Comments: 20
TeddyLama [2012-06-20 01:42:49 +0000 UTC]
A great start, I must say. This is for both a great start on the story, and the fact that this chapter's got a great start
To take the writing first, it is not bad. I'll mention ( like I use to) that the building of sentences are generally good, and so goes for the rest of the writing. one thing that I looked twice at, was this sentence: "...One rainy night, a man was standing above his wife's corpse. Her body was laying on the floor, bleeding to death. ..." you state that he stood above his wife's corpse, then you say that her body was laying on the floor, bleeding to death. Doesn't someone have to be alive to bleed to death ? I'm pretty sure that a corpse isn't alive You probably meant that she had bleed to death, or something similar ?
Other than that, this is an exciting start, and I love the fact that the father, a lawyer, is blamed for something he claims he haven't done. This is really promising
Good job on this one
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Aelita15 [2012-06-18 22:57:52 +0000 UTC]
I hate cops that like say it was there fault ah whats the word acused crap cant spell anyway
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The-Triforce-Kid In reply to Aelita15 [2012-06-18 23:03:29 +0000 UTC]
accused you spelt it right lol
tanks a ton favorite part?
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ShadowEevee128 [2012-06-17 17:22:37 +0000 UTC]
This is one of those times where I hate cops, when they don't listen to reason or even let the suspect tell their story and try to prove their innocence, they just assume everything and try to get through the case as quick as possible.
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The-Triforce-Kid In reply to ShadowEevee128 [2012-06-17 17:43:15 +0000 UTC]
well you kidna need ot put 2 an 2 together to tell a guy has a knfei with his stabbed up dead wife on the ground lol
favorite part?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1