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Sevireth In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-19 21:17:31 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for an insight!

The sparks on her body weren't that obtuse when I first sketched them, but once I realized lightning's supposed to glow they did become a bit too much prominent.
It was one of the last things I placed though, didn't have much time to look back with a clear head, just wanted to be done with it at that point.

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Deviatealittle In reply to Maddog3060 [2012-04-19 19:15:44 +0000 UTC]

it's longer than the first Lord of the Rings. 141,000 words.

It remains one of, if not THE best fan fic I have had the pleasure to read. Seriously, go read. Now.

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Charlesdeleroy In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-22 03:30:44 +0000 UTC]

Of course, I read the entire LoTR trilogy in 3 days...

My old job as a science journal data entry technician granted me unprecedented speed reading and comprehension abilities. ;3

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Deviatealittle In reply to Charlesdeleroy [2012-04-22 06:06:50 +0000 UTC]

Then you can destroy this in an afternoon. Do it. When you get to the end, if you don't just geek out into fanboyish tears, then you may need to see a doctor about getting a new soul.

(I'm implying that it's a quality piece of writing)

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Charlesdeleroy In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-22 18:23:45 +0000 UTC]

Oh I did read it already! And also "Past Sins", both of them took 1 day. I did "Past Sins" during Hurricane Irene, finishing just before we lost power at 3 am that Saturday/Sunday night.

I thought both were fantastic epic-length stories of 2 different categories. "Dangerous Business" was the travelogue/quest archetype while "Past Sins" was the heavily drama and character-driven type. Both were exceptional examples of each style.

The only beef I had with "Dangerous Business" was the world snake. It just didn't seem to fit in smoothly to the remainder of the narrative, in my opinion. I'm not even sure if there was any real foreshadowing to it, or if that's what all the cave and reptiles running was about? In any case, I re-read those parts and they still came off as quite vague.

Has the author done a re-write of any parts since autumn to shore up the ambiguous elements? I fear I can barely keep up with anything beyond the newest stuff (and even then I'm falling far behind) what with my job sucking the life out of me with 30-36 hour 'days'. X______x

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Deviatealittle In reply to Charlesdeleroy [2012-04-23 02:38:57 +0000 UTC]

Well, he did do a really endearing follow-up story set a few weeks later, called "A Day For Spike and Twilight". It's adorable, but it has almost nothing to do with Dangerous Business.

And Pinkie DID mention the World Snake jokingly at the beginning, and when Rarity was talking to the Deer queen... thing... when she went all glowing-eyes and godly power, she said something to the effect of how she questioned whether or not to allow them to continue at all, because she knew that beyond the mountains they could release some unspeakable horror that could destroy the world, and I assumed that referenced the World Snake waking up.

I never thought that it didn't fit with narrative, but I'd be lying if I said the end failed to resolve what happened to the world snake. He either knocked himself out in that dive for the group, or fell into a plothole and was never heard from again.

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Charlesdeleroy In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-23 05:24:35 +0000 UTC]

Well that's what I mean. That glowy-eyed exposition was far too plot-convenient and short. Just one piece of randomly-inserted plot device with no mention at all afterward until they come upon the snake. And then it just goes away.

And I still don't know what was supposed to be in that cave and why the reptiles were running. It seemed like there was supposed to be another ancient evil that was forgotten in the narrative in favor of the inexplicable giant snake.

For a villain/adversary to work in a narrative of this scale, it's crucial that it maintain at least some level of relevance throughout the story (like, at the very beginning, usually), or else it simply becomes a meaningless 'boss battle', which is how I felt the snake scene played out. "Ok ponies, we're at the last level! Beat the final boss and we win and get to put our initials in first place!"

If you look at every single major work of fiction adventure in classic literature, if the story contains a primary antagonist or a major adversary for the protagonists, he/she/it ALWAYS either shows up or is heavily mentioned/hinted at within a large portion of the story. You see it in "Lord of the Rings", "Harry Potter", "A Stitch in Time" and many other new and old classics.

