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While the Internet was busy burning Mulan at the stake, it was also creaming its jeans for yet another reboot... No, not Tawna's redesign in Crash Bandicoot 4, but that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. What better way to showcase the slow and tedious death of cinema by talking about yet another Batman reboot! This is a sort of Part 2 to the previous page, but I wanted to devote this to a seperate rant.

I think it's safe to say I am the only human being alive who saw the trailer for The Batman and gave it a resounding "..... Eh." Not that I'm trying to be contrarian on the subject, I just don't see the hype for this one. Largely because it isn't saying or doing anything I haven't already seen before. The dark and creepy look was done by Tim Burton, the more crime driven and psychological aspect was provided by Chris Nolan, the brutal beatdowns were Batfleck's defining contribution, and the rather comical appearence of Bats was Adam West's thing.

Maybe it's because I wish we'd just skip past Bruce Wayne and FINALLY get to a movie adaptation of Batman Beyond, I really didn't need yet another movie going over shit I've seen to death at this point! We get it DC Comics: Bruce Wayne was left emotionally fucked by the death of his parents, he's a questionable figure in the eyes of the GCPD, and the villains believe he's just as fallible as they are. Tell a different story already!

I understand perfectly that Batman is DC's biggest cashcow, cus Marvel love to milk Spider-Man till his teets fall off, but I really felt we were moving on from the goddamn Batman at this point. Wonder Woman, Suicide Squad, Aquaman, hell even a fucking SHAZAM movie saw the light of day, but here we are yet again with the 13th live action appearence of Batman, and if you throw in the two animated movies (Lego Batman and Mask of the Phantasm) that makes this Bat's 15th overall big screen appearence (if we ignore the cameos and guest appearences of course).

I think what confuses me is that we just got Ben Affleck 4 years ago, and we already need to replace him? I'm probably one of the few people who enjoyed his contribution and felt he had more to offer the role. Thankfully he is coming back for the Snyder Cut and the upcoming Flash movie, so I can easily opt out of this paticular incarnation of the Dark Knight.

I mean I have my perfect Batman movie (Batman 1989) so it's not like I'm missing out. Also before you write me off by saying "You're only mad cus it's the guy from Twilight!" as I've already suggested that's not the case. He could be played by David Schwimmer and fighting against a Joker played by Steve Buscemi for all I care, and I still wouldn't watch it. Also, nobody gives a shit about Twilight anymore.

What I will say about this version of Batman is that he looks... What's the most tactful way of phrasing this? I'll be nice and say "he's really into My Chemical Romance" if you get what I'm saying. I know Batman has always been a tradtionally dark character (since he "borrowed" his ideas from The Shadow) but the eye liner, skinny appearence, and long hair did elicit a smirk from me, followed by a muttered "are you fucking serious?"

But I can look past all of that to be honest with you, because I took one look at The Riddler and said outloud "are you fucking serious!??" I know Riddler is something of a campy villian (thanks in part to Frank Gorshin and Jim Carrey) but this is one of those times where it's gone in the wrong direction. The ducktape mask, the connections to the Zodiac Killer, and his overall child molester look doesn't make this anything remotely like the Riddler at all.

The Arkhamverse Riddler is how you handle a character like that in a somewhat realistic setting. Yes he had the green suit and looked like Matthew Lesko after one too many crazy pills, but this was balanced out with superb writing, a steller performance by Wally Wingert, and the sinister "Saw" inspired traps he placed his victims into. Sorry to be a downer, but this Psycho Mantis looking guy doesn't exactly scream Riddler to yours truly. And that's not even mentioning the fact he'll be sharing screentime with Falcone, Catwoman, and Penguin in this movie.

I'm actually amazed they didn't use The Joker yet again for this one, but you know damn well he's gonna be a post-credits scene.

Update: Can I officially say I called it about The Joker? I read the synopsis online (out of curiosity) and was left saying "you just couldn't help yourselves, could you?"

