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VFireFalcon — In the Playground
Published: 2009-04-07 04:36:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 297; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 7
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Description I found death waiting in the playground,
feet lingering on soft pavement,
reaper blade against the swing set.

She smiled at me with roses in her teeth
and cirrus clouds in her hair,
salt white skin dry and cracking.

By her fragile feet – torn newspaper ads,
a lost rag doll with empty eyes,
a single patent leather shoe.

There were shadow children by her side,
with blond and black curls, white and dark skin,
and they sang as they swung, softly.

In one hand she held
a broken heart, in the other
ancient dandelion stems.
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Comments: 11

pmaeck [2009-07-22 21:07:02 +0000 UTC]

Sometimes I like something immediately, then after a few days or so the appeal fades. Well, I just re-read your "In the Playground" and its appeal to me has grown even greater. With repeated readings the poem becomes even more haunting, though with a wisp of whimsy, too, which keeps it poetically aloft.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VFireFalcon In reply to pmaeck [2009-07-24 20:28:54 +0000 UTC]

Wow, I feel very flattered to hear that. I'm not quite sure what to say, other than thank you very much. I'm always thrilled when people enjoy my poetry so much.

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pmaeck [2009-07-20 13:15:27 +0000 UTC]

The last three lines, especially the last line, are so surprising that they seem utterly natural. The poem overall has a wonderful combined simplicity and alluring complexity - which is contradictory, and which spurs the best art.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VFireFalcon In reply to pmaeck [2009-07-20 18:44:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for your comment and fave. I'm glad you like it. I'm also happy to hear you mention the combination of simplicity and complexity... it's something very difficult to capture.

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Wall-3 [2009-04-07 09:12:30 +0000 UTC]

i like it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VFireFalcon In reply to Wall-3 [2009-04-07 18:50:04 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I don't know what it is about this piece, but it's getting a good response.

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Wall-3 In reply to VFireFalcon [2009-04-07 22:23:31 +0000 UTC]

well its excellent thats prob y!? lopl

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VFireFalcon In reply to Wall-3 [2009-04-08 00:22:37 +0000 UTC]

It feels so weird to hear people say that. I think I just have low self confidence as a writer. Thanks for thinking it that good, though!

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Wall-3 In reply to VFireFalcon [2009-04-08 02:27:18 +0000 UTC]

^^ no probs your an excellent writer

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MaggiexMalarkey [2009-04-07 04:38:27 +0000 UTC]

Mmm. I like it.

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VFireFalcon In reply to MaggiexMalarkey [2009-04-07 04:40:18 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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