HOME | DD

Description
Drawn by the ever exquisite

When I was 14, I could have sworn this was the name of an Alice in Chains song, so now I get to bring this old trace evidence of the Mandela Effect to life. Wham-o!

_________________

"Lucy," said without hesitation, without line of sight from atop the stairs. "C'mon. Dad ordered pizza!" With jazz hands, he added, "Extra!" with a big ol' doofy grin.

A crowd laughed through the bitcrunch of a phone's speaker, punctuated by stock wacky sound effects.

"I'll be up soon."

Lincoln cupped his hand over his ear. "Sorry, what was that?"

With a bit more effort, she said, I'll be up soon."

"Sorry, couldn't hear ya!"

Lucy rolled over and saw Lincoln standing on the seventh stair down, fists on hips and with a smug grin.

She also tried to grin and mumbled, "I'll be up in a minute."

This fleeting sprout of life withered. Lucy rolled over again. Perhaps she intended on moving, but the energy to do so left her. She set her phone under the covers and rested upon her hand.

The white-haired boy took a few more steps down and leaned against a railing. Still she didn't move. Sadly, he knew this wasn't disrespect. She wasn't ignoring him.

This is what brought a tear to Lincoln's eye. Lucy's been sad before -- she even made sadness her whole identity for several years. But this wasn't sadness. No, he didn't even know what it was. But ever since fall, this had become her new normal.

Shadows crept along the wall as another day died in silence with nothing accomplished and nothing attempted. Lucy knew not whether it was really Thursday or Friday, as the days and nights had oozed into each other into one long barely-interrupted blur of heavy nothing. Every day that passed was just another day. The trees branches were black against a darkening sky. A dual-crossed contrail hung itself from horizon to horizon, the last evidence of a passing flight. Other lives, heading to places unknown. Did any of them ever look out their windows and see this house and wonder who lived there?

For so long, this girl hid her eyes behind bangs. Now these eyes became painful to look at.

Somewhere among the trash littered on the floor was her poetry book. Lincoln walked by the polished Edwin bust, still in the box with packing peanuts and the price tag sticker on the top, and picked up the book.

"So, uhh... it's, um, it's been a while since you read any poetry to me. I kinda miss it, not gonna lie, sis. So whatcha got for me?" He flicked open the book, expecting this invasion of privacy to rile her to hiss at him. She remained in bed. There was nothing on the pages. Page after page -- blank, virgin pulp. Oh there were a few scribbles every so often, but nothing ever came together into stanzas or even full words.

He didn't know who this person was, but she wasn't Lucy Loud. Not anymore.

_________________

Part of my angsty dramedy fanfic, Rotten Apple. Another Second Year image, so you know that I'm still very far from this point considering the actual story itself is still only on the second chapter. That said I've written loads of little vignettes and chapters ahead of time (as you read above -- this isn't perfectly fitting the image admittedly but it's close enough). I don't expect these to actually be used in full because a lot of smaller details will change by the time I get there, but the beats remain the same.

I already posted the background explanation for all this on the other image, so here's a link to it if you need a refresher:

Background explanation for why Lucy's in the basement: Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, and Lisa were originally under house arrest for 18 months, but were offered a commuted sentence plus an expunged criminal record if they instead spent six months in juvenile hall/reformatory. They chose this, though ulteriorly because they wanted to give Lincoln six months to himself without having to worry about them being around. Of course Lucy lost that opportunity through unlucky circumstances and stayed under house arrest, but this worked in favor of reconciliation with Lincoln, and Lincoln now feels it was definitely for the best -- at first. During this time, Lincoln took Lori & Leni's room as his own. After the sisters returned from their commuted sentence, rather than forcing Lincoln back into the closet, Lynn offered to take his old room instead while Lucy offered to sleep in the basement. Lincoln, thus, would get their room all to himself. They knew he'd like this offer, and Lincoln definitely won't say no. Good move! Hahaha, get it?

The sitch here is: Lucy's completely and utterly defeated. She has nothing left to give and no resistance left against the tide. The forces of fate that sought to destroy her have won overwhelmingly and are still kicking her while she's down. She fought this battle all alone and lost. This apple has spoiled.

