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Tuesday-Francesca — 12:55am promise
Published: 2010-07-10 14:55:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 1385; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 17
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Description
at twelve years old i buried youwith all the hatred that you sent
at thirteen they all cursed no more
you rose above with no repent
and bore a child who writhed and tore
to get from all the hate and lies
who ripped apart your d.n.a
but kept the darkness in his eyes.
compare thee to the beautiful
but don't begrudge the second best
just watch your warm feet pace the ground
that put his sweet young heart to rest.
at seven years i formed a dream
i'm scared of turning seventeen
when at sixteen i learnt alone
of people that will sink or swim
and those who watch me swim along
and snatch my legs and drag me in.
so give me one more cold enigma
in the form of sinless man
and i will sit and suss you out
and feel no pity in my plan
do you think you have seen an evil?
wait until you pass my mind
i can crush my own emotion
i can make myself unkind
i HATE and hurt and target you
watch the damage i can do
just say that word so i can lie
and watch your little rich heart die
i don't want and i don't deserve
exactly what that THING is worth.
the mister thinks that he has changed me
but he was just the broken straw
that threw me two weeks worth of nightmares
then joined the things i feel no more
the father's calling from my mind
why can't you leave the world behind?
he wants me to go dig him up
he says that i'm my mother's daughter
and why the fuck did you misread me?
was laughter the first thing you thought of?
and when i get out of all these people
i promise i'm not coming back
not ever, never, little rich ones
i promise i'm not coming back
i promise i'm not coming back.
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Comments: 41
I don't believe that for ONE second. I also don't believe that I'm not going to have nightmares tonight.
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what don't you believe? and whoops sorry! 
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I don't believe for one minute that she is not coming back O.O
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In truth I'm not a photographer at all this is simply my photo account where I pretend I am, but I'm a writer.
So to channel my other account, because I'm far too lazy to log in on that one I'll tell you what I think of this.
Just regarding the artist comments:
I do not think that you should have to apologize for using one curse word, and you did right by not marking it mature, with the lack of attention writing gets, mature writing get's less.
I'm glad you submitted it, because it's better than 3/4 of the writing I've seen on here and the percentage is higher in people your age.
I don't think you need to justify anything or explain anything about this if you didn't want to. Poetry is meant to be interpreted, and even if you say this is completely true to the letter people would still interpret it any way they wish.
And on to the poem, itself:
I really enjoy the format, the way you sub-scripted the majority and only emphasized the numbers and the final line.
The rhythm and rhyme are really wonderful. I'm not a fan of traditional up-down blah-de-blah rhyme scheme's but yours is semi-erratic and still flows great, which I really like.
The anger seems to build up slowly from the beginning, slowly rising and it peaks when you, as the speaker, can do nothing but curse, after that it seems to sink into just a deep hatred and the cold-hearted statement, with out apology that it ends on is perfect.
My only critique on this piece would be the capitalization and lack of punctuation. I don't think that it's a needed style-form for this piece (if you did it on purpose) but you may think otherwise.
Hope I didn't bore you to death with my loooong comment.
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thank you for the long comment! i adore long comments, it gives me something to work with. <3
yes, mature content works do get less recognition i've noticed, usually because they don't have the four lines preview to draw the reader in, so i'm really trying to avoid using it.
capitalising things is something i naturally don't do, believe me, my english teacher despairs >.< it's not on purpose, i don't think it looks 'cool' or anything, i just don't notice it, so i'll have to work on that. punctuation in poetry has always confused me since i was young, so i tend to use as little as possible. i'm never sure whether to put commas at the end of every sentance, etc. and now i've got into the habit of not using them i suppose. i've got to actually work on that too.
i was wondering what you meant about artist comments, so i read back what i'd written and oh my gosh. i'm so embarassed D: i don't remember ever ever writing the explanation, and i hope you don't think less of me for being drunk at all even, let alone writing all that rubbish. i am going to delete it all now, i can't believe myself! haha >.<
if you linked me to your writing account some time, i'd like to read some of your work (: x
thank you so much for the lovely comment<3
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The thing about punctuation in poetry, or at least what I've learned, is to just treat it like anything else. If it's the end of an idea, put a period, if it needs the pause(like in the middle of a sentence) then put a comma. I used to put commas at the end of every line back when I was 14 or 15 and I got critiqued so often that someone finally taught me the best way to do it. There are people who have different styles with punctuation, but yeah, with me, I just treat it like it's any other type of writing, and put punctuation where it's needed.
I don't think any less of you, I just think you thought too much about what other people might think and writing shouldn't be about other people, especially something that is personal to you. It should be about you and what you want to say, and people shouldn't need you to explain it or justify it.
