer has to be built up. I'll be interested to see these self portraits though
Teaching jobs are hard to find here as well. I had considered teaching art when I first started College. My Dad's an art teacher and I interviewed him about it as part of my course and I realized it wasn't really for me. It's alot of paper work, with I'm not so great at. I can write what I'm thinking, but as far as planning lessons, writing repots, etc. I'd just get lost. That's why I mostly just stick to writing fiction or having long conversations with people. I'm sure a teaching position would have suited you very well though
Haha, I know, facebook is a terrible invention and I quite possibly spend way too much time on it but it's there and I use it to keep in touch with my old Uni friends. To be fair though DA isn't much of a 'community' barely anyone here is able to hold a conversation and the amount of rubbish that gets posted here is unbelievable. I suppose I'm just as bad for streaming it though. I love receiving real letters aswell, there's all the anticipation of waiting on one and having something tangible to read. Just like old film photography, it it weren't so expensive to process black and white I'd dump my Digital SLR in a heartbeat.
To be fair though DA has been kind to me recently and I've not had much fuss with waiting for it to work around the times you reply. So if you don't mind my replies being abit late sometimes we can keep it here
Oh, I forgot last time, my plumbing course starts early tomorrow morning, very excited
As far as music goes I'm really broad minded. I love anything that features Dave Grohl. Grunge, rock, metal, indie. I really like Muse, Rage against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Reel Big Fish, Incubus, Maroon5, Jamiroqui, Smash Mouth, White Stripes, Cage the Elephant.. I could go on and on. But I have to be in the mood for music, otherwise I generally just tune it out.
What's your music taste like?
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well... i guess the main reason why i don't enjoy things like facebook is because i don't have many people whom i want to keep in touch with. and i have been so sick of chatting on msn : people just wait till the moment you're online to talk to you. otherwise you could spend months without having any piece of news. almost as if they didn't remember that you exist if they don't see you there. so i just keep away from all this at the moment.
once again, i do agree that the tool is useful. but they way people use it is sometimes hurting. ...actually, i seem to be more disappointed by people than by the tools themselves ! and you're right about DA... rarely you really share something here.
i'd like to see my self-portraits too !! between my running out of days off, and my running out of batteries it becomes hard to get my ideas somewhere else than in my brain ! but it will soon be coming ! at least i hope so
something tangible to read... that's it ! yesterday i discovered in my mailbox a small envelope : just seeing it, with the beautiful and regular handwriting that i instantly recognized, was a pleasure. it's such a sweet attention.
and i really love paper, too. exactly the same feeling as when you open a box full of old photographs : the feeling of something true, real. a tangible piece of memories.
there is not a single day without music in my ears. i often go to bed with music still running.
music is the thing i miss the most when i'm at work, so i can't help singing to myself the whole day long
what about your plumbery course ? how was it ? how did you decide you would go to this course ? why plumbery especially ?
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I know, in theory, I shouldn't need facebook. But it's nice to know it's there. It's a little connection I have to my past, friends that I've not seen in years are on there, I don;'t talk to them, but the memories still linger. It's nice nostalgia.
I never ever use MSN, I loath instant messages. Takes all the excitement out of waiting for a detailed and well thought out response. An e-mail might not compare to a hand written letter in the mail, but it's alot more accessible. And there for everyone I know uses it.
Oh dear, takes a while to get a portrait you're happy with doesn;t it? Are you including lighting / backdrop, etc?
It is, completely, an embodiment of a thought process. To write an instant message takes no thought, a fleeting sentence. To write an lengthy mail is slightly better, there's time, thought and effort. To hand write a latter takes so much more. You have to physically manifest the letters and manipulate the ink into your own unique and personal writing style. I do love when illustrations are involved as well
I can take or leave music. I remember in my early teens I lived on music, but now, when I'm out and about and there's music playing left right and centre from different shops, etc. I just have to drown it out with daydreams. I'm a chronic daydreamer.
I've not heard much from the 60's / 70's. The eighty's do appeal to me sometimes, Duran Duran I like
The plumbing course is going fantastic, 100% of everything I've been working on has been water tight. And I'm also working faster than most of the other students so I'm really proud of myself. I only have afew hours tomorrow and I'll be fully qualified for level one plumbing work. The first step to becoming self employed
I didn't really decide to go on the course, it was suggested to me by my Mum, who could see that I was getting down about being unemployed. She took me there and I could see straight away it was something that I could put my hands to. And it's working for me.