Lincoln doesn't see it that way. He sees a sister who did wrong and has come far to atone, earning forgiveness through careful actions until she stumbled at the last gate. The thing about forgiveness is that you can't just seek forgiveness from who you've wronged. You also have to seek it from yourself. Some people find it easy to forgive themselves even though they'll claim up and down that they will never forgive themselves for what they've done, all because they're actually more ashamed they got caught wrongdoing. Other people are the opposite. They might say that they've found peace with their actions and have to move on, but the truth is they can't. The shame and guilt overwhelms them until they can no longer function.

Admittedly this isn't all on Lucy. At first she handled it about as well (read: poorly) as her other sisters. They were all so regretful after the Incident. They hated themselves! And they knew they deserved whatever retribution was coming to them. Lincoln withheld forgiveness even when moved by their remorse and early efforts because it was his right. Those rotten bastards crippled him, and that was the last straw after years of what felt like increasingly selfish behavior. For a while, though he hid it well, he was a little bit happy to see them so sad and defeated. And Lucy wasn't special. She wasn't even feeling the worst out of them all in the beginning. No, originally there was another sister who fell so low that Lincoln could not help but pity her. It was almost like a feint.

Alas, circumstances changed and damned little Lucy. Lincoln could see the dark writing on the wall during the First Year July that something wasn't quite right with her, but he still kept her at arm's length in spite of her reconciliatory actions and behaviors. She clearly cared and went above and beyond to earn her forgiveness, and the more she did, the better he felt and the closer they became once again.... and the more he wished she'd just stop. Days would come where he'd wish she and the rest of her sisters were the putrid pieces of crap people would say they were, all so he could disown them without feeling bad. But Lucy never gave up, wearing his resentment down over the months until those old days of harsh feelings, syngenesophobic fear, and cold apathy felt like a different era of his life altogether.

And yet all through that time, he failed to reach out and catch her as she fell. It was still all about him and his recovery; the world didn't care about her or her feelings. Unfortunately, life is not like a comic book with clearly defined good guys and bad guys or cartoon redemption arcs. A nine-year-old girl cannot reasonably be expected to handle all the stresses she faced and come out unscathed. Even without these external foes targeting her, the raw guilt over the Incident and the feelings of becoming her brother's enemy alone would have been enough to trigger a depressive break. But Lucy wasn't so lucky. Outside actors like Jackie-Lynn, the L.O.U.D. Defense Club, Taylor, McKenzie, and others all want their own piece of her. And with her other sisters gone away, that left these forces able to strangle her without distraction. Normally the sisters would suffer together and the pain would be spread out against them all, a sort of release on the feelings of pressure. But not this time.

All Lincoln really wanted was for his sisters to truly understand how much they hurt him. Not just over the Incident but over other things as well. Letting them face some fire of actual punishment was always fine by him because, honestly, he felt they needed it. They often failed to learn their lesson precisely because they'd avoid retribution for their actions. So the harsh reactions to the Incident were, in the early days, justified to some extent. Even he didn't truly believe he'd actually disown his own sisters because despite the pain they put him through, he did still love them and felt they'd see the light, so he wasn't surprised when they proved him right. But the pain did hurt, and he felt he needed a good amount of time to recover. More time than necessary.

And yet now he wishes he could go back and smack himself for being such an idiotic failure of a brother. In retrospect, he wound up being no better than them after all. It all makes this stupid delusion people have that he's an innocent saint of a boy weigh that much heavier on him. It's an outright lie. No saint would ever let his own sister fall to these depths.

And you know what really hurts? That Lucy will quickly jump to his defense and say that he's not such a bad kid at all and should never feel so down about himself like some sick ironic joke. And others will agree and give him that emotional support to remind him that he is indeed loved and that he should cheer up. But should he dare mildly suggest Lucy's not a bad person and has long since paid for what she's done, Lucy refuses to listen and his friends will offer a "K" at best and argue that he's wrong -- that HE'S wrong, about his own sister. Admittedly not all his friends. His old-guard friends aren't so stubborn anymore, at least. But enough of them that it seriously bums him out, and that's putting it lightly. It just feels so wrong, so perverse, like Lucy's no longer allowed to be a person but rather a pincushion of other's hate for his family. It's like people forgot that she's still his baby sister.

