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WordOfChen β This is All About You
Published: 2012-09-16 08:33:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 18187; Favourites: 635; Downloads: 119
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This Is All About You:Most people giving you advice, might take a quote from a book
Most people giving you advice, have never had a real look
So from someone who's been watching, let me lay my heart bare
I want to show you all the special things, about the girl for whom I care
She always does her very best, no matter how tough the task
Even when she's struggling, she puts on a brave mask
She's always trying to learn new things, just for a chance to make you proud
She can be a little bit quiet, but I think that's better than being loud
She's not the very best in sports, I know she can be kind of a klutz
But she smiles and goes on anyway, now that takes a lot of guts...
She gets embarassed pretty easily and gets far too nervous to talk
But I know she'd like it if we held hands, whenever we went for a walk
She doesn't need a lot of pretty things, she just wants someone who cares
I bet she'd like to have someone, whom she knew would always be there
I remember when she tried to cook...yeah that first time was really bad
Burnt toast and scrambled shells...man that was really sad
But you know she practiced every day, because she wanted to give you a box
That was full of all your favourite things, I guess that must have rocked
But in the end she never got to you and so I think I'll take this chance
To steal this lovely lady's heart if she'd simply spare me a glance
So tick your answer:
[] Yes
[] No
[] I just met you and this is crazy, but if I made you laugh then call me maybe?
-Chen Yuan Wen, 16th September 2012
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Comments: 302
SO, i clicked on this poem, wondering what it would be about....and it was the voice of a guy speaking about someone he liked. And I really enjoyed the description of how she was shy and sweet but never would give in and the part about her to afraid to say it but would like to hold hands....
awww. thats just too sweet.
The last part about him taking a chance, to steal her heart, i thought that was a lovely twist. This isn't your usual "I wish i was with ____ but i cant be poem. ^_^
So, for technique, I liked that it was in a simple, line by line form, it made it easy to read, and i could picture just any guy saying this to someone.
Also, Vision: Excellent. I never would have thought of something like this, great job. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
Originality: I know there are a lot of love poems out there, but this one, wasn't about the usual heartbreak scenario. SO i really like the new situation and plot-"But in the end she never got to you so I think ill take this chance..."
Impact-Huge-at least on me. Haha I am a shy person around people sometimes, and super silent if i don't know them. SO the part about her being quiet(not to mention a klutz like me XD) was really touching, and the description of her was just..really great.
Kudos! I really liked it e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
Hahah. It makes me happy to read a poem like this.
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Thanks for taking the time to read it ^^
Me personally I was very shy during my high-school years. Now I'm like the total opposite 
I'm glad you enjoyed it ^^. Please feel free to come back and read any of my works, anytime :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Haha That's kinda me too! Only im still not very loud lol-unless im online talking XD
It was no problem!
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Welcome ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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This poem is very deep. And it smack's you right in the heart. This is actually going to be my first critique, so please be easy on me. xD
As for the technique, I like it, but I believe it's kind of shouts out nervous high school boy in love, which I frankly thought was ADORABLE <3
And the impact was really good. Like, literally. My heart jumped reading this. And my heart doesn't jump often (unless it has to do with my fiance) so feel very proud.
There's not much vision to this poem honestly. I can't see someone saying this or anything, nor can I envision this in my head when I read it, so it's kind of lacking in that department. Now.
Originality. I can not give you anymore stars for originality, or else I would. Very very good. Beyond amazing actually. I also love how you incorporated one of the newer hit songs into the poem as well. :3
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Thank you for enjoying and giving the critic ^^
However with respect to vision. I believe it may be due to the difference in perspective. You cannot see someone saying this, but I easily could probably because it is based upon a younger me ^^
I think the vision criteria is not how you see it in the literal sense, but rather it means, does the individual show 'perception' of the characters and does he show a genuine understanding of the situation, which is what you gave me for impact xD.
For future critiques you should not mark down vision unless the poet/writer/artist has failed to put realism into the character (it is therefore not based on whether or not you can see it, but rather it is based on the artist, remember that all critique factors are based on the poem and not the critique)
Other than that, thank you for taking the time and come back and read more works anytime you like ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Well thank you for explaining it to me, and like I said in the beginning of my critique, it was my first. I appreciate you explaining it to me. Now, I apologize for marking down vision than, because if that was so, than the vision should be what I was originally gonna give you, which was going to be about a 4.5. I apologize.
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Nah, no need to apologise. Critics and writers work in harmony ^^ You don't have to worry and I'm happy to be your first critique. After all, without experience we can't learn.
So please continue to critique my works in future ^^ I shall be in your care my friend :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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-This is really special, somehow i related to my childhood, itβs very original how you describe it instead of a love poem you show your love words by saying why (in this particular case seeing on a character/author point of view) what make love that girl.
