HOME | DD
wispy-blue β
gyrate for them, greta
Published: 2013-08-23 10:22:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 2943; Favourites: 59; Downloads: 21
Redirect to original
Description
gyrate for them, greta;
let men spend for liquor.
the stage won't sizzle
unless you provoke
a drunkard's primal urge
that should pay
your rent
and restock
the refrigerator
you defrosted.
Β© 23.August.2013
Related content
Comments: 50
Just saw this now, but wow. Amazing. Congrats on the DD!
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you so much. that means a lot, really encourages me to keep trying.
π: 0 β©: 0
I don't know how I missed this piece, but it was a delight to read. It is important to remember, every day, that very few (if any) people are black-and-white bad, and it is one of our collective jobs as poets to find some semblance of humanity in situations such as these.
Thank you for sharing this with us here.
π: 0 β©: 1
the poem just came to my mind out of nowhere after watching shakira perform on youtube.
but she of course is part of the glitz and glamour side of the world. and i just thought, there are
probably thousands like her who dance minus the fame, gyrating out of necessity.
thank you for reading. i appreciate it so much.
π: 0 β©: 0
I was away on life business when this happened, but I'm so glad that I still happened upon it and that you got it! It couldn't have been more deserved - I mean, this poem simply demands attention through sheer pertinent beauty - nor could it have gone to a better person. Brevity has always eluded me, elated to see that someone caught it in this piece.
Also, I've never been able to dance either. It's all about pretending you can enough to where people believe you - it's all about perception.
π: 0 β©: 1
it's nice of you to say all these things about this poem. you know that i look up to you when it comes to writing.
i appreciate it a lot, thank you.
π: 0 β©: 1
I only say them because they are true, good miss.
π: 0 β©: 0
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time
Β - Harry Belafonte (From Jump in the Line)
π: 0 β©: 0
thank you. yes, i'm wakin' up happy to a first-ever DD.
π: 0 β©: 1
Getting a DD is thrilling every time, he said with poorly-concealed pride
π: 0 β©: 0
Β
thank you. i appreciate it.
π: 0 β©: 0
The fridge detail is excellent, turning this into a specific piece as opposed to a general discussion of strippers. And the first line sounds lovely. Well done. Thanks for sharing.
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you for your kind (and encouraging) words.
i guess the idea of coming home to an empty ref has always been depressing.
π: 0 β©: 0
I used to 'dance' about 6 years ago. For me it was less demeaning than minimum wage and borrowing money from family. I couldn't do it now, the idea of putting myself on display like that and having to get so close to strangers scares the crap out of me.
π: 0 β©: 1
Β
i agree. i can't imagine how scared i'd feel if i had to dance in front of people.
π: 0 β©: 0
thank you very much.
i appreciate it.
π: 0 β©: 1
It starts with a bang and continues to surprise on every level. Thank you.
π: 0 β©: 1
Β
thank you very much.Β
your words encourage me.
π: 0 β©: 1
I'm glad they encourage you.
And you're very welcome.
π: 0 β©: 1
π: 0 β©: 0
I shook my hands and squealed a little when I saw you had a Daily Deviation. Β I can't think of a more deserving deviant. Β
I really like that you named her Greta. Β It's perfect next to the word 'gyrate', but it's also so simple, so ordinary. Β There isn't the sort of melodrama you expect with a poem about an exotic dancer. Β And I love "restock / the refrigerator / you defrosted." Β It's honest. Again, no melodrama.
There's some fantastic alliteration in here, too. Β 'Rent', 'restock' and 'refrigerator' tie together, ending with the 'f' sounds in 'refrigerator' and 'defrosted'--something soft after all the hard 'r's, bringing an almost wistful tone to the topic.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that I really love this poem. Β Congrats on the well-deserved DD!
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you very much for the kind words.
i'm glad that you see the poem as honest (and not melodramatic.)
i am very happy that aside from getting a first-ever DD
that some comments like yours say the poem deserved it.
π: 0 β©: 0
Β
thank you so much.
(the day has been nice to me because of this.)
π: 0 β©: 1
- My pleasure, glad to know it
π: 0 β©: 0
Wondering why this doesn't have more views/comments on it. Nicely written
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you. i appreciate it.
π: 0 β©: 0
The tone of this piece is captivating, and it really makes me feel sympathetic for Greta.Β
To answer the question you posed in the description, probably. I couldn't say for sure unless I found myself in that kind of situation.
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you for reading this poem, i appreciate the comment.Β Β
i can't dance and have difficulty answering my own questions sometimes.
this is for you:
π: 0 β©: 1
This piece has been featured in #The-Asterismos ' weekly Showcase [here] .
Please support your fellow featured deviants, and thank you for sharing your wonderful work with the group! 
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you very much. and yes, i'm excited to read everything.
π: 0 β©: 1
There's something very sinister about this which I quite like, to me it reads as though Greta is talking to herself and addressing herself in third person which only dehumanizes her further. I like the sense of character and backstory you've managed to deliver in this piece with so few lines. Very well done.
π: 0 β©: 1
Β
i was going for as few lines as possible.
i 
thank you. it means a lot.
as a token of appreciation, this is for you:
π: 0 β©: 1
You're welcome.
Yay!
π: 0 β©: 0