On some level, it actually hurts him more than it does Lucy. He's at risk of being thrust into the pits of that guilty sadness himself and doesn't yet realize it. He's starting to feel...

... like his so-called friends don't actually love him; they just hate his sisters and are using him. That maybe this is all just a big sham and he's not so loved after all. But that can't possibly be it, right?

Lincoln just can't stand seeing his sister so beaten down by the world. You know, behind the sighing and gloomy poetry and dour outlook, Lucy was once actually a very happy girl. It was the opposite of a lot of people: she wore a frown to hide her real feelings. But now that secretly happy outwardly gloomy kid is gone, taken by something far darker. The darkness with which she used to envelop herself now seems like a cartoony matte of blue compared to this sinister and horrible blankness that has overcome her. It's not just that Lucy's super sad all the time. It's that she's...given up. It's the sheer sluggishness and loss of interest in anything. Before, she talked of being so downer and wrote depressing and dark poetry. Now, it makes Lincoln happy to hear if Lucy's even picked up a pencil. Whole weeks pass without her so much as looking at her new, scarcely used poetry book. Before, she'd speak in adorable couplets of a vast empty internal void. Now, Lincoln wishes she'd just speak at all. And when she does speak, he wishes it was more than weakly apologies over nothing. Before, she'd hide in dark places to find inspiration and to adore the isolation. Now, Lincoln can always rest assured in the knowledge she's down there, under the covers, rotting away at the darkest ends of a downward spiral.

The stresses of the aftermath of the Incident are simply too great. The abuse Lucy's spirit has taken from the world is overwhelming, and she has begun to fade on her knees.

And Lincoln's an increasingly desperate and guilt-ridden observer who is beginning to doubt himself on a deeper level, with just a hint of a threat to drag him down to her level. But Lucy won't let that happen, nor will his other sisters -- especially another he successfully manages to pull back from the brink before she could fall into the same state as Lucy. They failed him once; they DAMN sure aren't going to fail him again! Lucy feels she can burn in Hell for all anyone cares, as long as Lincoln isn't dragged there too.

There's also another reason why Lucy's so down right now circa this image, but it's going to require yet another image for me to explain and I'd rather not explain everything here. It's also a pretty gratuitous depression-porn event like the last one, but the whole story (at least on Lucy's end) is depression porn so that shouldn't be surprising.

Finally... a little hint of some other subplots in the story. Lucy doesn't believe she's that depressed because she's delusional and overcome by extraordinarily toxic guilt. In her mind, she's just being selfish and making people worried about her when they ought to be focusing on more important things. Like washing Lynn's underwear. Or cleaning the fridge. Yet she's still lucid enough to recognize that she's not feeling well. Lincoln may have been upset over the Incident, but he was pulled back from some mild depression by his friends' efforts to rally around him and his sisters' efforts to atone.

So, hypothetically, what would happen if BOTH fates wound up happening to a single person? The abuse Lincoln suffered, but instead of good friends who rally for him and give him love, the aftermath is instead the bullying and ostracization that collapsed Lucy? Hmm.... put a pin in that.

Perhaps there's more than one rotten apple in this bunch.

_____________________

These days I like to think of Rotten Apple as what would happen if Syngenesophobia went horribly wrong. Including such questions like "what if instead of ostracizing Lincoln's sisters, Lincoln's friends got together and decided to put the hurt on them instead?" Logically it'd not only solve nothing but would just make things so much worse. So much worse.

Once more, feel free to create your own context if you want. I for one keep looking at this image and thinking "Oh man, Lucy took her breakup with Rocky hard." Conversely, maybe Lucy's lost everything in the aftermath of the blowback to No Such Luck because it's ALWAYS No Such Luck in this damn fandom. Like full on no longer has any friends, kicked out of the Mortician's Club, the works, and Lincoln feels a little bad for her. Or maybe Lynn died and she can't handle sleeping in that room anymore. I don't know, use your illusions to have fun!

This is the kind of stuff you come up with after listening to too much Alice in Chains and Type O Negative while still watching children's television.
In fact, I was listening to almost nothing but Alice in Chains' "Nutshell" while typing this up. That and Radiohead's "Codex."

