Comments: 6
Thoughtful-Writer [2010-10-03 02:28:02 +0000 UTC]
It's a good piece but something is off about it
Look again and maybe it'll come
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Usayasha In reply to Thoughtful-Writer [2010-10-03 17:09:50 +0000 UTC]
Nothing stands out... what stood out that made you notice it?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thoughtful-Writer In reply to Usayasha [2010-10-03 23:37:17 +0000 UTC]
I suppose nothing really just
at the end of each stanza I kinda cringed
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Usayasha In reply to Thoughtful-Writer [2010-10-04 04:33:42 +0000 UTC]
It would probably work better if I said it outloud than if I just wrote it. There's a special rhythm to it that's hard to hear unless you... well, hear it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
shaLOSTdows [2010-04-20 17:31:04 +0000 UTC]
Nice!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1