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Description
Danny the Sableye paced back and forth across the living room of his master Elisa's home deep in thought.

It had been one year since his last get rich quick scheme, another Mythbuster's knockoff, that had ended with Danny getting stuck making a cheap sequel to the movie Rango in an attempt to keep his arch-nemesis and debt collector RGB the Kecleon from killing him.

So far Danny hadn't even begun filming and the few props that he had bought had totally drained his meager cash reserves. Also RGB had been threatening him more recently and Danny was desperate for something to satiate the greedy Kecleon until he could get enough money to finish the project.

Danny sighed as he sat down on the couch and stared at Elisa's laptop. All of his previous money making schemes had failed but that didn't mean Danny was going to give up. As he paged through various YouTube videos something suddenly caught his eye. Something he had never tried before, something that was safer and more guaranteed than ever to make a profit, and probably more legal than usual.

A wide grin spread across his face as his henchwoman Merry the Rotom flew into the room. "(Hello Poffin. Whatcha doing?)" Danny cringed at Merry's nickname for him but held his tongue as he turned to her. "(Merry, I need you to go and get Master's video camera. It's time we tried out luck once again at internet stardom.)" Merry's eyes got wide in fear at the mention of that and she quickly flew down so that she was at eye level with Danny.

"(Poffin please, remember what happened the last half dozen times you tried this. It's too risky.)" Danny's grin just got wider as he looked at Merry. "(Hey don't worry Merry. This time it's guaranteed to work, do you know why?)" Merry just shook her head but she had heard that same phrase from Danny several times before and she didn't like it.

"(Because this time we are not letting Tucker get involved and we are not going to break any laws.)" Merry thought about what Danny had said. Although she was still unsure about what he had in mind she would follow Danny through whatever capers he got himself involved in.

"(Alright Poffin. What did you have in mind?)" Danny turned the laptop so that Merry could see. "(Something controversial but at the same time thoroughly enjoyable that makes fun of things people enjoy while not alienating them.)" Merry thought about what Danny had just said for a second before answering. "(So you want to create an episode of South Park then?)" Danny raised an eyebrow in surprise at her answer.

"(Umm, no. But shelve that for later use. No Merry we are going to create an online movie review.)" Merry thought about that for a second before nodding her head. "(Okay, I guess that makes sense. So what do you need me to do Poffin?)"

Danny gritted his teeth and it took all his self control to keep from yelling at Merry to stop calling him that.

"(Just go get the camera and set it up in the living room in front of master's desk. I'll take care of the rest.)"

TWO HOURS LATER

Danny came walking in through the front door of Elisa's house dragging a large sack behind him. Merry quickly floated over and looked at the sack quizzically.

"(What's that Mr. D?)" Danny didn't answer right away as he dragged the sack into Elisa's bedroom before opening it to reveal a man in his early 30's bound and gagged. He had a rapidly receding hairline and was wearing a black baseball hat and red tie with a loose fitting black jacket. Merry gasped in shock as Danny threw the man into the closet but not before taking the black baseball hat he was wearing and his red tie.

"(POFFIN! You said that we wouldn't have to do anything illegal for this!)" Danny just shrugged as he walked back into the living room. "(Were pressed for time Merry and I had to improvise if I wanted to get the authentic hat and tie of the real Nostalgia Critic. I mean how else could I do a parody of him without his real hat and tie?)"

Merry was about to protest, thought better of it and just let out a deep sigh. "(Alright Poffin, but just please promise me that nothing will go wrong and you'll let him go after this is all done?)" Danny grinned and pulled Merry close to him while crossing his fingers behind his back. "(Of course Merry. But right now I need you to go and get this DVD from master's room and then get into the camera, alright?)" Merry nodded and floated off as Danny sat down at the desk and straightened the hat and tie.

Merry returned a minute later and handed Danny the DVD before moving over to the camera and floating inside of it.

"(Okay were all ready to go Mr. D!)" Danny gave Merry a thumbs up. "(Okay Merry everything looks good. Start rolling in five...four....three...two...one

...

"(Hello I'm the Nostalgic Sableye, I watch the crappy films that you don't want to sit through. Let's talk about Tim Burton.)"

Various images of Tim Burton appeared on the screen behind Danny as he began to speak.

"(Ah yes Tim Burton. Master of the dark and macabre. Whenever you watch a Tim Burton film you know that your in for a serious mental barrage of insanity. Yet Burton was not always the god of film that we know today. Burton got his start in the early 80's with some very simple and successful stop motion animation shorts such as Vincent and Frankenweenie and by late 80's had solidified himself as a top flight director with box office smash hits such as Batman. Yet despite all of this success it wasn't until 2005 that Burton got to do what he really wanted, and that was to create a full length stop motion film, Corpse Bride...which we will not be reviewing today.)"

Danny kicked the play button on the stereo under the desk which resulted in canned applause being played as he gave a theatrical bow. "(No need to thank me. I know how much everyone loves that film and I do not intend to insult it. No, today I have decided to review a far less controversial film, a film that Burton was involved in only in the sense of the story, characters, and entire plot. I am of course referring to the strangest, trippiest, and probably the most original film to come out of the 90's. The Nightmare Before Christmas!)"

There was a pause before a loud uproar of anger came from Elisa's front door. Danny screamed as a tomato was thrown through the window, narrowly missing his head. "Death to the infidel!" The crowd roared as Danny cowered under the desk as tomatoes, rocks, and the occasional shoe was thrown at him.

After a minute he finally poked his head up and looked over at the angry mob. "(Okay look, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I don't dislike this film. I just think that it has some problems that people tend to overlook because they have such a hard-on for Tim Burton. And you can't hate me for looking over those can you?)" Another pause was quickly followed by the mob charging into the house. Danny screamed again and grabbed the camera before running into Elisa's room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Danny set up Merry in the camera in front of Jenna's armchair before taking a seat. "(Alright, I think that were safe here.)" A second later pounding was heard at the door followed by the crowd shouting, "CRUCIFY HIM!! CRUCIFY HIM!!" A bead of sweat fell from Danny's head before turning back to Merry who had flipped the screen on the camera around so that she could look at Danny. "(Poffin, maybe we should have picked a different movie to review.)" Danny just waved off her complaint. "(Don't worry Merry, I'm sure that nothing else will go wrong.)" A moment later Elisa's closet door opened and the Nostalgia Critic hopped out.