Description
Drawn by the ever exquisite

When I was 14, I could have sworn this was the name of an Alice in Chains song, so now I get to bring this old trace evidence of the Mandela Effect to life. Wham-o!

_________________

"Lucy," said without hesitation, without line of sight from atop the stairs. "C'mon. Dad ordered pizza!" With jazz hands, he added, "Extra!" with a big ol' doofy grin.

A crowd laughed through the bitcrunch of a phone's speaker, punctuated by stock wacky sound effects.

"I'll be up soon."

Lincoln cupped his hand over his ear. "Sorry, what was that?"

With a bit more effort, she said, I'll be up soon."

"Sorry, couldn't hear ya!"

Lucy rolled over and saw Lincoln standing on the seventh stair down, fists on hips and with a smug grin.

She also tried to grin and mumbled, "I'll be up in a minute."

This fleeting sprout of life withered. Lucy rolled over again. Perhaps she intended on moving, but the energy to do so left her. She set her phone under the covers and rested upon her hand.

The white-haired boy took a few more steps down and leaned against a railing. Still she didn't move. Sadly, he knew this wasn't disrespect. She wasn't ignoring him.

This is what brought a tear to Lincoln's eye. Lucy's been sad before -- she even made sadness her whole identity for several years. But this wasn't sadness. No, he didn't even know what it was. But ever since fall, this had become her new normal.

Shadows crept along the wall as another day died in silence with nothing accomplished and nothing attempted. Lucy knew not whether it was really Thursday or Friday, as the days and nights had oozed into each other into one long barely-interrupted blur of heavy nothing. Every day that passed was just another day. The trees branches were black against a darkening sky. A dual-crossed contrail hung itself from horizon to horizon, the last evidence of a passing flight. Other lives, heading to places unknown. Did any of them ever look out their windows and see this house and wonder who lived there?

For so long, this girl hid her eyes behind bangs. Now these eyes became painful to look at.

Somewhere among the trash littered on the floor was her poetry book. Lincoln walked by the polished Edwin bust, still in the box with packing peanuts and the price tag sticker on the top, and picked up the book.

"So, uhh... it's, um, it's been a while since you read any poetry to me. I kinda miss it, not gonna lie, sis. So whatcha got for me?" He flicked open the book, expecting this invasion of privacy to rile her to hiss at him. She remained in bed. There was nothing on the pages. Page after page -- blank, virgin pulp. Oh there were a few scribbles every so often, but nothing ever came together into stanzas or even full words.

He didn't know who this person was, but she wasn't Lucy Loud. Not anymore.

_________________

Part of my angsty dramedy fanfic, Rotten Apple. Another Second Year image, so you know that I'm still very far from this point considering the actual story itself is still only on the second chapter. That said I've written loads of little vignettes and chapters ahead of time (as you read above -- this isn't perfectly fitting the image admittedly but it's close enough). I don't expect these to actually be used in full because a lot of smaller details will change by the time I get there, but the beats remain the same.

I already posted the background explanation for all this on the other image, so here's a link to it if you need a refresher:

Background explanation for why Lucy's in the basement: Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, and Lisa were originally under house arrest for 18 months, but were offered a commuted sentence plus an expunged criminal record if they instead spent six months in juvenile hall/reformatory. They chose this, though ulteriorly because they wanted to give Lincoln six months to himself without having to worry about them being around. Of course Lucy lost that opportunity through unlucky circumstances and stayed under house arrest, but this worked in favor of reconciliation with Lincoln, and Lincoln now feels it was definitely for the best -- at first. During this time, Lincoln took Lori & Leni's room as his own. After the sisters returned from their commuted sentence, rather than forcing Lincoln back into the closet, Lynn offered to take his old room instead while Lucy offered to sleep in the basement. Lincoln, thus, would get their room all to himself. They knew he'd like this offer, and Lincoln definitely won't say no. Good move! Hahaha, get it?

The sitch here is: Lucy's completely and utterly defeated. She has nothing left to give and no resistance left against the tide. The forces of fate that sought to destroy her have won overwhelmingly and are still kicking her while she's down. She fought this battle all alone and lost. This apple has spoiled.

