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[Source: Audio records of Union Jupiter Spacecraft Comte; March 17, 2083.  Ship location: over south pole of Callisto.  Mission: Terraforming (begin), cometary bombardment]

Jake (Commander of Comte):  All right people; its about 5 minutes till Big Daddy hits, so here's to our everyday lives until we make history.

Yolanda (Lt. Commander):  History?  Yeah right.  We'll all be forgotten by next year by all but our kids if where lucky.

Jake:  How could people not remember us?  We're the first people to sail out to a comet, guide it to a planetary body, crash it into said planetary body (the first time this happened to a rocky body since Earth 1908 by the way), and start off one of the biggest engineering projects in human history.  We're helping to start terraforming a whole world.  Ganymede was easy, there was already plenty of water, here were bringing the water to the dry lifeless boulder.  How could people not remember us?

Yolanda:  How could people not remember Yuri Gagarin?  Or Neil Armstrong?  The people who first left the Earth over a hundred years ago?  How could people only remember Darwin's name as a dirty word for an "evil atheist conspiracy?"  People can barely remember who's important now, here or back on Earth, and this first thing ever will be cool to look at for a little while but before to long no one will remember the name Jake Provensa.

Brett (engineer):  I don't really care, I just want to cash my big fat paycheck at the end of this and go home to our kids.  The only long term satisfaction I'll ever have or want from all this will be that someday a descendant brings his family to a now verdant Callisto and says "Your great great grandfather Brett drove the great comet into this moon and gave it all the water you drink here."  But for now the pay is good enough.

Dr. Havind (scientist behind the whole ordeal):  I actually agree with Brett, after all this I don't care if I'm known greatly by the public.  I do look forward to the new respect I'll get from the scientific community, but I'm not interested in becoming the next Carl Sagan or Richard Dawkins, that's actually become close to impossible.  All the fame goes to politicians and televangelists now anyway.  Most don't care about the workings of science as long as it gives them new gadgets each month and doesn't contradict their scriptures too vocally.

Yolanda:  I'm just sad Jupiter isn't the scientific society it should be, I mean even the private corporations who got here first looking to use the resources of Jupiter for their own gain made sure there would be pure science done, and the current system here doesn't allow much for ignorant groups to gather here.  People here are just the same as on Earth.

Dr. Havind:  Its better than that Yolanda, I've seen the test scores, every child here scores as high as most honors kids do on Earth, and most of these children aren't truly gifted or special, their just normal kids with a good education system.  Have you ever seen the way they teach on Earth?  Its exactly the same as it was over 200 years ago, no wonder Earth is declining, poor school creating uninterested students makes an ignorant population.

Jake:  Alright, enough small talk, cometary impact in 2 minutes, its coming in well within the parameters and guidelines.  Its going to hit the exact spot on the pole to the meter.  Doc I think your crazy plan's gonna work.

Dr. Havind:  Well it was so crazy that Jupiter and the UN signed off on it.

Brett:  Well Jupiter said A-Okay first, then the UN had no choice but to go along, Frankly I'm glad they decided to be so innovative with projects like this.  The UN runs Mars and that's been running slower than even the harshest early critics of the colonization ever dreamed, because the UN is Earth based and won't let extraterrestrial settlement societies run things on their own.  Thank god Jupiter is so far away it needs some autonomy, I feel really proud to live here.

Yolanda:  Better pray Calvin Misirlou doesn't here you say that.  "Anti-Terrestrial Nationalism!"

Brett:  I don't care what some congressman who FORCES Lunar children to run in high gravity towers for four hours a day has to say about my liking where I have lived my life.

Jake:  Hey Doc, isn't it true that if this works they might try to terraform the Earth's Moon this way?

Dr. Havind:  That's one thing I've heard, but I wouldn't put much money into it right now.  Of course much of the Lunar population would appreciate this very much but Earth would never willingly let a comet get that close, the powers would probably think one was trying to destroy the others by crashing it into the planet.