"Danny you bastard. Give me my hat and gun back and I might just forget that this ever happened! For that matter stop this review right now before you destroy-" He didn't get any farther as Danny threw a sock from Elisa's hamper at him which stuck in his mouth. "(Put a sock in it...anyways without further ado let's dive right into Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas!)"

Merry played the opening scene from the movie as Danny started to talk. "(So as the movie begins we get a brief introduction about where holiday's come from.)"

NARRATOR: Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place
that perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story that you are
about to be told, took place in the holiday worlds of old. Now, you've
probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't, I'd say it's
time you begun.

Danny just rolled his eyes before responding. "(Oh really. I thought that holiday's came from society's need to make religious celebrations more politically correct. But I digress.)

Merry continued to show footage from the movie as the camera panned down into the tree with the Halloween symbol on it.

"(So instead of showing us where a holiday like Christmas or Easter or some other fun and joyous holiday comes from we enter into the creepy world of Halloween Town with...a musical number!)"

HALLOWEEN TOWN BEGINS
SHADOW: Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange.

SIAMESE SHADOW: Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween.

"(This is...one of the trippiest yet at the same time coolest scenes in any movie ever made. It has everything that you would expect from a music video about a town inhabited by Halloween creatures. Ghost's singing, skulls laughing, rolling heads, and some of the creepiest stop motion animation you will ever see...at least until you watch Corpse Bride. Yep this scene is just about perfect.)" Danny paused for a second before looking at the door and then back at the camera.

"(Well it does go a little overboard in the crazy department at times. I mean at one point the shadow of the Boogie Man appears on the moon. And before that a clown tears off his face. And it just keeps getting crazier and crazier until the finale when the scarecrow we saw at the beginning rides in and lights himself on fire before jumping into a well and rising out to reveal a tall skeleton.)" Danny stopped and just stared at the camera with his mouth hanging open.

"(There is not enough acid in the world to make you hallucinate anything crazier than this. But at the same time it is thoroughly an entertaining scene, unfortunately it's more or less the high point of the film because after this...well you'll see.)"

JACK RISES OUT OF WELL AND GREETS CROWD

"(So as the song ends we get our first look at our main character.)" Jack walks among the crowd being praised by the residents of Halloween Town. "(This is Jack voiced by Chris Sarandon. You know Prince Humperdinck from the Princess Bride. Anyways he's the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town and every year he leads all the monsters and other ghoulish creautes in their celebration of Halloween.)"

JACK LEAVES THE CROWD AS THE MAYOR BEGINS HANDING OUT AWARDS

"(At the same time we see the other main character in the movie, a rag-doll named Sally voiced by Catherine O'Hara. She was created by, HOLY CRAP!!)" Danny jumped up on the back of the chair in fright. "(WOW! I mean wow. Forget about the rest of the creatures in this town that mad scientist takes the cake. I mean just look at him, he's got bigger lips than Angelina Jolie! And we all know how creepy she looks to begin with.)"

SALLY RUNS OFF AFTER JACK

"(We cut back to Jack who walks through a graveyard contemplating Halloween. He's apparently gotten bored of it over the years and longs for something different. However, his thoughts are interrupted by the appearance of his dog Zero, who looks like the gay love-child of Casper and Rudolph.)"

"(So Jack walks through the graveyard and continues to lament about how he's bored with Halloween, only this time in song. This is probably a good time to mention that Jack actually has two separate voice actors. Chris Sarandon does his speaking voice while Danny Elfman does Jack's singing voice. And to the movies credit the transition between the two is seamless.)"

JACK'S LAMENT PLAYS
There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night

"(The song is typical Elfman, witty, charming, and incredibly creative.)"

And since I am dead, I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearean quotations
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations

"(Only someone named Danny could write that and make it sound legitimate on screen.)"

SONG FINISHES

"(So Jack finishes singing about how he's depressed that Halloween is all he does and then walks off. Meanwhile Sally, who apparently has a bit of crush on our boney friend, watches from afar before running back to Professor Lip Collagen. Who wants to "Go Upstairs" with her. Apparently to reattach her arm that came off during her escape but I don't know, something about the way he said that is just...ugh, disturbing.)"

CUT TO NEXT SCENE

"(The next morning the mayor, who looks like an extra from Cone-heads, goes to Jack's house to discuss plans for next years Halloween celebrations. I know it's what they live for but I think that they are taking this whole Halloween thing waaaay too seriously. Anyways Jack isn't home and the mayor immediately panics and sends out the other to search for Jack.

CUT BACK TO FOREST

"(Meanwhile Jack stumbles upon the opening scene from the movie and finds the holiday trees. He opens the Christmas one and gets sucked into, you guessed it, Christmas Town! Which causes Jack to break into song again.)"

WHAT'S THIS PLAYS

What's this? What's this?
There's color everywhere
What's this?
There's white things in the air
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair
What's this?
What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
There's people singing songs

"(Yeah so he sings about what he sees in Christmas Town, etc. Now to be fair this song is very upbeat and joyous and it's a nice turnaround after the dark atmosphere of Halloween Town. That being said it is kind of sudden and is it just me or does Christmas Town look like a combination of WhoVille and Santa's Workshop from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.)"

"(So Jack becomes infatuated with Christmas Town and decides to go back to Halloween Town and share what he's found.)"

