Comments: 29
The-Triforce-Kid In reply to horsewhisperer24 [2012-06-08 19:35:56 +0000 UTC]
i actually got all of chapter 4 up today to so yeah haha many tanks
glad ya liked it
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to horsewhisperer24 [2012-06-24 01:35:48 +0000 UTC]
to be hoenst the whole stories finished an i got my next one started
youve missed a lot
lol
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ShadowEevee128 [2012-06-06 03:50:17 +0000 UTC]
Run Roy! Run Zack!
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TeddyLama [2012-06-05 15:53:53 +0000 UTC]
Good chapter. Good Chapter indeed. It was very exciting, a lot of things happened, and it seems like the creepy stuff has just started up, which I find utmost pleasant >3
I think the effect that Roy just had a lighter to lighten up his path in this chapter, really was a great effect to make suspense, as, at least I, got a really clear picture of the mood in this chapter.
Also, when you wrote that Roy got his handgun out, I thought he was going to shoot open the door, where I then got a surprise when he what he did X3
My favorite part of this chapter must be the little dialog between Roy and Zack at the end, where Zack uses Roy's last name. I think this lightened up the mood a bit, and it made it more interesting than it had been had they jkust been running
This chapters, as the previous chapters, is really well written, and I can't say anything else than that you're really getting much, much better along these chapters !
But, there's a little thing: You mentioned the name of the gun Roy used a lot of times, which isn't wrong at all, but I don't think it's necessary. The name of the gun can be mentioned to identify it the first time it's presented, and then just like; His gun or something similar. This is up to you, of course, just something I thought about
But, all in all, really a remarkable job with this chapter !
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to TeddyLama [2012-06-05 16:03:17 +0000 UTC]
tanks a ton haha im glad ya liked it
and i know i was trying to be more descriptive with guns instead of just typing "he pulled out his handgun" and such to let people know the power an efficenacy of the guns (if they know the wepon at least)
tanks a ton
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LilyLupine64 [2012-06-05 03:30:10 +0000 UTC]
Ah, this reminds me of "The Wind's Echo of Fear", what with that bizarre monster that happened to be John! I liked how you took a page out of your own book and added a little bit of nostalgia to the chapter. Overall, I liked the way you described the monster/John. It really helped me to get a good idea of what he looked like in your own mind's eye. The other thing I liked about this chapter was when the civilians and the protagonists were all running to the church for safety, while being chased by more gruesome monsters. However, more mysteries have arisen. I wonder why the ground/floor was changing to metal? 8o I can't wait for the next part! 8D
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to LilyLupine64 [2012-06-05 03:37:29 +0000 UTC]
actually i was trying to make it seem what the evil world would do to change some people and the enviorment or things attached to them like how johns ventilator turned into a chain
and tanks a ton i gotta think hard headache starting to get monsters right in my head
an yep nostalgia trip for sure
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LilyLupine64 In reply to The-Triforce-Kid [2012-06-05 03:44:44 +0000 UTC]
Oh, well yes, that too was evident in the chapter! I'm sorry, I'm a little tired and I can't think of anything good to say right now.
And it was my pleasure to read it, no thanks necessary! 8D
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Aelita15 In reply to The-Triforce-Kid [2012-06-05 01:34:05 +0000 UTC]
omg i like how he yells at zack for using his l,ast name lol cant wait to read more
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