HOME | DD
Ratafluke β Late Winter Storm
Published: 2008-03-19 03:00:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 192; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
Redirect to original
Description
Rain falls from the looming cloudsRising winds bring hail about
Winter's hordes are back.
Howling furies pelting sleet
Hail flies sideways at the trees
Winter's hordes attack!
Snowflakes fall as winds calm down
Slushy water on the ground
Winter fails its strength.
Clearing skies return the light
Clouds disperse, the sky grows bright
Gentle sun again.
Related content
Comments: 18
Thanks for comment & fav
π: 0 β©: 1
Fantastic! I love to write but I don't know anything about the technicals of writing so I tend to shy away from it.
π: 0 β©: 1
Words come fairly easy to me (maybe easier than photography). I don't worry about the technicals, so I can't really give you tips... What would you like to write, poems, prose? and what is it that keeps you away?
π: 0 β©: 1
That's just it, I don't know what I want to write in terms of titles like poetry, prose, etc. I just want to write out emotions and thoughts I suppose. You're lucky they come easily. The thoughts come fairly easily to me but the technicalities make me second guess everything.
π: 0 β©: 1
Don't worry so much about technicalities. The first is step is to put words to your thoughts :]
left the lights of civilization
my only shadow
falls away from the moon
Some words capturing a sight/situation last night. Just a seed, let's see if it ever develops into a proper poem.
π: 0 β©: 1
Well, I would love to read them if they do!
π: 0 β©: 1
I'll sure upload it, if it ever grows to a full poem :]
π: 0 β©: 1
I'll look forward to it!
π: 0 β©: 0
Sehr schΓΆn! Erinnert mich auf jedenfall an das Wetter der letzten Tage.
π: 0 β©: 1
Haha, ja, Aprilwetter im MΓ€rz
Vielen Dank fΓΌrs Watchen :]
π: 0 β©: 1
excellent =].
i really enjoyed reading this, though i have a few suggestions that i think might make it flow a little better.
Throwing in a little punctuation might help the beat and even the underlying rythm.
"Howling furies, pelting sleet"
etc.
Also, I think the internal rhyme is really interesting
but the external is a little tedious and marching band-ish.
Personally, I think lines come across as more valuable when the rhyme is less obvious.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thanks for reading and your suggestions! Actually it's the howling furies who pelt the sleet, so grammatically, there shouldn't be a comma. I added the omitted comma in Clouds disperse, the sky grows bright now.
English isn't my first language... "marching band-ish" sounds like it refers to rhythm, I don't really understand it in connection with rhymes.
At first I didn't want to put end rhymes here, but the slant rhymes in 2 and 3 just came as I wrote the poem. Going from half-rhyme to no rhyme sounded like a contradiction of form and content, so I changed 1 and made 4 to have the half-rhymes mature into full rhymes as the weather improves. (Referring to the first couplet of each stanza. The shorter last lines were the skeleton from which this poem grew, I didn't choose their rhymes as consciously as I did for the couplets, I just liked their sound.)
Bottom-line is, I could change individual words, but I can't really change the rhyming pattern without changing the nature of the whole poem.
π: 0 β©: 0
I didn't realise what the form was when I began to read, but then it crept up on me and I loved it. Though I'm not really one for nature poetry, I do love the way you develop the half-rhymes so they mature into full rhyme as the weather improves.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you! Initially I didn't mean to rhyme this poem. The half-rhymes sorta came by themselves, and the last stanza was unrhymed. But that just sounded wrong, so I came up with the rhyme pattern you spotted :]
π: 0 β©: 1
That often happens with me... I find, actually, that it's quite hard not to rhyme.
π: 0 β©: 0