Lincoln doesn't see it that way. He sees a sister who did wrong and has come far to atone, earning forgiveness through careful actions until she stumbled at the last gate. The thing about forgiveness is that you can't just seek forgiveness from who you've wronged. You also have to seek it from yourself. Some people find it easy to forgive themselves even though they'll claim up and down that they will never forgive themselves for what they've done, all because they're actually more ashamed they got caught wrongdoing. Other people are the opposite. They might say that they've found peace with their actions and have to move on, but the truth is they can't. The shame and guilt overwhelms them until they can no longer function.

Admittedly this isn't all on Lucy. At first she handled it about as well (read: poorly) as her other sisters. They were all so regretful after the Incident. They hated themselves! And they knew they deserved whatever retribution was coming to them. Lincoln withheld forgiveness even when moved by their remorse and early efforts because it was his right. Those rotten bastards crippled him, and that was the last straw after years of what felt like increasingly selfish behavior. For a while, though he hid it well, he was a little bit happy to see them so sad and defeated. And Lucy wasn't special. She wasn't even feeling the worst out of them all in the beginning. No, originally there was another sister who fell so low that Lincoln could not help but pity her. It was almost like a feint.

Alas, circumstances changed and damned little Lucy. Lincoln could see the dark writing on the wall during the First Year July that something wasn't quite right with her, but he still kept her at arm's length in spite of her reconciliatory actions and behaviors. She clearly cared and went above and beyond to earn her forgiveness, and the more she did, the better he felt and the closer they became once again.... and the more he wished she'd just stop. Days would come where he'd wish she and the rest of her sisters were the putrid pieces of crap people would say they were, all so he could disown them without feeling bad. But Lucy never gave up, wearing his resentment down over the months until those old days of harsh feelings, syngenesophobic fear, and cold apathy felt like a different era of his life altogether.

And yet all through that time, he failed to reach out and catch her as she fell. It was still all about him and his recovery; the world didn't care about her or her feelings. Unfortunately, life is not like a comic book with clearly defined good guys and bad guys or cartoon redemption arcs. A nine-year-old girl cannot reasonably be expected to handle all the stresses she faced and come out unscathed. Even without these external foes targeting her, the raw guilt over the Incident and the feelings of becoming her brother's enemy alone would have been enough to trigger a depressive break. But Lucy wasn't so lucky. Outside actors like Jackie-Lynn, the L.O.U.D. Defense Club, Taylor, McKenzie, and others all want their own piece of her. And with her other sisters gone away, that left these forces able to strangle her without distraction. Normally the sisters would suffer together and the pain would be spread out against them all, a sort of release on the feelings of pressure. But not this time.

All Lincoln really wanted was for his sisters to truly understand how much they hurt him. Not just over the Incident but over other things as well. Letting them face some fire of actual punishment was always fine by him because, honestly, he felt they needed it. They often failed to learn their lesson precisely because they'd avoid retribution for their actions. So the harsh reactions to the Incident were, in the early days, justified to some extent. Even he didn't truly believe he'd actually disown his own sisters because despite the pain they put him through, he did still love them and felt they'd see the light, so he wasn't surprised when they proved him right. But the pain did hurt, and he felt he needed a good amount of time to recover. More time than necessary.

And yet now he wishes he could go back and smack himself for being such an idiotic failure of a brother. In retrospect, he wound up being no better than them after all. It all makes this stupid delusion people have that he's an innocent saint of a boy weigh that much heavier on him. It's an outright lie. No saint would ever let his own sister fall to these depths.

And you know what really hurts? That Lucy will quickly jump to his defense and say that he's not such a bad kid at all and should never feel so down about himself like some sick ironic joke. And others will agree and give him that emotional support to remind him that he is indeed loved and that he should cheer up. But should he dare mildly suggest Lucy's not a bad person and has long since paid for what she's done, Lucy refuses to listen and his friends will offer a "K" at best and argue that he's wrong -- that HE'S wrong, about his own sister. Admittedly not all his friends. His old-guard friends aren't so stubborn anymore, at least. But enough of them that it seriously bums him out, and that's putting it lightly. It just feels so wrong, so perverse, like Lucy's no longer allowed to be a person but rather a pincushion of other's hate for his family. It's like people forgot that she's still his baby sister.

