HOME | DD

Description
Fem!Reader

Part One: Lullabies

You knew Erwin had nightmares. He put on his mask during the day – as the commander, he had to. But you could see they were wearing him down. You never approached him about it, and he never told anyone, but you knew. He seemed unaware that you could hear him. At night when you lay awake, still drenched in a cold sweat from your own dreams, his cries echoed down the hall. You had no doubt the others could hear too, but it went unspoken. They all knew there was nothing they could do for him – they were all too busy dealing with their own demons, demons with gaping, dripping maws that thundered through their unconscious thoughts.

One night you woke crying from such a dream, shivering uncontrollably in the claustrophobic space you shared with the other female team leaders. You knew they were awake – you could hear their shuddering breaths as they cried themselves to sleep. But they said nothing as you slid from beneath the covers and wrapped your evergreen cloak about your shoulders, slipping carefully from the room and letting the door fall silently shut behind you.

You were surprised, and somewhat relieved, to find the halls silent that night. Sometimes Erwin’s shouts would find their way into your dreams and you would watch him die over and over in your mind until you managed to jolt yourself awake. As you crept past his door, you pressed your ear briefly to the wood, but heard only silence. Perhaps tonight he had managed to find some respite from his demons. You smiled to yourself and left him to his sleep, creeping out the front doors of the barracks and into the night air.

Though winter had ended weeks ago, the wind was chilly and your coat flapped around your body, the Wings of Freedom fluttering at your back. You only wished they were real so you could fly away from that place. You hated the feeling of being trapped, by those walls or by the jaws of a monster, there was no difference. The only time you felt truly free was when you were flying amongst the colossal evergreens of the forest to the song of steel wires and rushing wind.

As you wandered further into the grounds, the cool pre-dawn air worked its way into your lungs and you felt less stifled. The wind whipped away the bad dreams and you found yourself softly singing a lullaby your mother used to sing when you were young. As they did all those years ago, the words soothed your troubled mind.

The melody was broken when you heard a fallen branch behind you snap and you felt a presence hovering nearby. You whirled around to find Erwin watching you, smiling sheepishly.

"I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said. “Please, don’t stop.”

There was a hint of something unfamiliar in his eyes that made you hesitate, but at his silent prompting you picked up the tune where you had left off. He sighed contentedly as he sank down onto the grass and with his back propped against the trunk of a tree, he watched you. His gaze unnerved you and you found yourself turning away to escape his searching eyes, but the back of your neck prickled unpleasantly and you knew they never left you for the duration of the song.

When you finished, the sun had already peeked above the rim of the horizon and you could hear the first of early risers stirring in the barracks behind you. The stable hands would be up soon to tend to the horses.

“Commander, perhaps we should go back inside now.”

He did not reply, and when you turned to look at him, you found him fast asleep, head resting gently against the tree as if it were made of the softest down pillow. His handsome face was for once free of worry lines and you smiled. He looked at peace. It was still cold out, fog and frost clinging to the hills in the distance, so you left your cloak with him before heading inside for breakfast.

You did not see Erwin again until lunch, where he approached you, the same sheepish smile on his face that he had worn the night before.

“I… apologise for this morning,” he said, not quite meeting your gaze. “I have your cloak. I thought it best not to return it to you where people could see in case it… raised unwanted questions.”

You nodded, grateful.

“You can come by my office after dinner to pick it up.” With that, he turned to leave, but seemed to think better of it and turned back to you. “And [Name]? Thank you… I haven’t slept that well in years.”

“It was my pleasure, Commander,” you said, smiling softly.

Later that night, you knocked lightly on his door. When he opened it for you, he looked exhausted, the flickering candlelight catching in the bags under his eyes, giving him a ghastly appearance. His hair was slightly tousled and there were ink stains on his sleeve. Nevertheless, he gave you a tired smile as he opened the door wider for you to enter.

