HOME | DD

Description
     Victor surfed through the channels with his remote in an endless search for something meaningful to watch.  He would pause for several seconds on some channels, passing others without a second glance.  It marveled him to think that out of 73 channels of programming, he could find nothing to watch.

     His frustration finally peaked and he hit the power button, making the 42-inch screen go dark.  He sighed and dropped the remote beside him.  Rubbing his face with both hands, he pulled a modicum of gook from the corners of his eyes.  After flicking the crud across the room, he rolled on his side and stared at his roommate.

     Tyler was lying on his bed; glasses far down on his nose, holding a book in both hands.  Victor never understood what seemed to fascinate his roommate about the written word.  To him it was just boring.  Give him a good car chase or an explosion in Dolby 5.1 surround sound any day.

     Calmly turning to the next page, Tyler continued to ignore his roommate.  Victor yawned as he glanced at the remote and then at the television.  He snatched the controller up and aimed it at the idiot box once more.

     However, before he turned the TV back on, Victor glanced back at Tyler.  He cocked his eyebrow and held up the remote, thinking for a second: What if he could change his roommate just by pressing the buttons on the small device.  He slowly aimed the multi-buttoned channel changer across the room and pressed the 'Channel Up' button.

     There was a flash of light and suddenly Tyler was gone.  In his place was what looked like a tall, stand-up trashcan lying on its side.

     Victor froze in shock.  All that remained of Tyler were his wire-rimmed glasses perched precariously near the swing-door mouth of the can, and the book he had been reading, which laid on the can's midsection.  Afraid he might be dreaming, Victor jumped from his bed and crossed the room.  He tapped on the can, looked inside and even pressed his ear against it.  Whatever it was, it seemed real.

     He staggered back a bit and sat on his bed, glancing between the remote and the trashcan.  Shaking a little, he put his thumb over the 'Channel Down' button and pressed it again.  There was another bright flash.

     There laid Tyler, still reading, completely ignorant of what had just happened to him.

     Victor breathed a sigh of relief and then looked at the remote again.  He couldn't believe it.  He could change his roommate, and then change him back if he had to.  Maniacal thoughts suddenly entered his head as he imagined the possibilities that lay before him.

     A voice in the back of his mind tried to tell him not to do it, but Victor's conscious thoughts were too strong.  He lifted the remote again and pressed the 'Channel Down' button.

     Flash!  A small turtle sat on Tyler's bed, intently reading the propped up book through Tyler's glasses.  Victor thought of putting him in an aquarium and torturing him.  Nah.

     Flash!  A cartoon mouse wearing suspenders and clogs.  Nope.

     Flash!  A three-month-old baby.  Victor thought of diapers and adoption agencies.  Uh-uh.

     He laid sideways on the bed and went into 'rapid-click' mode.

     A fan.  He already had one.

     A four-foot-tall grandfather clock.  No place to keep it.

     A small tube of super-glue.  Where was that when he needed it last week?  Could have saved him four bucks.

     A potted plant.  Too much responsibility.

     A duckling.  Too ugly.

     A soccer ball.  He preferred football.

     A hair clip.  What hair?

     A black and white cat.  The building superintendent didn't allow free-roaming pets.

     A soda.  He had a full refrigerator already.

     A gorgeous blonde in a skimpy, red, two-piece bathing suit.

     A light bulb ... wait a minute.

     Victor quickly hit the opposite channel button and once again gazed upon the smooth legs and silky shoulders of the woman he had inadvertently skipped.  Drool trickled down his cheek as she adjusted her glasses before turning a page in the book.

     He got up and walked slowly toward the young lady on Tyler's bed.  She looked better with every step he took.  He got up next to her and fell to his knees, looking up and down her sensuous body.

     Then he looked at her face.  She was still staring intently at the book and seemed to ignore him completely.  Her lips were full and her eyes were deep blue, calling him in with every blink.

