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Shabazik — I feel Baahaahaad
#beastman #drunk #drunken #goat #goatman #goatmen #hangover #inn #tavern #uniox
Published: 2018-05-18 19:45:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 4529; Favourites: 108; Downloads: 96
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"Baaah" Balthazar bleated, opening his eyes. He had fallen asleep in the very same table he had been drinking the night before. He looked around disoriented, seeing that the tavern imp was already busy, tiding up the place, rolling out some of the still drunken grey orcs somewhere they didn't bothered so much. The light really hurt Balthazar eyes."By the Abyss, I won't drink ever again"1 Balthazar thought. Aside of the hangover, he didn't had any recollection of last night.
He looked around, trying to see Gaspar or Horace, his comrades-at-arms and in these drinking nights. While Gaspar was nowhere to be seen, he saw Horace looking, standing by the door with smug expression in his face, a mug in his hand and a book in the other -that he was chewing between slip and slip of beer.-
Baltazar knew Horace, and he knew his smiling expression wasn't a good sign.
"F*ck. I hope I didn't f*cked an Ozcura. Again." He grumbled. He don't know how, but despite how horrible he found these grey orcs, it seems like everytime he went drinking with the Ozcuras of the company, he ended doing that.
Horace took other bit of the book, before coming closer to him. "Oh, don't worry Balthazar. You didn't, this time at least!" He handed over Baltazar some beer, he was quick to drink.
"What with your expression then?" he asked, looking back at Horace. Then he noticed, how he was looking to his horns, about to erupt in laughter. "What?"
Then, sudden realisation struck him. Balthazar hands went shakily to his head, trying to grab his horns.
"F*CK" he cursed, sensing he had lost one. He looked up to Horace enraged. "WHAT THE F*CK, GOAT?!! What you did to my horn?!"
"I did nothing! You did it all on your own!" Horace said, erupting in laughter. "Well, you and some ozcuras helpers! They beat you wouldn't cut your own horn! And you did! OH MAN, IT WAS SO EPIC!!"
Balthazar bleated enraged, throwing the beer mug at Horace, who dodged it, and he ran after him, cursing and bleating, until the inkeeper -a large Vanolosé brown orc woman- appeared from the kitchen, frowning at him. The large orc woman look made Balthazar to calm down and sit again.
He had become sick of all the running, anyway. With a sigh, he asked.
"What did I win, at least?"
"Oh, it was plentiful! A whole silver chain, paid by all the ozcuras! They where quite impressed!" Horace said.
A whole silver chain?!! He had never seen so much money before! "And where it is?!" he asked Horace. The Uniox smiled again. "You where so proud of your feat, you invited everybody in the bar"
Balthazar groaned. He was NEVER going to drink EVER again. Or at least, until next time they get paid for their service in the Dark Legion.
"Where is that stupid horn, anyway?" he asked, looking around.
"An Ozcura took it. She said she was going to make it into a toy. They say, Uniox horns have very powerful aphrodisiacs!" Horace said again with his stupid smile. The mere thought of it made even more sick the hangover goatman.
"I feel Baa-haa-haad"
1 Translated from Uniox bleating
In a quick round of suggestions in the chat, suggested a Uniox with a hangover.
Next on Balthazar the Goat:
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Comments: 27
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I hope he won’t be needed for sentry duty anytime soon. Goats, having near panoramic vision, are very difficult to sneak up on, especially when they understand what the threats are.
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The good, old hangover, no matter in which era, the results are mostly the same. A german band once wrote a nice little song, hiw the hangover came to be in a fantasy world. Obce there was an ugly, mean dwarf that not matter how much he drank, never got drunk. Soon a mage found an explanation, the dwarf somehow was connected to the world, between worlds, they called it the limbus, and all the beer, whine and mead dissapeared in there. A witch, with the help of sone gzards wanted to help him, and first they had cut off the dwarfs beard. Lets just say that try ended not good, the dwarf was even set to be executed. But like he was, he just decompised the galows into little pieces and walked to the next tavern.
Over time this dwarf became a huge tyranical, nuisance to all people. So many powerfull mages cane together and banished the whole dwarf into the limbus. When he arrived there he met some demons that wanted to devour him, but they made the misstake to taunt him first that there is nothing to drink in this world. Enraged the dwarf made them into a bloody mess, litteraly. Its said like many beings from the limbus, you can "summon" the dwarf, you only need much to alcohol. After many drinks the still enraged dwarf will appear, and gives a veeeery hard punch on your head, so you will feel that even some days afterwards. XD
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awesome xD was not prepared to see this honestly. but it is just awesome.
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Epic!
Goes with “I can so so that!! Hold my beer!”
I have been the recipient of a drunken “watch this trick.”
Flipping open a Buck folding knife by snapping it downward......popping out the blade.
I was sitting next to said drunk when he did the trick.
Buried 4 inches of sharp steel right into my thigh!!
I just looked down with the oh shit expression as others fell about laughing.
Hobbling over to the base medical unit I had said blade removed and the wound cleaned up.
I let him know I was going to give back his knife....in his butt cheek!!
Took me a week to catch up with him.....he looked so awesome begging forgiveness I let him slide.
But he bought every round of beer after that!
US Army 1973.
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Thank you for your service
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How to win and lose a silver chain in a single night.
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I never get tired of seeing these guys!
It's also humorous that they apparently can't speak human sounding words, but have this incredible conversation with a wide vocabulary!
Albeit, what with my work with quags, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
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