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Description
I've taken thirteen pills and become someone I don't know, someone who's sad. Do you know what it feels like to wake up and turn over and be scared by the idea of breathing? Do you know what it feels like to wake up and start crying, cause you don't know what else to do with the tears that live behind your eyes?
Do you know what it feels like to walk around so dejected that your mother hugs you and tells you she's taking you to the emergency room if the Valium doesn't calm you down? Do you know what it feels like to drown?
I sleep in late because being awake just hurts.
You don't know how badly I just need someone right now.
I planted my garden today, for real. I planted three packets of zinnia because they're my favorite flower, and I've told him a hundred times, but I never get flowers. I just want a bouquet. I just want to grow flowers and not cry. I just want him to listen to me be sad and to kiss my forehead and hold me and tell me it's going to be alright.
I just want to be able to breathe again, and not stifle myself in gasps.
I saw my puppy this morning, and I didn't glow. I didn't even smile. I turned the other way because I don't deserve his happiness, because he doesn't deserve to be contaminated with whatever I'm going through right now.
I can't shake it off.
I can't even breathe.
I can't tell him any of this because he'd just tell me he wants to be done. I'm not worth it.
I just want to hear that I am though, I just want to hear that I'm beautiful and that it's okay to feel like this. I just want someone to tell me that I should keep fighting myself because one day I'll be something.
I'm not taking anymore pills. I want to though. I almost want to unwrap myself and let everyone see the wretch that the hurt can make me.

Description
I've taken thirteen pills and become someone I don't know, someone who's sad. Do you know what it feels like to wake up and turn over and be scared by the idea of breathing? Do you know what it feels like to wake up and start crying, cause you don't know what else to do with the tears that live behind your eyes?
Do you know what it feels like to walk around so dejected that your mother hugs you and tells you she's taking you to the emergency room if the Valium doesn't calm you down? Do you know what it feels like to drown?
I sleep in late because being awake just hurts.
You don't know how badly I just need someone right now.
I planted my garden today, for real. I planted three packets of zinnia because they're my favorite flower, and I've told him a hundred times, but I never get flowers. I just want a bouquet. I just want to grow flowers and not cry. I just want him to listen to me be sad and to kiss my forehead and hold me and tell me it's going to be alright.
I just want to be able to breathe again, and not stifle myself in gasps.
I saw my puppy this morning, and I didn't glow. I didn't even smile. I turned the other way because I don't deserve his happiness, because he doesn't deserve to be contaminated with whatever I'm going through right now.
I can't shake it off.
I can't even breathe.
I can't tell him any of this because he'd just tell me he wants to be done. I'm not worth it.
I just want to hear that I am though, I just want to hear that I'm beautiful and that it's okay to feel like this. I just want someone to tell me that I should keep fighting myself because one day I'll be something.
I'm not taking anymore pills. I want to though. I almost want to unwrap myself and let everyone see the wretch that the hurt can make me.