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angel-in-pieces — Camisado
Published: 2011-01-27 18:01:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 884; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 9
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Description In a double dream, I must spell out the storm:

how the half moon spoke in reams
of folk lore, pipe dreams that tore
the sky in two. How the walls
began to blister and you, sister,
took your place beneath my skin.

We met stargrazing, your eyes electric,
lacing your lies, your intricacies,
like a cat's cradle. And I, stumbling, stuttering
on in a maze of scars. My modern morphia,
sister scarecrow, I'd follow you to the depths
of my chest: to the mumblings and fumblings
of my heart in the dark. To deceit and defeat
and the great empty longings beyond.

For this, this is how
the camisado begins: with broken people
under a broken steeple, an arch of
aching arms and wing bones, steeling.
With the way the day is swallowed by the sun.

Undone, we write our own religions:
a crucifix made of spoons, knives,
our twisted lives. You say faith's
a virtue, but it's not for the effaced -
we who leave no trace above the surface.
But cut me open, explore me, rip me up
by the roots, and you'll find proof
of the things you cannot see: the truth.

Nemesister, teach me madness,
teach me freedom. Let me loose
control. Map the cavities, fill in
the gaps and when day breaks black,
I'll take your hand. Together,
we will meet the dawn where the sky
puckers like a bruise and I finally lose
                                                   touch.
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Comments: 45

withL0VE [2012-05-04 06:45:59 +0000 UTC]

so wonderful. really the most powerful thing i've read in a while. i usually don't like rhyming poetry but you used it so well in this!

"Nemesister, teach me madness,
teach me freedom. Let me loose
control."

aah! you're fantastic

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

i-am-a-bridgewalker [2011-06-22 02:16:38 +0000 UTC]

making desecration beautiful is an admirable pastime.

kudos. this is spellbinding.

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angel-in-pieces In reply to i-am-a-bridgewalker [2011-09-10 16:58:38 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like it

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TwistedAlyx [2011-02-16 03:46:11 +0000 UTC]

Oh baby, oh baby.

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angel-in-pieces In reply to TwistedAlyx [2011-02-22 19:36:39 +0000 UTC]

Haha, thanks~

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whimsy657 [2011-02-15 02:58:22 +0000 UTC]

Undone, we write our own religions:
a crucifix made of spoons, knives,
our twisted lives. You say faith's
a virtue, but it's not for the effaced -
we who leave no trace above the surface.
But cut me open, explore me, rip me up
by the roots, and you'll find proof
of the things you cannot see: the truth.


I love this. it's amazing. and i had to read it like three times to fully understand it. it's lovely.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to whimsy657 [2011-02-16 12:12:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it~

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whimsy657 In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-02-21 03:29:51 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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AElfrics-Cat [2011-02-09 22:25:33 +0000 UTC]

This is incredible. I'm going to have to come back to this to give it a comment that does it justice - I'm far too shattered to write coherent shiny things right now - but I will say that your structure is excellent. Yes, it's free-verse, but it's so cleverly balanced with internal rhythym and rhyme that it's far more lyrical than any fixed form. There's so much to take from this. Loving the glimpse of "religion" in the penultimate verse, but the portmanteau of "Nemesister" is just genius. Awesome!

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angel-in-pieces In reply to AElfrics-Cat [2011-02-13 16:35:00 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like it

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AElfrics-Cat In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-02-13 19:38:49 +0000 UTC]

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Solarune [2011-02-07 16:37:50 +0000 UTC]

we will meet the dawn where the sky
puckers like a bruise –
This is completely amazing. I didn't know what camisado meant until now, either, so thank you for teaching me that! Also love "we write our own religions".

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to Solarune [2011-02-12 20:11:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it~
It's a word I'd only heard a couple of times before, but when I looked it up, I knew I had to write a poem based around the idea. It's such a pretty word afterall - it sounds like it should be a kind of dance, and I like how that fits almost at odds with its actual meaning. (:

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Solarune In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-02-13 00:19:15 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!
It does sound like a dance, actually.

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KneelingGlory [2011-01-31 13:37:00 +0000 UTC]

For this, this is how
the camisado begins: with broken people
under a broken steeple, an arch of
aching arms and wing bones, steeling.
With the way the day is swallowed by the sun.

Favorite bit right there, but this whole poem is just stunning. You amaze me!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to KneelingGlory [2011-02-01 21:46:24 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!
I'm really glad you like it~

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IndigoSkyes [2011-01-30 17:12:17 +0000 UTC]

Your work is always so beautiful.

