Comments: 18
SakuraJBlossom [2010-10-29 02:56:38 +0000 UTC]
I would read carefully through you story and replace some of the "Hiccups" with the word "He"/"his" because constantly using his name is unnecessary, unless you have mentioned more characters than Hiccup in the same paragraph.
Also, there are several places where you can omit some words to make sentences more concise.
Other than that your description is done well. I can visualize the lake and the mountains. You also show the character's relationship well.
~SakuraJ
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Toriyama-Kino-90 In reply to SakuraJBlossom [2010-10-29 03:50:19 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I noticed that I'd done that when I was posting it on here. I'll go back and clean it up later on. Thanks for the tips, I really do appreciate the feedback.
Thanks again for the feedback!
-Kino ^-^
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SakuraJBlossom In reply to Toriyama-Kino-90 [2010-11-01 21:10:53 +0000 UTC]
Yeah. I haven't actually watched How To Train Your Dragon but I do enjoy reading you story.
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Toriyama-Kino-90 In reply to SakuraJBlossom [2010-11-05 02:17:13 +0000 UTC]
You should see it, it's very well done. I really want to read the book series now that I've seen the movie.
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SakuraJBlossom In reply to Toriyama-Kino-90 [2011-04-27 04:26:58 +0000 UTC]
It has been a while since we've spoken. Also, I got a poem into my school's literary magazine.
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