Do you walk much? I mean like having places you can go to and just loose yourself?
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wow... i never thought i would read what you wrote about writing one day. it's stunning to see someone showing such a higher level of being demanding about that. i had a shock at reading your words. it's just so... wow... it almost never happens to me, but i miss the words to say how it feels.
you are a bewildering person. i like that.
i am starting to learn about calligraphy and illumination. be sure that when i manage to give a good shape to something, i'll show you !
and if you are wishing to skip to writing letters, just let me know, i'll be very pleased
getting a satisfying self-portrait doesn't take me so long. or it depends on when you start to count !! most of the time, i spend a lot of time cooking the idea inside my brain, so once i turn my camera on, i just have to sit down in front of it, and press the button. so if you count from the moment i start taking the camera it's rather quick, but if you count from "starting to think it out"... yeah, it takes a lot of time
i only use my own apartment as a backdrop, that's the only place where i feel comfortable enough to play at the moment. and it looks quite good to me so i like to see it on my pictures. the wooden floor, the white walls...
and as i really like the daylight, i haven't even cared about lighting for the moment. but once again some ideas are growing up : i'm thinking about something with candlelight... to be continued.
i am very glad for you that your course is working well. it's so important to feel proud about things you do, and the way you do what you do, whatever part of your life it may concern. it's very relieving and encouraging. and it's one step closer to what you're aiming at
i wish i had places where i could go and lose myself. i never manage to lose myself. not once in a while i manage to stop thinking or dreaming, i just can't do it, or it lasts just a few seconds. or yes, music could be this kind of places, when you focus on the music itself, and not on what it means or feels for you.
but there are some places where my overwhelmed brain finds some kind of peace. some white feeling, something in the air that makes me close my eyes and breathe. and i realise that it is always filled up with music that i live those moments : i can be so reactive to my environment that without that, i just cannot leave earth to lift myself to my little cloud.
what kind of travel memories do you have ? is there a place or a travel that leaves you a special emotion ?
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Very kind of you to say
Calligraphy is beautiful stuff. My Dad writes with ease in that was with his set of pens. I don't think I could even attempt it. With my drawings I have to trace over and over and over to get the perfect lines I want. It's a very lengthy process. I can't just make one flowing line to create a shape. I'll look forward to seeing what you can create with it though
I wouldn't even know where it begin sending a letter that far, but I shall look into it as it sounds lovely 
Gosh, it does sound like a quick process for you to take a portrait. It takes me a very long time and about a hundred pictures before I'm happy with one. I'm very concerned with lighting and camera settings. Detail is so important to me so I use more light than is comfortable to look at. I'll be attempting a new picture tonight, so when my computer next decides I can submit to DA it should be up there.
What camera are you using at the moment?
I'm really glad the course has gone well to, it ended yesterday so I'm now qualified to work installing radiators, bathrooms, kitchens, repair work, etc. I had such fun putting everything together. I'll miss working while I have to sort out a drivers license and figuring out all the paper work I'll need to fill out. I might have to take up an apprenticeship to fill in the time and keep mein practice.
Sounds like you think so much, I have to try so hard to not day dream all the time. It's just so easy for me to escape everything and create a whole world inside my mind. Doesn't do my social life any good, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I think it's important for everyone to have somewhere to escape to.
There are afew places where I find absolute peace. One is the woods outside my house, I know them inside out, but I can only stay there afew hours at a time, there's usually a handful of people riding dirt bikes though it or doing something obnoxious and I have to be completely alone there to appreciate it. Another in a Cemetery about an hours walk away from where I live. It's where I take most of the photographs I post here. I could easily spend all day there. Not alot of people walk through there and there's always something new that I never noticed before.