On some level, it actually hurts him more than it does Lucy. He's at risk of being thrust into the pits of that guilty sadness himself and doesn't yet realize it. He's starting to feel...

... like his so-called friends don't actually love him; they just hate his sisters and are using him. That maybe this is all just a big sham and he's not so loved after all. But that can't possibly be it, right?

Lincoln just can't stand seeing his sister so beaten down by the world. You know, behind the sighing and gloomy poetry and dour outlook, Lucy was once actually a very happy girl. It was the opposite of a lot of people: she wore a frown to hide her real feelings. But now that secretly happy outwardly gloomy kid is gone, taken by something far darker. The darkness with which she used to envelop herself now seems like a cartoony matte of blue compared to this sinister and horrible blankness that has overcome her. It's not just that Lucy's super sad all the time. It's that she's...given up. It's the sheer sluggishness and loss of interest in anything. Before, she talked of being so downer and wrote depressing and dark poetry. Now, it makes Lincoln happy to hear if Lucy's even picked up a pencil. Whole weeks pass without her so much as looking at her new, scarcely used poetry book. Before, she'd speak in adorable couplets of a vast empty internal void. Now, Lincoln wishes she'd just speak at all. And when she does speak, he wishes it was more than weakly apologies over nothing. Before, she'd hide in dark places to find inspiration and to adore the isolation. Now, Lincoln can always rest assured in the knowledge she's down there, under the covers, rotting away at the darkest ends of a downward spiral.

The stresses of the aftermath of the Incident are simply too great. The abuse Lucy's spirit has taken from the world is overwhelming, and she has begun to fade on her knees.

And Lincoln's an increasingly desperate and guilt-ridden observer who is beginning to doubt himself on a deeper level, with just a hint of a threat to drag him down to her level. But Lucy won't let that happen, nor will his other sisters -- especially another he successfully manages to pull back from the brink before she could fall into the same state as Lucy. They failed him once; they DAMN sure aren't going to fail him again! Lucy feels she can burn in Hell for all anyone cares, as long as Lincoln isn't dragged there too.

There's also another reason why Lucy's so down right now circa this image, but it's going to require yet another image for me to explain and I'd rather not explain everything here. It's also a pretty gratuitous depression-porn event like the last one, but the whole story (at least on Lucy's end) is depression porn so that shouldn't be surprising.

Finally... a little hint of some other subplots in the story. Lucy doesn't believe she's that depressed because she's delusional and overcome by extraordinarily toxic guilt. In her mind, she's just being selfish and making people worried about her when they ought to be focusing on more important things. Like washing Lynn's underwear. Or cleaning the fridge. Yet she's still lucid enough to recognize that she's not feeling well. Lincoln may have been upset over the Incident, but he was pulled back from some mild depression by his friends' efforts to rally around him and his sisters' efforts to atone.

So, hypothetically, what would happen if BOTH fates wound up happening to a single person? The abuse Lincoln suffered, but instead of good friends who rally for him and give him love, the aftermath is instead the bullying and ostracization that collapsed Lucy? Hmm.... put a pin in that.

Perhaps there's more than one rotten apple in this bunch.

_____________________

These days I like to think of Rotten Apple as what would happen if Syngenesophobia went horribly wrong. Including such questions like "what if instead of ostracizing Lincoln's sisters, Lincoln's friends got together and decided to put the hurt on them instead?" Logically it'd not only solve nothing but would just make things so much worse. So much worse.

Once more, feel free to create your own context if you want. I for one keep looking at this image and thinking "Oh man, Lucy took her breakup with Rocky hard." Conversely, maybe Lucy's lost everything in the aftermath of the blowback to No Such Luck because it's ALWAYS No Such Luck in this damn fandom. Like full on no longer has any friends, kicked out of the Mortician's Club, the works, and Lincoln feels a little bad for her. Or maybe Lynn died and she can't handle sleeping in that room anymore. I don't know, use your illusions to have fun!

This is the kind of stuff you come up with after listening to too much Alice in Chains and Type O Negative while still watching children's television.
In fact, I was listening to almost nothing but Alice in Chains' "Nutshell" while typing this up. That and Radiohead's "Codex."