"Dangerous Business" was a lovely narrative epic, but it simply didn't need the snake at all. It felt like a villain thrown in simply to give the story a villain somewhere. "Past Sins" not only gave you a villain early on, it then threw a clever twist in about who the real villain was, and you realized some of those you had come to hate were in fact victims themselves. There was menace present constantly and always central to the tale. "Past Sins" weakness I think came in the fight against the Everfree monsters. That whole scene played out too conveniently, but I could understand it in keeping with the rest of the story, in which nopony actually died. It was as dark as it could be while still holding onto a child-friendly atmosphere. Still weak, but at least reasonably so.

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Deviatealittle In reply to Charlesdeleroy [2012-04-23 20:23:59 +0000 UTC]

I concede, I was a tad bothered by the unresolved mysteries of the stampeding lizards and the weird cave thing, but to be honest, I barely mind at all, simply because the continued mystery, these not-entirely answered questions feel a lot more enjoyable than having drawn out segues to elaborate on them, when they weren't that relative to the "quest" progression and the character's development.

And THAT is why I can excuse the world snake. That culmination of all that they had learned on the journey and all that character growth and the synergy of their individual accomplishments culminating into that final scene... It WORKED. I was just so into it, so immersed, that the tiny critic in the back of my head was silenced for a moment... I need to go read that chapter again. I can admit without shame (well, without TOO much shame) that I lost it at the line "Earth ponies are unbreakable" in context. (jeez that sounds weird...)

AS for past sins? Couldn't stick it out... that story was just... It's mostly my personal preferences shining through, but the term "Mary Sue-ish" is how I best describe a lot of the character actions in that story, and the large disconnect from the context of the show is immersion breaking at times. It became rather difficult to take the premise seriously at times. I lapsed into silliness, at least within the handful of chapters I read before bailing.

...How on earth am I having this elaborate discussion centered on the merits of My Little Pony fan fiction? Man alive, I was so (relatively) normal a year ago...

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Charlesdeleroy In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-25 01:29:55 +0000 UTC]

Oh I've never been normal. No one I know even so much as raised an eyebrow. Most just commented, "Yeah, that's Charles..."

I'm kinda the Pinkie Pie mad scientist around here. :3

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Maddog3060 In reply to Deviatealittle [2012-04-20 01:00:14 +0000 UTC]

141,000? Meh.

I read science-fiction, that's comparatively tame in terms of length. Not dismissing the fic 'cuz of it, just saying, that length ain't going to impress me much.

But a lot of folk like it, so I'll give it a shot when I got time.

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ScottWolf In reply to Maddog3060 [2012-04-19 15:24:56 +0000 UTC]

yes you very much should.

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Sevireth In reply to DrewCopenhaver [2012-04-19 18:43:07 +0000 UTC]

A couple months. To and fro, not like full time of course. I had to learn pretty much everything I've done here — painting mountains, forest, clouds, plains, lightning, shading steel and leather...
The things I knew how to make were pretty much only shading and general poni anatomy, the rest I had to learn from scratch.
It was more of a learning experience than anything, but if I can create a pretty picture along the way hey why not.

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DrewCopenhaver In reply to Sevireth [2012-04-20 01:11:50 +0000 UTC]

I'm not going to lie, that makes me feel way better. It's just so... absolutely beautiful and detailed... and... and I want to be able to do that. It makes me feel better that, if I put that kind of time into it, it would be rewarded and you're not just obscenely talented. I value hard work, I'm afraid. ^_^;

Still, it's just amazing.

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Sevireth In reply to LBTDiclonius [2012-04-19 07:30:58 +0000 UTC]

The armor was a bit of a conundrum, yeah — Rarity has all that foresty elvish theme going on and Applejack is supposed to be the tank, yet Rarity is wearing strong steel armor and Applejack's got leather.
But then I remembered that Gildedale get their leather from komagas and I can just draw it however damn thick I want.

Thanks!

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LBTDiclonius In reply to Sevireth [2012-04-19 18:03:24 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome. ^^

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SpikelyWhiplash In reply to crapfacehead [2012-04-19 18:41:55 +0000 UTC]

"Dat Asp."

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