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well... i sometimes feel like i should have been born in an earlier time too. i am wondering if earlier times did carry such an amount of appalling people, or if this fantasy of an earlier and more peaceful era is nothing but a fantasy.
i wish there wasn't so many dreadful and deceitful intentions between people. but was it really better before ? and before what ? who knows ?
i feel disillusioned about the human race (maybe living in a big city is not the best thing to do if you want to stay friends with the human nature... i better get myself out of here, or i'll end up living with my books under a palm shelter on a desert beach !)
or maybe people are just regular people, and i am far too demanding.
anyway when sometimes i finally find someone interesting to my eyes, i like to show that i am pleased
i am using a Pentax *ist at the moment. not a higher quality camera, i guess, but it's good enough for what i do. i am not a technique obsessed one. i am not looking for perfection. i am only interested in the artistic and emotional way to say something. that might explain why it takes me so little time to get a selfportrait once the camera is turned on
reading what you wrote about somewhere to escape, i understood why i want my apartment to stay clean from too much "intrusions" : it is where i go when i want to escape. the place where i feel safe. my own "new world", a land of something pure and untainted, of light and warmth.
how was Christmas going in your family ? i guess your little princess had many Christmas and birthday presents ! when do you open the presents in your family : for Christmas Eve, or on the 25th in the morning ?
are you planning a big party for New Year's Eve ?
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I suppose it's only human to want to be somewhere, or in a time that we can't be. Satisfaction is unattainable for some because they think like this. I know I'm very guilty of feeling this way.
No one knows what it's like to be in another body or another time, but the vision of greater things that are better suited is why we strive forward as a species, even if the directions are misguided at the best of times. To learn we must first destroy, it's unfortunate.. More than unfortunate, but unstoppable..
I don't really know much about living in a city centre. It sounds ideal, for the current position I'm in. I have to walk forty minutes to get to the nearest city centre and my little girls Mum lives on the other side of it so it takes a while for me to pick her up. I tend not to catch buses if I can help it, I find I'm always late if I have to rely on one, even if I account for extra time
I know that really I'd love nothing more than to live in a wooded area with nothing for miles around, but it's just not feasible.
I'm glad the you find me interesting
Higher quality cameras are over rated to be honest. I have one and I know I could do just as well with alot less. All you need is 5 mega pixels and a basic knowledge of the settings to do whatever you need to. I have a nice compact Fuji camera that has great auto settings and I'm almost ashamed to say it's taken better pictures than my Canon with much less effort. Your Pentax looks like a decent model, what got you so interested in photography?
Your apartment sounds lovely. I guess I'd feel like that too if I were living away from my family. did you spend your Christmas with family?
Yes, my little girl had plenty presents to open and was very excited to rip through all the paper. It's the first Birthday & Christmas that she was fully aware of what was going on so she had plenty of fun. Here we open our presents on the Morning of the 25th..
Yeah, I'll be going to a house party for New Year's but it looks like not many people with be joining our gathering so we might be going out on the town instead. Do you have anything planned?
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i'm sorry for my replies to be so late. i... well, let's say that i'm not feeling good at the time. every single thing i have to do is such a pain and requires so much effort : getting out of bed, not going back to bed, taking the shower (maybe this is only due to the cold in the bathroom...), and the day goes on like that if i don't go to work. i wish i could just spend days in my bed, endlessly reading books, if only i could focus on the words for more than a minute or two. i almost feel like an ice cube : closed, and frozen. no fire burning anywhere. nothing hits me. nothing cheers me up. nothing gets me down. no joy, no anger, no sadness, and of course no happiness. so i just hope you don't mind if it takes me time to answer
anyway i had a nice New Year's Eve. after i spent Christmas with my parents and brothers, i went to one of my father's sisters, had a wonderful time with them, their children and some friends of theirs. we all ended up playing video games the whole night long. i saw a cousin i hadn't been seing for 5 years. it's amazing how much he has changed, we had nice talks, i only remembered him as a rather rude boy and he's turned out into a very heartful person.
my interest in photography began when i saw one of my friends' work. i really liked it, he encouraged me to try and... i just liked taking pictures. before that i often thought of pictures, since i was studying cinema, and i tried to make a short film. but i found it was not a suitable way for me to express. and my movie mostly was a beautiful poem as a soundtrack with almost still images. photography was almost the same thing : a picture and a couple of words as a title.
has it changed something for you to become a father ?
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No worries, take as long as you need to reply. Feel no obligation
Ah, that's not so great feeling like an ice cube. How long have you been feeling like this? Anything in particular that sparked it off?
