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Description
I went to a Super Walmart the other day, and that was a stupid fucking idea. First of all I walk in and the whole place is trashed. There’s merchandise everywhere, and people are digging through it like animals while I’m trying to keep from losing it. At this point I really needed to buy several different kinds of things and this was the only place that could meet all of my various needs at 10:30 at night.

So I grab a basket and spend a few minutes getting used to pushing a basket over toys, chip bags, boxes of cereal, and fallen children. Essentially this is like ‘off-roading’ with a shopping cart. It’s bumpy, it’s difficult, and once you get used to it, it’s actually kind of fun.

So I’m bouncing my basket through the store and I get to the food area. I can’t really get across the little highway like shit because everyone’s speeding and there’s an asshole tailgating me with his basket. And I’m a new driver to this place so I don’t know what to do, and he’s yelling at me, “¡El fuckoffo!” or whatever in spanish and I’m trying but people keep shooting by on my left. It’s like trying to turn left at a red light, I cant do it, there’s people.

So finally there’s a break and I rush down the isle and then I realize I turned down the wrong one. So I move to the other side of the isle thinking I can avoid the traffic that I was just in but I cant get out the other side because there’s like a fucking parade or some shit going on, with people wearing too many colors and tacky flashy clothes, and I think they had a flame swallower and a tiger or something, it was ridiculous.

So I get back in the traffic and get slammed in the spine by some old lady who then gives me the finger, I guess as an apology for the giant fucking bruise. So I make it to my isle and decide fuck this, I can buy that at the grocery store. I’ll buy all my weird shit I need and then get the fuck out of here.

So I shove my way past and head to the electronics department for a 20 foot coax cable. When I get there, they have every type of cord you can imagine, and coax cable in every length you could need except 20 foot. So I have to buy the 50 foot cord for twice as much and decide it’s more important to have too much than too little right. WRONG. Trying to figure out what to do with an extra 30 feet of cord is a pain in the ass, but that’s a different story.

So I toss it in my basket and bounce onward to go find the next item on my list. And to save you the misery of reading through the hour I spent I’ll just fast forward a bit.

So I put the pink panties in my basket and called the old woman a filthy whore and proceeded onward to… I guess I should go a little further in the story.

So I head towards the check out lane and the registers go on for-fucking-ever, but only like 2 are lit, so I hike back a few miles to the back of the line and think the same thing everybody does when they first get to the back of a Walmart line.
“Someone open another register for God’s sake!” The only other default thought in a Walmart line is, “FUCK! What the hell was I thinking coming to this God awful fucking place. This is horrible. FUCK!”

It’s important to note that if you go to a Walmart, you will at some point say, fuck. If you don’t, you have some fucking anger problems you need to work out.

So after waiting in line for an hour and half or so, I finally get up to the register and the cashier’s frowning at me, but I still stupidly ask, “How’s it going?” She just gives me the finger and starts scanning. Honestly the only thing worse than shopping at Walmart has got to be working there.

So she scans all of my stuff which was a basket packed full of all kinds of weird shit like road flares, a transformer toy, some condoms, all sorts of weird crap. My total is $185.67. And then I realize, I left my wallet at home. I’ve been here for hours shopping and picking this shit up and waiting in the god damn line, and I forgot my wallet. At this point I’m fucking furious. I am so mad my body is literally shaking.

So the cashier voids the sale, and as I’m walking out ashamed and defeated, I turn around and survey the sea of people and baskets. I hold up both hands high in the air, and extend my middle fingers as high as I can extend them, then drop my elbows leaving my perfect middle fingers at shoulder length as I yell, “FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!!!” And then I leave.

So the moral of the story is this:
Walmart is the worst place I have ever been in my entire life, and that is really fucking saying something.

-The Asshole

Description
I went to a Super Walmart the other day, and that was a stupid fucking idea. First of all I walk in and the whole place is trashed. There’s merchandise everywhere, and people are digging through it like animals while I’m trying to keep from losing it. At this point I really needed to buy several different kinds of things and this was the only place that could meet all of my various needs at 10:30 at night.

So I grab a basket and spend a few minutes getting used to pushing a basket over toys, chip bags, boxes of cereal, and fallen children. Essentially this is like ‘off-roading’ with a shopping cart. It’s bumpy, it’s difficult, and once you get used to it, it’s actually kind of fun.

So I’m bouncing my basket through the store and I get to the food area. I can’t really get across the little highway like shit because everyone’s speeding and there’s an asshole tailgating me with his basket. And I’m a new driver to this place so I don’t know what to do, and he’s yelling at me, “¡El fuckoffo!” or whatever in spanish and I’m trying but people keep shooting by on my left. It’s like trying to turn left at a red light, I cant do it, there’s people.

So finally there’s a break and I rush down the isle and then I realize I turned down the wrong one. So I move to the other side of the isle thinking I can avoid the traffic that I was just in but I cant get out the other side because there’s like a fucking parade or some shit going on, with people wearing too many colors and tacky flashy clothes, and I think they had a flame swallower and a tiger or something, it was ridiculous.

So I get back in the traffic and get slammed in the spine by some old lady who then gives me the finger, I guess as an apology for the giant fucking bruise. So I make it to my isle and decide fuck this, I can buy that at the grocery store. I’ll buy all my weird shit I need and then get the fuck out of here.

So I shove my way past and head to the electronics department for a 20 foot coax cable. When I get there, they have every type of cord you can imagine, and coax cable in every length you could need except 20 foot. So I have to buy the 50 foot cord for twice as much and decide it’s more important to have too much than too little right. WRONG. Trying to figure out what to do with an extra 30 feet of cord is a pain in the ass, but that’s a different story.

So I toss it in my basket and bounce onward to go find the next item on my list. And to save you the misery of reading through the hour I spent I’ll just fast forward a bit.

So I put the pink panties in my basket and called the old woman a filthy whore and proceeded onward to… I guess I should go a little further in the story.

So I head towards the check out lane and the registers go on for-fucking-ever, but only like 2 are lit, so I hike back a few miles to the back of the line and think the same thing everybody does when they first get to the back of a Walmart line.
“Someone open another register for God’s sake!” The only other default thought in a Walmart line is, “FUCK! What the hell was I thinking coming to this God awful fucking place. This is horrible. FUCK!”

It’s important to note that if you go to a Walmart, you will at some point say, fuck. If you don’t, you have some fucking anger problems you need to work out.

So after waiting in line for an hour and half or so, I finally get up to the register and the cashier’s frowning at me, but I still stupidly ask, “How’s it going?” She just gives me the finger and starts scanning. Honestly the only thing worse than shopping at Walmart has got to be working there.

So she scans all of my stuff which was a basket packed full of all kinds of weird shit like road flares, a transformer toy, some condoms, all sorts of weird crap. My total is $185.67. And then I realize, I left my wallet at home. I’ve been here for hours shopping and picking this shit up and waiting in the god damn line, and I forgot my wallet. At this point I’m fucking furious. I am so mad my body is literally shaking.

So the cashier voids the sale, and as I’m walking out ashamed and defeated, I turn around and survey the sea of people and baskets. I hold up both hands high in the air, and extend my middle fingers as high as I can extend them, then drop my elbows leaving my perfect middle fingers at shoulder length as I yell, “FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!!!” And then I leave.

So the moral of the story is this:
Walmart is the worst place I have ever been in my entire life, and that is really fucking saying something.

-The Asshole