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vix0r — Stairs

Published: 2006-06-05 01:48:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 224; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 15
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Description I met him on the stairs.  Well, “met” might not be the best word.  But that was the first time I saw him.  His shoulder brushed hard against mine as I attempted to fly faster down the stairs.  A flicker of anger went through me at his apparent disregard for me and my urgency, but suddenly I was back in the midst of things.  I felt disgusting for ever feeling any anger.  His name was displayed prominently on his suit, and it burned into my mind- Lyons.

As I took the stairs two at a time, I occupied my mind with this Lyons fellow.  Who was he?  Was he really here for what I thought he was?  Was all of this actually happening?  What was going on?

I kept running, and began forming a make-believe history for Lyons.  I imagined him with a nice apartment on the skirts of the city.  He would come home from work every day to a loving wife, and she would smile and kiss him as he passed through the door.  He would hang up his jacket, throw open his arms, and call out to his son, who would be around 4 or 5 years old.  The little tyke would spring up from watching Sesame Street to run to his daddy and give him a great big hug.  I imagined the child’s too-cute-to-be-true speech.

Lyons would sit down with his son in his lap and watch public TV with him while they waited for dinner to be made.  Lyons and his child would count with vampires and sing about cookies.  Shortly, his wife would politely call them both to dinner.

The family would sit around a petite dinner table and discuss their day.  Little Lyons would loudly smack his lips and spill food.  Lyons’ wife would rub her foot against Lyons’ burly leg.  The food would be good, but not great.  The whole apartment would smell wonderful, though; a mix between home cooking, perfume, musk, and freshly bathed child.

Lyons would tuck his son into bed and read him a bedtime story.  His son would slowly nod off, desperately clinging to his consciousness in a vain attempt to hear what happened to The Cat in the Hat next.  Lyons would gently play with his son’s hair, watching the boy’s soft expression.  His wife would come to the doorway, and Lyons would follow her out of the room.  The two of them would retire for the night.

More than anything, I imagined Lyons lying awake at night, appreciating his life.  Thinking about how good he had it.  Out of anyone, this Lyons guy would enjoy having so many things that so few of us have.  He wouldn’t take it all for granted.

As I hit the ground floor, I exploded through the doors, and the morning sun scalded my eyes.  I was unfazed, though; I was filled with purpose and resolve.  However, they weren’t particularly braggable.  In fact, I’m ashamed to admit it.  I had one thing on my mind- escape.  I had to get far away as quickly as possible, and that was all that mattered.  I climbed over gawkers, pushed old ladies out of my way, and ran faster than I ever had during Gym class in high school.

I kept going, disregarding traffic laws, in my selfish attempt to survive.  After I had lost count on the number of blocks I’d run, I allowed myself to slow down.  As I turned around, I noticed something moving high in the air.  I screamed, and chills snaked through my body.  I was just in time to watch a second airplane smash into the Center.  My stomach turned over like an old car on a cold day.  I vomited in the street, and leaned heavily against a building. I watched as people began to crowd the streets.  Time seemed to stand still.

I melted onto the curb and tried to make sense of it all.  Today was just another day, wasn’t it?  Tuesday, the 11th.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.  I had just gotten to work.  I had a lunch meeting with my boss in two hours.  I looked up at my workplace.  As the second tower collapsed without warning, I watched hundreds of people turn heel and run towards me, chased by the ashy ghost of the tower.

Suddenly, the image of Lyons flashed into my head: his yellow fireman’s outfit, his enormous helmet, the red lettering of his nametag.  I put my head in my hands and mourned the death of someone I’d met moments earlier, someone I felt like I’d known a very long time, and someone I was sure was a noble human being.
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Comments: 7

SirNaelyan [2006-06-07 00:33:59 +0000 UTC]

"I put my head in my hands and mourned the death of someone I’d met moments earlier, someone I felt like I’d known a very long time, and someone I was sure was a noble human being."

I like it. Chilling, and almost made me cry. Ish.

But I think that last sentence might be a bit too long and consequently lost power. *shrug* Just a thought.

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vix0r In reply to SirNaelyan [2006-06-07 01:08:25 +0000 UTC]

Interesting, I've never gotten that from someone before. I appreciate it, and I can see what you mean. The length and repetition was there to add weight and effect, but if the end of the piece is losing power, that simply won't do! Thanks again, I'll have to toy with that a bit.

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SSEJBAT [2006-06-06 18:47:40 +0000 UTC]

i think that this piece works well, looking at the ordinary lives of the people against the terrible events of that day. the only thing that i felt wasnt to well explained was why the woman began to think of who lyons might be!

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vix0r In reply to SSEJBAT [2006-06-06 21:58:11 +0000 UTC]

Hmm, I suppose you're right. In my mind, I guess I just figured that perhaps she was trying to shut out the noise of the day, the horror... or maybe she was the type of person who is just constantly thinking about what other people are like. Who knows, but I agree with you that it could use a little more explanation, but I can't think of a place in this piece where I would add even a single word. It's not perfect, I guess, but I've sealed up all the cracks I can see.

Funny sidenote- you refer to the narrator as "she," and I started to as well, but there's no point in the story where the narrator is described at all. I find it interesting because my Creative Writing class tried to determine who had handed it in (we handed the papers in without names and tried to guess the authors), and guessed about 5 or more girls in class before they gave up and asked who wrote it. They were quite surprised I'd written it until I pointed out that there was nothing inherently feminine about the narrator.

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SSEJBAT In reply to vix0r [2006-06-07 09:14:18 +0000 UTC]

ah thats interesting! its like when you said that you thought to start with i was male! maybe its just thats society does not expect men to think like that we are all brought up believing that guys only think about one thing! possibly it was also the willingness to admit the horror of it all i dunno...

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ThornyEnglishRose [2006-06-05 10:38:40 +0000 UTC]

Creative writing classes turn out some really interesting stories with exercises like this. I took one at the end of last year (it ran into January as well) - it was amazing the diversity in the stories we all came up with starting with the same basic instruction (hey, maybe I'll be a copy-cat and post a couple of them here).

Anyway, nice powerful piece - short but effective. The protagonist could be totally off target with the life he's invented for Lyons, but that doesn't matter at all, because the character works on a symbolic level: there were hundreds of people just like that in the buildings. I didn't get where you were going with it, but it hits you as soon as you read about the impact of the plane: you didn't mention location, or a month or a year, but it couldn't be anything else.

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vix0r In reply to ThornyEnglishRose [2006-06-05 13:45:43 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I wanted the realization of the day to come to the reader slowly, in the way that it took most of us a while to figure out what was going on at the time. I also like the idea of fiction-in-fiction: like you said, Lyons may be totally different than portrayed, but who cares? He's dead, and he died fighting to save the lives of people like the speaker. Even if he wasn't perfect, he was made of greater stuff than I.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it.

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