Glad your Christmas went well, have you started your new job now?
Have you been having much snow where you are? We've been completely snowed in for over a week now and everything seems to have slowed down alot. I'm hesitant to order the materials I need for my studio since I don't think they can be delivered to my house in these conditions. But I think it's set to get abit warmer soon so I'm hoping to start work within the next few weeks.
With any luck I should also be starting my level 2 in Plumbing in a month or two aswell
Being a father has changed the way I pretty much do everything. It changes everything. Even things you'd have thought would have nothing to do with parenting. It means I get to watch alot of cartoons and not feel silly though
Niamh's been ill since last night, so things are even slower. She's mostly been sleeping in between taking her medicine. But she's cheered up alot in the last few hours, she's never sick for long, fortunately
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hey... back from my frozen inside land. feels like read your message such a long time ago, but it's only been two weeks or so. i hope you're doing fine.
i'm quite decided to kick myself out my shadows, at least try to stop living as if nobody on earth would know me. i've been going through a couple of weeks that have been really frozen : time nearly stopped, and it was so cold (it's been snowing during a week or two). and i didn't see this coming. i just slipped slowly into this strange and awful state. fortunately some kind words from friends made me want to get out of it. and now i am trying. it's hard though. hard for the lonesome person that i am not to stay in my bed, just sleeping or daydreaming, when i'm feeling bad.
i've been starting with my new job last week. it's amazingly different. when i worked in the shop, in front of the customers, i felt physically tired at the end of the day. now that i'm sitting at my desk the whole day, i get out of there feeling i've been working not more than 3 or 4 hours, i'm not really tired. i don't work less than before though. it's strange. and good !! i don't work on saturdays any longer. and my new boss is rather nice. we often laugh, and it had been such a long time since i didn't truly laugh at work.
in fact, everything should be fine by now. but as a friend recently said : things are getting better, but i am not.
and that's exactly how i feel at the moment : things being better, i am better at the surface. but it doesn't solve the problems i have. anyway. i am working on that too.
may i ask how you came to be a single father ?
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Nice to hear. Time has seemed to drag lately, unusually.
What's prompted you to enter into a more extroverted state? I'm sure it can only lead to more significant experiences, which can only be life for-filling, good or bad. It is so difficult to become motivated when the bed feels like such a safe place to hide.
We had plenty of snow as well, the lane leading to our house turned to ice very quickly so we were pretty trapped for a while.
It certainly sounds like you're alot more happy with your new job and that must be a big step into feeling better within yourself? I'm pleased that you're working towards solving your issues. It's always encouraging to hear that from someone else that's going through similar experiences to myself.
You may, I don't tend to keep secrets. I met Niamh's mother through mutual friends and we began dating almost immediately, we never had a chance to get to know each other and it turned out that we were just completely opposite people with conflicting personalities. She became pregnant very quickly and as scared as I was I couldn't take the choice to leave a child without a father. We stayed together for over a year after and were fighting on off all the time. We both made big mistakes all the way through our relationship and managed to hurt each other badly in many ways. Six months after Niamh was born She would brake up with me once a week and tell me to never come back, it was difficult but one day we just had to stop loving each other and separate permanently because it would undoubtedly affect Niamh if it continued. It took a whole year to smooth everything over and stop fighting completely. We still clash sometimes, but for Niamh we compromise.
That's the very short version. It was the most complicated and hardest period of my life thus far. I've grown up alot and learned so much out of the whole experience. It pushed me into maturity and I think I needed that. I don't know what I'd be now if I never became a father.
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well... first i received some letters (real letters, felt like heaven !) from friends that i had written to, and especially one of those letters moved me a lot. it was from a friend living far from Paris, that i see once or twice a year, and that i rarely give news to, although i like her much. i explained her the very short version of my last 8 months, and she answered with such nice words of love and support. it made me think a lot about the situation.
i just realized how much i was lying to people around me, and to people that were only meaning to do me good. i permanently was pretending that i had something to do, and this would allow me to go back home & bed instead of spending time with nice people. and apart from the fact that lies are something i don't want to live with, i realized how stupid it was to live like this, that it was a kind of non-conscious revenge for the person that i really want and cannot have by my side, and that it was unfair for my friends that didn't understand what i was doing and were worried about me, and that it surely wouldn't help me to feel better.
