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saxitlurg In reply to TheWanderingCactus [2016-09-13 14:08:06 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. It's okay really. I'll miss him, but I know he's better now (he had cancer and polio and couldn't move around much, so it makes me happy that he's not bound to his broken-down body anymore)

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saxitlurg In reply to Strabius [2016-09-13 14:09:55 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much The night he died, I called to talk to him, but he was asleep so I promised Granny that I'd call the next night and talk to him. Then a couple hours later I got the news. I've been talking to him sometimes since then, cuz I promised. I don't care if he can hear me or not, I'll still talk.

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saxitlurg In reply to dieingcity [2016-08-30 00:28:26 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much But I'm okay, really. I think I got most of my crying out last night, at least the heavy, sobbing stuff (let's see how I hold up at the service tho ) I've been better today, just kind of heavy and tired and a low-key sad that's easier to handle. We've known his time was limited for the last couple of years, so we had time to prepare emotionally I guess. Like it's not a shock at least.
It also helped that I watched this yesterday www.youtube.com/watch?v=rds7V5… and listened to it a lot today. I know it doesn't really deal with death, but it's really comforting having the words "it's okay, it's okay, it's okay" spinning around in your head.

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dieingcity In reply to saxitlurg [2016-08-31 22:02:03 +0000 UTC]

Glad you are doing some better. I cried a little after my grandpas service, but there were so many people and conversations it felt hard to have time to cry when everyones trying to talk and say things to you. so I hope maybe the service will go well for you too. I'm so glad you found something to listen to like this youtube video- it's always so helpful to have something like that-words that tell you  'it's okay' when things don't feel that way -it really helps to cope. *hugs*

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saxitlurg In reply to dieingcity [2016-09-16 20:28:40 +0000 UTC]

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug* Actually the service went really well. He planned it all himself, and he did everything to make sure that it was a happy thing. He wanted it to be a celebration of life, not dwelling on his death (it did get more depressing at the actual burial when the Masons took over. Papaw was a Freemason since he was 21, so they were all there)

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dieingcity In reply to saxitlurg [2016-09-17 01:25:16 +0000 UTC]

[your papaw sounds like he was a really cool person. so amazing he was a Freemason at 21...sorry it got more sad depressing when they took over that part. but i think the burial part is the more sad part. But every day after gets better, and that's something. *hugggggssss*

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saxitlurg In reply to dieingcity [2016-09-18 23:05:20 +0000 UTC]

He was, I loved him a lot And it's okay, they didn't mean to be depressing I guess. But they kept going on and on about how everyone will die and our bones will rot and it's like "OMGGGGGG, way to bring the room down!"

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dieingcity In reply to saxitlurg [2016-09-19 02:26:27 +0000 UTC]

oh my gosh-that is terrible thing to say at a funeral service and or burial. I mean yes humans dont' live forever on this earth but gosh darn it-don't say that to people her are dealign with loss!...tsk tsk, i guess as you said they didn't mean to be depressing.

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saxitlurg In reply to dieingcity [2016-09-21 04:23:05 +0000 UTC]

well it was the masons after all, so like as not, it was a ceremony-type thing that they say at all the funerals (there was even a part with juniper branches that they were all wearing on their lapels that they took off and buried with him? i don't remember all of it)

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dieingcity In reply to saxitlurg [2016-09-21 12:58:52 +0000 UTC]

Juniper branches that so odd i wonder the meaning behind that is wild. seems like they do a lot of ceremony. shame they were not quite honoring the wishes of their friend and going to sad with it all.

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saxitlurg In reply to Twilightgirl12 [2016-08-30 00:37:15 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much   I'm having trouble coming up with words myself And I'm okay, it's not a devastating sad, just a natural sad...we kinda all knew this was inevitable for a couple years now. Like I know the edges of the hole will be ragged and hurt for awhile. But it was his time, and he accepted that, and so did we. But thank you so much for your words, they make me tear up (in a good way) Cuz I know you're right. He was the first one who read me comics and made me love them. He would let me sit on his lap every Sunday and read the funnies out loud to me (I still fold the paper in the same pattern he did) He always said that one day I'd be published somewhere and he'd get to read it. I'm sad he didn't get to, but I know he was still proud (and it's sort of lit a fire under me to get my stories out, even though I know he might not have approved of the content *cough cough*gay stuff*cough* But I want to live up to what he knew I could be)(also, you saying "granddaughter" made me tear up too (still in a good way), cuz I heard it in his voice. Most of the time, he didn't call me "Ashley", he just called me "Granddaughter", so to me that word will always feel like it's personally his)

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saxitlurg In reply to Darkagate [2016-08-30 00:38:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much I know, and I'm glad I have those memories They don't fill the void, but they make a bridge to help me walk over it without falling in

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Darkagate In reply to saxitlurg [2016-08-30 01:20:34 +0000 UTC]

Yeah. Keep on walking. Theres a whole journey ahead. This is but a small hurdle on a grand adventure. 
Life moves on. 

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