“I’ve been writing condolence letters,” he said, as if it explained everything. Brushing off your look of concern, he took a neatly folded pile of fabric off his desk and passed it to you. “I know I’ve already said it, but thank you.”

“It was nothing, really. I’m just glad you got some sleep. You work yourself way too hard, Erwin.” You reached out to take the cloak and your fingers brushed his unintentionally. You blushed. “S-sorry…” You went to withdraw your hand but Erwin held fast to the cloak, his face suddenly thoughtful.

“Would you… sing for me again?”

You blinked. “What?”

“Tonight. Right now. Sing for me.” You weren’t sure if it was the dim lighting or your imagination, but his eyes seemed to darken.

“Commander, I really should be getting to bed. With the expedition only a few weeks away…”

“Please,” he added in barely a whisper but you could hear the unrestrained desperation in his tone.

You sighed in defeat. “Alright.”

Without a word, he took the candle from his desk and proceeded to the adjacent room. Unsure of what to do, you followed him, not wanting to be left alone in his now dark office. When you reached the open door, you blushed and immediately turned away from the sight that greeted you.

Erwin was deftly unbuckling his manoeuvre gear harness, fingers working away at the fastenings with practiced ease. His bolo tie hung loose around his neck and the top buttons of his shirt were already undone to reveal a sliver of his toned chest. He chuckled to himself as he spotted you by the door, stiff-backed and adamantly facing the wall, a deep blush extending across your cheeks and down your neck.

“Sorry, I should have warned you.”

“N-no problem.” Your blush only deepened as you heard the distinct rustling of clothes behind you and you pressed yourself further into the wall, eyes shut tight.

“You can turn around now,” he said and you could still hear the smile in your voice.

You checked from the corner of your eye to be sure he was indeed fully clothed, and you were relieved to find him in a pair of loose fitting pants and a white shirt that hugged his muscular form. Your cheeks were still a little pink, but you looked to him for what to do next.

“Pull up a chair.”

You cast your gaze round the sparsely furnished room and found what you were looking for by the window. You pulled the chair up to Erwin’s bedside as he clambered below the covers. He grimaced.

“When you’re a child, tucked between warm sheets seems like the safest place to be. But now even they hold no comfort for me. For any of us…”

You said nothing and instead began humming quietly to yourself, letting your throat warm up to the melody before opening your mouth to the lyrics. Erwin sighed deeply and sank back into the pillows, closing his eyes to the sound. By the end of the song, he was in a deep and dreamless sleep.

Your work done, you rose to leave, casting one last glance at his sleeping face. A sudden urge came over you and before you even realised what you were doing, you had pressed a feather light kiss to Erwin’s temple. His brow furrowed slightly at the tickling sensation of your lips but smoothed again when you whispered goodnight and blew out the candle before taking your leave. You didn’t think about what others would say if they saw you leaving the Commander’s chambers at night, you didn’t think about the awkwardness of the situation. There was only a small fluttering in your chest at the thought of him needing you.

The next day, you were glad to see Erwin’s dark circles had lessened. He still wore his stern mask around the others, but when his eyes sought out yours at lunch, they softened with gratitude and he let a small smile grace his features. Just for you.

After dinner, he cornered you in the hallway, his eyes alight with laughter as he whisked you away into a secluded corner. Your back was against the wall and he was so close that he was overwhelming your senses.

“[Name]…” he murmured, his nose buried in your hair.

“I t-take it you slept well, Commander?” you stuttered out, willing yourself not to get lost in his scent of clean laundry and-

And what? Strange… you thought. He doesn’t really smell like anything.

He hummed softly, breathing you in. “I did. For a while. But I woke up before dawn again and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

You face fell. “Oh… I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t really help in the end, did I?”

“It was still the best I’ve slept in a long time.” He pulled back and looked at you with eyes full of hope, and a hint of something else you could not decipher. “Will you sing for me again tonight?”

Before you even realised what you were doing, you nodded. “O-of course, Commander.”

