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successwithhonor — rant
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Published: 2013-08-21 02:28:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 1206; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 1
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Description      maybe that's the problem, that when it all
     comes down to it we're a bunch of selfish
     motherfuckers— the lot of us,

that maybe we'll be a little better off with fresh flowers
on the kitchen table, raspberry jam for breakfast,
cellophane sunsets & tangerine skies, holding hands
for too long, sharing yourself with a stranger until you
no longer regard them as such, waking up the next day
and not being too afraid of ourselves to let it happen again;
spending all our money on appleseeds, planting them and
taking a nap until spring, watching as the earth sucks the snow
from the frozen sidewalk; reading books, books with spines
that break and then picking up the pieces, one by one, as we learn
to crawl and then dance on this spiral staircase of an existence;
climbing up to high places to try and get a better outlook on
life, peeking over the side and regarding the horizon as the
majesty that it is; telling stories beyond the campfire, loud
enough for everyone to hear, staying the night and watching
the sun wink the sky in the morning, telling people that we
love them, even if we only mean it for a little while, because
sometimes the most beautiful things of all are just that—
temporary; actually meaning it, holding hands for too long,
and I know I already said that but that's because it's damn important,

maybe the world needs more laughers, more late night sharers
and shower singers, more broken things

I believe that too many people don’t believe in anything anymore,
that the sky is not where we should aspire to go, no matter
how many times we try to grow wings, and darkness
is not the beast we have made it out to be

maybe life is a game & we're all losing to ourselves, failing to
see god in the childspeak we've left behind, learned  that though
you can open your eyes underwater, you will never be able to
take a breath and now being unwilling to try;

maybe life is like a box of chocolates, only after you've eaten
all of the ones that you actually like,

     but try one, my god, help yourself
     maybe you'll find something, if not
     what you've been looking for all along
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Comments: 17

VenetianCloud [2016-12-01 14:27:03 +0000 UTC]

and darkness 
is not the beast we have made it out to be
...
That pretty much sums it up. Best poems on deviantart.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

successwithhonor In reply to VenetianCloud [2016-12-07 18:40:27 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VenetianCloud In reply to successwithhonor [2016-12-07 20:45:10 +0000 UTC]

   

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Sammur-amat [2013-10-04 20:46:42 +0000 UTC]

homigosh this is the stuff

congratulations on the DLD, lovely thing

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UnspecifiedUnknown [2013-09-21 04:28:56 +0000 UTC]

how. the fuck. did i not. read this. 

you are like

you are. like. anis's contender. 

glorified contender 

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successwithhonor In reply to UnspecifiedUnknown [2013-09-21 18:51:30 +0000 UTC]

.this is the greatest most incredible thing anyone's ever said to me


fuck


yes

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UnspecifiedUnknown In reply to successwithhonor [2013-09-21 18:54:49 +0000 UTC]

good. 

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glossolalias [2013-09-01 21:51:41 +0000 UTC]

the new ending is much better.

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successwithhonor In reply to glossolalias [2013-09-01 23:00:37 +0000 UTC]

even worthy of a fave, i see

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glossolalias In reply to successwithhonor [2013-09-01 23:00:47 +0000 UTC]

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DailyLitDeviations [2013-09-01 04:33:25 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our "Pick of the Day". It is featured in a news article here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

successwithhonor In reply to DailyLitDeviations [2013-09-01 20:15:25 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

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glossolalias [2013-08-27 05:06:57 +0000 UTC]

i really liked this up until the last two lines. they're very trite compared to all the detailed imagery you bothered to delve into to expound upon your opening stanza.

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successwithhonor In reply to glossolalias [2013-08-27 05:13:43 +0000 UTC]

you know, i wasn't sure. i felt like it almost needed something blunt to contrast the run on imagery. i'm not sure-- i never am.  perhaps this needs to go on the radar for an edit.

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nosedivve In reply to successwithhonor [2013-09-01 04:37:47 +0000 UTC]

I agree completely with *glossolalias . This is a really great poem, but those last two lines were too abrupt, in my opinion. The idea is great, but the wording was too simple in contrast to the rest of the poem. That's my opinion, though, and you don't have to think it as truth, so take it as you wish.

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glossolalias In reply to successwithhonor [2013-08-27 05:15:46 +0000 UTC]

it was an abrupt stop, which can be an excellent thing in the right piece, but compared to the rest of the poem it just isn't as good. needs some tweaking at least; i'd suggest keeping the idea and expanding upon it. or reaching back for something more nuanced.

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momo-madness [2013-08-21 23:34:37 +0000 UTC]

absolutely stunning. such vivid imagery and i really wish i had as much talent as you do

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