     Victor cleared his throat.  The woman turned her head and glared at him.  He smiled.  She cocked an eyebrow.  He lunged forth and kissed her hard, ramming his tongue into her mouth and drinking deep of her lips.

     Strong hands pushed him away and slapped him.  The remote fell from his hand, landing on the edge of the bed.  He put a hand to his cheek and looked back at the woman with confusion in his eyes.

     She aimed the remote at him and pushed the 'Channel Up.'  There was a bright flash.

     A remote controlled car.

     An orangutan.

     A bag of ballpoint pens.

     A frozen dinner with turkey and potatoes.

     The Sunday edition of a newspaper.

     A parrot.

     A girl about five months pregnant.

     A bookshelf.

     There was a pause, and in a flash Victor once again found himself in the body of the girl.  He looked down at himself and couldn't believe what had happened.  He then looked back up at the blonde.

     The blonde moved her hand to the 'Fast Forward' button at the bottom of the remote and pressed it.  As she held it down, Victor could feel his body bulge out suddenly at his belly and slightly in his chest.  Pain shot at his insides as months of kicks and turns were forced against him in a matter of seconds.  The sudden change in body weight threw him off balance and he fell to the floor.  Victor cried out.

     His cry was suddenly cut silent.  He looked up at the blonde.  Her finger was on the 'Mute' button.

     An intense pain erupted in his gut and throughout Victor's torso.  He tried to cry out again but the attempt wielded no sound.  Victor's eyes began to water as he watched the blonde turn the remote on herself and press the 'Recall' button.

     In a flash Tyler was once again himself.  He set the remote on his nightstand and looked back at Victor.

     "Now, Victor … Or shall we say 'Vicky,'" Tyler started.  "What have I told you about my side of the room?  I expect you to respect my space as I respect yours."

     Victor fell on his back as another jolt of pain hit him.  "Now just let me finish this chapter and then I'll take you to the hospital and we can get you admitted.  Oh, and another thing ..."

     Tyler picked up the remote and removed the batteries.

Description
     Victor surfed through the channels with his remote in an endless search for something meaningful to watch.  He would pause for several seconds on some channels, passing others without a second glance.  It marveled him to think that out of 73 channels of programming, he could find nothing to watch.

     His frustration finally peaked and he hit the power button, making the 42-inch screen go dark.  He sighed and dropped the remote beside him.  Rubbing his face with both hands, he pulled a modicum of gook from the corners of his eyes.  After flicking the crud across the room, he rolled on his side and stared at his roommate.

     Tyler was lying on his bed; glasses far down on his nose, holding a book in both hands.  Victor never understood what seemed to fascinate his roommate about the written word.  To him it was just boring.  Give him a good car chase or an explosion in Dolby 5.1 surround sound any day.

     Calmly turning to the next page, Tyler continued to ignore his roommate.  Victor yawned as he glanced at the remote and then at the television.  He snatched the controller up and aimed it at the idiot box once more.

     However, before he turned the TV back on, Victor glanced back at Tyler.  He cocked his eyebrow and held up the remote, thinking for a second: What if he could change his roommate just by pressing the buttons on the small device.  He slowly aimed the multi-buttoned channel changer across the room and pressed the 'Channel Up' button.

     There was a flash of light and suddenly Tyler was gone.  In his place was what looked like a tall, stand-up trashcan lying on its side.

     Victor froze in shock.  All that remained of Tyler were his wire-rimmed glasses perched precariously near the swing-door mouth of the can, and the book he had been reading, which laid on the can's midsection.  Afraid he might be dreaming, Victor jumped from his bed and crossed the room.  He tapped on the can, looked inside and even pressed his ear against it.  Whatever it was, it seemed real.

     He staggered back a bit and sat on his bed, glancing between the remote and the trashcan.  Shaking a little, he put his thumb over the 'Channel Down' button and pressed it again.  There was another bright flash.

     There laid Tyler, still reading, completely ignorant of what had just happened to him.