Description
While the Internet was busy burning Mulan at the stake, it was also creaming its jeans for yet another reboot... No, not Tawna's redesign in Crash Bandicoot 4, but that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. What better way to showcase the slow and tedious death of cinema by talking about yet another Batman reboot! This is a sort of Part 2 to the previous page, but I wanted to devote this to a seperate rant.

I think it's safe to say I am the only human being alive who saw the trailer for The Batman and gave it a resounding "..... Eh." Not that I'm trying to be contrarian on the subject, I just don't see the hype for this one. Largely because it isn't saying or doing anything I haven't already seen before. The dark and creepy look was done by Tim Burton, the more crime driven and psychological aspect was provided by Chris Nolan, the brutal beatdowns were Batfleck's defining contribution, and the rather comical appearence of Bats was Adam West's thing.

Maybe it's because I wish we'd just skip past Bruce Wayne and FINALLY get to a movie adaptation of Batman Beyond, I really didn't need yet another movie going over shit I've seen to death at this point! We get it DC Comics: Bruce Wayne was left emotionally fucked by the death of his parents, he's a questionable figure in the eyes of the GCPD, and the villains believe he's just as fallible as they are. Tell a different story already!

I understand perfectly that Batman is DC's biggest cashcow, cus Marvel love to milk Spider-Man till his teets fall off, but I really felt we were moving on from the goddamn Batman at this point. Wonder Woman, Suicide Squad, Aquaman, hell even a fucking SHAZAM movie saw the light of day, but here we are yet again with the 13th live action appearence of Batman, and if you throw in the two animated movies (Lego Batman and Mask of the Phantasm) that makes this Bat's 15th overall big screen appearence (if we ignore the cameos and guest appearences of course).

I think what confuses me is that we just got Ben Affleck 4 years ago, and we already need to replace him? I'm probably one of the few people who enjoyed his contribution and felt he had more to offer the role. Thankfully he is coming back for the Snyder Cut and the upcoming Flash movie, so I can easily opt out of this paticular incarnation of the Dark Knight.

I mean I have my perfect Batman movie (Batman 1989) so it's not like I'm missing out. Also before you write me off by saying "You're only mad cus it's the guy from Twilight!" as I've already suggested that's not the case. He could be played by David Schwimmer and fighting against a Joker played by Steve Buscemi for all I care, and I still wouldn't watch it. Also, nobody gives a shit about Twilight anymore.

What I will say about this version of Batman is that he looks... What's the most tactful way of phrasing this? I'll be nice and say "he's really into My Chemical Romance" if you get what I'm saying. I know Batman has always been a tradtionally dark character (since he "borrowed" his ideas from The Shadow) but the eye liner, skinny appearence, and long hair did elicit a smirk from me, followed by a muttered "are you fucking serious?"

But I can look past all of that to be honest with you, because I took one look at The Riddler and said outloud "are you fucking serious!??" I know Riddler is something of a campy villian (thanks in part to Frank Gorshin and Jim Carrey) but this is one of those times where it's gone in the wrong direction. The ducktape mask, the connections to the Zodiac Killer, and his overall child molester look doesn't make this anything remotely like the Riddler at all.

The Arkhamverse Riddler is how you handle a character like that in a somewhat realistic setting. Yes he had the green suit and looked like Matthew Lesko after one too many crazy pills, but this was balanced out with superb writing, a steller performance by Wally Wingert, and the sinister "Saw" inspired traps he placed his victims into. Sorry to be a downer, but this Psycho Mantis looking guy doesn't exactly scream Riddler to yours truly. And that's not even mentioning the fact he'll be sharing screentime with Falcone, Catwoman, and Penguin in this movie.

I'm actually amazed they didn't use The Joker yet again for this one, but you know damn well he's gonna be a post-credits scene.

Update: Can I officially say I called it about The Joker? I read the synopsis online (out of curiosity) and was left saying "you just couldn't help yourselves, could you?"