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venusdemon108 — Untitled
Published: 2003-11-11 02:13:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 73; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 14
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Description flower petals on the wind
always falling, never stopping
up and down upon a breeze
first in light, and then in dark

daytime light, the winds are high
the petals fly
high and strong
quick and light

nighttime lull the breezes die
the petals turn dry
brittle to the touch
fragile and broken

suddenly,
the winds stop blowing,
the sun stops glowing
the petals fall
from their neverending fight to stay aflight
they hit the ground
dull and brown
only to be unknowingly crushed by a passerby
and never to fly again...
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venusdemon108 - Stupid
Comments: 6

dieteufel [2004-02-12 23:34:06 +0000 UTC]

Aw..this sounds a bit sad, but it's good! Poor petals!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

venusdemon108 [2003-11-24 14:31:22 +0000 UTC]

i think i've found a title for this, how about "My Petals" ? good? yes? tell me what ya think ppl

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mournfulcrow [2003-11-11 18:56:24 +0000 UTC]

DAM see there you go! the petals fall
from their neverending fight to stay aflight - this is pure genius, it really is. Your imagry with the petals on a breeze reminds me of the forest gump feather. I really like this, i can tell you really thought about it to, and your hard work really payed off. um, as for a title, petals in the wind? or something similar? that would be pretty cool. (and even though you repeat light, they actually have two different meaning by the way you use both of them so i wouldnt worry about that.) great job kay!

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greendragon [2003-11-11 13:05:46 +0000 UTC]

i like this a lot, its wonderful, the ending is great, and this line: the petals fall
from their neverending fight to stay aflight
is superb. great work the only critizm i have is the repition of light in the first two stanzas, but thats only a tiny tiny thing. great work!

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Lecco [2003-11-11 03:01:18 +0000 UTC]

Almost sing-songey. Very nice. Fluxuating emotions...that's a good topic to write about and one that isn't explored as often as it is applied in real life. I like it, a lot, Kay, and I really think you should still write. And always should write.

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michelletenoh [2003-11-11 02:39:48 +0000 UTC]

I like it. A lot. Especially the last two lines.

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