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Sally-Ce — TWOE_Page_8
Published: 2011-12-23 12:26:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 5880; Favourites: 45; Downloads: 0
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Description
Page eight of TWOE! ^^I finally made it!
Poor Meya....Please comment and say what you think about it!
I know that the bush came out of nowhere, but ANYWAY!
The next page comes in about some days because of my christmas holyday.
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Comments: 19
"I cant just lie here. I need to find a moon tear!" then have her howl and comment on sleeping the pain off.
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Yes, that could also fit in, but I can`t change it now when It`s submitted.
And yeah, I know. My english isn`t very good. But I get translation-help from kaschill7 on the next pages.
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Okay... Just trying to help.. You could just edit it.
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No, I can`t. 
But thanks for the critic. It`s good to get critic, then your comic/picture gets better! ^^
Actually, I appreciate it!
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No problem. If you improve in the future ones, then it will be for the best. If you want some advise for your next one, note me.
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I will! ^^ I have made four more pages by the way!
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It makes me happy! ^^
The next page is coming soon!
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Thanks!
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ok. the first lines pretty good but kind of formal, maybe a change to "never in my life could have expected this"? and lets see maybe "how can i ever return to the place i called home"? and "i cant just lie (tho most would use lay even if its gramaticly incorrect) here" the next line seems fine maybe change ouch to ow and drag out some letters to make it more like a howl like" oooowww it hurts sooo much!"? then just "no, i have to pull myself together i cant stay here like this"? and "that bush looks like a good place to sleep"? < (i feel it needed more of an introduction to the bush it seemed like it came a bit out of nowhere)
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Okey. In the first line, it was ment to be a bit like that, but ok!
She said that she must find somewhere else to lay instead of being visible, but I think I understand what u mean.
Thanks for the critic! ^^
Next time I`ll send a note to you and you can say it there before I write it down at the page.
However! Thanks!
Hope you understood the text anyway! xD
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cool, np, yea its understandable its just a little awkward which can take u out of the story at times
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sorry "could i have expected"
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