so as i was feeling lifted by all this love coming in my mailbox, i started to live again : spent a week-end in the countryside to a friend, started to go out for a drink or a movie, or a photographic wandering in Paris, and so on. it's quite hard to switch to such a life when you were living on your own, it feels like you don't even have time to yourself. but it's so more relieving than being in my bed and not wanting to open my eyes.
surely i'm much more happy with this new job, wrong people there no longer getting me upset, since i don't have to work with them anymore. heads of the department are happy that i entered this team, so it's very encouraging. it feels very good to want to do your best, and i didn't experience that for more than a year, since i knew everything was locked in my former job. so yes, it helps a lot
but this is all about motivation. the whole rest, the darker things carved into my heart and skin, is going to take a long time to heal, and i have to work hard on it, because i don't think that time is going to make it fade away (as many people like to tell me). i still have so many questions that i find no answers to. and time doesn't answer to questions, it only burries them deep in the ground, till the day you dig a hole and find them again, and there's still no answer. anyway.
it seems to be a kind of miracle to me that you managed to just stop loving the girl you were with. i wish i was able to do such a thing. i wish i had a powerful reason to do it (as powerful as your daughter has been for you). i cannot even find one small reason for myself. maybe i am not ready for compromises.
love stories are such a mess
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It’s too easy to become isolated an make excuses as to why you’re unavailable to meet friends. I’m glad that there was someone that moved you in such a way to act and be positive about seeing people again. Sounds as though you were very affected by someone in particular. What happened?
Wandering around Paris taking photos sounds idyllic, must try that next time I’m there..
You’re right, it is said that time heals all wounds, and to an extent it’s true, but more than time, emotional resources are needed to aid the process. And they can be hard to gather when other things in your life aren’t working for you. But it does sound like you’re at the beginning of recovery.
I was treated with no respect by Niamh’s Mother. It’s only recently that she’s shown any shred of respect towards me. I had to shut myself off from her emotionally to brake the cycle we were in. She told me at the end, that she never loved me, and to an extent I believe her. It took a long time to be free of the feeling I had for her, and it caused more fights. But we weren’t meant to be together. You’re right, love stories are a mess. I don’t dabble or indulge in love anymore.
I’ve just come back from an informal interview to be a Studio Assistant in a community centre, helping people with their art work. There’s another forty applicants but I’m really hoping I can present myself better for the main interview. I could really help myself through this job..
Hope you’re feeling well.
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you're right, i've been very affected by a special encounter.
nothing as horrible as what happened to you, no fights no aim to wound the other. i was getting out of a 5-year relationship that i wanted to end. and i remember to have thought that i wouldn't dabble or indulge in love for a while. nothing more than some pleasant time with some pleasant guys. that's how i came to date this special man. he was about to leave Paris, so it was easy, we would just have a great night and then everybody goes his own way. at least i thought things would happen this way.
i used to have a very cold vision of love. love as we like to imagine it, as something deep and passionate, love at first sight, and you feel that you can spend your whole life with someone, and be faithful to this person... i didn't believe in that sort of love. really i didn't. until i felt it for this special guy. and he said he didn't want anybody by his side at the moment. so here i am, with that bleeding hole inside my heart. and i don't even want to get over it. and as i think about most of the people i know, i see people of many different ages that have one thing in common : their love life is "ok". let me just mention the fact that most of them wanted or are still wanting to betray that wonderful love of their life.
fuck, is that all i can hope for ? for things to be ok ? well if i want some affection, i have my friends and my parents.
it really makes me sad to think that i have no hope to be with this guy, because it was there. some passionate love. and most of those people i know, including my parents, don't seem to have felt what i am feeling once in their life. what's the point in going on looking for someone if i have to be frustrated because things are just "ok" ?
i cannot stop asking myself this question : if some of us can spend the most active half of their lives without experiencing this, how big is the chance that i find it twice ?
so yes recovery is beginning. concerning some parts of my life (there has been some terrible things in my family too). but for this... i don't know if this can heal if i don't truly want it to heal.
your sentence kind of echoes in my brain "i don't dabble or indulge in love anymore" i am not really sure that we decide anything in the end. we like to think that we lead our lives. i like to think that i lead my life. but maybe we're wrong. maybe our lives rule, and lead themselves where they have to go.
i still don't know why i dated this guy. he's not the kind of guy i would go to usually. but i felt i had to do it, otherwise i would regret it. and it surely changed my life.
i do feel quite well indeed. i laugh a lot at work, that's a great sign of things turning better. and i finally decided to do a couple of things i had to do and i always delayed. things get sorted. thoughts get a shape.
i really hope for you that you will succeed for this interview. what would this job be about precisely ? when is this interview taking place ?
take care of yourself.
