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Description
EDIT: I coloured it, plus added shading, more scars, and bruising. A lot of it is very recent, and almost all around areas of broken bones (around her legs, her arm, her ribs, and her nose) however, there is a difference with her neck. The number of times she was choked or grabbed by the neck caused her to finish up with severe sub-dermal haematomas bruised muscles in her throat; it stayed that sort of colour for almost a year.

It took so long
To realize
That I can still hear
Her last goodbyes

Now all my days
Are filled with tears
Wish I could go back
And change these years

I'm going through changes...
- Changes, Black Sabbath

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I keep drawing and writing stuff that makes my heart sink.

Unlike the last thing I did which had to do with this song, which was Finding the Road, set to the Ozzy/Kelly father/daughter version, this is based upon the original Black Sabbath version. This one is more to do with lost love, which is the focus of this drawing in a sense. I'll probably colour/finish it and then reupload, but until I do, here you go.

This is Ramona, during the year which she spent in China post-torture, recovering and being rehabilitated. It's based a touch on a scene from the book Face by Benjamin Zephaniah in which Martin sees his face for the first time after his accident, which is basically what's going on with Mona here. It's the first time she saw her body in full - with the scars, the changes to her body which sudden weight loss, along with her amputations. Obviously it wasn't exactly obvious that she had HIV until she was in the later stages of AIDS. Don't ask me what she's leaning on, because I couldn't tell you. She's holding something, but idk what it is.

This would have been probably the biggest, most horrific gear shift Ramona could have imagined; having been so used to seeing herself since she left Louis with short hair, covered in tattoos, and pretty bulky and muscular, suddenly finding herself missing almost all of what made her herself was absolutely terrifying for her, and with this came the fear of losing Michelle. The idea formed in her head assisted by months of living unassisted with depression, anxeity, and PTSD to fuel her thoughts. Because she looked so far from herself, and because they hadn't seen each other in so long, and because there was barely anything left of her which a person could conceivably love, she felt like she almost knew that it was a certainty. Thus why she spent her first few days at home as if she was walking on eggshells, having convinced herself that one wrong move and Michelle would leave her.

When she arrived home and found herself in Mickey's open arms, she spent a good half hour sobbing about it; when she was asked what the matter was, all she could respond with was; "You shouldn't love me any more..." That was how bad it was. She had persuaded herself so entirely that she was an unlovable monster, and that alone had completely terrified Michelle. It only took her thirty minutes to find out how entirely broken the whole thing had left her wife, and although she didn't fix her 100%, she did help Ramona a lot on the road to recovery.

I wanted to add another Ramona-based HoNY-esque quote because I enjoy coming up with them, so:

"Depression isn't some model with running mascara staring off into the sunset; it's staring at your bedroom ceiling at four in the morning with burning eyes because you're motivation is so lost you can't even find enough to bring yourself to close them. Self-harm isn't some pretty boy kissing your arms and telling you that you're still beautiful; it's showers that sting and nasty fucking scars that'll be there for the rest of your life. Anxiety attacks aren't burying your face in your lover's chest and them telling you everything's going to be okay. It's feeling out of control and like oxygen has been taken from you. Mental illnesses aren't beautiful - they don't make you feel special, and they don't suddenly make people care more about you; they're brutal monsters that destroy lives and destroy relationships, and the sooner that people realise that and stop romanticising them, the better."

Description
EDIT: I coloured it, plus added shading, more scars, and bruising. A lot of it is very recent, and almost all around areas of broken bones (around her legs, her arm, her ribs, and her nose) however, there is a difference with her neck. The number of times she was choked or grabbed by the neck caused her to finish up with severe sub-dermal haematomas bruised muscles in her throat; it stayed that sort of colour for almost a year.

It took so long
To realize
That I can still hear
Her last goodbyes

Now all my days
Are filled with tears
Wish I could go back
And change these years

I'm going through changes...
- Changes, Black Sabbath

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I keep drawing and writing stuff that makes my heart sink.

Unlike the last thing I did which had to do with this song, which was Finding the Road, set to the Ozzy/Kelly father/daughter version, this is based upon the original Black Sabbath version. This one is more to do with lost love, which is the focus of this drawing in a sense. I'll probably colour/finish it and then reupload, but until I do, here you go.

This is Ramona, during the year which she spent in China post-torture, recovering and being rehabilitated. It's based a touch on a scene from the book Face by Benjamin Zephaniah in which Martin sees his face for the first time after his accident, which is basically what's going on with Mona here. It's the first time she saw her body in full - with the scars, the changes to her body which sudden weight loss, along with her amputations. Obviously it wasn't exactly obvious that she had HIV until she was in the later stages of AIDS. Don't ask me what she's leaning on, because I couldn't tell you. She's holding something, but idk what it is.

This would have been probably the biggest, most horrific gear shift Ramona could have imagined; having been so used to seeing herself since she left Louis with short hair, covered in tattoos, and pretty bulky and muscular, suddenly finding herself missing almost all of what made her herself was absolutely terrifying for her, and with this came the fear of losing Michelle. The idea formed in her head assisted by months of living unassisted with depression, anxeity, and PTSD to fuel her thoughts. Because she looked so far from herself, and because they hadn't seen each other in so long, and because there was barely anything left of her which a person could conceivably love, she felt like she almost knew that it was a certainty. Thus why she spent her first few days at home as if she was walking on eggshells, having convinced herself that one wrong move and Michelle would leave her.

When she arrived home and found herself in Mickey's open arms, she spent a good half hour sobbing about it; when she was asked what the matter was, all she could respond with was; "You shouldn't love me any more..." That was how bad it was. She had persuaded herself so entirely that she was an unlovable monster, and that alone had completely terrified Michelle. It only took her thirty minutes to find out how entirely broken the whole thing had left her wife, and although she didn't fix her 100%, she did help Ramona a lot on the road to recovery.

I wanted to add another Ramona-based HoNY-esque quote because I enjoy coming up with them, so:

"Depression isn't some model with running mascara staring off into the sunset; it's staring at your bedroom ceiling at four in the morning with burning eyes because you're motivation is so lost you can't even find enough to bring yourself to close them. Self-harm isn't some pretty boy kissing your arms and telling you that you're still beautiful; it's showers that sting and nasty fucking scars that'll be there for the rest of your life. Anxiety attacks aren't burying your face in your lover's chest and them telling you everything's going to be okay. It's feeling out of control and like oxygen has been taken from you. Mental illnesses aren't beautiful - they don't make you feel special, and they don't suddenly make people care more about you; they're brutal monsters that destroy lives and destroy relationships, and the sooner that people realise that and stop romanticising them, the better."