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The motel clock ticks once more lining two hands together. Y/n watches it uncomfortably. Time ticked too fast.
“What are you thinking about?” Castiel was leaning on the bathroom door, hands folded neatly. She turns slowly flicking her eyes away from the clock once the turn of her head forced it to be painful.
“One more week Cas.” She smiles. “I got a week to live.”
“Not exactly, we haven’t confirmed that you’re replacing me in the deal.” He growls looking away from your solemn expression.
“Yeah, I am.” Y/n stands moving over to stand next to him avoiding Sam’s floppy limb hanging over the couch. “I don’t mind.”
“You do.”
“How would you know? You’ve only had to be afraid of your father and Dean. I don’t see you having nightmares about Hell hounds or a white fire that slowly melts your flesh from your bone.” Cas looks at her sideways.
“That’s why I don’t want you going back.”
“Saves you having those dream, you still have a life to lead in paradise.” She chuckles. Cas lets her turn to him and loosen his tie. “Have you ever considered having children Cas?”
“Children? As in my own?” He gulps. The idea of being a father… terrified him. Cas felt like he could do better than his own, be there when his child was in tears, encourage and inspire his child. Teach it the right view on the world.
“Yeah, Cas. You’re a handsome devil, you should go out, meet someone. Get married, have kids or adopt. Buy a dog or something. Just don’t try and convince me that you would be better off rotting six feet deep with your soul playing chew-toy to a hell hound.”She goes back to examining the room and watching Dean’s abnormally slow and practised breaths.
“But who would I marry?”
“Anyone you wanted.”
“But what if I don’t know what I want?”
“Then you don’t worry about it. Life is about doing what feels just, looking for purpose will hurt more than enjoying the moment and regretting that extra shot of vodka later.”
Cas nods.

“Cas hurry it up.” Dean calls tapping his foot impatiently.
The angel walks in, hands seeming to drag by his sides. He stands beside Sam who was finishing the last lines on their devils trap. Y/n was yawning and blinking away the need to sleep while Dean arranges the box of matches beside the full copper bowl.
Sam grunts as he stands, “Alright, let’s do this.”
“You ready?” Dean asks from under his eyebrows.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Y/n replies gripping her thumbs by her side.
You know that sound when you light something extremely flammable on fire and it just whooshes so brilliantly that it sounds powerful? That’s how Crowley felt once his feet hit the confinements of the devils trap. He let his appearance to the others sink in just a little for that dramatic effect before straightening up and smirking. He held the power, frankly he didn’t care about the trap, there must be some way out, but the terrified look from the girl with a paled face added to his flammable whoosh effect. He was getting a high off it.
“My dear.” He says softly, sweetly and sickening.
Cas steps in taking Y/n’s hand and pulling her to his side, she felt like there was something hugging her, although Cas was not showing any signs she could swear it was his wings holding her close, providing extra support. Support she wanted, no, needed after seeing her old torturer.
Crowley’s head dips as he drips more words, “This face is one you don’t forget, or is it the voice? I can’t remember which one has a more alluring effect.”
“Alright. Enough flirting.” Dean warns moving away from his burned bowl. “We’d like to discuss a deal.”
“A deal? Really boys this is something that should be done at a crossroad, not a shoddy back-wash bar.” He glances over at the whisky bottle lying beside Dean’s feet. “Would you care to pour me a drink?”
“Not right now.” Dean smiles.
Y/n takes a deep breath and pushes forward leaving the comforting weight of Castiel’s wings behind. It felt odd now, like a child contemplating life without it’s blankie. “I want to replace Cas in his deal.”
“His deal? You mean the one due in six days time?” Crowley chuckles, “All deals are final.”
“The deal is still going to be paid” She growls already missing the sanctity of the wings.
“Look, Y/n,” Sam murmurs turning to you, “maybe Cas should just take responsibility for his own actions.”
“Exactly.” Castiel grumbles not looking at you in the eye.
“Do you even know what he’s signed up for? What he kissed that pretty little brunette for?” Crowley teased.
“We don’t need to.” Dean huffed.
“He sold his soul so he could be taken to Hell and tortured as penance for what he did with the… what do you say? Oh, god-squad. He wants to be dead, he said it himself, there’s nothing for him to hang on to when everyone wants you dead.” Crowley smirks, his hands positioning themselves in his pockets.
“How did you hear all that?”
“I hear everything darling.”
Castiel was glaring at Crowley, Dean glared at Cas, Sam looked disappointed, y/n was furious.
“Cas can I talk to you please?” Dean asks showing him the door. Y/n wasn’t going to wait for him to leave though.
The slap rang across the wooden floor of the abandoned bar. Cas’ blue eyes darted with confusion and his hand went to soften the blow Y/n had just dealt. She wasn’t going to look at the aftermath, she left him standing there with teary eyes and an odd sense of regret he couldn’t comprehend. He followed her without question.
Dean pulled a bitch face worthy of Sam and pointed at his brother. “Let me deal with this, you babysit.” Then the bow-legged hunter strolled out wondering how this was his life.
“Just you and me, huh Moose?”
“Shut up.”