-This poem has a very unique way to bring up the friendship in love, what make the reader even more connected to this love situation.
-- For me your work gives me a well notice of your tallent as writer, showing that you can work in difrent issues an themes being at the same time unique and original.
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I really enjoyed reading this e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
As a fellow "poet" well I'm just an amateur but I know a lot of good poems,
I realized that even small observances can create a threshold for feelings and poems.
I've created a lot and each had a back story, your poem was very frank but at the same time I find it deep as well.
Some parts can because a song and I like that e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
For Vision, I see your intention and you have put it out really wonderfully, Originality, though many works have been about admirers yours had something some poems do have a good message.
Your good rhyming technique is good but you need to work on syllables I guess ( in My opinion because if they have equal syllables it sounds good)
And Impact, in my country "Tinamaan" means we got hit with something also in a way 'Impact' to our feelings, so yah... You got me in my feels e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
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This poem was featured in our weekly feature, after it was suggested by crystelclear1104 .
P2TM is designed to encourage more people to read and write poetry, including song lyrics, through a weekly feature: one poem or song from outside dA and one from dA itself, with information about the poems and the poets.
Please visit the page and support P2TM by watching or joining the group, suggesting poems and lyrics, 
Keep writing!
PoetryToTheMasses
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I looked up "friendzone" in deviantART and found this!
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Bwahaha is that so? Well that's interesting xD
-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates
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this is really sweet. especially from a girls point of veiw
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Whoa, that was a good read. I think I'll read more of your poems.
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oh my gosh ~!!! i adore this !!! like you wrote this and.... its like, MARRY MEEEE~~!!!
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bwahaha, sorrrry I has a girl that I love very much :3
2 year anniversary coming soon xD
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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aaawww!!! how cute XDD I'l just go be forever alone somewhere else...
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xD N'awww don't be sad :3 We can be friends xD
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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[] Yes
[] No
[x] I just met you and this is crazy, but if I made you laugh then call me maybe?
looool the romantic is here! raise all the curtains!
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I'm only just reading this now, and all I can think is, 'god, he's so cute!' That was such an adorable poem. Plus, I just watched the first episode of Word of Chen, and now I'm reading stuff in your voice. Sorry if I gush a bit, but you're so effing cute!
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Do you mind if I read one of your poems in my English Class? I would give you credit for writing it of course.
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Go ahead ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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The girl sounds a bit like me,except I was the one who was friendzoned -_-
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Ouch, now that really sucks...my condolences
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Yeah...Your sympathy is greatly appreciated.
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Thank yoooou!
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Omg! You totally are a dark poet, no wonder why I love reading ur poems out loud.!! This one was really cute for a change
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Haha, thank you, I want to do more dark works soon...especially in the lead up to Halloween ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Oh i can't wait, Im trying to start memorizing poems just for fun, and my friends always look at me weird when i read urs out loud. They ask me why I memorize such "scary" poems. lol. That's a win for you, eh?
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Which one did you read, can't have been this one xD
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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Oh, it was the "aren't you ashamed yet?". I guess my friends didn't expect so much hatred to come out of me.
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Thank you for sharing, as I was reading your work, I remembered some events from my past when I met my fiancee. We were just like you wrote in the poem
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Hehe, I apparently have a way of relating to people so I'm glad you found such meaning in my works.
May your love life be blessed. Cherish your partner well ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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this is really good. when you read it you know it is relate able to many. which is one reason why many ppl would like it. It flows real well and to be honest I think you can add more to it make it even more into something, it just might take time.
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Haha well I think more would sort of detract from the meaning of the piece. We always have to think between making it too long and making it just right ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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This is absolutely amazing. This is so much like me. I wish there was a guy like this out there for every girl who wanted one. Beautiful.
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Definitely would be nice ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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made me remember my high school crush.
Its very nice...
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Hehe I hope it was a pleasant read ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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Thank you my dear friend for reading and enjoying :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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Oh gawd... of course it didn't fail! How could you think such a thing desu!
See? There's Suiseiseki's words of approval.
Now, getting on to the poem I reaaaally related to it, you almost described me there xD... though it brought me some bad memories from when I friendzoned a very good friend... yeah, things were never the same again.
Still, a great and beauiful poem, comical too, I loved it!
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Haha, thank you very much, but it wasn't a fail in the sense of the poem, it was a fail in the original idea I had xD
Thanks for enjoying it ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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You may be a dark poet but love lets in a light even you cannot fight.
Beautiful and touching...
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Thank you for enjoying this ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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Thank you for enjoying :3
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
P.S. Sorry about the late reply I have no excuse for my phail
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