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Description
I’m scared that I didn’t really like him, just the idea of him.
The idea that there was someone who was as… weird and messed up as I was… someone who couldn’t sleep at night. And maybe that was our problem. I used to know how I felt, but then I read this thing about being in love with a shadow, which is being in love with someone who’s not real, and it got me thinking. We talk, but what if I was so focused on the things that we had in common, the things that I loved about him, and couldn’t see what others hated about him. We had eachother at night, which sounds wrong. But there was no one else around, and we had our conversations in the late night and early morning. But in the daylight, we were alone again. And in the daylight, we weren’t the same people we were in the night.
Sure people joke about us talking, being ‘together’ in the night and just how sexual it is, but it wasn’t. It was just two people, in the dark, who sort of just… had no one else. Hours of arguing about the most ridiculous things, and just… being stupid.
Being things we couldn’t be in the daylight…
And it’s him I think about when I can’t sleep at night, because he had been there for a few nights, and he was the one I thought about when watching the sun rise. And maybe I’m holding on to the ghost of him, the him shaped indention in the night. Because he’s not the same in the daylight, but I’ve known him in the day time, and that nighttime him is what I miss most, and maybe fell for.
And maybe that nighttime version of him is some abstract part of him, and maybe that’s what I fell for, not really him, at all.
But I don’t know if it was him I was in love with, or just an idea of that version of him that never appears in the sunlight.
And honestly, I don’t know if any of it was real or not. They could have been dreams. Only I can still go back and reread the chats and recall conversations during the day.
And I guess the night was all we had.

Description
I’m scared that I didn’t really like him, just the idea of him.
The idea that there was someone who was as… weird and messed up as I was… someone who couldn’t sleep at night. And maybe that was our problem. I used to know how I felt, but then I read this thing about being in love with a shadow, which is being in love with someone who’s not real, and it got me thinking. We talk, but what if I was so focused on the things that we had in common, the things that I loved about him, and couldn’t see what others hated about him. We had eachother at night, which sounds wrong. But there was no one else around, and we had our conversations in the late night and early morning. But in the daylight, we were alone again. And in the daylight, we weren’t the same people we were in the night.
Sure people joke about us talking, being ‘together’ in the night and just how sexual it is, but it wasn’t. It was just two people, in the dark, who sort of just… had no one else. Hours of arguing about the most ridiculous things, and just… being stupid.
Being things we couldn’t be in the daylight…
And it’s him I think about when I can’t sleep at night, because he had been there for a few nights, and he was the one I thought about when watching the sun rise. And maybe I’m holding on to the ghost of him, the him shaped indention in the night. Because he’s not the same in the daylight, but I’ve known him in the day time, and that nighttime him is what I miss most, and maybe fell for.
And maybe that nighttime version of him is some abstract part of him, and maybe that’s what I fell for, not really him, at all.
But I don’t know if it was him I was in love with, or just an idea of that version of him that never appears in the sunlight.
And honestly, I don’t know if any of it was real or not. They could have been dreams. Only I can still go back and reread the chats and recall conversations during the day.
And I guess the night was all we had.