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Description
      Sometimes I dream backwards. My day, my entire life, the whole world, will rewind like a VHS from the day of reckoning to Genesis. I could fall asleep in October and wake up in last January. Many a time I awake still half in a dream, usually after pouring a cup full of nothing into the coffee pot, to realize that I am now in reality, moving forward.

      Far too many times I have wanted to pause the VHS cassette. My life could stand still; I could stop at whatever moment I desired to visit, and just stay there. In just one night I could be seven years old and visiting my aunt Debbie, exploring her downtown loft and holding conversations with her parrot Harvey. I could skip to playing hide-and-go-seek with my cousins. Go to my first school dance. Go home with my dad, and not have another wife or another child sleeping in my old room. Go back to before I lost those close to me. I could still live in Arlington, I could be in Boise again, I could be in New York, I could be in Frisco. Unfortunately, in my dreams I am only going backwards. I do not get to skip the bad parts; I do not get to linger in my most cherished memories. I endure break-ups, funerals, divorces, fights, struggles. Though I am going in reverse, I still know that friends leave; I know that things die. I know that nothing can last forever. Reality is... that I live today. Reality is that my father left us. Reality is that Debbie died of brain cancer. Reality is that I moved more than any one should have. Reality is we would have never been happy. Reality is that I cannot have those I've lost returned to me.

       When I am awake, I can recall the memories I hold so dearly without having to hear the foreign tongue of those speaking backwards, or have the ending of a good story spoiled over and over again when I am in a reverie. I am in reality. I can remember wondrous things, but I cannot feel them as if I were there. Of course I would want nothing more than to relive certain events, I would love to stay in the past, I would love to own a flux capacitor and be able to travel through time and remain forever in bliss. Reality, however, is much more powerful than wishes and dreaming.

       I know that I must look forward, that time wouldn't wait for me even if I had asked nicely. In order to be content and progress into the future, one must face the present looking back on good times and being thankful for them, and recalling adverse times to reference past mistakes and to be careful not to make them again. My dreams still continue to retrace their steps, as Eve places the apple back on the tree. The plants and animals disappear. The waters recede, the land is no longer. Darkness engulfs the heavens and the earth. When there is nothing, I shall awaken.

Description
      Sometimes I dream backwards. My day, my entire life, the whole world, will rewind like a VHS from the day of reckoning to Genesis. I could fall asleep in October and wake up in last January. Many a time I awake still half in a dream, usually after pouring a cup full of nothing into the coffee pot, to realize that I am now in reality, moving forward.

      Far too many times I have wanted to pause the VHS cassette. My life could stand still; I could stop at whatever moment I desired to visit, and just stay there. In just one night I could be seven years old and visiting my aunt Debbie, exploring her downtown loft and holding conversations with her parrot Harvey. I could skip to playing hide-and-go-seek with my cousins. Go to my first school dance. Go home with my dad, and not have another wife or another child sleeping in my old room. Go back to before I lost those close to me. I could still live in Arlington, I could be in Boise again, I could be in New York, I could be in Frisco. Unfortunately, in my dreams I am only going backwards. I do not get to skip the bad parts; I do not get to linger in my most cherished memories. I endure break-ups, funerals, divorces, fights, struggles. Though I am going in reverse, I still know that friends leave; I know that things die. I know that nothing can last forever. Reality is... that I live today. Reality is that my father left us. Reality is that Debbie died of brain cancer. Reality is that I moved more than any one should have. Reality is we would have never been happy. Reality is that I cannot have those I've lost returned to me.

       When I am awake, I can recall the memories I hold so dearly without having to hear the foreign tongue of those speaking backwards, or have the ending of a good story spoiled over and over again when I am in a reverie. I am in reality. I can remember wondrous things, but I cannot feel them as if I were there. Of course I would want nothing more than to relive certain events, I would love to stay in the past, I would love to own a flux capacitor and be able to travel through time and remain forever in bliss. Reality, however, is much more powerful than wishes and dreaming.

       I know that I must look forward, that time wouldn't wait for me even if I had asked nicely. In order to be content and progress into the future, one must face the present looking back on good times and being thankful for them, and recalling adverse times to reference past mistakes and to be careful not to make them again. My dreams still continue to retrace their steps, as Eve places the apple back on the tree. The plants and animals disappear. The waters recede, the land is no longer. Darkness engulfs the heavens and the earth. When there is nothing, I shall awaken.