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sliverofciel — schizo
Published: 2011-01-28 20:52:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 774; Favourites: 22; Downloads: 5
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Description i wanted a proposal on an airplane
yesterday, that was a good day;

with your stomach making a sound like
a tinny orchestra i wasn't so afraid of
demyelination.

you told me, let's stop fighting
all the rainbows are yours

but they were hidden under your nails.

-


last week we watched a movie about  numinous storks— a girl and her legs
in tandem, the way they moved

like dry cells of the sun. eyes,
red and dreamy between the

spaces of the sloughed long year

which have watched the heterochromic you
ever since she was told

"beautiful, you make the sun come down"
and the heat gave her a dry mouth
and the rain that fell was a scalding;
left us as pink as angels.

-


i said, sing me something: each note was long as a holiday week.
i drank that song. down like
eggnog, until

the nostalgia was so thick
i thought my old-fashioned phone
could not deny it enough
Related content
Comments: 17

MysticFay [2011-02-12 22:49:28 +0000 UTC]

Lovely free work.

My favorite lines: i said, sing me something: each note was long as a holiday week.
i drank that song. down like
eggno

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neonsquiggle [2011-02-02 07:17:29 +0000 UTC]

Gorgeous~
(:

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Quolia [2011-01-31 06:24:52 +0000 UTC]

This has been featured here [link]

It would mean so much to me if you could the article to help spread the DA love

Have a wonderful day!

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AmarettoMixtape [2011-01-29 18:04:20 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful. the imagery is fresh. and i love how this flows.

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sliverofciel In reply to AmarettoMixtape [2011-01-29 23:58:50 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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Rusaiji [2011-01-29 02:52:37 +0000 UTC]

I like it, and find your commentary on it rather baffling and an interesting way of putting it.

I take issue with "that was a good day" only because I hear that phrase too much, and I think you could reword that in a more interesting and unusual way.

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sliverofciel In reply to Rusaiji [2011-01-29 23:58:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. You're probably right about the 'that was a good day' part, but I sort of write my poems around the first one or two lines, if that makes sense, so I find it hard to change them.

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Rusaiji In reply to sliverofciel [2011-01-30 02:59:47 +0000 UTC]

Oh I think you should keep the meaning of the line the same, just change the wording a little bit so people stop and think "well what an interesting way to put that." I just feel like poetry's at it's best (although I'm far from understanding it in the least) when you can rewrite a simple phrase and make someone reevaluate everything they thought they previously understood about it.

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toxic-nebulae [2011-01-29 00:39:40 +0000 UTC]

this entire thing is just so perfect.
I love it.

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sliverofciel In reply to toxic-nebulae [2011-01-29 23:56:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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toxic-nebulae In reply to sliverofciel [2011-01-30 00:02:17 +0000 UTC]

<3 you're welcome.

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BeatNickBarney [2011-01-29 00:35:18 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful, I adore it. And you are a skilled writer.

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sliverofciel In reply to BeatNickBarney [2011-01-29 23:56:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for saying that.

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Quolia [2011-01-29 00:13:59 +0000 UTC]

Wonderful I really admire your writing skills.

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sliverofciel In reply to Quolia [2011-01-29 23:56:37 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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churchmouth [2011-01-28 21:22:25 +0000 UTC]

oh my, this is absolutely beautiful.

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sliverofciel In reply to churchmouth [2011-01-29 23:56:27 +0000 UTC]

thank you.

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