HOME | DD
TheLunaLily — Of Love and Amaranth
#blissfully #bound #freeverse #heartstrings #ineffable #love #nimbus #poem #poetry #rhapsody #romantic #amaranth
Published: 2020-02-14 17:04:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 409; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Wrap me in rhapsody;this nimbus around us—
Incredible, ineffable.
Heartstrings amaranthine:
Gordian, and gorgeous;
inexorably, inextricably,
Blissfully bound.
Related content
Comments: 15
Vision
I think the vision of this, as a whole, is rather good. We see a lot of love poems and romantic literature around Valentine's Day, but I see this standing out among the rest for lots of reasons, including it's depth. The use of the rare / obscure words made it a bit of a journey, as I had to google several. In all, I couldn't immediately place definition to:
nimbus
amaranthine
gordian
With nimbus, the usage instead of something else in the common vernacular for "cloud," "haze," etc didn't add much. But amaranthine and gordian both gave it real depth, as I grasped they implied complexity and an undying nature to the love explained in the poem. Because of the obscure words, I feel in general the whole piece implies a mature love, a lasting, real relationship as the subject. For me, it delivers that vision well.
Originality
As stated, Valentine's Day has lots of love poems around. For those that celebrate the holiday, it's part of the celebration of it to create art about romance and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. As a whole, romance and obscure words are not original subjects, but I think the subject matter and the delivery is a bit above the rest because of the care that went into it's crafting. That makes it much more unique.
Technique
Brevity gave this poem a lot, as did the use of the rare language. The brief lines and good use of punctuation help to space it out and let the ideas breathe. There's also a lot going on in the sentence structures, and how the speaker is talking to the subject.
I noticed when digesting this part that it starts with a general plea, to what I presume is the object of the speaker's affections. It warps in the next sentence into a declaration of the nature of "heartstrings amaranthine", perhaps as explanation for the desire, or perhaps as response after the subject gave the speaker what they wanted. There's not a lot of action in this as far as we're concerned with the people involved, and with a love poem there certainly would be people involved, but it does stand well when you're not too concerned about the story.
Impact
I will remember this, especially after a few minutes digesting it. The overall pros of the piece far outweigh my perceived cons: the good imagery, complementary rare words, and great vision of a lasting, healthy, blissful relationship put a smile on my face. I'll be happy whenever I think about this piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to critique my poem. It means a lot to me. Your words are very kind.
The reason I used nimbus instead of cloud or haze is because it has a mythological meaning as well. It is a shining cloud sometimes surrounding a deity when on earth. I wanted the speaker to express that the feeling they get from the other person is so beautiful and bright, more than rhapsody and afterglow It’s Love. All encompassing, indescribable, and of mythic proportions.
I sometimes worry about punctuation, it’s an area I tend to do a lot of second guessing on. Not so much this time, but usually. Oscar Wilde said something like, “I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.” Painfully relatable. Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t find anything wrong with it.
Your critique really made me feel as though as did what I set out to do when I wrote this, that it came out and across how I intended. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it. (And I‘m glad that I made you smile and that it brought you some happiness.)
♡
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I felt while writing my critique that there was genuinely a lot to this little poem, and that my thoughts were just scratching the surface. I tried to swallow that feeling though and give you my input anyways. I'm glad I did; I feel exactly as you do, that you accomplished what you set out to do with this work. you should be very proud of it and all your other literature, you are an accomplished and talented writer.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Your input really did mean a lot.
It makes me feel guilty because I know I should write critiques for others because of how much it means when people do that for me, but I just find it such a difficult thing to do. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oooooh, simply beautiful! I love the words combos, especially the, "Incredible, ineffable." It gave me happy chills. ^_^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
♡ Oh, thank you!!! ♡
(Always happy to give out happy chills.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oooooo you used so many of my favorite words in one work! Be still my heart! I love this one.
You do realize that there is a problem with Gordian puzzles though. By very nature it implies that there is a simple trick solution if someone thinks outside the box. That said.
I have to reaffirm that I absolutely adore each and every phrase in this! It is simply epically beautiful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes I do realize that, but I wasn’t talking about puzzles. I used the word Gordian simply to reference an intricate knot.
I’m so glad you liked my poem, I actually wrote it because of your comment on my last one. I thought maybe I will scribble out something for Valentine’s Day.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Wow, I feel truly honored to know I had any part whatsoever in the impetus behind such a masterpiece. I honestly don't knwo what to say... well thank you of course. You are so talented. Gosh, my friends are amazing!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You are amazing! 
Seriously, your words are too kind.
Thank you for your friendship and for supporting me.
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you, Maria.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You are so welcome dear Shanna
👍: 0 ⏩: 0