FirestarTheWolf [2012-04-26 07:04:49 +0000 UTC]
It's a trap! Don't do it Raggy! [Because everyone needs a nickname ;D]
Elseways, an enjoyable chapter. Cliffhangers are always fun, even if all they usually do it make people go 'AHTHZJZ UPDAETPLZ', which is what I'm going through right now
Now, for a grammar mistake- in the second to last paragraph, it says "Her was not brown, but red as blood." Shouldn't that be "Her HAIR was not brown, but red as blood."? Not a major flaw, but it can be completely derailing for grammar whores I know I ended up sitting there for a good minute or so thinking "DAFUQ. HOW MAKE SENSE DOES?" ;D A couple more for the road- "...so high that the broke the mutt's jaw, and her punches landed so hard the cracked his nose..." would be "...so high that theY broke the mutt's jaw, and her punches landed so hard theY cracked his nose..." [This is one that I make a lot, so I can't really blame you at all ] and "She fell onto her palms, turning face towards him in time.." would be "She fell onto her palms, turning TO face towards him in time..." [It's always the simple/small words bro ;D]
Also, lol at the evil team's name. Classy ;D
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