His answering smile made you heart skip a beat and he was whisking you away to his chambers. You waited in his office this time while he changed, though you could not deny that the state you had seen Erwin in last night made you want to see more. You immediately scolded yourself for the thought. He was your superior. He was off limits.

You shook the thought from your head as he gave you the okay to enter. You made to pull up the chair again but he tugged you over to the bed, sitting you lightly on the edge before climbing beneath the covers. He rubbed his temples lightly with his fingertips and sighed deeply, letting the tension fall from his shoulders. When he turned his eyes to you they were tired, but content.

“It’s been a long day. The thought of seeing you at the end of it, of hearing your voice… It made it everything better.”

You blushed. “Commander…”

“Erwin. Please,” he insisted.

“Erwin…” You did not know what to say, so instead you started to sing. It started out as soft humming while you scoured your brain for the words, then the lyrics followed the tune.

When you looked over to find his eyes closed and his breathing even, you stood to leave, but the shifting of your weight from the bed must have alerted him. His hand darted out from beneath the sheets to grasp your wrist in a firm grip and he spun you back around to face him. His blue eyes seemed to glow ominously in the semi-darkness.

“Stay,” he said.

Your heart rate quickened and your face flushed red. “Commander, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

He chuckled. “I’m not asking you to do anything but sleep. Stay.”

You still hesitated. “What will the others think when I don’t return to the dorm?”

“Make something up. They’re used to you sneaking out at odd hours anyway.”

You sighed. “If it’ll help…”

Without a word, he lifted the covers for you to slip in before leaning over to blow out the candle, plunging the room into darkness. You suddenly became very aware of how close he was in the small bunk – close enough to hear every steady rush of breath as it passed between his lips, close enough to feel his body heat against your back. He kept his hands to himself and for that you were grateful. Soon your eyes grew heavy, and before you slipped off to sleep you heard his whisper, the words tickling your neck and rustling your hair.

“Goodnight, my little nightingale.”

Description
Fem!Reader

Part One: Lullabies

You knew Erwin had nightmares. He put on his mask during the day – as the commander, he had to. But you could see they were wearing him down. You never approached him about it, and he never told anyone, but you knew. He seemed unaware that you could hear him. At night when you lay awake, still drenched in a cold sweat from your own dreams, his cries echoed down the hall. You had no doubt the others could hear too, but it went unspoken. They all knew there was nothing they could do for him – they were all too busy dealing with their own demons, demons with gaping, dripping maws that thundered through their unconscious thoughts.

One night you woke crying from such a dream, shivering uncontrollably in the claustrophobic space you shared with the other female team leaders. You knew they were awake – you could hear their shuddering breaths as they cried themselves to sleep. But they said nothing as you slid from beneath the covers and wrapped your evergreen cloak about your shoulders, slipping carefully from the room and letting the door fall silently shut behind you.

You were surprised, and somewhat relieved, to find the halls silent that night. Sometimes Erwin’s shouts would find their way into your dreams and you would watch him die over and over in your mind until you managed to jolt yourself awake. As you crept past his door, you pressed your ear briefly to the wood, but heard only silence. Perhaps tonight he had managed to find some respite from his demons. You smiled to yourself and left him to his sleep, creeping out the front doors of the barracks and into the night air.

Though winter had ended weeks ago, the wind was chilly and your coat flapped around your body, the Wings of Freedom fluttering at your back. You only wished they were real so you could fly away from that place. You hated the feeling of being trapped, by those walls or by the jaws of a monster, there was no difference. The only time you felt truly free was when you were flying amongst the colossal evergreens of the forest to the song of steel wires and rushing wind.

As you wandered further into the grounds, the cool pre-dawn air worked its way into your lungs and you felt less stifled. The wind whipped away the bad dreams and you found yourself softly singing a lullaby your mother used to sing when you were young. As they did all those years ago, the words soothed your troubled mind.