     Victor breathed a sigh of relief and then looked at the remote again.  He couldn't believe it.  He could change his roommate, and then change him back if he had to.  Maniacal thoughts suddenly entered his head as he imagined the possibilities that lay before him.

     A voice in the back of his mind tried to tell him not to do it, but Victor's conscious thoughts were too strong.  He lifted the remote again and pressed the 'Channel Down' button.

     Flash!  A small turtle sat on Tyler's bed, intently reading the propped up book through Tyler's glasses.  Victor thought of putting him in an aquarium and torturing him.  Nah.

     Flash!  A cartoon mouse wearing suspenders and clogs.  Nope.

     Flash!  A three-month-old baby.  Victor thought of diapers and adoption agencies.  Uh-uh.

     He laid sideways on the bed and went into 'rapid-click' mode.

     A fan.  He already had one.

     A four-foot-tall grandfather clock.  No place to keep it.

     A small tube of super-glue.  Where was that when he needed it last week?  Could have saved him four bucks.

     A potted plant.  Too much responsibility.

     A duckling.  Too ugly.

     A soccer ball.  He preferred football.

     A hair clip.  What hair?

     A black and white cat.  The building superintendent didn't allow free-roaming pets.

     A soda.  He had a full refrigerator already.

     A gorgeous blonde in a skimpy, red, two-piece bathing suit.

     A light bulb ... wait a minute.

     Victor quickly hit the opposite channel button and once again gazed upon the smooth legs and silky shoulders of the woman he had inadvertently skipped.  Drool trickled down his cheek as she adjusted her glasses before turning a page in the book.

     He got up and walked slowly toward the young lady on Tyler's bed.  She looked better with every step he took.  He got up next to her and fell to his knees, looking up and down her sensuous body.

     Then he looked at her face.  She was still staring intently at the book and seemed to ignore him completely.  Her lips were full and her eyes were deep blue, calling him in with every blink.

     Victor cleared his throat.  The woman turned her head and glared at him.  He smiled.  She cocked an eyebrow.  He lunged forth and kissed her hard, ramming his tongue into her mouth and drinking deep of her lips.

     Strong hands pushed him away and slapped him.  The remote fell from his hand, landing on the edge of the bed.  He put a hand to his cheek and looked back at the woman with confusion in his eyes.

     She aimed the remote at him and pushed the 'Channel Up.'  There was a bright flash.

     A remote controlled car.

     An orangutan.

     A bag of ballpoint pens.

     A frozen dinner with turkey and potatoes.

     The Sunday edition of a newspaper.

     A parrot.

     A girl about five months pregnant.

     A bookshelf.

     There was a pause, and in a flash Victor once again found himself in the body of the girl.  He looked down at himself and couldn't believe what had happened.  He then looked back up at the blonde.

     The blonde moved her hand to the 'Fast Forward' button at the bottom of the remote and pressed it.  As she held it down, Victor could feel his body bulge out suddenly at his belly and slightly in his chest.  Pain shot at his insides as months of kicks and turns were forced against him in a matter of seconds.  The sudden change in body weight threw him off balance and he fell to the floor.  Victor cried out.

     His cry was suddenly cut silent.  He looked up at the blonde.  Her finger was on the 'Mute' button.

     An intense pain erupted in his gut and throughout Victor's torso.  He tried to cry out again but the attempt wielded no sound.  Victor's eyes began to water as he watched the blonde turn the remote on herself and press the 'Recall' button.

     In a flash Tyler was once again himself.  He set the remote on his nightstand and looked back at Victor.

     "Now, Victor … Or shall we say 'Vicky,'" Tyler started.  "What have I told you about my side of the room?  I expect you to respect my space as I respect yours."

     Victor fell on his back as another jolt of pain hit him.  "Now just let me finish this chapter and then I'll take you to the hospital and we can get you admitted.  Oh, and another thing ..."

     Tyler picked up the remote and removed the batteries.