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It's easier to hold onto the feelings you have for someone when there is no closure. I'm very familiar with unrequited affection, I'm not sure I could ever truly love someone without feeling as though they could love me back. But it's certainly all addictive. But within the last few years I find my affection eventually burns out if it's not accepted. I have become colder and more cynical towards the ideals of conventional love. I don't believe in one person for everyone but I'll willing to accept that it works for some people. At this stage in my life I'm more polyamorous, though I haven't dated in a fair few months..
For me a relationship isn't about feeling ok, if I were to feel like that banal about it then I would surely walk away. I need to know that I can have something special with that person, doesn't have to be love but there have to be significant feelings and attraction. But I'm most attracted to people that can teach me something or have the ability to make me think and change my opinions.
It's understandable for someone as deep thinking as yourself to not want to settle for 'ok'. And to hold onto a feeling and a time that gives you a certain satisfaction above a standard is compelling. Something difficult to let go. At a guess anyway, I know I've felt like that many times..
It's a big question, I don't think anyone could dare say they're qualified to answer it. But there's a chance. And you should never deny yourself a chance to evolve ideas and emotions. Otherwise you might find that you've spent a large part of your active life without even looking for another experience.
Of course if you don't want things to heal, they never truly will. I'm sure you're open minded enough to try again someday when the time is right.
Of course I don't have much of a choice who I could potentially fall in love with if the situation ever arises. But at the moment I'm avoiding this feeling unless it's 'right'.
Sounds great that you're laughing at work
Thanks, the job itself is very easy, it's just three days a week with few real responsibilities. It's more about being a nice and helpful person than anything else. But the job does require a candidate to know about printing, digital art work, ceramics and general creativeness. So I think I could do really well there. But there's apparently forty other applicants so I can't really keep my hopes up. I don't know when the actual interview will be. There's some paper work to do first and then they'll get back to me.
But even if I don;t get the job, it's a free community centre so I can go there and have access to alot more creative medias than I do at the moment. Maybe even more so than I had at University. And all the people that go there are very friendly and it's a great environment..
You take care of yourself too
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well, i know i should be looking for some other experiences. but lately things haven't been very encouraging to me.
there is something strange happening to me : it seems that i am a frightening person, and that people don't even dare to come my way. and for the few that dare... i better stay alone, really. recently i had the choice between a 50-something-year-old man which i really wouldn't have in my bed, not truly because of age but because of his being an asshole (this is not the word i was looking for but i'm lacking on this kind of vocabulary... by the way, if you want to teach me...), and guys that are not understanding that "no" means "no", even if it's said politely.
there must be a problem with my behavior. i just can't get when i should stop being nice because the guy is taking my smile for something more. that's how i come to be overwhelmed by unrequired and too libidinous attention. i hate this situation. i just have to avoid to be myself. not really wonderful. i just wish that nice "regular" guys would come my way. and i also have to admit that it's not easy to draw my attention.
so new experiences are not so easy to make in the end. but i am patient, and still hoping for a miracle to come, whatever it might be.
do you have some special memories of your chidhood ? something that really mattered ?
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Ah, I've been told I can be an intimidating person to approach as well. Do you know why people see you as a frightening person? I've been told that because I'm quite people don't know how to handle me. Which is fine by me as I don't need a massive amount of company, and the people I an friends with I can easily talk to and gain everything I need on an intellectual level. Dating other people is different, I rarely find people that share my ideals for a relationship. Since I'm comfortable with seeing more than one person at a time..
What kind of vocabulary are you needing help with? Cursing?
