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So I've played a couple of the Zelda games, and am in process of playing a couple more, and you know what? I'm really coming to despise Princess Zelda.

When she's not sending you on horrific quests because of her visions or dreams or whatnot, she's getting kidnapped/ensorcelled/put to sleep, so that you have to save her by going on yet more horrific quests. She has GOT to be the most utterly ineffective character in the whole series.

The only times she DOES do anything, she has to be transformed, i.e. not Princess Zelda, to do it. Sure, she can run around pretending to be a man, or think she's a pirate, but that's not the same thing. The point is that the dear little Princess isn't allowed to be herself and simultaneously kick any ass, much less take any names.

Even when she's allowed to join a fight, she's more hindrance (or baggage!) than help. I got shot more times by her friggin' Light Arrows in Wind Waker than I got hit by Ganondorf. Damn Princess had LOUSY aim, and worse timing. You'd think the AI would know better than to fire when the player's between it and the target! It would have been so very much easier to kill Ganondorf without her "help."

Okay, I know the Zelda games aren't like Pokemon, where you can choose the sex of the character you want to play as (well, in the newer ones, anyway). And I know that the foundation of the Zelda mythos is basically that the hero is always going to be Link--the kid with the pointy ears and green hat--going out and performing dazzling deeds of derring-do for his damsel in distress.

I even realize that as the holder of the Triforce of Courage, Link's more likely to be the one getting his aggression out through his sword, while Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom means she gets stuck with the Sage gig--mysticism and prophetic dreams and whatnot.

But come ON. Even Princess Peach is getting her turn to rescue the Mario Bros. I'm talkin' to YOU, Nintendo.

So I wanted to imagine what Zelda would be like if she wasn't always getting kidnapped/ensorcelled/etc., and if she didn't NEED to send Link to do all her ass-kicking for her. The game relies too much on swordplay to remove that element, I think, but Zelda wouldn't need to consult any fairies before being able to use magic. 'Cause Wisdom can pack a punch, too.

This goes out to female gamers everywhere. *signs* Word.

Update to Rant

(with spoilers ahoy for Twilight Princess and Spirit Tracks.)

A lot of fans had high hopes that the one concept shot of TP Zelda holding that sword meant she'd at long last get to do some damage in her own right. Alas, it wasn't so; all she was going to do with that sword was drop it and cave to Zant.

And though Zelda did get to fight in the final battle, both as one of Ganon's stages (and whoah did THAT ever feel wrong, laying the smackdown on the same Princess I've fought through all those games to save) and then with a much more helpful stint as backup archer, she STILL spent most of that game sighing in a tower waiting for someone else to fix things. Yes, she did save Midna, but even that felt more like a transfer of responsibility: "I got nothin', YOU go fix it."

But in Spirit Tracks, things improved. Quite a bit.

Now, in my opinion, ST Zelda is a spoiled and ditzy little twit who's never had to lift a finger to do anything for herself, and I confess, I'm not fond of her personality. In fact, she's probably the most annoying incarnation of Zelda I've ever beheld.

However, she's very much a step in the right direction. Why? Because, for a change, she's USEFUL.

The idea of putting Zelda in spirit form was genius. It allows her to take a larger and more active role in the story as the guide character, without stealing any of Link's Hero thunder. But over and above that, she actually gets to stand up and fight and hold her own!

OK, sure, she still isn't doing it in the dress, but that's very clearly Zelda in that armor. Just get her near a mouse and you'll see what I mean. She's not taking on another identity or disguising herself to become effective, but actually USING her much bally-hooed Wisdom-y powers of hers to contribute to the situation. So much so, that there are fights Link can't win without her.

Yes, Link's still the Hero, and the spotlight's still firmly on him. But for the first time, saving Hyrule is a cooperative effort, and Zelda is really part of the fight.

I approve. And hope very much that this bodes well for the upcoming Zelda Wii.

