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reubennegron β How the Stork Lost Its Voice
Published: 2010-01-07 19:12:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 2301; Favourites: 33; Downloads: 134
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Description
This little story will be featured in Rabid Rabbit #11: Rabid Rabbit's Tall Tales & Magnanimous Myths.As with each issue, I try to do something completely different from my previous contribution. I'd love to know your thoughts. It started out as a much broader story that I trimmed down to fit my 2-page allotment. Perhaps one day I'll expand it to it's intended, children's book-esque size and throw in some watercolors too.
Download the file to read the text.
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Comments: 40
What a sweet story... you brought me to infancy
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Aww, nice! That means a lot to me.
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this is really beautiful, a great story and great illustrations
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Thank you very much!
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It's a beautiful concept.
It reminded me a little bit of a CocoRosie song Girl and the Geese.
I love the illustrations.
But I think the language is still a little too everyday for a tale.
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I don't know that song, I'll have to look it up.
As for the language, do you mean a little too contemporary, colloquial? How would you suggest the written tone should be?
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It's a really short song. More of a tale than a song.
I think the tone is a little too contemporary and too colloquial. Not always, I like the way you say "seasons passed" and don't give the characters names, but just call them "the boy", "the girl", "the stork".
I like that you wrote "there lived a girl who loved a boy" that tone works really well.
I like "Day in and day out" but you don't need to write "and". I think "Day in, day out" sounds better, except for in the part where it says "seasons passed, and still the girl sat, day in and day out..."
"But alas, the girl had no voice. It never came to her as a child and she had no words of her own" I like what you're trying to do here, but how about "It had never come to her as a child"? And "and she had no words of her own" sounds like you're saying that if she had a voice, the words would still not be her own.
You could try to say something like "But alas, the girl had no voice. Words had never come to her as a child, and they did not come to her now".
I love the illustrations, and the story. I really do.
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I really liked the " and she had no words of her own", very much like a line in a poem, though I like this new proposed one too..
Lovely story by the way
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Wow, thank you for a very thoughtful critique. When I re-work the story and art I will be sure to take all of this into consideration!
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you're very welcome.
I know this is going to end up a really great piece.
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Wow, it seems like old tales. Good work for text and images.
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Thank you! I'm glad you like it.
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yeah that text is teeny-weeny but i love the concept. was this inspired by a dream as well?
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Nope - this one was just good old fashioned creative writing. As for the text, if you download the original size you can read it much easier.
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Sweet story, it has some drama (the stork sacrifice) and a happy ending, like most stories for children.
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Thank you - I'm glad you picked up on that. In the expanded version it's more apparent once you see how deep the connection between the stork and the girl really was.
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You're welcome. I'm curious now.
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this is very touching, as well as the illustrations. such a great story! fantastic
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Awww, well thank you kindly.
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beautiful , it's the kind of tales that you can tell to any child.
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you think so.
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Beautiful work.
I only wish it were a little bigger here, so I could read it better.
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A larger download? hmmm... I do believe that's possible. Give it another shot in a few minutes...
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Oh-- I just meant a larger display size. (DA automatically resizes things above a certain size unless you tell it not to.) I didn't think to try downloading.
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Ah well I increased the size of the download anyway. I'd make it bigger on screen but then it'd take up everyone's browser windows.
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Yeah, this works.
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wow....every single kid would ask: HOW AND WHY IS THE STORK `KISSING THE GIRL....ha ha haaa hahaaaaaaaahaaaa....
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Lol, the stork isn't kissing the girl! It's flying into her mouth!!! In the expanded version you see how the stork flies up into the sky only to dive into the girl's open mouth and into her belly (a thinly veiled allusion to pregnancy).
But i guess they could be kissing too... why not?!
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OF CAUSE THEY HAVE TO KISS..THATSSS THE WAY IT ALWAYS STARRRTS...donΒ΄t u think 
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oooh!
the story is soooo sweet! *__*
and the illustrations are awesome!
very, very good job! *__*
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This is your own story? It's beautiful 
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Fantastic, I look forward to seeing that then!
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Yup, it's my own story. I was listening to NPR one day while driving in my car and an off-hand comment was made about storks being song-less birds. I was illustrating Poetry For Beginners [link] at the time which had me drawing a bunch of different birds so I decided to do a little research and, well, one thing led to another and I came up with this little tale. I tried to find fables or folk tales that would be similar to this story but alas, I found none. It's definitely a little story I'm going to have to expand on later this year.
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