Yolanda:  That's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard!  If they crashed something like Big Daddy or even something much smaller it would wipe out everything!  No power anywhere would survive.  No, I think it will work perfectly and be set to proceed until Misirlou and his goons start propagandizing about how creating a freer environment will give the Moon too much independence and cause a rebellion.

Brett:  I actually hope that does happen, the people of the Moon need to find their own destiny and way of life, they can't remain in the hands of those imperialistic politicians.

Jake:  I only wonder how long it is until Jupiter decides to just completely break away and declare every settlement here independent, because I think it will actually take much longer.  See Mars and the Moon and everything above Earth is in the Iron Fist of the nations there, hatred for the abusive powers is actually easier to boil.  Jupiter is an autonomous zone with whom the distant oppressors simply cosign with, its still a horrible system but its going to be harder to convince the citizens that they need independence.  Its just like trying to get someone to go to the doctor if the disease doesn't seem too bad at the moment, too many patients wait until the disease is far worse and sometimes untreatable before seeking the right medicine.

Yolanda:  Why Loyal Commander Jake Vega a revolutionary?  I thought I'd never see the day.

Jake:  Alright, alright.  Cut the chatter everyone, our big boy's about to hit his target.  Callisto base has confirmed it from their satellites.

Yolanda:  (barely audible)  Bet he doesn't want command to see his rebellious side, he totally avoided the question.

Jake:  5, 4, 3, 2, 1, impact.

Comte computer:  Comet has impacted the geographic south pole of Callisto, observations are following projected models up to 99% accurately.

Dr. Havind:  Good, good.

Brett:  Doc, that ice plume has to be over a thousand miles high.  How much will fall around and back on the moon?

Dr. Havind:  Hopefully most of it, but we do expect a massive amount of material to be ejected into space.

Brett:  Will that harm the traffic nearby?

Dr. Havind, its mostly just ice and dust, no different than what Jovian ships aren't already used to.  They should probably just be more careful in the immediate vicinity of Callisto itself.

Brett:  Well anyway, mission accomplished.  I can't wait to get back and see the kids, huh Yolanda?

Yolanda:  ...Huh?  Oh yeah, just as long as I can get a news feed to the developments here, I like to keep track of the effects of our various missions.

Brett:  Its almost a custodial sentiment with you isn't it?  A janitor making sure his building stays swept and mopped.  Well, its one of the reasons we all married you.

Yolanda:  Shut the hell up, at least I'll have the others to spend the night with than just you and your comments.

Brett:  Well Tiffy has the best breasts out of everyone so I won't be sad by any cold shoulder you give me at home.

Jake:  Before you two decide to start something may I remind everyone this channel is for the whole ship and not to be used for private, especially martial, uses.

Dr. Havind:  To bring up a less controversial topic, Brett I would like to thank you for that movie you showed me last night, what was it's title?, North by Northwest.  Quite possibly one of the best movies I have seen, as well as likely the oldest.

Brett:  Well, its nothing like most of the CGI "thrillers" of today, though some directors do have some talent, as every generation has, but yes its considered one of the best ever by the film buff community.

Yolanda:  Wait, Brett, your not dating him too are you?  Without even consulting at least me your nearest wife?

Brett:  It had nothing to do with that!  I swear!  I was just opening up my movie loving heart to a new friend with no other entertainment for a million miles.

Yolanda:  I can think of other entertainment you could have thought up.

Brett:  That's because you have a sick mind.

Jake:  Shut the fuck up you two.  We just slammed a comet into a moon to give it oceans and an atmosphere and you two are immediately arguing over your love lives.  (Barely audible)  Its been too many long months, should never have them both on the same mission for so long.

Dr. Havind:  Would anyone like to see pictures of my cat?

[End of historical audio excerpt, source: archive files property of Museum of Jovian Colonization, Cassini City, Callisto]