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silentskream — The Return

Published: 2008-07-06 22:32:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 208; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description This is in continuation from the "The flight " which can be read here silentskream.deviantart.com/ar…


with my friend on my claw, I took to the sky,
the tiny ant had after all taught me to fly.
"Toward the sun" he said "I want to go",
"Don't look upon the shallow earth,we are still so low"

I took him through valleys of great depth and sight,
I flew him over seas of vast waters and might.
I showed him the world through the eyes of a hawk,
from meadows to mountains, over shadow over rock.

he held on through the flight,and had little to say,
he only let the solemn wind, drift his thoughts away,
then we flew to the lake beyond the land of strife,
centered at the heart of which stood the Tree of Life.

I took him to the tallest branch, and set my friend aside,
his heart was peaceful as the lake, but his eyes were open wide,
he looked at me and asked, "Why did you bring me here?",
"to tell you the reason why you no longer fear.

The woods, the willows, birch and stones,
using much more the beavers build their homes,
no winter, no summer no rain no storm,
can cause the temple of beavers any harm,

no respite, no relief do the bees ever get,
but to make honey from nectar they never forget,
the flowers will give them to their fullest need,
for the bees in return will carry their seed.

Even the man is burdened with unspoken grief,
so inspired in nature,  he looks for relief,
one comes here and sits quiet under the sky,
he brings food for the birds, and they bring him joy.

But all creatures whether small or great,
will suffer , endure and patiently wait,
until their tears wash away all that was old,
and leave behind treasures of pure gold

The reason is this , then my innocent little friend,
you are the first ant to bear the wings of dissent,
others will follow who will be as bright and rare,
with them you will fly and create a new ant lair.

So return to your home, where your kin await to know,
When the right time comes, for the flying ants to go,
with those few you belong, and only they know your heart,
at a bold hour in the morning light, the flying ants depart"

the earth doesn't  look so shallow any more,
the ships of floating troubled dreams, now face toward the shore,
the crimson sun of destiny now shines in my eyes,
wing for wing with the mighty hawk, now the tiny ant flies."
--
Most of us will never wake up, and those who do, will never sleep again.
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Comments: 4

jade161588 [2008-07-07 01:23:28 +0000 UTC]

Bravo! This one was quite beautiful! I'm glad that I was able to read yet again one of your poems. I have grown much as a person since you last critiqued my writing and all your poems have much higher meaning to me now.

The only bit on this poem that interrupted my mind reading it with flow was that some parts didn't follow a set rhythm as the other verses did. Some stanzas seem to follow a rigid rule and then some seem to be almost free form. Though all stanzas are beautiful, because you started off with an initial pattern, it almost stands out too much from the rest of the poem when a stanza doesn't follow that pattern.

The imagery and rhymes on this made for a good hearty reading. It was also a longer poem than those I'm used to (not just by you but by other writers I read).
I can see that this poem took much though. Or if it didn't, you're just skillful at writing either way.

I await more poems. But let your muse take its time.

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silentskream In reply to jade161588 [2008-07-07 18:02:26 +0000 UTC]

Jade....Is this your comment? I can see this same comment made by some Kristabel-316 in mymessage box. See here, same comment. DA is acting weird, or I dont know how this works.

[link]

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jade161588 In reply to silentskream [2008-07-08 02:28:43 +0000 UTC]

D: Yes. This is indeed my comment. I have no idea how this happened o.O

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silentskream In reply to jade161588 [2008-07-08 14:54:57 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the comment, Indeed after reading your comment, I realized a few places where there was an impediment to the flow. So I changed a few things.

Thank you again.Feels good

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