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Relized-Fear — FtM MindBlown: Dear Mom
Published: 2011-04-01 05:13:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 8715; Favourites: 73; Downloads: 9
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FtM MindBlown: Dear MomDear Mom.
I love you. You are my mother and you always will be. But Mom, I will not always be your daughter. I know you know this. You do. And it hurts so much when you say things like: "I feel like my daugher is dying, and I hate my son." It hurts me so much when you say: "God, I wish you where Preggo or on drugs." It hurts. God every time you call me pretty or by the name 'Megan.' It hurts. Its painful that I cant be me around the people I love.
I just want to be Me.
Your Son.
Your handsome little man.
Your Griffin.
I try and be strong for you. You tell me I am cold hearted because I dont show any emotion. But its only because i want to be strong. For you, for madi, and dad. If only you could see... If only you could see the moment after you leave my room crying. If only you could see the moment I break down. Alone, crying. I wish you could see how confused and week I am, without your support. I just wish.
I want you to understand, mom, God please dont cry. I just want you to live in my mind for one day. One day. You would never say I dont NEED T again. You would never say, how much you hated your son. Mom, I am trying to make you understand. I know you cant. And you never will... You have no Idea what I am going throw and you never will. But I want you to try. just for a moment try and understand why I am willing to go throw with physical pain of operations to fix my body. Its because the metal pain is so much worse.
Mommy?
Please stop crying... please?
I cant see you cry any more.
I cant.
That hurts more then any words you have ever said to me, or ever will say.
I love you Mommy.
and your daughter is dying, no she is dead, she never lived.
I just wish you could see your son.
Hes been there all along and he loves you.
Why cant you love him?
Just love me. Please?
Please mom?
You're Son,
Griffin
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Comments: 30
I feel so much for these letters and the people in the same situation writing them. However, y'all have got to work through and get over having y'alls happiness contingent on your families' acceptance. Separate from that. Yes, it's VERY heartbreaking. But most family never change, and even if they do, you can put that part of your life on the shelf until they come around. But in the meantime move on n be happy! ^_^ xoxo
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you are so strong, don't let them shape you
you are who you are
i know this may not be helpfull, but I need to reach out to somone who would understand
i have been dropping hints to my parents such as
- mom, I really want to cut my hair short
- can we go shop in the mens clothing, i like the shirts more
they just say, oh honey, you would look so ugly with short hair
you would be so ugly
you can do it after this year so your school photos look ok, then after you can destroy your hair and style
i wish i was FtM
I just can't tell my parents
i wish I could tell my parents
sorry you have had to go through this hate, don't belive them, you are wonderfull
be/stay stroing
- Xander (its my male name i would want)
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Im, only 15 years old, and i have to go through so much eye to eye hatred...
My mothers side of the familyaccepts me except for my grest grandmother, who already hit my lesbian cousin over the head with her chanclas and said "no"
My father is neither accepting, but was born where theres no gays, no trans, nobody but straigh, my mom hates the way i dress, hates the way i stretch my tight clothing, I dont want this anymore...
I was eleven when i said i wanted mommy to be there, she said it was okay, she said she was going to get me a binder and we high fived, the first time i heard no acceptance the day after she 'accepted' me was this: here...:
"So we are going on vacation!?" I asked excitedly, my eleven year old eyes clouded with pure happiness
"Yes! And oh we we are going to get you the best dress!" If she wasnt in the car seat she wouldve been jumping and twirling like a ballerina, her graceful giggling and smiling,
"Mama, remember what i said yesterday?" I asked, gleaming wih joy and steam.
"Oh, yeah." My mommys face got dull, almost as if anger was seeping through
"OMG, can we get stuff from the m-" I was cut off with the most terrifying voice...
"NO! God doesnt accept you wearing boys clothing! What youtube videos are you watching to make you think this way, little woman, you have sprouting breasts and a vagina, shut up, you cant be no boy..."
I thought i was going to die on how much i cried...
I remember many thoughts i had in my head, the one that stood out to me was
"Mommy, can you help me please, i want you to help me mommy, please please please?"...
Im bawling as i write this, be yourself, everyone, dont let anyone stop you...
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I just wish my parents supported,understood and loved me for who I am. And not called by my birth name because it's embarrassing!
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I usually don't comment on FtM, but....that letter was so touching!!
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That was touching... I suddenly feel a lot more sorry for those FtM guys who don't have as supportive and accepting parents as I do. Great letter! This guy should give that to his mum! And to that guy: Don't ever quit fighting for who you are!
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wow... You know man, I know exactly how you feel because that’s what I feel with my mom, she is always trying to make me act girly…and it hurts me and I sometime do try I really do but it just huts that I can’t be myself with her.
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i have yet to come out to my parents, because i'm afraid that they'll react badly...i don't want them to hate me, and i want them to see it's not a phase. i just don't know how to make them see that...
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I'm so sorry for what you are going through 
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Wow! I just want to say Im Sorry, i feel bad, and i wish i could do something for you because I can tell that your really hurting inside. but All I can really do Is say that God Loves You and Cares about you no matter who you are or what gender you are and I will pray for you!!
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Thank you, again.
Your support (this goes for all of you) means the world to me ^^
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Oh man. I...this is...I don't even think I can form a coherent sentence for the sympathy I feel for you right now, man.
I'm also an FtM. I haven't had the courage to come out to my family yet. Mostly because, my family is extremely religious. But the way that you described this is exactly how I'm picturing my mother reacting...and it makes my heart just ache...
I'm here for you, man. I support you one hundred percent.
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Thank you Sweetie!
Good Luck with your family!
I wish you the best ^^
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I appreciate it! And you are very welcome!
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I started crying. I am just starting out as FTM. And my dad has been FTM for 2 years. My family has shut him out and I'm afraid to come out to them because I don't want to be shut out either.
I love it. Thank you so much!
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this is beautiful. i'm not out yet but i'm scared my parents will react like this. i can feel the mixed emotions. great job. and i hope things get better
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can i by any chance show it to my parents?
im not out yet but i want them to see theres ather ppl like my^^
grate writing! loved the ather one too!
beautiful' absolutly beautiful!
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Yes please do show this to your parents! Go right ahead! that goes for anyone who wants to use this!
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/hugs from a random stranger
My name is Nicky, my mother still calls me Julie
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I teared up. ;O; I should make a version of this for my own mum. Omg. <3
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you have brought tears to my eyes, we love you always Griffin.
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Griffin I love you soo much and I'm really sorry if i ever slip on your name...but I Love you for you because you Griffin are AMAZING
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You poor, dear, boy. You care so much for your family - I hope that when I'm a father someday I have sons as devoted and strong as you.
I hope and pray that your Mom finds it in her heart to understand and accept you. You are still her baby, you still love her, and I really hope she sees that. You're her son, and you want to do right by your family, and that's really good.
Please take care, and stay strong. I'm rooting for you.
- Siegfried
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Griffin. I love you. I want you to know that. I know you know, but I'm going to say it again and again, and I am never slipping up the name again. Ever.
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Oh my.. This is so amazing, it's so full of emotions, and so strong. I'm so sorry your mother is reacting like that about you, I know how it is, since my mother has reacted similar herself. It's no fun, and it's hard for both. Hopefully your mother will come around and everything will be fine in the end. Don't give up, look ahead of you to a bright future instead. Just give your mother time,I know it may seem hopeless, but is all it seem that can be done for now.
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