Comments: 33
MokiHunter [2012-02-06 23:23:26 +0000 UTC]
Oh my gosh, he is so adorable<333 I love the bio and the design! Rei is cute as well. Best of luck to you for Round 2!
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Mango-Rain [2011-07-08 23:49:51 +0000 UTC]
He's so cuuuuuutteee >w<
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stories-of-heroes [2011-06-02 03:48:07 +0000 UTC]
Awesome character! I look forward to joining the tournament. ^^ Hopefully our charries will go against each other.
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Songdogx [2011-06-02 01:54:44 +0000 UTC]
How tall is he?
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Zerogai In reply to Songdogx [2011-06-02 03:02:11 +0000 UTC]
hmm, probably somewhere from 3 to 4 feet
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Songdogx In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-02 03:34:43 +0000 UTC]
I think, you've greatly overestimated the heights of the breeds you've chosen. Three feet is 36 inches, and the tallest breeds of dog, the Irish Wolfhounds, rarely reach that height. In fact the tallest dog on record was only 42 inches tall. A dog at that size would have various health problems and a shorter life span (Great Danes only average between 5-8 years; large breeds have short lives sadly)
The Great Dane averages about 30-32 inches at the shoulder. However you've mixed your character with a Doberman, which range between 25 and 28 inches. Even if you took the extremes, you'd still have to average out since the offspring would be the combination of genes, not one extreme from a single parent. Your dog would probably only stand about 27-29 inches at the shoulder, which is still much shorter than three feet.
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Zerogai In reply to Songdogx [2011-06-02 03:45:39 +0000 UTC]
im not very good with dog hights >.< Hes about 26in.
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Zerogai In reply to Songdogx [2011-06-02 03:52:02 +0000 UTC]
I never wanted him to be so tall. Never thought i would need a dogs hight before to.
And i should, shouldn't i.
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Sassafraaz [2011-06-02 01:45:38 +0000 UTC]
Awww! He's so cute! Nice idea for a breed mix too.
Good luck!
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AmiliaLongTail [2011-06-02 01:29:18 +0000 UTC]
Aw I love his face! So cute~
Best of luck to you! <3
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Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-01 21:58:30 +0000 UTC]
Here's our review.
One thing I thought I'd point out since you mention that you don't like the idea of docking a dog's tail; neither the doberman nor the great dane have naturally erect ears. Their ears are like that because when they're still puppies someone cropped them.
Natural Doberman ears -> [link]
Natural Dane ears -> [link]
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Deltora not having a docked tail, but I just felt that I should mention the ears since they're along the same basic lines.
His ability is very, very vague. "Can freeze water and make icicles (can only be used if there's water around)" doesn't tell really explain what he can do, just that it involves ice and requires there to be water. You need to elaborate on it a lot, telling us exactly what his power is. Also keep in mind we have rules against very flashy powers, so keep it relatively low-key. Something like being able to instantly turn water into ice daggers and throw them at the enemy would be too extreme to use. If it was more mundane, like if he tricked an enemy into stepping into a puddle then just froze the water around their paw to trap them, but couldn't move the ice around besides that, it would be fine.
Being weakened by fire isn't really applicable as a weakness. For one thing pyrokinisis (the ability to control fire) is specifically forbidden in our rules so it isn't likely to come up. Also, if he's confronted with fire for whatever reason, one would think he'd be less concerned about it weakening him and more worried about actually getting burned, which isn't a weakness since that's a problem for anybody. You'll need a different weakness to replace it, as well as an additional weakness to help balance against his power.
Finally, we'd like it if you actually filled out the profile information for Rei. You don't have to include abilities, strengths, and weaknesses since he's not fighting, but having the rest would make it easier for your opponents to accurately portray his character.
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-01 22:36:36 +0000 UTC]
While it isn't a bad idea to set limitations like that on the power, they go under abilities, not weaknesses. A weakness is a physical flaw that can be used against your character whether they use their power or not.
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-01 22:44:50 +0000 UTC]
what about a bad leg from an old injury? would that go under weaknesses?
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-01 22:48:27 +0000 UTC]
Yes, that would be fine.
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-01 23:24:13 +0000 UTC]
ok, all edited. I hope its ok now.
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-01 23:29:08 +0000 UTC]
Looks good, he just needs one additional weakness to compensate since he only has three weaknesses, but four strengths when you consider the power. It doesn't have to be major, something small will do.
Also, it's a little confusing that he can run fast but has a limp. You might elaborate that the limp makes him clumsy so he trips so that it makes more sense. (This wouldn't be an additional weakness mind, just an elaboration on the old one.)
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-02 00:08:15 +0000 UTC]
added another weekness, and added to the limp weekness
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-02 00:11:10 +0000 UTC]
That doesn't really work as a weakness. Anyone can have double-vision if you slam them on the head comrade.
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-02 00:13:07 +0000 UTC]
This is harder then i thought then D: cant really think of anything!
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-02 00:17:34 +0000 UTC]
We have a list of viable weaknesses on our FAQ page;
"impaired hearing, anemic, slow, physical weakness, a limp, practical weak spots, easily dislocated bones, fragile bone structure, poor balance, poor maneuverability, frequent fainting/headaches/vomiting, heart condition, epileptic, narcoleptic, previous injuries, arthritis, blood condition, and abnormally low or high body temperature."
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-02 00:37:15 +0000 UTC]
Scratch that, i got something
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Zerogai In reply to Shinkoryu14 [2011-06-02 00:32:11 +0000 UTC]
hmm, what about shortness of breath?
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Shinkoryu14 In reply to Zerogai [2011-06-02 00:57:10 +0000 UTC]
Alright, looks good. I'll add him to the group.
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Blue-Graphite [2011-06-01 20:47:49 +0000 UTC]
I'm just gonna give you some pointers even though I'm not a judge ^^
For one, his ability. You have to be more specific as to what you mean but 'ice'. Like, he can freeze things at will or something; you have to clear that up. Also, 'can't stand the heat' is more of a personality trait rather than a weakness. These are just my tips. I'm not sure if the judges will object or not.
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Zerogai In reply to Blue-Graphite [2011-06-01 21:27:14 +0000 UTC]
thanks for the help, i fixed that up.
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Priestess-Of-Ra [2011-06-01 06:57:09 +0000 UTC]
I don't want to nag on your spelling and grammar, but you do have a lot of typos and I'd like to point them out.
physically
grabbed
either
serious
searches
apples
scarf
thinks
beat
obvious
Again, I don't want to nag, just pointing them out so you can correct them for your audition.
Del actually looks about the proper weight for a physically fit Doberman Pinscher. He's a very lovely dog and the bird is very pretty. Although, I'd include in the bio why his tail isn't docked. Most dogs of his breed (yes, even the mixed ones) have their tail docked at a very young age to avoid tail damage and for hygiene purposes. And, if he's going to be fighting, it might be practical for those purposes.
Anyway, he's a cute dog and I hope you win.
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TurtwigLover430 [2011-06-01 06:48:35 +0000 UTC]
That's so awesome >w<
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