DR. FINKLESTEIN'S CASTLE

"(Meanwhile we see Sally making dinner for the mad scientist, and poisoning it so that he'll be knocked out. Geez for being a mad scientist this guy is kind of a moron. I mean she's already poisoned you several other times before this and you still trust her to make your dinner for you!? How stupid is this guy? Oh well, complaining about it won't help anything. That's what the hard liquor afterwards is for.)"

JACK RETURNS

"(So Jack returns to Halloween Town where he gathers all the residents together and attempts to explain Christmas to them in...you guessed it, another song.)" Danny paused for a second to rub his eyes before continuing. "(Alright, I realize it's a Disney movie and you guys like to have lots of singing characters but...this is pushing it, I mean were not even half an hour in and we've already had four songs, what is this a musical. But again it is a very well done song so...I guess I can let this one slide.)"

TOWN MEETING SONG

"(Actually, this song feels more like a conversation with music, and that's basically what it is. Jack continually tries to explain Christmas to the rest of the residents who fail to grasp the concept of the holiday. So to finally satiate his bloodthirsty neighbors Jack decides to...embellish a little.)"

Well, I may as well give them what they want

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least that's what I've come to understand

And I've also heard it told
That he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red
When he sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night
Under full moonlight
He flies into a fog
Like a vulture in the sky
And they call him Sandy Claws

"(That's right, Jack just gave the citizens of Halloween Town an exact description...of Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. I mean who else could he be talking about? A giant red lobster named Sandy Claws, sounds like an exact duplicate to me.)"

DR. FINKLESTEIN'S CASTLE

"(The next day Jack goes to the mad scientist's castle where he has just locked Sally up for poisoning him again. About time. If it were me I would have chained that bitch to a bed and covered her in gumi's before playing some hot music from the late 70's...anyways Jack get's some lab equipment from the doctor and locks himself in his house to study Christmas. At the same time Sally breaks out of her room which, WHAT!? The window with bars on it just swings open!? What the hell? And she's got all sorts of stuff in her room that she can use to escape for that matter. Okay I'm convinced Professor Duck Lips is the worst evil genius ever! Hell even Dr. Evil would be like "Dude put a lock on that frickin thing." (Sigh) But enough about that we have...ANOTHER FRIGGIN SONG!!!)"

Danny pounded his head several times and took a swig from a bottle of bourbon before continuing. "(Okay, as I've said before none of these songs are bad but, it's just...you know what I actually don't have a good excuse for why I don't like all of songs in this film so I'm just going to do this. Every time I complain about there being too many songs in this film I'll have the camera give me an electric shock. Let's test it...I HATE HAVING ALL THE AHHHHHHHHH!!!)" Danny slumped over in the chair as Merry quickly floated over. "(Are you alright Poffin?)"

Danny's eyes got wide and he quickly sat up before throwing Merry back into the camera. "(Merry never call me that while the camera is still rolling, now without further ado let's continue. I'm seriously starting to regret having started this review.)" Danny straightened his hat and turned back to the camera with a wide grin on his face.

"(So this new song is Jack talking about his lack of understanding of Christmas etc. Really the only important part to the story in this entire song is the end where Jack decides to have Halloween Town take over Christmas for the year with him replacing Santa. Now I would like to point out that at this point in the movie Jack...how can I put this...he loses all common sense until the last ten minutes of the film. There's no other way to describe it. Jack literally has no ability to think rationally for the rest of the film.)"

Danny rested his head in his hands and groaned. "(You know I wouldn't mind so much if they hadn't built of Jack as being a rather intelligent character before hand. Because up until this point in the film he and Sally have been the only really logical characters. Now that Jack has lost his mind with joy over Christmas the only character keeping this movie from turning into an insane asylum is the talking rag-doll...no, I am going to keep myself from going overboard again. Instead were just going to cut to the next scene while I go and take a handful of pills.)"

INTERMISSION: www.youtube.com/watch?v=V55Zq5…

"(Whew, alright I'm back. Let's continue.)"

"(So Jack gathers all of the members of the town together and hands out jobs for them to do. Sally tries to warn Jack about a vision she had showing his Christmas going down in flames but he's too busy to listen to her. Also we get an introduction to three new characters, Lock, Shock, and Barrel. Apparently they are the best trick or treaters in town and also the henchmen of the Boogie man from the beginning of the film. Jack has a very special job for them. To bring the real Santa to Halloween Town so that Jack can take his place.)"

Danny stopped as a nervous grin spread across his face. "(See what I was saying about losing all of his common sense. In fact he knows that they work for the Boogie man and he still tells them not to let him in on it! JUST HOW STUPID IS HE!? I realize there isn't a brain in that skull of his but still, you would think, common sense!!!!! ARCEUS!!!)" Danny sighed before looking back up.

"(So Lock, Shock, and Barrel sing a song about kidnapping Sandy Claws. And were running low on time so let's just skip it. If you really want to see it just go look on YouTube or something. It really has no basis in the plot other than showing what we already know. Lock, Shock and Barrel told Oogie Boogie all about what's going on before riding a bathtub to Christmas Town. Whatever. Next scene)"

JACK ASKS SALLY TO MAKE SANDY CLAWS OUTFIT

"(Yeah so Jack asks Sally to make him a Santa suit and she again tries to tell him about her vision but once again Jack completely ignores her. Also Lock, Shock and Barrel show up with what they think is Santa only for it to be revealed to be the Easter Bunny. Apparently Jack didn't tell them which tree to go through, again no common sense. But enough about that we have another song!)"

MAKING CHRISTMAS

"(We've been over it before but this song actually has a lot more basis in the plot than the last one. This song shows the citizens of Halloween Town making all sorts of presents for the children of the real world. Of course none of them have any real concept of Christmas and Jack has lost all common sense so none of the toys are really child friendly. It does a good job of showing just how terribly wrong things are going to go in a few scenes and is quite catchy at the same time.)" Danny started to hum 'Making Christmas' while rocking back and forth.

"(So after that scene we cut again to Jack and Sally where she tries for a third time to talk Jack out of this whole Christmas thing and once again he ignores her and instead focuses on his new delivery from Lock, Shock, and Barrel. SANDY CLAWS!!)"

