HOME | DD

6-Simplicity-9 — .OurJanuary.
Published: 2007-01-29 03:21:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 466; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 5
Redirect to original
Description ----

I was yours;
you, mine.
The river reflected our ultraviolet passion.
I indulged for too long
and was branded
red and warmed -
yet unsatisfied.

----
Related content

[ TEXT ]


6-Simplicity-9 - .SMR- Metallurgical Liar.

[ TEXT ]


Starsword - Haiku 1-Lonley

[ TEXT ]


Lindy-M - My Name

[ TEXT ]


EsotericHeart - on distance

6-Simplicity-9 - .Goodmourning.

6-Simplicity-9 - .Soon.

6-Simplicity-9 - .Picos3-DonMoo.
Comments: 25

subthricecity [2008-06-25 07:51:55 +0000 UTC]

what a gripping sorrow masked by young love.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TearsOfTorment [2007-02-28 20:21:28 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful piece.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to TearsOfTorment [2007-03-01 03:26:22 +0000 UTC]

Thank you =]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BitterGrapes [2007-02-26 09:44:44 +0000 UTC]

much improved! it's so strong this way.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to BitterGrapes [2007-02-28 02:49:19 +0000 UTC]

I agree

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wolfprime [2007-02-22 01:11:40 +0000 UTC]

Moses? MOSES?!

No respect!



Did you change something else? Did it say the river reflected before?

k.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to wolfprime [2007-02-22 02:06:02 +0000 UTC]

No, no change it said the river. haha

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wolfprime [2007-02-21 14:40:18 +0000 UTC]

Reflected
indulged
branded
warmed
unsatisfied

I LOVE the alliteration. Something I tried myself with -ing.

I don't quite understand the significance of 'the river' there being no other references to water or rivers or streams.

The beginning statement and ending question could be omitted IMO and by their omission strengthen the piece.

You still doing it. I wish I wrote as much as you did, but my writing comes from love, frustration or pain . . . much like yours seem to. If your writing is any indication you are on a constant rollercoaster between these states. Very somber and moving in any case.

I used to wonder why we [re: I] don't write so-called happy pieces. Now I know why. They're BORING!

k.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to wolfprime [2007-02-21 23:08:57 +0000 UTC]

thank you for commenting. I've always appreciated your words.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to wolfprime [2007-02-21 23:08:21 +0000 UTC]

Oh, but you are mistaken I have written two "happy" pieces. the river is there for two reasons; one, it was actually the setting we were at and two, it, as it says, our reflection in the river was what i was gazing at.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

wolfprime In reply to 6-Simplicity-9 [2007-02-22 01:00:34 +0000 UTC]

AHA!

That blew right past me!

See . . . I was wondering what the reflection was referring to. When I didn't deduce anything . . . reflective I settled on a mental reflection a memory.

I defer to your superior talent.

k.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sonicspaz101 [2007-02-19 11:59:43 +0000 UTC]

That's gorgeous, I love that you added the two lines above and below the poem. Like an aftertaste and an hors d'ourve(Sp?) at a dinner. Deliciously complicated poem that caught my attention and had me reading it twice at least.
Well done darlin'

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to sonicspaz101 [2007-02-19 13:49:38 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

xXdr0psXx [2007-02-19 03:14:35 +0000 UTC]

lovely,
simple while saying so much

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to xXdr0psXx [2007-02-19 03:18:36 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! =]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

xXdr0psXx In reply to 6-Simplicity-9 [2007-02-19 03:28:16 +0000 UTC]

you're welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

krackels89 [2007-02-07 14:01:03 +0000 UTC]

this is absolutely beautiful...i know cliche..but it seemed no other words would fit..i wish i could still write like this...but really beautiful absolutely beautiful work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to krackels89 [2007-02-08 01:12:10 +0000 UTC]

thanks =] lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

JenniferStarling [2007-01-31 12:18:22 +0000 UTC]

I like the repitition.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to JenniferStarling [2007-01-31 23:59:34 +0000 UTC]

well, i guess that's a start. lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BitterGrapes [2007-01-30 21:34:44 +0000 UTC]

Stanza two is a poem all by itself.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to BitterGrapes [2007-01-31 23:59:22 +0000 UTC]

if you only knew.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

BitterGrapes In reply to 6-Simplicity-9 [2007-02-06 02:05:43 +0000 UTC]

you'll have to tell me when we speak...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DevinRichard [2007-01-29 16:56:27 +0000 UTC]

I luv this! A poem about guys sharing a moment with a girl and stealing here everything as we would steal someones virginity and then depart leaving a concerned female only to wonder and to begin understanding the nature of a playa.
Excellent Miss! I thirst for more of your poetry.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

6-Simplicity-9 In reply to DevinRichard [2007-01-29 18:10:42 +0000 UTC]

almost =] i think you'd catch it if you erase your preconception that this is male-female. you'd catch the tone better if you envision female-female

thank you, i appreciate it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0