Comments: 10
Neverdiex [2011-06-12 20:08:45 +0000 UTC]
Excellent as always sir. I love the imagery you pull up...
"; long legs propelling it forward faster than normal."
-That seems a bit awkward. At first read, I wasn't sure if it was the enemy's or hers (course...someone was trying to talk to me, so perhaps it was because of that...)
The victory dance was funny. XD
The dress was not a surprise this time. ^___^
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TearMyselfUp In reply to Neverdiex [2011-06-13 00:37:01 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the criticism! I'll be sure to look over that part.
I'm glad you liked it over all though. ^_^
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OZKai [2011-05-28 02:44:25 +0000 UTC]
I don't immediately see any change, but that's not what I'd call a bad thing. The narrative is still top tier, and look forward to further installments.
...
Like, NOW!
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TearMyselfUp In reply to OZKai [2011-05-28 02:49:46 +0000 UTC]
They were kind of minor...they probably just seemed more significant to me because I've read this damn thing over and over and over again, so I see every little detail.
...like the Matrix...
...WHOA.
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OZKai In reply to TearMyselfUp [2011-05-28 02:55:18 +0000 UTC]
That "4" wasn't there before...
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colemicks [2011-04-08 01:27:37 +0000 UTC]
Yes, I did indeed. Very impressed sir.
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colemicks [2011-04-07 22:17:13 +0000 UTC]
Next page please!!!
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TearMyselfUp In reply to colemicks [2011-04-07 22:20:53 +0000 UTC]
Wait, did you? Yes...you did create a DA page JUST to read my writings.
Very Nice.
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OZKai [2011-04-07 19:58:57 +0000 UTC]
... Damn, man...
I see you made some name changes, but, it still seems to work with what I know/remember about the character.
A couple of things broke the tension (Her amazement at her plan working, waiting at the elevator, etc.), which brought me a subtle, and well-needed, chuckle. The ominous views of unexplained terms and references make for a good mystery, so long as the reader has the patience (Then it's not for them, anyway) to eventually find out.
All in all, the writing does seem to have piqued higher than your previous version.
At this rate, I may want to wait before I do any further illustrations for this, as things seem to be altering faster than I could keep up with! ^_^;
"I'm going to have to make up a word to describe this. And that word shall be... 'Scrumtrillescient'."
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TearMyselfUp In reply to OZKai [2011-04-07 21:25:27 +0000 UTC]
I can't say I've made any changes that would screw up an illustration. Mainly a name change or two and a better overall narrative I can spin into multiple books. I'll fill ya in. ^_^
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