CUE CHORUS

"(Ah yes old fatso himself is delivered bound and tied to Halloween Town. And surprisingly he takes the news that his job is being taken over by a talking skeleton rather well considering.)"

Me? On vacation on Xmas eve?

"(Yeah that's pretty much the most he get's in before Lock, Shock, and Barrel bring him to Oogie Boogie who is voiced by Ken Page and looks like a deformed sock puppet...which is ironic because that's what he is. And I have to admit that this next song may very well be the best one in the whole movie save for the opening. Just listen to it and tell me that doesn't make you start tapping your foot along with beat.)"

OOGIE BOOGIE'S SONG

Well, well, well, what have we here?
Sandy Claws, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha

You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin' me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first

"(This song is just too much fun to listen to. I don't care if Oogie is the villain he's hand's down one of the best characters in the whole movie. I mean a Boogie man with a gambling addiction who sings. How is that not the weirdest and at the same time coolest thing you've ever heard of? But unfortunately we have to go back to Jack. But don't worry, there are plenty of more awesome Boogie scenes later to come.)"

JACK EMERGES FROM COFFIN

"(So as Jack get's ready to leave on his sleigh Sally pours fog juice into the well so that Jack's undead reindeer can't see. Gee, if only we had a ghostly specter with a bright and shining nose, oh wait Rudolph and Casper's gay lovechild. That's right we have a shameless ripoff of Rudolph here ready to pull Jack and his sleigh full of murderous toys to civilization. Hallelujah!)"

JACK FLIES OFF

"(As Jack leaves Sally goes to the graveyard and sings about how Jack doesn't seem to notice that she is in love with him and how worried she is about what's going to happen.)"

SALLY'S SONG

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

"(This is actually quite a touching song considering that it's being sung by a rag-doll, however, you will quickly forget you heard this song after the following scene.)"

JACK FLYING OVER NORMAL TOWN

"(So Jake starts to deliver presents and what a shock people start to call the police as their kids are attacked by murderous toys. Yeah, who could have seen that coming.)"

HALLOWEEN TOWN

"(Meanwhile back in Halloween Town Sally is listening to the radio and hears that they intend to shoot down Jack. So she decides to go and rescue Santa to try and set things right. Now in all honesty this scene is quite entertaining, if for no other reason we get to see more of Oogie.)"

OOGIE'S LAIR

Are you a gamblin man, Sandy? Let's play.

"(So Sally uses her disembodied leg to distract Oogie who immediately forgets about Santa and decides to go and see if he can score. Man, if he's attracted to that I would hate to see what his porn looks like. Sock Puppet's gone wild anyone?)"

"(Obviously Oogie figures out something is off when he sees that the leg isn't attached to a body and sucks in Santa and Sally...yeah, he sucks them back in. You know what the movie's almost over and at this point nothing is really going to surprise me.)"

NORMAL TOWN

"(Back in the real world Jack is finally shot down by the military and crash lands in a graveyard of all places before singing a song about how foolish his plan to take over Christmas was. Yeah, it took a flak round to the head to finally knock some sense into him. But it is nice to see Jack going back to normal at this point, especially after having to deal with his stupidity for the last half an hour.)"

POOR JACK

What have I done?
What have I done?
How could I be so blind?
All is lost, where was I?
Spoiled all, spoiled all
Everything's gone all wrong

What have I done?
What have I done?
Find a deep cave to hide in
In a million years they'll find me
Only dust and a plaque
That reads, 'Here Lies Poor Old Jack"

"(It is kind of strange though that now he realizes just how stupid a move it was to try and take over Christmas. You would have thought that after hearing everyone screaming their lungs out over the toys he gave them he would have figured out that something was wrong. Not to mention this song is just Jack basically feeling sorry for himself until realizing that what he's supposed to do is be terrifying. So he rips off his Santa suit and returns to Halloween Town to free Santa.)"

OOGIE'S LAIR

"(Meanwhile Oogie has set up Santa and Sally over a pool of lava...cliche but alright. And is about to drop them into it when Jack shows up. And to be perfectly honest the following fight scene is short but considering it was done with stop motion animation it is unbelievably awesome. I can't even describe how awesome it is. Here just...watch it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBnCfU…

"(Yeah isn't that just so awesome. Especially when Jack sits up and is like surprise Mother-f...er. But like I said it is a very short fight scene and the end is kind of disappointing. I mean Jack beats Oogie just by pulling a single string on his fabric body, yeah kind of a lame ending to such cool villain.)" Danny cracked his knuckles and cracked his neck before continuing.

"(So Oogie is defeated, Christmas is saved and...Santa flies out of Oogie's lair by holding his nose. Why didn't he do that earlier when he was first captured I don't know. But to show is gratitude Santa makes it snow in Halloween Town, giving a nice coating of white fluff to the dark and dingy town as Jack and Sally stand on the strange tree from the beginning and kiss as the movie ends.)"

Danny let out a loud sigh and collapsed as the credits started to roll.

"(So that was The Nightmare Before Christmas and like I said earlier it's not a bad film it just has some flaws that people tend to overlook because the rest of the film is so awesome. But enough about that, next week we'll be looking at a recent film that people love but I say has just as many flaws as the last one.

"(I'm the Nostalgic Sableye, I remember-)" BOOM

A single gunshot erupted and hit Danny dead center in the forehead. His eyes rolled into his head and he fell over onto the floor as Merry screamed in horror before looking over to where the shot had come from. Standing by the now open closet door was the Nostalgia Critic holding a pistol in his hand with smoke coiling from the barrel and deep scowl on his face.

"Danny you can steal my identity, you can steal my clothes, but no one steals my catchphrase." Danny just groaned as the Critic walked over to the camera and looked right into the lens.

"(I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember it so you don't have to! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and make an apology video while trying to find a decent place to hide a body."