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angel-in-pieces In reply to IndigoSkyes [2011-01-30 21:15:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, dear~

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Lazuleaf [2011-01-29 00:58:59 +0000 UTC]

I like this one bast - it must be the storm images.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to Lazuleaf [2011-01-30 16:35:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!
I'm glad you like the storm images - they're not always the most obvious, but for me, they're what tie the piece together. (:

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ContagiousPixie [2011-01-28 19:29:23 +0000 UTC]

This is absolutely glorious. I only wish I could
string together words like this to create such magic.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to ContagiousPixie [2011-01-30 16:33:08 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm so glad you like it

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ContagiousPixie In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-30 19:03:01 +0000 UTC]

You're most welcome!

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FuzzyHoser [2011-01-28 15:28:57 +0000 UTC]

The rhythm to this is beyong amazing, by the way. Furthermore, it holds the feeling the whole way through...building up until that last bit that just stops..with such a lovely impact.

Brilliant writing, you're very talented. (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to FuzzyHoser [2011-01-30 16:32:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!
I'm really honoured you think so.

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FuzzyHoser In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-31 04:44:33 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome so much!
I meant it totally and completely. (:

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angel-in-pieces In reply to FuzzyHoser [2011-02-01 14:44:53 +0000 UTC]

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smicket [2011-01-28 14:01:11 +0000 UTC]

Oh my gosh, I really, REALLY love this one and I can't explain why... It's so beautiful, the words, rhymes, imagery... Serious love.

"I'd follow you to the depths of my chest" THAT is an amazing line right there.

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angel-in-pieces In reply to smicket [2011-01-30 16:29:53 +0000 UTC]

Eee, thank you so much, dear! I'm really glad you like it~

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BaronAutumn [2011-01-28 01:04:29 +0000 UTC]

"Undone, we write our own religions:
a crucifix made of spoons, knives,
our twisted lives"

I love your imagery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to BaronAutumn [2011-01-30 16:29:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you muchly, dear!

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BaronAutumn In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-31 09:49:15 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

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EmpressHockee [2011-01-27 22:24:47 +0000 UTC]

this is gorgeous. i love how this flows almost seamlessly. it's actually rather brilliantly done

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angel-in-pieces In reply to EmpressHockee [2011-01-30 16:27:12 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!
I'm glad you think so~

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DamagedHomewrecker [2011-01-27 22:03:18 +0000 UTC]

this is beautiful and i loooooooooooove the placement of the very last word<3

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angel-in-pieces In reply to DamagedHomewrecker [2011-01-30 16:26:09 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!

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archelyxs [2011-01-27 18:42:30 +0000 UTC]

"Map the cavities, fill in
the gaps and when day breaks black,
I'll take your hand. Together,
we will meet the dawn where the sky
puckers like a bruise and I finally lose
touch."

This is brilliant. I love your rhyme scheme and your images;
a purely beautiful placement of words.

You are fantastic.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to archelyxs [2011-01-30 16:25:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much~
The word placement was something I had a few issues with during the drafting, so I'm really glad you liked it! (:

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archelyxs In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-31 22:39:42 +0000 UTC]

Well, it worked out for you.

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Avallynh [2011-01-27 18:20:14 +0000 UTC]

Oooh, I spotted one thing, though: In the last stanza, should it not be 'lose' as opposed to 'loose'?

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angel-in-pieces In reply to Avallynh [2011-01-30 16:19:35 +0000 UTC]

Ahh, no, it's meant to be 'loose'. But because of the similarities between the two words it's also supposed to act as a kind of wordplay on 'lose', so I guess it's kind of both?

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Avallynh In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-31 17:41:44 +0000 UTC]

I understand, yes. That's why I hesitated a bit before asking.

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Avallynh [2011-01-27 18:16:07 +0000 UTC]

WOW.

When I read this the first time, I felt like I just got sucked up in a vortex and then spat back out again. Second time, I saw skies dimming and storms breaking and beautiful dissolution.

Third time, I decided I would never get tired of reading it over and over.

This is one of the best things you've ever written, in my humble opinion. I LOVE it to bits. Every single perfect word of it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-in-pieces In reply to Avallynh [2011-01-30 16:17:47 +0000 UTC]

Aww, thank you so much! ♥
I'm really glad you like it

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Avallynh In reply to angel-in-pieces [2011-01-31 17:42:12 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure, sweetheart.

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