This is why I don't like so many guys, alot do have a one-track mind, and I can honestly say that sometimes I fall into this category. But I know when to stop and my Dad always brought me up to be a gentleman. I can't imagine it's a problem with your behavior, not all people understand the difference between a nice person and flirtation. Some people just see what they want to see and project their ideas onto other people. Never settle or lower your morals, you'll find a nice guy. You seem very deserving. Patience is a very good quality in a person.
I have afew scattered memories of childhood. I think my favorite is being very small and listening to my Dad's heart beat and feeling very relaxed. I think about it whenever I get stressed and it's something my little girl likes to do when she's gives me a hug now. I'd say that's my most important memory. What would yours be?
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well i remember very few things in my childhood. some times spent playing with my friend of that time who was named like me. or the wednesday afternoons with my cousin and our grandmother who used to bake for us a special chocolate paste that she only knew how to make. there is something i remember quite well too : when i had to tidy up my room, i started with something, and then found a book and started to read it, even if i had already read it 10 or 20 times. and i still do this. a week ago or so, i got one of my best friend's birthday present : 25 books for my 25th birthday. when i started to place them all in my bookshelf, i picked one of them and read it all through... family holidays also leave me some great images in mind.
i couldn't pick just one memory. i don't remember very important things of that time. maybe because i don't have anything important happened then.
i think that what frightens people about me is that i seem to be very self-assured and independant. people often see me as someone who doesn't fear anything, someone strong. all this is true to some extent. i am independant, rather cold-blooded and my fear pushes me forward rather than it freezes me. but i am also very sensitive and careful. i listen and watch. much more than i speak.
and i often was told that i seem proud and self-sufficient at first. i know why, but just can't help it. and when people get to know me, they see that it's just a cover.
is there a color that you like more than the others ? or one that you hate ?
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I find I don't tend to even think about my childhood unless it's prompted. And when I do look back they don't feel like my memories. I don't feel like tat person. People really can change in that first quarter of a life time. I'm not even sure about how I feel about being roughly a 4th of the way through my natural life.. It is the little details in in memories that are the most important. Major events can fly by. Little gestures and details mean alot in my life.
Ah, I'm almost at the opposite end of the spectrum. I constantly question myself. I can't even speak up in a group of people. I don't think it was my Dad's intention, but I was brought up thinking that it was more important to have everyone else speak before I put any opinion forward. So I'm the quite observer, analyzing and structuring opinions on what everyone says before I can speak. I'm totally fine speaking with just one person, I love long, intimate conversations, where I can put a personality forward. But these are rare and far between.
As a rule, I love deep reds and blues. But in context it depends on what texture it's on. I adore rust and earthy colours and textures. I don't particularly like yellows, or very bright or vibrant colours. Unless it's ultra violate, in which case all colours are fascinating. What are your favored colours?
Do you have a favorite season of the year?
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That's the way I love friendship : long, intimate conversations. I don't "belong" to any group. I rarely go to parties, I see my friends one at a time, so the kind of moments you are talking about is not so rare to me.
I believe that the group doesn't allow you to reveal yourself, and being myself is something I really care about. More than care. It’s far too frustrating to hide. I just don't want to play a part. And I don’t want to do things that I don’t believe in.
I love cold colors, light or intense dark blues and greens, greys and black, any shade of purple, white. And pink too. Which I would also place among cold colors. I’m not drawn to yellows, but some shades of orange really appeal to me. Mango for example makes me a strange effect. A sensual feeling. I’m fascinated.
The season question is a hard one. I like the poetry in every season. But I think I prefer the extreme ones. I love the whiteness of winter, the breath freezing in the air, eyes sparkling of cold, reddened cheeks lost in a warm woollen scarf, the way the skin of hands texturizes because of dry freezing wind. And at the other end the brightness and laziness of summer, feather-light curtains blown by the breeze, strength of the sun shining and warming the floor where I walk bare feet, lying in the grass, swaying in a light dress… I could list a whole page through
And while listing I was sadly feeling that I haven’t been truly living for so long. Don’t know what to do. Feel lost. Not bad, I’m ok at the moment. But just ok. Not happy. Wainting for the right time to come.
I’m on holidays this week, went to my family and also saw a friend of mine. Now I’m back in Paris and wish the sun would be back ! I’m longing for my next summer holidays, hope I will go to the sea for a few days.
If you had to be an animal, what would you choose to be ?
Hope you’re feeling good.
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