POWER OFF

Description
Danny the Sableye paced back and forth across the living room of his master Elisa's home deep in thought.

It had been one year since his last get rich quick scheme, another Mythbuster's knockoff, that had ended with Danny getting stuck making a cheap sequel to the movie Rango in an attempt to keep his arch-nemesis and debt collector RGB the Kecleon from killing him.

So far Danny hadn't even begun filming and the few props that he had bought had totally drained his meager cash reserves. Also RGB had been threatening him more recently and Danny was desperate for something to satiate the greedy Kecleon until he could get enough money to finish the project.

Danny sighed as he sat down on the couch and stared at Elisa's laptop. All of his previous money making schemes had failed but that didn't mean Danny was going to give up. As he paged through various YouTube videos something suddenly caught his eye. Something he had never tried before, something that was safer and more guaranteed than ever to make a profit, and probably more legal than usual.

A wide grin spread across his face as his henchwoman Merry the Rotom flew into the room. "(Hello Poffin. Whatcha doing?)" Danny cringed at Merry's nickname for him but held his tongue as he turned to her. "(Merry, I need you to go and get Master's video camera. It's time we tried out luck once again at internet stardom.)" Merry's eyes got wide in fear at the mention of that and she quickly flew down so that she was at eye level with Danny.

"(Poffin please, remember what happened the last half dozen times you tried this. It's too risky.)" Danny's grin just got wider as he looked at Merry. "(Hey don't worry Merry. This time it's guaranteed to work, do you know why?)" Merry just shook her head but she had heard that same phrase from Danny several times before and she didn't like it.

"(Because this time we are not letting Tucker get involved and we are not going to break any laws.)" Merry thought about what Danny had said. Although she was still unsure about what he had in mind she would follow Danny through whatever capers he got himself involved in.

"(Alright Poffin. What did you have in mind?)" Danny turned the laptop so that Merry could see. "(Something controversial but at the same time thoroughly enjoyable that makes fun of things people enjoy while not alienating them.)" Merry thought about what Danny had just said for a second before answering. "(So you want to create an episode of South Park then?)" Danny raised an eyebrow in surprise at her answer.

"(Umm, no. But shelve that for later use. No Merry we are going to create an online movie review.)" Merry thought about that for a second before nodding her head. "(Okay, I guess that makes sense. So what do you need me to do Poffin?)"

Danny gritted his teeth and it took all his self control to keep from yelling at Merry to stop calling him that.

"(Just go get the camera and set it up in the living room in front of master's desk. I'll take care of the rest.)"

TWO HOURS LATER

Danny came walking in through the front door of Elisa's house dragging a large sack behind him. Merry quickly floated over and looked at the sack quizzically.

"(What's that Mr. D?)" Danny didn't answer right away as he dragged the sack into Elisa's bedroom before opening it to reveal a man in his early 30's bound and gagged. He had a rapidly receding hairline and was wearing a black baseball hat and red tie with a loose fitting black jacket. Merry gasped in shock as Danny threw the man into the closet but not before taking the black baseball hat he was wearing and his red tie.

"(POFFIN! You said that we wouldn't have to do anything illegal for this!)" Danny just shrugged as he walked back into the living room. "(Were pressed for time Merry and I had to improvise if I wanted to get the authentic hat and tie of the real Nostalgia Critic. I mean how else could I do a parody of him without his real hat and tie?)"

Merry was about to protest, thought better of it and just let out a deep sigh. "(Alright Poffin, but just please promise me that nothing will go wrong and you'll let him go after this is all done?)" Danny grinned and pulled Merry close to him while crossing his fingers behind his back. "(Of course Merry. But right now I need you to go and get this DVD from master's room and then get into the camera, alright?)" Merry nodded and floated off as Danny sat down at the desk and straightened the hat and tie.

Merry returned a minute later and handed Danny the DVD before moving over to the camera and floating inside of it.

"(Okay were all ready to go Mr. D!)" Danny gave Merry a thumbs up. "(Okay Merry everything looks good. Start rolling in five...four....three...two...one

...

"(Hello I'm the Nostalgic Sableye, I watch the crappy films that you don't want to sit through. Let's talk about Tim Burton.)"

Various images of Tim Burton appeared on the screen behind Danny as he began to speak.

"(Ah yes Tim Burton. Master of the dark and macabre. Whenever you watch a Tim Burton film you know that your in for a serious mental barrage of insanity. Yet Burton was not always the god of film that we know today. Burton got his start in the early 80's with some very simple and successful stop motion animation shorts such as Vincent and Frankenweenie and by late 80's had solidified himself as a top flight director with box office smash hits such as Batman. Yet despite all of this success it wasn't until 2005 that Burton got to do what he really wanted, and that was to create a full length stop motion film, Corpse Bride...which we will not be reviewing today.)"

Danny kicked the play button on the stereo under the desk which resulted in canned applause being played as he gave a theatrical bow. "(No need to thank me. I know how much everyone loves that film and I do not intend to insult it. No, today I have decided to review a far less controversial film, a film that Burton was involved in only in the sense of the story, characters, and entire plot. I am of course referring to the strangest, trippiest, and probably the most original film to come out of the 90's. The Nightmare Before Christmas!)"

There was a pause before a loud uproar of anger came from Elisa's front door. Danny screamed as a tomato was thrown through the window, narrowly missing his head. "Death to the infidel!" The crowd roared as Danny cowered under the desk as tomatoes, rocks, and the occasional shoe was thrown at him.

After a minute he finally poked his head up and looked over at the angry mob. "(Okay look, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I don't dislike this film. I just think that it has some problems that people tend to overlook because they have such a hard-on for Tim Burton. And you can't hate me for looking over those can you?)" Another pause was quickly followed by the mob charging into the house. Danny screamed again and grabbed the camera before running into Elisa's room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Danny set up Merry in the camera in front of Jenna's armchair before taking a seat. "(Alright, I think that were safe here.)" A second later pounding was heard at the door followed by the crowd shouting, "CRUCIFY HIM!! CRUCIFY HIM!!" A bead of sweat fell from Danny's head before turning back to Merry who had flipped the screen on the camera around so that she could look at Danny. "(Poffin, maybe we should have picked a different movie to review.)" Danny just waved off her complaint. "(Don't worry Merry, I'm sure that nothing else will go wrong.)" A moment later Elisa's closet door opened and the Nostalgia Critic hopped out.

