HOME | DD
smkoehl — Oceans And Shaking Hands.
Published: 2010-11-03 22:29:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 211; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description
Separate the oceanand taste the sky
with brash actions;
tell god it's salted
with too many truths.
Write a ten line stanza
with too many questions
you'd never ask,
and promise
you'll be a better person
break it
because you're human,
and when you're angry,
your hands shake.
Comments: 26
um, hey. Just thought i would come back and tell you just how much i love this poem, i saved it on my computer see, and its kindof exactly my life at this current point in time.
just spent 15 minutes trying to find it on here >_< just so i could tell you how good it was. so yea, its amazing, and it's perfect, its exactly how it should be and like, there is nothing you could do to make it better. yeah, so hi and stuff.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
haha,Hello :]
And thank you,and I'm really glad you like it so much!
How've you been?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
yeah not to bad, i'm getting on. <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OH I LOVE THIS SO VERY VERY MUCH INDEED I MAY HAVE TO WRITE IT ON MY WALL. SERIOUS, I MAY ACTUALLY FOR ONCE WRITE THIS ON MY WALL ITS SO COOL AND I LOVE IT AND BLAIGH.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thaaank youuu.
your wall?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
anything that is absoutlely and totally amazing i proclaim will be scrawled upon my wall . this i may actually have to. or maybe make it into a t-shirt. that would be cool. <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Haha,I would love to see that :]
A T-shirt with a poem on it,that'd be awesome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i'll do that, and stick it on the back of a postcard of a painting. <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This sounds like instructions, ones I'm going to follow. Thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Wow, this is really good. I'm impressed. Thank you for it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Um,you're welcome? haha,and Thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
There is enough - it's concise and poignant in its delivery. The images are very emotive, and in that way they do link nicely. I particularly like the final stanza - the pause after 'break it' gives the final lines a very effecting weighting.
My one issue is the lack of punctuation - I think if you controlled the flow more it would read more smoothly and some of the meanings would translate better. You don't need to rephrase anything: just stick some punctuation points in here and there.
Overall, nice work! It makes an enjoyable read
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you very much,
I'll look at the punctuation in a bit.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Cool, short and sweet in my view. I like the first verse, amazing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Your very welcome again! Keep up the amazing work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1