The melody was broken when you heard a fallen branch behind you snap and you felt a presence hovering nearby. You whirled around to find Erwin watching you, smiling sheepishly.

"I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said. “Please, don’t stop.”

There was a hint of something unfamiliar in his eyes that made you hesitate, but at his silent prompting you picked up the tune where you had left off. He sighed contentedly as he sank down onto the grass and with his back propped against the trunk of a tree, he watched you. His gaze unnerved you and you found yourself turning away to escape his searching eyes, but the back of your neck prickled unpleasantly and you knew they never left you for the duration of the song.

When you finished, the sun had already peeked above the rim of the horizon and you could hear the first of early risers stirring in the barracks behind you. The stable hands would be up soon to tend to the horses.

“Commander, perhaps we should go back inside now.”

He did not reply, and when you turned to look at him, you found him fast asleep, head resting gently against the tree as if it were made of the softest down pillow. His handsome face was for once free of worry lines and you smiled. He looked at peace. It was still cold out, fog and frost clinging to the hills in the distance, so you left your cloak with him before heading inside for breakfast.

You did not see Erwin again until lunch, where he approached you, the same sheepish smile on his face that he had worn the night before.

“I… apologise for this morning,” he said, not quite meeting your gaze. “I have your cloak. I thought it best not to return it to you where people could see in case it… raised unwanted questions.”

You nodded, grateful.

“You can come by my office after dinner to pick it up.” With that, he turned to leave, but seemed to think better of it and turned back to you. “And [Name]? Thank you… I haven’t slept that well in years.”

“It was my pleasure, Commander,” you said, smiling softly.

Later that night, you knocked lightly on his door. When he opened it for you, he looked exhausted, the flickering candlelight catching in the bags under his eyes, giving him a ghastly appearance. His hair was slightly tousled and there were ink stains on his sleeve. Nevertheless, he gave you a tired smile as he opened the door wider for you to enter.

“I’ve been writing condolence letters,” he said, as if it explained everything. Brushing off your look of concern, he took a neatly folded pile of fabric off his desk and passed it to you. “I know I’ve already said it, but thank you.”

“It was nothing, really. I’m just glad you got some sleep. You work yourself way too hard, Erwin.” You reached out to take the cloak and your fingers brushed his unintentionally. You blushed. “S-sorry…” You went to withdraw your hand but Erwin held fast to the cloak, his face suddenly thoughtful.

“Would you… sing for me again?”

You blinked. “What?”

“Tonight. Right now. Sing for me.” You weren’t sure if it was the dim lighting or your imagination, but his eyes seemed to darken.

“Commander, I really should be getting to bed. With the expedition only a few weeks away…”

“Please,” he added in barely a whisper but you could hear the unrestrained desperation in his tone.

You sighed in defeat. “Alright.”

Without a word, he took the candle from his desk and proceeded to the adjacent room. Unsure of what to do, you followed him, not wanting to be left alone in his now dark office. When you reached the open door, you blushed and immediately turned away from the sight that greeted you.

Erwin was deftly unbuckling his manoeuvre gear harness, fingers working away at the fastenings with practiced ease. His bolo tie hung loose around his neck and the top buttons of his shirt were already undone to reveal a sliver of his toned chest. He chuckled to himself as he spotted you by the door, stiff-backed and adamantly facing the wall, a deep blush extending across your cheeks and down your neck.

“Sorry, I should have warned you.”

“N-no problem.” Your blush only deepened as you heard the distinct rustling of clothes behind you and you pressed yourself further into the wall, eyes shut tight.

“You can turn around now,” he said and you could still hear the smile in your voice.

You checked from the corner of your eye to be sure he was indeed fully clothed, and you were relieved to find him in a pair of loose fitting pants and a white shirt that hugged his muscular form. Your cheeks were still a little pink, but you looked to him for what to do next.

“Pull up a chair.”

