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TheCuriousWriter — Spire
Published: 2012-08-12 03:10:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 159; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 3
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Description
-Spire-I heard they would charge you for water
In the city of the stiletto,
Stone you out and call you a martyr
With open arms and kissing digits.
And when my two-man show ran its course
On the balcony above a bar,
All this proved to be right and rung hoarse
Through streets where my teeth caught a bullet.
It could lay you out, inject your soul
And shoot it up with broken promises,
Then cash a check your mind can't control
But only lean on; in feign content.
After climbing down I found it built
For a boy who would become a man,
Entertaining chance that it may not stilt,
Knowing I would rather bend than break.
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Comments: 4
This is very engaging, and the imagery is gorgeous. I have a couple suggestions, though: I think the last line in the third stanza would flow much better if it was 'But only lean on; and feign content.' I also found the ending a bit anticlimactic, but I think you could very easily make it powerful. You have so much excited tension from the very start of the poem. It's good writing, and even though the first two stanzas were the most powerful- I saw things start to slip a little at the third stanza- at least it's still interesting and fun to puzzle out. That's certainly a benefit of slightly cryptic writing. 
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