"Danny you bastard. Give me my hat and gun back and I might just forget that this ever happened! For that matter stop this review right now before you destroy-" He didn't get any farther as Danny threw a sock from Elisa's hamper at him which stuck in his mouth. "(Put a sock in it...anyways without further ado let's dive right into Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas!)"

Merry played the opening scene from the movie as Danny started to talk. "(So as the movie begins we get a brief introduction about where holiday's come from.)"

NARRATOR: Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place
that perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story that you are
about to be told, took place in the holiday worlds of old. Now, you've
probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't, I'd say it's
time you begun.

Danny just rolled his eyes before responding. "(Oh really. I thought that holiday's came from society's need to make religious celebrations more politically correct. But I digress.)

Merry continued to show footage from the movie as the camera panned down into the tree with the Halloween symbol on it.

"(So instead of showing us where a holiday like Christmas or Easter or some other fun and joyous holiday comes from we enter into the creepy world of Halloween Town with...a musical number!)"

HALLOWEEN TOWN BEGINS
SHADOW: Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange.

SIAMESE SHADOW: Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween.

"(This is...one of the trippiest yet at the same time coolest scenes in any movie ever made. It has everything that you would expect from a music video about a town inhabited by Halloween creatures. Ghost's singing, skulls laughing, rolling heads, and some of the creepiest stop motion animation you will ever see...at least until you watch Corpse Bride. Yep this scene is just about perfect.)" Danny paused for a second before looking at the door and then back at the camera.

"(Well it does go a little overboard in the crazy department at times. I mean at one point the shadow of the Boogie Man appears on the moon. And before that a clown tears off his face. And it just keeps getting crazier and crazier until the finale when the scarecrow we saw at the beginning rides in and lights himself on fire before jumping into a well and rising out to reveal a tall skeleton.)" Danny stopped and just stared at the camera with his mouth hanging open.

"(There is not enough acid in the world to make you hallucinate anything crazier than this. But at the same time it is thoroughly an entertaining scene, unfortunately it's more or less the high point of the film because after this...well you'll see.)"

JACK RISES OUT OF WELL AND GREETS CROWD

"(So as the song ends we get our first look at our main character.)" Jack walks among the crowd being praised by the residents of Halloween Town. "(This is Jack voiced by Chris Sarandon. You know Prince Humperdinck from the Princess Bride. Anyways he's the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town and every year he leads all the monsters and other ghoulish creautes in their celebration of Halloween.)"

JACK LEAVES THE CROWD AS THE MAYOR BEGINS HANDING OUT AWARDS

"(At the same time we see the other main character in the movie, a rag-doll named Sally voiced by Catherine O'Hara. She was created by, HOLY CRAP!!)" Danny jumped up on the back of the chair in fright. "(WOW! I mean wow. Forget about the rest of the creatures in this town that mad scientist takes the cake. I mean just look at him, he's got bigger lips than Angelina Jolie! And we all know how creepy she looks to begin with.)"

SALLY RUNS OFF AFTER JACK

"(We cut back to Jack who walks through a graveyard contemplating Halloween. He's apparently gotten bored of it over the years and longs for something different. However, his thoughts are interrupted by the appearance of his dog Zero, who looks like the gay love-child of Casper and Rudolph.)"

"(So Jack walks through the graveyard and continues to lament about how he's bored with Halloween, only this time in song. This is probably a good time to mention that Jack actually has two separate voice actors. Chris Sarandon does his speaking voice while Danny Elfman does Jack's singing voice. And to the movies credit the transition between the two is seamless.)"

JACK'S LAMENT PLAYS
There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night

"(The song is typical Elfman, witty, charming, and incredibly creative.)"

And since I am dead, I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearean quotations
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations

"(Only someone named Danny could write that and make it sound legitimate on screen.)"

SONG FINISHES

"(So Jack finishes singing about how he's depressed that Halloween is all he does and then walks off. Meanwhile Sally, who apparently has a bit of crush on our boney friend, watches from afar before running back to Professor Lip Collagen. Who wants to "Go Upstairs" with her. Apparently to reattach her arm that came off during her escape but I don't know, something about the way he said that is just...ugh, disturbing.)"

CUT TO NEXT SCENE

"(The next morning the mayor, who looks like an extra from Cone-heads, goes to Jack's house to discuss plans for next years Halloween celebrations. I know it's what they live for but I think that they are taking this whole Halloween thing waaaay too seriously. Anyways Jack isn't home and the mayor immediately panics and sends out the other to search for Jack.

CUT BACK TO FOREST

"(Meanwhile Jack stumbles upon the opening scene from the movie and finds the holiday trees. He opens the Christmas one and gets sucked into, you guessed it, Christmas Town! Which causes Jack to break into song again.)"

WHAT'S THIS PLAYS

What's this? What's this?
There's color everywhere
What's this?
There's white things in the air
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes
I must be dreaming
Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair
What's this?
What's this? What's this?
There's something very wrong
What's this?
There's people singing songs

"(Yeah so he sings about what he sees in Christmas Town, etc. Now to be fair this song is very upbeat and joyous and it's a nice turnaround after the dark atmosphere of Halloween Town. That being said it is kind of sudden and is it just me or does Christmas Town look like a combination of WhoVille and Santa's Workshop from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.)"

"(So Jack becomes infatuated with Christmas Town and decides to go back to Halloween Town and share what he's found.)"