“Y/n” Cas calls softly, his voice cracking. The girl continued to walk from him down the alley and to the street. She was making her way to the bridge by the river. Cas continued to call for her till she stopped at the centre of the bridge.
“Jump.” She told him.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Jump off, if you can’t think of a single thing to hold on to then jump. One swan dive off this goddamn bridge and its all over. Bye, bye.” She looked him straight in the eye.
“No.” Cas replies.
“No? You want to do it later, in six days, let the Hell hounds do it instead?”
“No.”
“Then what? Because from what Crowley said, you just signed your own death warrant for no reason. You asked for torture.”
“Exactly.” He says holding his arms wide, “Torture, penance, a way for me to pay so I can forgive myself. So the regret can be taken by the pain I feel when I consider how many I’ve killed in the worst parts of my existence.”
“Isn’t Dean the same? Sam?” Y/n asks dragging her eye to the rush of water below their feet, “Aren’t you all just a barrel of regret, pain and stubborn will? Because that’s what I see Cas, when I look in your eyes I see how broken you truly, truly are. Don’t think for one second that I don’t know what its like. I know how it feels to let dark places consume you. I know how it feels to want to end it all. But you know, there’s so much more good in you.”
“No there isn’t.” He deadpans. “I don’t deserve to be here.”
“Deserve to or not I asked you to jump. You didn’t.” Y/n sighs, “What are you holding on to?”
“Not getting you thrown into the pit.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m put in there or not, I’m so broken there is no glue strong enough to fix me! Don’t you see? I’m human. You aren’t.”
“This morning you told me that I could marry who I wanted! What if I want you? What if I want you, the broken human with little to no self esteem and a habit of leaving tear stains on your pillow? Maybe I do. Maybe I can’t let you go because I wished there was something to hold on to and it seemed so far off that I couldn’t even imagine someone like you, beautiful, broken and loosing herself in something as stupid as helping me with a suicide trade just because someone asked you to! I hate it! I hate life, I hate want, need, I hate pain and suffering and I hate myself. But I hate you more for being something I love.” The angel was red faced, his beautiful eyes squandered in the words he yelled at the trembling Y/n. She was afraid, in awe, angry, upset, surprised and around a hundred extra emotions in one.
“Castiel?” She asks looking at the floor. “We need to go back now.”
He turns on his heels and walks back towards the bar. Dean catches up and looks expectantly at Cas. He shoulders him on the way past.
“Hey, Cas, HEY.” Dean pulls him by his shoulder. Cas whirls around and clocks him one across the chin. Dean had been punched by many a monster, ghost, demon, demi-god but never had it hurt more than the angels punch. Stumbling a few steps Dean straightens and looks at Cas who goes to say something, to apologise, but changes his mind and leaves.
Y/n turns away from the scene and leans against the bridge on her elbows. Anger fuels tears and in an enraged yelp she bashes her hand against the support beam to her left.
The bones in her fingers crack.

“Take me now.” Cas demands pushing Sam back against the tables to his left and scratching away at the circle by Crowley’s feet.
“Cas! Hey! What are you doing? CASTIEL!”
“As you wish,” Crowley grins raising his hand to click, “See you around Moose.”

*Click*