Comments: 11
corneriathelombax [2014-08-25 17:02:36 +0000 UTC]
well it could've been worse it could've been a pyrus dragonoid which my MC named Carmelita and she can transform into a pyrus dragonoid and i love bakugan especially drago OMG i love him cause he's a dragon
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Flamingsocks [2012-05-25 00:18:54 +0000 UTC]
Wow. Your great writer!
I MUST SEE PICTURESSSSSS
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ingmaster5 [2012-03-04 02:30:55 +0000 UTC]
Definitely use darren. Its a real Dun dun duuuun! ending here. I hope your happy. your incredibly interesting, and action packed story has prevented me from writing chapter 2 of my story tonight.
Once again you had a few minor problems with spelling, and gramar, but nothing so serious that it took anything away form the story. Spell check isn't perfect, and doesn't always know what it is talking about.
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NannaDoodles In reply to saphira2k5 [2011-04-18 22:41:20 +0000 UTC]
haah same as your last chapter, its from his poin of viwe but it doesnt give much detail...but it does...how do i put it...its just like someone is telling you all the basics but is leaving the lines a bit too open, try syncronising with your charicter more and try smoothing out the details so the reader can haev a good firm picture in there mind of what is happening, it is good to leave some details up to the reader but there is a bit too much uncertanty in the details of the story compared to the way your char thinks...
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saphira2k5 In reply to NannaDoodles [2011-04-18 22:55:27 +0000 UTC]
So...do you mean put more details in the surroundings or the way he thinks? Cause I think I did try to put more detail into his thoughts and feelings this time.
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NannaDoodles In reply to saphira2k5 [2011-04-18 22:59:12 +0000 UTC]
you did a lot better with his thoughts i do admit, but try adding a tiny bit mroe to his sroundings and the way they effect him instead of just the completly direct stuf
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