DR. FINKLESTEIN'S CASTLE

"(Meanwhile we see Sally making dinner for the mad scientist, and poisoning it so that he'll be knocked out. Geez for being a mad scientist this guy is kind of a moron. I mean she's already poisoned you several other times before this and you still trust her to make your dinner for you!? How stupid is this guy? Oh well, complaining about it won't help anything. That's what the hard liquor afterwards is for.)"

JACK RETURNS

"(So Jack returns to Halloween Town where he gathers all the residents together and attempts to explain Christmas to them in...you guessed it, another song.)" Danny paused for a second to rub his eyes before continuing. "(Alright, I realize it's a Disney movie and you guys like to have lots of singing characters but...this is pushing it, I mean were not even half an hour in and we've already had four songs, what is this a musical. But again it is a very well done song so...I guess I can let this one slide.)"

TOWN MEETING SONG

"(Actually, this song feels more like a conversation with music, and that's basically what it is. Jack continually tries to explain Christmas to the rest of the residents who fail to grasp the concept of the holiday. So to finally satiate his bloodthirsty neighbors Jack decides to...embellish a little.)"

Well, I may as well give them what they want

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least that's what I've come to understand

And I've also heard it told
That he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red
When he sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night
Under full moonlight
He flies into a fog
Like a vulture in the sky
And they call him Sandy Claws

"(That's right, Jack just gave the citizens of Halloween Town an exact description...of Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. I mean who else could he be talking about? A giant red lobster named Sandy Claws, sounds like an exact duplicate to me.)"

DR. FINKLESTEIN'S CASTLE

"(The next day Jack goes to the mad scientist's castle where he has just locked Sally up for poisoning him again. About time. If it were me I would have chained that bitch to a bed and covered her in gumi's before playing some hot music from the late 70's...anyways Jack get's some lab equipment from the doctor and locks himself in his house to study Christmas. At the same time Sally breaks out of her room which, WHAT!? The window with bars on it just swings open!? What the hell? And she's got all sorts of stuff in her room that she can use to escape for that matter. Okay I'm convinced Professor Duck Lips is the worst evil genius ever! Hell even Dr. Evil would be like "Dude put a lock on that frickin thing." (Sigh) But enough about that we have...ANOTHER FRIGGIN SONG!!!)"

Danny pounded his head several times and took a swig from a bottle of bourbon before continuing. "(Okay, as I've said before none of these songs are bad but, it's just...you know what I actually don't have a good excuse for why I don't like all of songs in this film so I'm just going to do this. Every time I complain about there being too many songs in this film I'll have the camera give me an electric shock. Let's test it...I HATE HAVING ALL THE AHHHHHHHHH!!!)" Danny slumped over in the chair as Merry quickly floated over. "(Are you alright Poffin?)"

Danny's eyes got wide and he quickly sat up before throwing Merry back into the camera. "(Merry never call me that while the camera is still rolling, now without further ado let's continue. I'm seriously starting to regret having started this review.)" Danny straightened his hat and turned back to the camera with a wide grin on his face.

"(So this new song is Jack talking about his lack of understanding of Christmas etc. Really the only important part to the story in this entire song is the end where Jack decides to have Halloween Town take over Christmas for the year with him replacing Santa. Now I would like to point out that at this point in the movie Jack...how can I put this...he loses all common sense until the last ten minutes of the film. There's no other way to describe it. Jack literally has no ability to think rationally for the rest of the film.)"

Danny rested his head in his hands and groaned. "(You know I wouldn't mind so much if they hadn't built of Jack as being a rather intelligent character before hand. Because up until this point in the film he and Sally have been the only really logical characters. Now that Jack has lost his mind with joy over Christmas the only character keeping this movie from turning into an insane asylum is the talking rag-doll...no, I am going to keep myself from going overboard again. Instead were just going to cut to the next scene while I go and take a handful of pills.)"

INTERMISSION: www.youtube.com/watch?v=V55Zq5…

"(Whew, alright I'm back. Let's continue.)"

"(So Jack gathers all of the members of the town together and hands out jobs for them to do. Sally tries to warn Jack about a vision she had showing his Christmas going down in flames but he's too busy to listen to her. Also we get an introduction to three new characters, Lock, Shock, and Barrel. Apparently they are the best trick or treaters in town and also the henchmen of the Boogie man from the beginning of the film. Jack has a very special job for them. To bring the real Santa to Halloween Town so that Jack can take his place.)"

Danny stopped as a nervous grin spread across his face. "(See what I was saying about losing all of his common sense. In fact he knows that they work for the Boogie man and he still tells them not to let him in on it! JUST HOW STUPID IS HE!? I realize there isn't a brain in that skull of his but still, you would think, common sense!!!!! ARCEUS!!!)" Danny sighed before looking back up.

"(So Lock, Shock, and Barrel sing a song about kidnapping Sandy Claws. And were running low on time so let's just skip it. If you really want to see it just go look on YouTube or something. It really has no basis in the plot other than showing what we already know. Lock, Shock and Barrel told Oogie Boogie all about what's going on before riding a bathtub to Christmas Town. Whatever. Next scene)"

JACK ASKS SALLY TO MAKE SANDY CLAWS OUTFIT

"(Yeah so Jack asks Sally to make him a Santa suit and she again tries to tell him about her vision but once again Jack completely ignores her. Also Lock, Shock and Barrel show up with what they think is Santa only for it to be revealed to be the Easter Bunny. Apparently Jack didn't tell them which tree to go through, again no common sense. But enough about that we have another song!)"

MAKING CHRISTMAS

"(We've been over it before but this song actually has a lot more basis in the plot than the last one. This song shows the citizens of Halloween Town making all sorts of presents for the children of the real world. Of course none of them have any real concept of Christmas and Jack has lost all common sense so none of the toys are really child friendly. It does a good job of showing just how terribly wrong things are going to go in a few scenes and is quite catchy at the same time.)" Danny started to hum 'Making Christmas' while rocking back and forth.

"(So after that scene we cut again to Jack and Sally where she tries for a third time to talk Jack out of this whole Christmas thing and once again he ignores her and instead focuses on his new delivery from Lock, Shock, and Barrel. SANDY CLAWS!!)"