Description
So I've played a couple of the Zelda games, and am in process of playing a couple more, and you know what? I'm really coming to despise Princess Zelda.

When she's not sending you on horrific quests because of her visions or dreams or whatnot, she's getting kidnapped/ensorcelled/put to sleep, so that you have to save her by going on yet more horrific quests. She has GOT to be the most utterly ineffective character in the whole series.

The only times she DOES do anything, she has to be transformed, i.e. not Princess Zelda, to do it. Sure, she can run around pretending to be a man, or think she's a pirate, but that's not the same thing. The point is that the dear little Princess isn't allowed to be herself and simultaneously kick any ass, much less take any names.

Even when she's allowed to join a fight, she's more hindrance (or baggage!) than help. I got shot more times by her friggin' Light Arrows in Wind Waker than I got hit by Ganondorf. Damn Princess had LOUSY aim, and worse timing. You'd think the AI would know better than to fire when the player's between it and the target! It would have been so very much easier to kill Ganondorf without her "help."

Okay, I know the Zelda games aren't like Pokemon, where you can choose the sex of the character you want to play as (well, in the newer ones, anyway). And I know that the foundation of the Zelda mythos is basically that the hero is always going to be Link--the kid with the pointy ears and green hat--going out and performing dazzling deeds of derring-do for his damsel in distress.

I even realize that as the holder of the Triforce of Courage, Link's more likely to be the one getting his aggression out through his sword, while Zelda's Triforce of Wisdom means she gets stuck with the Sage gig--mysticism and prophetic dreams and whatnot.

But come ON. Even Princess Peach is getting her turn to rescue the Mario Bros. I'm talkin' to YOU, Nintendo.

So I wanted to imagine what Zelda would be like if she wasn't always getting kidnapped/ensorcelled/etc., and if she didn't NEED to send Link to do all her ass-kicking for her. The game relies too much on swordplay to remove that element, I think, but Zelda wouldn't need to consult any fairies before being able to use magic. 'Cause Wisdom can pack a punch, too.

This goes out to female gamers everywhere. *signs* Word.

Update to Rant

(with spoilers ahoy for Twilight Princess and Spirit Tracks.)

A lot of fans had high hopes that the one concept shot of TP Zelda holding that sword meant she'd at long last get to do some damage in her own right. Alas, it wasn't so; all she was going to do with that sword was drop it and cave to Zant.

And though Zelda did get to fight in the final battle, both as one of Ganon's stages (and whoah did THAT ever feel wrong, laying the smackdown on the same Princess I've fought through all those games to save) and then with a much more helpful stint as backup archer, she STILL spent most of that game sighing in a tower waiting for someone else to fix things. Yes, she did save Midna, but even that felt more like a transfer of responsibility: "I got nothin', YOU go fix it."

But in Spirit Tracks, things improved. Quite a bit.

Now, in my opinion, ST Zelda is a spoiled and ditzy little twit who's never had to lift a finger to do anything for herself, and I confess, I'm not fond of her personality. In fact, she's probably the most annoying incarnation of Zelda I've ever beheld.

However, she's very much a step in the right direction. Why? Because, for a change, she's USEFUL.

The idea of putting Zelda in spirit form was genius. It allows her to take a larger and more active role in the story as the guide character, without stealing any of Link's Hero thunder. But over and above that, she actually gets to stand up and fight and hold her own!

OK, sure, she still isn't doing it in the dress, but that's very clearly Zelda in that armor. Just get her near a mouse and you'll see what I mean. She's not taking on another identity or disguising herself to become effective, but actually USING her much bally-hooed Wisdom-y powers of hers to contribute to the situation. So much so, that there are fights Link can't win without her.

Yes, Link's still the Hero, and the spotlight's still firmly on him. But for the first time, saving Hyrule is a cooperative effort, and Zelda is really part of the fight.

I approve. And hope very much that this bodes well for the upcoming Zelda Wii.