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sykopath90 — Spirit of Water
Published: 2006-07-27 14:39:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 158; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 5
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Description
Flowing streamsGentle flakes
Gliding into
Frozen lakes
She arises
The queen of the ice
Mistress of water
Natures flowing vice
Kind or deadly
She shifts emotions
Revealing true pains
With corresponding motions
As her waves crash
On shores of humanity
Ebbing and flowing
As we stand in insanity
The rain she drops
Onto our faces
It shows to us
Our minds' empty spaces
She reveals our pains
But also our dreams
Yet the queen of our lives
Gives us control as it seems
Comments: 9
This one's much better than the last one. It flows easier and rhymes better. Nice job.
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Wow...I like it. I see where you were having trouble, but you pulled through it and the poem came out beautifully. I only wish you'd been able to include the more beautiful side of water... its gracefullness.
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well you'd have to keep to the general length and meter of the poems you've already written, which would mean taking out some of the things that are there. That's your choice.
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Very well done, a romantic and epic feel to it. It feels much smoother when read through the second time. I wouldn't change much of it, well done.
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I have to say that I really think you captured the meaning of water. I know that it was hard for you to figure out the correct wording for this and it is easily seen throughout the poem. The complexity of the poem is great and you are improving rapidly. Continue on in expanding your horizons towards writting. You have found your passion so, go with it.
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Nice imagery. Definitely got back into the flow of the poetry.
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