CUE CHORUS

"(Ah yes old fatso himself is delivered bound and tied to Halloween Town. And surprisingly he takes the news that his job is being taken over by a talking skeleton rather well considering.)"

Me? On vacation on Xmas eve?

"(Yeah that's pretty much the most he get's in before Lock, Shock, and Barrel bring him to Oogie Boogie who is voiced by Ken Page and looks like a deformed sock puppet...which is ironic because that's what he is. And I have to admit that this next song may very well be the best one in the whole movie save for the opening. Just listen to it and tell me that doesn't make you start tapping your foot along with beat.)"

OOGIE BOOGIE'S SONG

Well, well, well, what have we here?
Sandy Claws, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha

You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin' me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first

"(This song is just too much fun to listen to. I don't care if Oogie is the villain he's hand's down one of the best characters in the whole movie. I mean a Boogie man with a gambling addiction who sings. How is that not the weirdest and at the same time coolest thing you've ever heard of? But unfortunately we have to go back to Jack. But don't worry, there are plenty of more awesome Boogie scenes later to come.)"

JACK EMERGES FROM COFFIN

"(So as Jack get's ready to leave on his sleigh Sally pours fog juice into the well so that Jack's undead reindeer can't see. Gee, if only we had a ghostly specter with a bright and shining nose, oh wait Rudolph and Casper's gay lovechild. That's right we have a shameless ripoff of Rudolph here ready to pull Jack and his sleigh full of murderous toys to civilization. Hallelujah!)"

JACK FLIES OFF

"(As Jack leaves Sally goes to the graveyard and sings about how Jack doesn't seem to notice that she is in love with him and how worried she is about what's going to happen.)"

SALLY'S SONG

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

"(This is actually quite a touching song considering that it's being sung by a rag-doll, however, you will quickly forget you heard this song after the following scene.)"

JACK FLYING OVER NORMAL TOWN

"(So Jake starts to deliver presents and what a shock people start to call the police as their kids are attacked by murderous toys. Yeah, who could have seen that coming.)"

HALLOWEEN TOWN

"(Meanwhile back in Halloween Town Sally is listening to the radio and hears that they intend to shoot down Jack. So she decides to go and rescue Santa to try and set things right. Now in all honesty this scene is quite entertaining, if for no other reason we get to see more of Oogie.)"

OOGIE'S LAIR

Are you a gamblin man, Sandy? Let's play.

"(So Sally uses her disembodied leg to distract Oogie who immediately forgets about Santa and decides to go and see if he can score. Man, if he's attracted to that I would hate to see what his porn looks like. Sock Puppet's gone wild anyone?)"

"(Obviously Oogie figures out something is off when he sees that the leg isn't attached to a body and sucks in Santa and Sally...yeah, he sucks them back in. You know what the movie's almost over and at this point nothing is really going to surprise me.)"

NORMAL TOWN

"(Back in the real world Jack is finally shot down by the military and crash lands in a graveyard of all places before singing a song about how foolish his plan to take over Christmas was. Yeah, it took a flak round to the head to finally knock some sense into him. But it is nice to see Jack going back to normal at this point, especially after having to deal with his stupidity for the last half an hour.)"

POOR JACK

What have I done?
What have I done?
How could I be so blind?
All is lost, where was I?
Spoiled all, spoiled all
Everything's gone all wrong

What have I done?
What have I done?
Find a deep cave to hide in
In a million years they'll find me
Only dust and a plaque
That reads, 'Here Lies Poor Old Jack"

"(It is kind of strange though that now he realizes just how stupid a move it was to try and take over Christmas. You would have thought that after hearing everyone screaming their lungs out over the toys he gave them he would have figured out that something was wrong. Not to mention this song is just Jack basically feeling sorry for himself until realizing that what he's supposed to do is be terrifying. So he rips off his Santa suit and returns to Halloween Town to free Santa.)"

OOGIE'S LAIR

"(Meanwhile Oogie has set up Santa and Sally over a pool of lava...cliche but alright. And is about to drop them into it when Jack shows up. And to be perfectly honest the following fight scene is short but considering it was done with stop motion animation it is unbelievably awesome. I can't even describe how awesome it is. Here just...watch it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBnCfU…

"(Yeah isn't that just so awesome. Especially when Jack sits up and is like surprise Mother-f...er. But like I said it is a very short fight scene and the end is kind of disappointing. I mean Jack beats Oogie just by pulling a single string on his fabric body, yeah kind of a lame ending to such cool villain.)" Danny cracked his knuckles and cracked his neck before continuing.

"(So Oogie is defeated, Christmas is saved and...Santa flies out of Oogie's lair by holding his nose. Why didn't he do that earlier when he was first captured I don't know. But to show is gratitude Santa makes it snow in Halloween Town, giving a nice coating of white fluff to the dark and dingy town as Jack and Sally stand on the strange tree from the beginning and kiss as the movie ends.)"

Danny let out a loud sigh and collapsed as the credits started to roll.

"(So that was The Nightmare Before Christmas and like I said earlier it's not a bad film it just has some flaws that people tend to overlook because the rest of the film is so awesome. But enough about that, next week we'll be looking at a recent film that people love but I say has just as many flaws as the last one.

"(I'm the Nostalgic Sableye, I remember-)" BOOM

A single gunshot erupted and hit Danny dead center in the forehead. His eyes rolled into his head and he fell over onto the floor as Merry screamed in horror before looking over to where the shot had come from. Standing by the now open closet door was the Nostalgia Critic holding a pistol in his hand with smoke coiling from the barrel and deep scowl on his face.

"Danny you can steal my identity, you can steal my clothes, but no one steals my catchphrase." Danny just groaned as the Critic walked over to the camera and looked right into the lens.

"(I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember it so you don't have to! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and make an apology video while trying to find a decent place to hide a body."

POWER OFF