You cast your gaze round the sparsely furnished room and found what you were looking for by the window. You pulled the chair up to Erwin’s bedside as he clambered below the covers. He grimaced.

“When you’re a child, tucked between warm sheets seems like the safest place to be. But now even they hold no comfort for me. For any of us…”

You said nothing and instead began humming quietly to yourself, letting your throat warm up to the melody before opening your mouth to the lyrics. Erwin sighed deeply and sank back into the pillows, closing his eyes to the sound. By the end of the song, he was in a deep and dreamless sleep.

Your work done, you rose to leave, casting one last glance at his sleeping face. A sudden urge came over you and before you even realised what you were doing, you had pressed a feather light kiss to Erwin’s temple. His brow furrowed slightly at the tickling sensation of your lips but smoothed again when you whispered goodnight and blew out the candle before taking your leave. You didn’t think about what others would say if they saw you leaving the Commander’s chambers at night, you didn’t think about the awkwardness of the situation. There was only a small fluttering in your chest at the thought of him needing you.

The next day, you were glad to see Erwin’s dark circles had lessened. He still wore his stern mask around the others, but when his eyes sought out yours at lunch, they softened with gratitude and he let a small smile grace his features. Just for you.

After dinner, he cornered you in the hallway, his eyes alight with laughter as he whisked you away into a secluded corner. Your back was against the wall and he was so close that he was overwhelming your senses.

“[Name]…” he murmured, his nose buried in your hair.

“I t-take it you slept well, Commander?” you stuttered out, willing yourself not to get lost in his scent of clean laundry and-

And what? Strange… you thought. He doesn’t really smell like anything.

He hummed softly, breathing you in. “I did. For a while. But I woke up before dawn again and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

You face fell. “Oh… I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t really help in the end, did I?”

“It was still the best I’ve slept in a long time.” He pulled back and looked at you with eyes full of hope, and a hint of something else you could not decipher. “Will you sing for me again tonight?”

Before you even realised what you were doing, you nodded. “O-of course, Commander.”

His answering smile made you heart skip a beat and he was whisking you away to his chambers. You waited in his office this time while he changed, though you could not deny that the state you had seen Erwin in last night made you want to see more. You immediately scolded yourself for the thought. He was your superior. He was off limits.

You shook the thought from your head as he gave you the okay to enter. You made to pull up the chair again but he tugged you over to the bed, sitting you lightly on the edge before climbing beneath the covers. He rubbed his temples lightly with his fingertips and sighed deeply, letting the tension fall from his shoulders. When he turned his eyes to you they were tired, but content.

“It’s been a long day. The thought of seeing you at the end of it, of hearing your voice… It made it everything better.”

You blushed. “Commander…”

“Erwin. Please,” he insisted.

“Erwin…” You did not know what to say, so instead you started to sing. It started out as soft humming while you scoured your brain for the words, then the lyrics followed the tune.

When you looked over to find his eyes closed and his breathing even, you stood to leave, but the shifting of your weight from the bed must have alerted him. His hand darted out from beneath the sheets to grasp your wrist in a firm grip and he spun you back around to face him. His blue eyes seemed to glow ominously in the semi-darkness.

“Stay,” he said.

Your heart rate quickened and your face flushed red. “Commander, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

He chuckled. “I’m not asking you to do anything but sleep. Stay.”

You still hesitated. “What will the others think when I don’t return to the dorm?”

“Make something up. They’re used to you sneaking out at odd hours anyway.”

You sighed. “If it’ll help…”

Without a word, he lifted the covers for you to slip in before leaning over to blow out the candle, plunging the room into darkness. You suddenly became very aware of how close he was in the small bunk – close enough to hear every steady rush of breath as it passed between his lips, close enough to feel his body heat against your back. He kept his hands to himself and for that you were grateful. Soon your eyes grew heavy, and before you slipped off to sleep you heard his whisper, the words tickling your neck and rustling your hair.

“Goodnight, my little nightingale.”