And sure, if you have the time, feel free to check out =silkshines that's my main/writing account (and, believe me, I'm not great, I just pretend to know what I'm talking about)
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i'll take your advice ;D i was like that with punctuation, when i typed my poetry up i'd just let microsoft word correct it for me. now i prefer to use very little, which fairplay mostly is because i don't know how to use it, but sometimes it does create a good effect in that the pace of the poem quickens to the mood i'm in :]
i normally don't care what other people think, it's just i got a little drunk and told a friend why i wrote the poem (which wasn't even true, i talk rubbish when i'm drunk) then went home and worried about it. i'm surprised i went online though, and thanks for not thinking less of me. ;D
i'll check it out now (:
i'm sure you are amazing at writing:]
i don't consider myself a bad writer, and i rarely know what i'm talking about, haha/
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This just totally punched me in the face :')
Love it! Keep it up, awesome writing style~ >u<
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hahahahah i've never heard that one before ;D
thank you
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This is incredibly powerful. Some of your words punch like an angry fist and others are like tear-stained lines from a diary and still others that you are screaming ENOUGH!, screaming to be heard, screaming until you are heard. The despair and anger come through and you know that it's real, because it's so raw. You've stripped yourself bare for this one and let everyone see behind your mask and through your wall and that is incredibly courageous, and not only that, but you're poem is wonderful.
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thank you so so much 
it's true this is one of the most personal things i've ever written, and i'm not that amazing with expressing personal things so it felt pretty good to write this all out, i'm really glad you liked it and also i loved that feedback ^^ haha (:
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I really loved that poem and I meant everything I wrote. It was heart-wrenching and it's sort of weird commenting on directly to you, but you did a really fantastic job of taking all of that raw emotion out and put it into words that other people can then feel as well.
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ohh, thank you
that's made my day
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You're welcome and I am glad to make your day
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Great, this is amazing.
"you rose above with no repent
and bore a child who writhed and tore
to get from all the hate and lies
who ripped apart your d.n.a
but kept the darkness in his eyes."
To me it paints a picture of girl lost in fear and nightmares, a girl with an awful mother and a dead father. (Sounds a lot like me. O.o)
Amazing. True poetry.
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thank you very very much!
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its funny, its exactly how i felt last night. really fantastic, great work
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how you felt last night?
thank youuu
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haha, yeah. like the world wasn't doing enough and how i hated to be caught up in that. and how it kills me to sit around and do nothing at all. that's what i got from it
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awww awesome 
i can identify with that feeling (:
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Wow this is really good! so deep and heart wrenching
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thank you
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you're welcome!
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Nice, though I'd put a warning on it, just because of the language.
I see that you're from the UK, and your use of "learnt" threw me a bit, because we just say "learned" in the US. Perhaps it's because I'm unfamiliar with the genre of Urban & Spoken Word, but you say "I" an awful lot. Is that common?
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i was thinking should i put a warning on it, but then i thought it's only one word that people can't have never ever heard/read before in their entire lives. and i think i put it in the wrong category, because i didnt mean for it to be in urban and spoken word one - i'll change that. (: and yes we say learnt here.
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wow... this sounds deep and dark, is this for real? do you feel comfortable elaborating what its about? 
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haha i was actually wondering if you'd like it. this is a lovely comment ^^ umm i think this is the most personal thing i've ever written, ever, i wasn't even going to submit it but the more i thought about it, i just thought if my friends suss out what i'm on about, [which most likely wont happen] then i can just change my name and move countries. (: and yeah, toward the end i was starting to feel a little angry, sometimes it's good to feel angry about things.
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but do you feel comfortable elaborating what it is about? even if its in a private note or something? i'm curious, and i always explain what my lyrics are about (though i'm rarely ever metaphoric or vague, i still like explaining my stuff word for word, lol)...
i'm sorry if you are not comfortable confiding in me, since you don't know me well or something. i understand if this is something you don't want to explain
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basically, this is me just re-counting events in my life up to this date.(: yes i've noticed you like explaining your shizz word for word (which is rather handy) i'm not that great at doing that i'm afraid :\
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do you have any troubles elaborating or accepting things that have happened to you in your life? i wish i could give you a real hug, i have a feeling you would like one 
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no i don't i'm fine! i was just thinking for a bit and this is what i came out with is all (: thanks haha.
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Sadly i don't think i have ever really been born with the natural understanding in poetry but that doesn't mean that this doesn't sound beautiful. I'm not sure what it means (maybe to you) You will have to explain it to me sometime in picture format lol.
Great work as always Tuesday!
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i love this, especially the last 6 lines.
great job
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oh thank you
i love your work a lot too
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I love it. It's a really, really good example of a spoken word piece. Kudos. ^_^
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haha kudos ;D
thank you for the comment(:
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This is fantastic! The rhythm and the flow give it a really distinctive voice. I think my favourite part is 'you rose above with no repent/and bore a child who writhed and tore/to get from all the hate and lies/who ripped apart your d.n.a/but kept the darkness in his eyes' <3
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oh thank you
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