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WedgeFactor — A Social History
Published: 2011-02-02 17:29:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 222; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
A hundred lives past,Someone sat here,
Weaving,
or sewing or simply,
sitting.
A thousand lives past,
People walked here,
Farming,
or hunting or simply,
walking.
And now,
I sit here,
wishing,
to walk or weave or,
hunt.
Hunt,
for answers,
about those lives,
I cannot live,
but yearn to understand.
To sew,
together my answers,
create a tapestry of,
weaving women and sweating farmers,
of what I once was.
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Comments: 6
Alright, I think this is my favorite poem of yours so far.
...so , NICE
Anyway! I like that it's pretty straightforward for a pretty broad idea, it's boiled down to a simple, powerful sentiment. It kind of echoes the 'simple' lifestyle that you talk about through the poem.
I think you really got the undertone of frustration and yearning in the last few stanzas, feeling this close to making that connection with your past but not knowing how, but still having a sense of awe and wonder at being part of something much older and bigger than yourself.
My one suggestion would be there's maybe a few extra commas? It seems like you wanted to use them to indicate the rhythm, but in some cases I think the line break might have been enough. Just a thought!
But yeah! I really like it. Good work!
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Thank you! That was the feel I was going for, so mission accomplished.
And yeah, I have a love of the comma, I try to break myself of it but it's a guilty habit.
Anyway, how does it feel to be DONE high school forever?
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Better than having love of the coma, I always say!
Yeahhhh, done school! Feels good, man. I have been wearing my jammies ALL DAY
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So jealous. At least I have an off block. And I'm done classes in April, exams are finished May 19th. It's so soooooon.
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Nice! That's not too bad.
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I just counted and I have 49 school days left. Pas de coeur. *sadface*
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